I am shamed that it's been nearly an entire year since I last updated this. To all of those who have waited, I sincerely apologize for the delay and assure you there will be more chapters to come.
Title: Life as a Soap Opera
Pairing: Mentioned Sam/Bee and Alex(Thunderstreak)/Barricade
Rating: PG for violence and suggestive themes
Summary: Post RotF. Takes place in the same timeline and after the ‘Ponderings’ series. Alex reveals his beau’s identity to his parents and Sam’s life gets far too dramatic for his liking.
Disclaimer: I do not own. I make no money.
Sam often thought that his life would have made a hugely popular soap opera.
And not that he would ever want to take back the joys of having his husband and children, along with all the other Autobots in his life, but he did have to wonder if his life would have been filled with this much drama if his father had simply sprung for the Porsche.
He knew that his son was gay. That portion of his son’s identity figured out several years ago when all Lily’s attempts at drawing Alex’s attention to her charms had backfired horribly. Mikaela’s daughter had inherited all of her mother’s beauty, along with the added flair of her father’s red hair and when Sam saw how Alex remained completely unphased when Lily spent an entire week of one particular summer flouncing around him in a bikini top that covered less than most bras, Sam knew his son was destined to bat for the other team.
Even knowing that his son favored older boys, boys whose ages fell closer to the ‘men’ side of the fence didn’t really bother Sam. Oh he worried about it, that it would lead to his son having his heart broken by some college asshole who was only looking for a good time, but it didn’t strike him as odd or wrong in any sense.
So when his son, at the partially legal age of twenty, had announced at dinner one night that he wanted them to meet his boyfriend, his boyfriend who he had been dating for six months without his parents’ knowledge and who was six years older than him, Sam had mentally prepared himself for a most likely rough and awkward first meeting with his son’s boyfriend.
He hadn’t known to add on ‘dangerous and destructive’ to the list of descriptions for the meeting, but really that wasn’t his fault. Both would have been expected if his son had warned his parents in advance that he would be bringing a Decepticon home.
But Alex had decided to go for surprise instead, and that’s exactly what they were when they opened the door and saw the man standing next to their son.
Sam only had time to take a second or two’s glance at the stranger; his piercing blue eyes that were unnervingly similar in shade to Bee’s though focused with a much colder gaze, short black hair that was cropped and gelled into numerous spikes, and a mouth that boasted a small, smug smirk that seemed to filled with eerily familiar mocking glee as the man took in their apparent surprise.
A couple seconds was all Sam was able to spend studying the strange man because after those two seconds had passed, Bee let out a streak of Cybertronian swearing and flung himself at the man standing at Alex’s side, starting a knock-down drag-out fight.
In an instinctual move ingrained in most parents, Sam dragged Alex behind him to safety, sure that his bonded had gone mad and began trying to get through the static filling the connection between his and Bee’s commlink when his eyes landed on the car parked outside their house.
A car that happened to be a Ford Mustang police cruiser with the slogan ‘to punish and enslave’ still there in scrolling cursive.
It was then that Sam’s mind made the connection and everything clicked into place.
His son was dating Barricade, knowingly. He knew that Alex had to have known because why else would he put off introducing or even bringing up his boyfriend in conversation?
Alex had inherited Sam’s own crappy attempts at lying, which Sam thought was probably why he never braved mentioning having a boyfriend at all, fearing that he’d eventually slip up on a lie or look suspicious for putting off a meeting with his parents.
As Bee’s vehicle form tore out of the garage and barreled toward a transforming Barricade, both Cybertronians’ holoforms still duking it out, Sam knew that he had to do something and quick.
Still keeping a struggling, shouting Alex behind him, Sam sent an urgent message to both Ratchet and Jolt that was tagged with the ‘code red’ encryption and within minutes they arrived, both making record time in transforming as they went to separate the two brawling mechs.
Once the scuffle of breaking up the fight was over, Sam had been able to explain the current situation a bit more thoroughly to the other two Autobots, mainly to clarify that no, Barricade had not shown up to kidnap Sam and/or Alex.
He also had also decided that they were going to discuss the matter in their house before anything else.
Ratchet wasn’t happy about that decision, to put it mildly.
But Sam, who had twenty years of parental and spousal experience in making decisions, had put his foot down in both the figurative and literal sense.
“No, Ratchet. I’m fully aware that Optimus will need to know about this, but it can wait until we’ve finished discussing it privately. Alex is our son first and an Autobot second, so Optimus can just wait until we’ve talked this over as a family.”
“Samuel, I do not think it is wise-“
“I don’t care what you think,” Sam had snapped back at Ratchet, his patience pretty much used up for the day. “You can happily think it to yourself outside our house while you wait.”
And that had settled the matter, with Sam herding Alex into the house and Barricade’s holoform casually strolling in after them with Bee’s hot on his tail. From the sounds outside the house, Sam assumed that both Bee and Barricade had transformed back into their vehicle modes while Ratchet and Jolt remained transformed as a precaution.
With the thought of wanting to spare as many breakables as possible in case of a meltdown, Sam made a change of plans, leading everyone into the living room instead of the dining room where he had originally intended the meeting to take place.
Alex and Barricade both settled on the couch while Sam and Bumblebee remained standing and faced the younger mechs. A brief sense of déjà vu flashed into Sam’s mind, seeing himself in Alex’s obviously anxious face as he faced down his own parents with a Cybertronian boyfriend.
But even with the similarities of their choice in boyfriends, Sam also couldn’t forget the last time he had come across Barricade: a terrifyingly huge metal monster with sharp spikes and a low static voice filled with angry impatience.
Taking a deep breath in an attempt to ground himself, Sam motioned for Alex to explain.
His son had rambled on about how he’d first run into Barricade and how their first meeting which was entirely without conflict had turned into another and another, and then how those meetings had continued for the past year before he decided that it was time to his parents know even though he knew they were going to freak.
“And I was right, wasn’t I? You guys did freak out, or well, at least you did Papa. I know it’s a lot to ask of you to accept this, but ‘Cade hasn’t been with the Decepticons since before the Fallen arrived on Earth and he hasn’t caused any real trouble or asked for anything like information or codes. Please, I love him,” Alex confessed, his pleading eyes locked with Sam’s in a search for understanding and acceptance.
Before Sam had a chance to reply Bumblebee went ahead and told his feelings on the subject.
“Alex, what you’re feeling isn’t love, it’s infatuation. I’m sure this hunk of scrap metal here told you all sorts of things to try to convince you that he love you, but son those were just lies. You need to snap back to reality before it’s too late. I don’t want you to see this…this glitch of a mech ever again, do you hear me?”
“Bee-!” Sam had started to chew out his bonded for disregarding his son’s feelings, but once again was interrupted.
“I’m old enough to know how I feel Papa and I love him,” Alex had stated, before rushing on with what he was saying once he saw Bumblebee opening his mouth to interrupt again and proceeded to drop another bomb on his parents.
“Besides, you can’t separate us, we’re bonded!”
And that particular bombshell was enough to give Sam some sense of relief towards all of this. A sparkbond couldn’t be formed without attachment from both parties and sparkmates couldn’t seriously harm or kill each other. Dents and dings could happen, but the sparkbond affected a Cybertronian’s systems on every level and their most integral data processors wouldn’t allow for actions of serious harm towards their bonded to be carried out.
Optimus had once told Sam that was one of the biggest reasons that Megatron hadn’t allowed for any sparkbonding within his ranks of Decepticons. A Cybertronian’s loyalty would always lie first with their bonded.
Even if he could never bring himself to fully trust Barricade himself, Sam could at least rest in the knowledge that he could trust Barricade with Alex.
Unfortunately, Bumblebee didn’t share his bonded’s relief, going from incredibly angry to completely murderous after hearing Alex’s confession. He lunged forward and grabbed the front of Barricade’s shirt in one fist while the other moved back to wipe the small smirk off the Decepticon’s face.
“I’ll kill you, you fragging piece of slag!”
And it was that comment which was the last nail in the coffin and the straw the broke the camel’s back for Sam’s patience with his bonded.
Sam had stalked up to Bumblebee, his eyes flashing in a dangerous way and doing an excellent job of channeling Judy Witwicky.
“And kill our son too? Or do you think we can just replace him with this next one because you don’t happen to like who he’s picked out for himself? I know it’s not ideal, but they’re bonded now so you’re just going to have to deal with it buster!”
After finishing up his tirade, Sam took in the widened eyes of the other three mechs in confusion before it clicked for him exactly what he’d let slip out.
Letting out a loud sigh, Sam had shuffled over to the nearest chair to sit down, bracing himself for the next part of the drama that seemed to make up his life.
“This next one?”
“Daddy, you’re pregnant again?”
“You are carrying a new spark within you?”
Sam’s head had shot up in surprise at hearing the last question, not expecting Barricade to show any interest in the news, at least not without some kind of nastily sarcastic comment.
So he was pretty surprised at the look on the former Decepticon’s face, one that was a mix of small amounts of surprise, curiosity, and maybe even just a bit of longing too.
Having two children already and surrounded by mechs who were well aware of his abilities, Sam had forgotten how unbelievable it must be for those Cybertronians who hadn’t been around him in past years to see the results of being the new Allspark’s vessel.
“Um yeah, I just found out for sure from Ratchet a couple days ago. I was planning on announcing it later in the week after meeting Alex’s…boyfriend,” Sam trailed off, trying to avoid more awkwardness and failing.
Barricade then stood up swiftly, and ignoring Bumblebee’s full body tensing and clenched fists, bowed to a startled Sam and then surprised them all.
“May the spark you carry within your own be blessed by Primus and grow stronger and brighter through the coming cycles.”
Settling back down on the couch, Barricade had shot another smug look at Bumblebee.
“Some of us still uphold the traditions of Primus.”
Before Bumblebee had a chance to snap back, Sam took charge again, leveling his most serious parental stare at Alex.
“We’re going to try this Alex. You’ve made your decision and we will support you in it. But because of Barricade’s past history though, there’s going to be plenty of rules and restrictions to deal with and most aren’t going to be things that I will have the power to override.”
Sam had then moved his stare unto Barricade.
“You betray our side or break my son’s heart and I will guarantee that after Bumblebee and Ironhide are through with you it will be the Twins who are in charge of guard duty throughout your lock-up in the brig.”
He couldn’t help feeling a sadistic twinge of glee when the smugness leeched off of Barricade’s face with that promise and the short nod that followed.
And that had wrapped up their first meeting with Alex’s bonded.
Barricade was of course kept on a short leash during the first several weeks of his stay at the base. Due to the fact that a sparkbonded pair of Cybertronians couldn’t be kept entirely separate without dealing with consequences such as increased irritability and difficulty recharging, Barricade was in a situation most like being under house arrest, at least for his first month of residence on the base.
Of all the Autobots, Optimus and Ratchet were the most accepting when it came to the base’s newest Cybertronian resident. Since Ironhide was well aware of the fact that Barricade’s sparkbond with Alex prevented him from turning the former Decepticon into slag, he instead began a betting pool starting with Sideswipe and branching out to others on whether it would be Bumblebee or Barricade thrown in the brig for fighting.
And it really didn’t surprise Sam that after three months Bumblebee still had a begrudging attitudes towards Barricade, whose frequent taunts didn’t hasten a change in that mood.
It was Sam’s suspicion that taunts and torments Barricade delivered to Bee pointed to them being a form of teasing instead of malice, just like the pranking and picking on each other that brothers often did.
Barricade’s attitude toward Sam still remained as much a constant as his taunting of Bee. He regarded him highly and always had an honorable nod to give Sam when passing him in the corridors or the rare times he was present in his holoform for a family dinner.
As much as it irritated Bee, Sam was firm on continuing to invite Barricade to more and more family events and outings.
“He’s Alex’s bonded Bee, which makes him a part of this family whether you like it or not. You will not make my son miserable because who he picked wasn’t the mech that you wanted.”
Though not a surprise, it also didn’t help matters that now armed with the news of Sam carrying another sparkling, Bee’s possessive and protective nature had increased dramatically.
What did surprise Sam was how Ravage’s reaction was similar as well in regards to Barricade’s addition to their ranks, enough that he voiced his concerns to Ratchet during one of his far too frequent check-ups.
“You’d think that Ravage having started out as a Decepticon wouldn’t mind Barricade, but he’s been acting almost as resentful as Bee. He’s more clingy than normal, especially with Mira and me. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve tripped over him in the past couple of weeks.”
Ratchet had one of his more annoyed looking expressions that came about from thinking Sam was being particularly dense when he gave his explanation.
“Ravage is experiencing the disconcertion of misplacement. He has been the earliest and most invariable companion for Alex with exception to you and Bumblebee. Now that Barricade has become the primary companion and guardian for Alex, Ravage is attempting to reorient himself and his purpose by monitoring Mirari and yourself with more intensity. I am certain that once your sparkling is here he will transfer that intensity onto the sparkling.”
That was something to think on, which led to Sam spending a bit more of his free time finding a few odd jobs for Ravage to take care of and providing the feline Cybertronian with more attention and praise than he had been getting of late.
“Can’t have you moping, Bee’s enough as it is.”
If Ravage found the extra attention unwarranted, he certainly wasn’t complaining.
With Mirari quickly approaching the onset of puberty and carrying another sparkling just a few months away from being sparked, Sam definitely had his hands full with things without any extra drama.
Sam could only hope that the amount of drama would stay low enough to avoid having his brains turn into mush, but he wasn’t going to hold his breath.
This was his life after all.