Just last night...I was the happiest person in the world.
No one can tell me what I do and don't need. I know exactly what I need, especially during difficult times. Even after promising a better, more reliable future, I apparently am not good enough, I apparently have failed somewhere. After everything said, after all the heartache, in the end there is normally only left one winner and one loser. There are two ways for me to win, and neither can happen. The worst part is, I am not even competing...things just happen while I sit by and get walked on for being me. I am not complaining, I am just wondering why I can't have a second chance. It's not fair..."we" should work things out together...not separate, that's what this was all about. I always had it in me to wait for you, to take care of you when you were sick, to help you when you just couldn't go on, to be there during your worst times and your best times, making you smile, making you laugh, being proud of who you are as an individual, respecting your individuality, not being controlling, becoming close enough to you to be deemed your best friend. I remember making you smile and laugh the last two months, even longer than that...I remember good times and bad times, we've had both, but who hasn't. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, I never meant to hurt you or embarrass you by what I did. I wanted to bring back how we used to be, but that's not good enough, I did some thinking to make things better for us, but that's not good enough. I overlooked everything that's ever come between us, but that's not good enough. I have always been the best I could be, but that's not good enough. I have become sub par to you over the past few weeks. I don't see what this has to do with me being arrested, that should never have come between us. I have appologized a thousand times already, I can see being disappointed in me, but I have been diappointed before as well, but still went on and was happy knowing I could overlook things to be with you...and only you. I have made the effort to get to that side of town, but you don't want me there...It's just not right.