Reminiscence/Regret [Chapter 4/Conclusion]
Title: Reminiscence/Regret (Chapter 4/Conclusion)
Pairing(s): Taec/Khun, KhunYoung, Taec/Yoona
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama, Humor, Smut
A/N: What a long strange trip it's been. This is the final chapter kiddos. Thanks so much to everyone who read and commented on these. I hope you're not disappointed with the ending, I tried my best do it justice. Comments concrit etc very much appreciated. I hope you like it thanks.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Nichkhun sat on the balcony in his sweats, sipping his coffee, his eyes and face puffy from sobbing the night before. He looked out at the sunrise slowly peeking over the surrounding buildings, his expression stoic and solid. He’d run out of tears by now.
Moments later, Taec stepped out to join him, a bag of frozen peas in hand. He stood a few feet behind him looking out over the ledge. “How’d you sleep?”
“I didn’t,” Khun snorted not, bothering to turn around. “I stayed up all night waiting for Wooyoung to come home.”
“He’s not back yet? Have you heard anything…?”
“Relax, he’s here,” Khun interrupted. “He came home an hour ago.”
Taec relaxed his shoulders a bit, relieved. “So, did you guys talk?”
Nichkhun gave a sad chuckle. “He won’t even look at me.” He took a sip from his coffee.
Taec walked over and sat down next to him. “Listen, I’m sorry about… everything.”
“Don’t worry about it, I fucked up my own life,” he looked down at his coffee, the curdled milk swirling in his mug. “I just wish I hadn’t brought everyone else into this mess.”
“Khun…” Taeyeon whispered, gingerly placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Nichkhun turned his head around to reassure him but was startled by the massive lump on his jaw.
“CHRIST, TAEC! YOUR FACE!” Nichkhun reached his hand out to inspect it. Taec hissed and flinched.
“Yeah, yeah I know, I saw it.” He lifted the frozen bag to his jaw.
“You have Inkigayo tomorrow!” Nichkhun shrieked.
“I cancelled this morning. Even if this heals in time, it’s just … too weird.” He sighed, looking at the ground. “Although Wooyoung pummeling the shit out of me on live TV might be a fun, new, way to introduce Bo-Peep.”
Nichkhun forced a smirk. “Are you okay? Did it hurt?”
“Hurt like hell. That boyfriend of yours has a mean right hook, I tell ya.”
“Yeah well, you asked for it! …And I guess, he’s my ex-boyfriend, now.” Nichkhun’s chest felt heavy as he heard the words leave his mouth. “God, what a mess.”
Junsu, Chansung and Junho sat at the kitchen counter chatting about the previous night’s events and stuffing their faces with corn flakes. They hushed their talk as soon as they spied Taec and Nichkhun coming in from the balcony.
The two poured themselves some cereal and proceeded to eat in silence.
Junsu was the first to break. “So… um… it’s really nice out today. Huh?” Junho eyed him disapprovingly. “… Nevermind,” Junsu muttered and returned to his chewing.
A few minutes of tense chewing later and Chansung had reached his breaking point. “So like, seriously what the fuck is going on?” he spat, slamming his spoon down on the table. “Are you and Taec like, dating now?!”
“CHANSUNG!” Junho scolded.
“What?!... Oh like you weren’t wondering!”
Nichkhun swallowed hard on a spoonful of cereal. “No, Taec and I are not dating. Okay Chansung?”
“Hmm, that’s too bad,” a tired voice croaked from the outside of the bathroom. It was Wooyoung, his eyes red and his hair still wet from the shower. “Two lying backstabbers like you? Would’ve made a cute couple.” He adjusted his towel and instinctively padded over to Nichkhun’s door.
Wooyoung paused with his hand over the knob. “Most of my shit is still in your room, do you mind?” He couldn’t bring himself to look at Nichkhun as he spoke.
“Of course not, it’s -“
“Thanks,” he huffed and slammed the door behind him.
Nichkhun winced as he heard the door slam. He looked down at the soggy corn flakes swirling in his bowl and felt nauseous.
“Good job, Chansung!” Junho scolded sending a clenched fist into the maknae’s shoulder.
“OW! How was I supposed to know?”
Junsu eyed Taec and Nichkhun curiously and offered a sympathetic smile. “Hey, who wants to order Chinese for breakfast instead? On me!”
“I’m not hungry any more,” Nichkhun pushed the bowl away from him on the counter and trudged defiantly into his room.
“Me neither,” Taec groused, putting on his shoes and jacket. “I’m… going for a walk or something.”
Junsu, Chansung and Junho watched solemnly as Taecyeon stormed out of the apartment.
“God, this is depressing,” Junho sighed.
“I know, I can’t take much more of this,” Junsu agreed, rubbing his temples.
“Ugh, I know, it’s really stressing me out,” Chansung added dumping the contents of Taec and Nichkhun’s cereal bowls into his own. Junho and Junsu glared at him disapprovingly. “What?!” he yelped, shoveling the soggy cornflakes into his mouth. “Stress makes me hungry!”
Wooyoung’s shoulders froze as he heard Nichkhun enter the room, he could feel his eyes boring into his back, but he ignored it and continued to stuff his belongings into his backpack.
“Youngie, please talk to me,” Nichkhun murmured, his voice trembling a bit.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“I know that’s not true,” Nichkhun walked toward Wooyoung, spying the backpack filled with his clothes. “What are you doing?”
Wooyoung remained silent, shoving another T-shirt into the bag.
“Youngie, stop. Don’t do this!” Nichkhun pleaded. “Talk to me!” he snatched the bag from Wooyoung’s hand.
“Give that back Khun,” Wooyoung warned, swiping at it lazily. He refused to make eye contact, not trusting his resolve under Nichkhun’s sad, plaintive gaze.
“Not until you talk to me!”
“Alright,” Wooyoung responded, pulling out the desk chair and taking a seat. “Let’s talk… So how was he?”
“What? Youngie…”
“You wanted to talk, let’s have ourselves a fine chat… How was he? Was he big?”
“Youngie stop!” Nichkhun’s voice grew more desperate.
“Did you cum? Did he? How does he taste Nichkhun?!” Wooyoung stood and inched closer to Nichkhun.
“Wooyoung STOP!”
“STOP WHAT? I WANT TO KNOW! HOW WAS HE?”
“HE WAS -” Nichkhun paused.
“WHAT? HE WAS WHAT?!” Wooyoung demanded.
“HE WASN’T YOU OKAY?!”
Wooyoung peered into Nichkhun’s desperate eyes. He felt his whole body ache and tremble, hot with rage and confusion and pity. He clutched Nichkhun’s shirt at the waist, clenching the material in his fist. Hot tears rushed down his cheeks and he nestled his head onto Khun’s chest to hide them.
Nichkhun dropped the backpack from his hand and lifted Wooyoung’s face up to his, frantically kissing the tears flooding from his eyes. Wooyoung jerked his head back, at once fighting the kisses and allowing Khun’s lips further access.
“No, Nichkhun… no,” he whispered half-heartedly. Nichkhun persisted, planting desperate pecks anywhere he could, his cheeks, his eyelids, forehead and chin, finally capturing Wooyoung’s lips. This time, Wooyoung didn’t fight him.
He panted and moaned into Nichkhun’s mouth, allowing their tongues to thresh wildly against one another. Wooyoung grabbed the back of Nichkhun’s neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, their mouths pressing so hard that their teeth grazed and their jaws clenched. Nichkhun moaned into Wooyoung’s mouth and gathered his arms around him, spinning him around into the wall.
Wooyoung broke from Nichkhun’s mouth, panting for air. Nichkun planted more frenzied kisses on the soft skin of Wooyoung’s neck and along his collarbone. He lifted Wooyoung’s shirt over his head and tossed it to the ground, gliding his mouth along his shoulder, down his arm and into his wrist. Nichkhun stopped at Wooyoung’s palm, placing it firmly against his cheek and nuzzling his lips onto Wooyoung’s fingers. He placed a warm wet kiss under Wooyoung’s belly button tugging the boy’s sweats and underwear to his feet.
Wooyoung gasped as Nichkhun took him into his mouth. The hot, wet shock sending a tingle through his body. He gripped the strands of Nichkhun’s hair and let out a grunt as he sucked him deeper. Nichkhun slowly withdrew Wooyoung from his mouth and looked up. He slid his hands along Wooyoung’s thighs, traveling up his torso and stomach, lifting himself up to clutch him by his shoulders. Wooyoung leaned forward and bit at Nichkhun’s lower lip, allowing himself to be lead to the bed with a kiss.
Nichkhun reached under the bed and grasped a small bottle of lube. He coated his fingers and pressed them against Wooyoung’s entrance, leaning down to run his tongue along the tip of his cock. Wooyoung gasped deeply as Nichkhun’s fingers slid into him. Nichkhun sucked Wooyoung slowly as he curled his fingers inside of him. He pulled them out, kicked off his sweats and pressed the tip of his cock against Wooyoung’s entrance.
“Tell me you’re sorry,” Wooyoung hissed.
“I’m sorry,” Nichkhun moaned as he slid into him. “I love you Youngie… I’m so sorry.”
Wooyoung arched his back as Nichkhun slammed into him. Nichkhun stroked him against the rhythm of his sharp thrusts. Wooyoung wrapped his legs around Nichkhun and cried out, biting down hard on his shoulder. Nichkhun’s thighs shook as he thrust deeper into the boy.
“I’m sorry,” he panted into Wooyoung’s ear and bucked his hips harder. Wooyoung’s body lit up from head to toe and with a long, guttural wail, he released into Nichkhun’s tight fist.
“Aaah… Wooyoung I-“ Nichkhun groaned, collapsing as he spilled into Wooyoung. The two lay there, clutching one another and panting. Wooyoung pulled Nichkhun by the shoulders locking him into a slow, tired kiss.
“So… does this mean you forgive me?” Nichkhun whispered into his mouth. “Or do we need another round of make-up sex?” he chuckled lightly.
Wooyoung jerked his face away. “That wasn’t make-up sex, Khun.” He wrestled Nichkhun’s arms from around him. “That was… I don’t know what that was.” He sat up in the bed searching the floor for his clothes.
“Youngie…” Nichkhun grasped for Wooyoung’s arm but let go when he felt Wooyoung flinch.
Wooyoung stared straight ahead. “I love you Nichkhun… but it’s not that easy.” He got up, dressed himself quickly, and walked out the door with his backpack, leaving Nichkhun alone in his quiet bed, hugging his knees.
Later that afternoon, Jay peeked out of his door to see Wooyoung in the living room flicking mindlessly through the channels. He snatched a worn out puppet from Junho’s bed and crawled toward the couch. He perched the puppet next to Wooyoung’s arm. “Herrroooo Wooyoung!” Jay made the puppet sing-song in a strange high-pitched warble. “Jay’s reeeeawwy sowwy!”
Wooyoung switched off the television, and glared at the puppet, bewildered. “What am I, fucking five?”
The puppet lowered its head and whimpered. “Please don’t hit me!” it opened its mouth and flailed. Wooyoung snickered despite himself and pushed the puppet aside. Jay got up from beside the couch and sat down next to him.
“I’m not mad at you, Jay. I know it’s not your fault.” Wooyoung patted Jay’s knee and gave a sigh.
“Thanks, man. I really did want to tell you, I just…”
“I know,” Wooyoung interrupted. “I’m sorry I said all that shit to you. You are a good leader. And you’re a good friend.” They both looked down, a bit embarrassed.
“So where’d you sleep last night?”
“I slept upstairs. Jokwon let me crash on the floor.”
“Seriously? You were upstairs the whole time? Khun and I stayed up all night…” Jay caught the worry in his tone and stopped himself.
“I know, I’m sorry… I really did walk out though… But when I got outside I…. I realized I forgot my shoes.”
Jay bit his lip to stifle a snicker. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes and glared at him but allowed a chuckle to escape. Jay giggled a bit louder and two collapsed on the couch, quaking in a fit of spastic, much-needed laughter.
Taec paced through the rehearsal studio, searching for Woooyoung. After an uncommonly awkward radio interview, Taec had resolved to square things away with him, for the good of the band, and for the good of their friendship, whatever bit of it he could salvage. He peeked into a private vocal space and caught Wooyoung scribbling notes on sheet music, his voice trailing in and out to the sounds blaring through his headphones.
“Hey, Wooyoung. Can we talk?” Taec approached him cautiously and closed the door. Wooyoung looked up at him, startled. He pushed the headphones from his ears and silently glared at Taec.
“Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened last night… for what happened in general… I swear none of this was planned. I never wanted to hurt you.” Taec’s heart pounded as he spoke.
Wooyoung rolled his eyes and returned to his sheet music.
“Look, you have every right to be mad at me, I know that,” Taec moved closer and shuffled his feet. “I’m not sure what I can do or say to make you forgive me, but I just… I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I really do care about you Wooyoung. I hope one day you’ll be able to see that.” Taec watched as Wooyoung flipped through his lyric sheet unmoved. He gave an exasperated sigh and turned to leave.
“So that’s it?” Wooyoung blurted, throwing his pencil down. “That’s all you have to say to me? You have a lot of fucking nerve, Taec. You don’t want to lose me as a friend? Were you thinking about our friendship when you were fucking my boyfriend?”
Taec grimaced, sensing the disgust in Wooyoung’s voice. “No, you’re right. I wasn’t and I’m sorry but…”
“But what? You’re in love with him? Where the hell do you get off saying some shit like that? Aren’t you straight? What about Yoona? Do you love her too?”
Taec remained silent.
“And what about Jay?!” Wooyoung continued. “You dragged him into this mess! What about the rest of the band, do you love them too?”
“YES!”
“Well shit, Taec. Being loved by you really does suck.”
“GODDAMMNIT WOOYOUNG!” Taec was taken aback by his own frustrated outburst. “I didn’t ask for this! You don’t think I’m a little confused too! I’m hurting you! I’m hurting Yoona, I’m hurting the band. I’m supposedly straight, but I’m falling in love with Nichkhun!”
Taec tried to calm himself but the tears were already beginning to flow. “I know there’s no excuse and I’m not asking you to take pity on me I just… I just want you to try to understand. Please.” Taec crouched on the floor, resting his head on his knees.
Wooyoung watched as Taec sat there, curled up and sobbing like a small child. He felt a pang of sympathy, and muttered silent curses in response. He walked over and sat beside him on the floor. Taec wiped his eyes trying to collect himself.
Wooyoung took in a deep breath before he spoke. “Do you know why I hit you Taec?”
“Because I’m an asshole and I deserve it.”
“Well yes that,” Wooyoung responded dryly. “… and…what you said. About knowing Khun better than I do… you were right. You and Khun have this whole other history that I’ll never understand, these stories and memories and this language that I’ll never really be apart of. You were right… and I know it.”
Taec’s chest tightened seeing the hurt on Wooyoung’s face. “No… no I wasn’t right. I said that because I was jealous. I am jealous. Khun loves you so much… the way he looks at you, the way he touches you, talks about you, he lights up like a Christmas tree every time your name is even mentioned … he’s never looked at me like that… he never will and I know it.”
Wooyoung suppressed a small smile and placed a comforting hand on Taec’s back. “Listen, I’m not saying I forgive you, or that everything’s back to normal but… I’m saying that maybe one day… we can get past this.”
Taec breathed a small sigh of relief and extended a cautiously friendly hand to Wooyoung. Wooyoung responded with a firm grasp of Taec's palm and the two sat there in the quiet practice room, shaking hands, as though greeting eachother for the first time in a long time.
Wooyoung made his sluggish approach to the door of their apartment. He was exhausted from the day’s schedule, a Star King appearance and another variety show during which he’d been attacked by paintball guns. It was exhausting, but it was welcome respite from the ensuing drama of his everyday life. He’d spent two days avoiding Nichkhun at all costs. Two days sleeping in the living room huddled up next to Chansung again. Two days ignoring the dull pain that coursed through his body. Two days had never felt more like an eternity.
He walked through the door, hoping to catch some much-needed rest but took a step back startled by the scene before him. A deluge of wax-paper strips cascaded from every inch of the ceiling held up by string, covering the entire apartment in a sea of white. Wooyoung pushed his way through them and into the living room.
There stood Nichkhun, his figure partially obscured by the mess of dangling papers. “You’re home… hi!” he choked out nervously.
“Nichkhun… what is this? Where’s everybody else?”
“They’re all out, I just… I wanted us to be alone.” Nichkhun paused to look at Wooyoung for a moment, his eyes wide and doleful.
Wooyoung gave a confused glance around the room. “What are all these?”
Wooyoung took a piece of wax paper into his hands and inspected it closely. There, scribbled in messy Hangul, were the words, “The time we made spaghetti and you put ramyun powder in the sauce”. He took another piece in his hand and there read, “The time we went hiking in Busan and it rained the whole day.” He pushed his way to the opposite corner of the room and read another strip, “That night we went out for ice-cream and got lost in Seoul” He read another, “The first time we kissed.” Another, “The first time we made love.” He picked up another, “The first time I told you I loved you and you cried and said you loved me too.”
Wooyoung took a step back and looked at Nichkhun through the curtain of paper. “What is all this?”
“It’s us, Youngie. It’s… every memory, every moment I could fit on these little strips of paper.”
“Why Nichkhun? Why’d you do all this?”
Nichkhun shrugged slightly and stared into Wooyoung’s eyes. “I just… thought you might like a souvenir.”
Wooyoung’s breath hitched in his throat as he looked around the apartment. He looked back at Nichkhun, “There’s gotta be at least a hundred of these things…”
“I lost count at ninety,” Nichkhun motioned anxiously to a corner of the room behind Wooyoung where a bevy of particularly clean strips dangled together in a clump. “I left those blank… on purpose. I was hoping that maybe… someday, you would let me fill them with new memories.”
Nichkhun’s voice trembled as he tried to hold back the tears. “Youngie, I know you can’t forget what happened. I know that I hurt you and that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. But if you would just let me, I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you so much Youngie, and I know we have more moments to create… and… if you give us the chance, there won’t be enough paper in the world to capture them all.”
Wooyoung walked stiffly toward the cluster of blank strips and ripped one from the ceiling. Nichkhun lowered his head, defeated. He took a deep breath in and buried his face in his sleeve.
He emerged to find Wooyoung inches apart from his face, a strip of wax paper suctioned to his lips. Nichkhun gave a relieved chuckle and pulled him in, kissing him hard through the thin sheet. Wooyoung slid the paper from between them, crushing their bare mouths together, the taste of the wax still lingering on their lips.
The next night, after a particularly grueling late night rehearsal, Jay pounded on Nichkhun’s door. Nichkhun and Wooyoung lay on the bed in foot rub mode, legs splayed over one another.
“Come in!” they croaked in unison.
“Hey gaywads, get out here, I need your help with something.”
The two crawled out of bed and into the living room, visibly annoyed.
“What could you possibly need help with at this time of night, Jay?” Wooyoung whined.
“This,” Jay whispered and unzipped a back-pack filled with bottles of Soju.
“What? You don’t even drink, Jay.” Nichkhun eyed him curiously.
“Yeah, well we’re celebrating aren’t we? Me and Wooyoung reconciled, you two are butt-fucking again, time to break out the bubbly, man.” Jay jingled a set of keys in his pocket. “Besides, I pulled some ninja shit and scored the keys to the cafeteria so … let’s get crunk!”
Nichkhun raised a suspicious eyebrow but agreed anyway. “Fine, Jay. But only because you’re such a romantic.”
“Awesome, let’s roll.” He led them both out into the hallway.
They spied Taec standing by the elevator, his shoulders slouched, holding up his cell phone. “Jay I got your text… what the fuck is a pow-wow?” He stiffened when he noticed Wooyoung and Nichkhun rounding the corner.
“Well, now that everyone’s here… let’s go!” Jay smiled proudly to himself, amused at his skillful machinations.
Taec bit his lip, to hide his anger at the tiny leader and they all piled into the elevator. When they reached the cafeteria Jay slammed the bottles onto the table and commanded everyone to drink up.
After a few gulps accompanied by awkward silence, Jay interjected. “So… Taec what’d you have to do after practice that was so mysterious and important? You working with the mafia?”
“Good one Jay,” Taec sighed. “Actually, I … I was breaking up with Yoona.”
“Sorry, man.” Wooyoung offered a sympathetic nod.
Nichkhun looked down into his bottle, somberly. “What’d you tell her?”
“I said I was going through some personal things and I didn’t want to drag her into it. She said she understood but… she cried.”
“Fuck, dude that’s rough,” Jay took another sip from his bottle. “So… does this mean that … Yoona’s single now?”
“FUCK YOU JAY!” Taec nudged him and the four broke into giddy laughter.
“What? I’m just asking… Seriously though… are you like, gay?”
Taec shrugged his shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know, maybe. I just know I need to be single for a while. Just gotta figure some shit out you know?”
“I know,” Nichkhun glanced at Taec and flashed an understanding smile.
“So Taec…” Jay continued, his speech a bit slurred. “Now that you’re ‘figuring shit out’… Are you gonna like, stick your dick in my mouth while I’m sleeping or something?”
The other three laughed hysterically at Jay’s seemingly genuine worry.
Taec slung an arm around Jay’s shoulder and stroked his ear, seductively. “I don’t know Jay,” he pouted and wiggled his eyebrows. “Drink up and we’ll see where the night takes us.”
Jay glared back at Taec, wide-eyed. He glanced at Wooyoung on Nichkhun’s lap, the two making exaggerated kissy faces at him. “AAAWWW MAAAAN!” Jay whined. “See? This is why I don’t drink, cause when you drink gay shit happens.”
The four of them sat there in that empty cafeteria until sunrise, exchanging old stories and crude inside jokes. They snuck back upstairs in the morning, their lids heavy, their voices hoarse, and their bodies weak, but their friendship stronger than ever.
The End
Thanks again guys for reading. This was my first chaptered and my first angst and a total pain in the ass at times, but the feedback really helped me chug along with it. Anyway, it's back to the crack-mines for me. Angst is...Srs bizness.
Pairing(s): Taec/Khun, KhunYoung, Taec/Yoona
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance, Drama, Humor, Smut
A/N: What a long strange trip it's been. This is the final chapter kiddos. Thanks so much to everyone who read and commented on these. I hope you're not disappointed with the ending, I tried my best do it justice. Comments concrit etc very much appreciated. I hope you like it thanks.
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Nichkhun sat on the balcony in his sweats, sipping his coffee, his eyes and face puffy from sobbing the night before. He looked out at the sunrise slowly peeking over the surrounding buildings, his expression stoic and solid. He’d run out of tears by now.
Moments later, Taec stepped out to join him, a bag of frozen peas in hand. He stood a few feet behind him looking out over the ledge. “How’d you sleep?”
“I didn’t,” Khun snorted not, bothering to turn around. “I stayed up all night waiting for Wooyoung to come home.”
“He’s not back yet? Have you heard anything…?”
“Relax, he’s here,” Khun interrupted. “He came home an hour ago.”
Taec relaxed his shoulders a bit, relieved. “So, did you guys talk?”
Nichkhun gave a sad chuckle. “He won’t even look at me.” He took a sip from his coffee.
Taec walked over and sat down next to him. “Listen, I’m sorry about… everything.”
“Don’t worry about it, I fucked up my own life,” he looked down at his coffee, the curdled milk swirling in his mug. “I just wish I hadn’t brought everyone else into this mess.”
“Khun…” Taeyeon whispered, gingerly placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Nichkhun turned his head around to reassure him but was startled by the massive lump on his jaw.
“CHRIST, TAEC! YOUR FACE!” Nichkhun reached his hand out to inspect it. Taec hissed and flinched.
“Yeah, yeah I know, I saw it.” He lifted the frozen bag to his jaw.
“You have Inkigayo tomorrow!” Nichkhun shrieked.
“I cancelled this morning. Even if this heals in time, it’s just … too weird.” He sighed, looking at the ground. “Although Wooyoung pummeling the shit out of me on live TV might be a fun, new, way to introduce Bo-Peep.”
Nichkhun forced a smirk. “Are you okay? Did it hurt?”
“Hurt like hell. That boyfriend of yours has a mean right hook, I tell ya.”
“Yeah well, you asked for it! …And I guess, he’s my ex-boyfriend, now.” Nichkhun’s chest felt heavy as he heard the words leave his mouth. “God, what a mess.”
Junsu, Chansung and Junho sat at the kitchen counter chatting about the previous night’s events and stuffing their faces with corn flakes. They hushed their talk as soon as they spied Taec and Nichkhun coming in from the balcony.
The two poured themselves some cereal and proceeded to eat in silence.
Junsu was the first to break. “So… um… it’s really nice out today. Huh?” Junho eyed him disapprovingly. “… Nevermind,” Junsu muttered and returned to his chewing.
A few minutes of tense chewing later and Chansung had reached his breaking point. “So like, seriously what the fuck is going on?” he spat, slamming his spoon down on the table. “Are you and Taec like, dating now?!”
“CHANSUNG!” Junho scolded.
“What?!... Oh like you weren’t wondering!”
Nichkhun swallowed hard on a spoonful of cereal. “No, Taec and I are not dating. Okay Chansung?”
“Hmm, that’s too bad,” a tired voice croaked from the outside of the bathroom. It was Wooyoung, his eyes red and his hair still wet from the shower. “Two lying backstabbers like you? Would’ve made a cute couple.” He adjusted his towel and instinctively padded over to Nichkhun’s door.
Wooyoung paused with his hand over the knob. “Most of my shit is still in your room, do you mind?” He couldn’t bring himself to look at Nichkhun as he spoke.
“Of course not, it’s -“
“Thanks,” he huffed and slammed the door behind him.
Nichkhun winced as he heard the door slam. He looked down at the soggy corn flakes swirling in his bowl and felt nauseous.
“Good job, Chansung!” Junho scolded sending a clenched fist into the maknae’s shoulder.
“OW! How was I supposed to know?”
Junsu eyed Taec and Nichkhun curiously and offered a sympathetic smile. “Hey, who wants to order Chinese for breakfast instead? On me!”
“I’m not hungry any more,” Nichkhun pushed the bowl away from him on the counter and trudged defiantly into his room.
“Me neither,” Taec groused, putting on his shoes and jacket. “I’m… going for a walk or something.”
Junsu, Chansung and Junho watched solemnly as Taecyeon stormed out of the apartment.
“God, this is depressing,” Junho sighed.
“I know, I can’t take much more of this,” Junsu agreed, rubbing his temples.
“Ugh, I know, it’s really stressing me out,” Chansung added dumping the contents of Taec and Nichkhun’s cereal bowls into his own. Junho and Junsu glared at him disapprovingly. “What?!” he yelped, shoveling the soggy cornflakes into his mouth. “Stress makes me hungry!”
Wooyoung’s shoulders froze as he heard Nichkhun enter the room, he could feel his eyes boring into his back, but he ignored it and continued to stuff his belongings into his backpack.
“Youngie, please talk to me,” Nichkhun murmured, his voice trembling a bit.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“I know that’s not true,” Nichkhun walked toward Wooyoung, spying the backpack filled with his clothes. “What are you doing?”
Wooyoung remained silent, shoving another T-shirt into the bag.
“Youngie, stop. Don’t do this!” Nichkhun pleaded. “Talk to me!” he snatched the bag from Wooyoung’s hand.
“Give that back Khun,” Wooyoung warned, swiping at it lazily. He refused to make eye contact, not trusting his resolve under Nichkhun’s sad, plaintive gaze.
“Not until you talk to me!”
“Alright,” Wooyoung responded, pulling out the desk chair and taking a seat. “Let’s talk… So how was he?”
“What? Youngie…”
“You wanted to talk, let’s have ourselves a fine chat… How was he? Was he big?”
“Youngie stop!” Nichkhun’s voice grew more desperate.
“Did you cum? Did he? How does he taste Nichkhun?!” Wooyoung stood and inched closer to Nichkhun.
“Wooyoung STOP!”
“STOP WHAT? I WANT TO KNOW! HOW WAS HE?”
“HE WAS -” Nichkhun paused.
“WHAT? HE WAS WHAT?!” Wooyoung demanded.
“HE WASN’T YOU OKAY?!”
Wooyoung peered into Nichkhun’s desperate eyes. He felt his whole body ache and tremble, hot with rage and confusion and pity. He clutched Nichkhun’s shirt at the waist, clenching the material in his fist. Hot tears rushed down his cheeks and he nestled his head onto Khun’s chest to hide them.
Nichkhun dropped the backpack from his hand and lifted Wooyoung’s face up to his, frantically kissing the tears flooding from his eyes. Wooyoung jerked his head back, at once fighting the kisses and allowing Khun’s lips further access.
“No, Nichkhun… no,” he whispered half-heartedly. Nichkhun persisted, planting desperate pecks anywhere he could, his cheeks, his eyelids, forehead and chin, finally capturing Wooyoung’s lips. This time, Wooyoung didn’t fight him.
He panted and moaned into Nichkhun’s mouth, allowing their tongues to thresh wildly against one another. Wooyoung grabbed the back of Nichkhun’s neck, pulling him deeper into the kiss, their mouths pressing so hard that their teeth grazed and their jaws clenched. Nichkhun moaned into Wooyoung’s mouth and gathered his arms around him, spinning him around into the wall.
Wooyoung broke from Nichkhun’s mouth, panting for air. Nichkun planted more frenzied kisses on the soft skin of Wooyoung’s neck and along his collarbone. He lifted Wooyoung’s shirt over his head and tossed it to the ground, gliding his mouth along his shoulder, down his arm and into his wrist. Nichkhun stopped at Wooyoung’s palm, placing it firmly against his cheek and nuzzling his lips onto Wooyoung’s fingers. He placed a warm wet kiss under Wooyoung’s belly button tugging the boy’s sweats and underwear to his feet.
Wooyoung gasped as Nichkhun took him into his mouth. The hot, wet shock sending a tingle through his body. He gripped the strands of Nichkhun’s hair and let out a grunt as he sucked him deeper. Nichkhun slowly withdrew Wooyoung from his mouth and looked up. He slid his hands along Wooyoung’s thighs, traveling up his torso and stomach, lifting himself up to clutch him by his shoulders. Wooyoung leaned forward and bit at Nichkhun’s lower lip, allowing himself to be lead to the bed with a kiss.
Nichkhun reached under the bed and grasped a small bottle of lube. He coated his fingers and pressed them against Wooyoung’s entrance, leaning down to run his tongue along the tip of his cock. Wooyoung gasped deeply as Nichkhun’s fingers slid into him. Nichkhun sucked Wooyoung slowly as he curled his fingers inside of him. He pulled them out, kicked off his sweats and pressed the tip of his cock against Wooyoung’s entrance.
“Tell me you’re sorry,” Wooyoung hissed.
“I’m sorry,” Nichkhun moaned as he slid into him. “I love you Youngie… I’m so sorry.”
Wooyoung arched his back as Nichkhun slammed into him. Nichkhun stroked him against the rhythm of his sharp thrusts. Wooyoung wrapped his legs around Nichkhun and cried out, biting down hard on his shoulder. Nichkhun’s thighs shook as he thrust deeper into the boy.
“I’m sorry,” he panted into Wooyoung’s ear and bucked his hips harder. Wooyoung’s body lit up from head to toe and with a long, guttural wail, he released into Nichkhun’s tight fist.
“Aaah… Wooyoung I-“ Nichkhun groaned, collapsing as he spilled into Wooyoung. The two lay there, clutching one another and panting. Wooyoung pulled Nichkhun by the shoulders locking him into a slow, tired kiss.
“So… does this mean you forgive me?” Nichkhun whispered into his mouth. “Or do we need another round of make-up sex?” he chuckled lightly.
Wooyoung jerked his face away. “That wasn’t make-up sex, Khun.” He wrestled Nichkhun’s arms from around him. “That was… I don’t know what that was.” He sat up in the bed searching the floor for his clothes.
“Youngie…” Nichkhun grasped for Wooyoung’s arm but let go when he felt Wooyoung flinch.
Wooyoung stared straight ahead. “I love you Nichkhun… but it’s not that easy.” He got up, dressed himself quickly, and walked out the door with his backpack, leaving Nichkhun alone in his quiet bed, hugging his knees.
Later that afternoon, Jay peeked out of his door to see Wooyoung in the living room flicking mindlessly through the channels. He snatched a worn out puppet from Junho’s bed and crawled toward the couch. He perched the puppet next to Wooyoung’s arm. “Herrroooo Wooyoung!” Jay made the puppet sing-song in a strange high-pitched warble. “Jay’s reeeeawwy sowwy!”
Wooyoung switched off the television, and glared at the puppet, bewildered. “What am I, fucking five?”
The puppet lowered its head and whimpered. “Please don’t hit me!” it opened its mouth and flailed. Wooyoung snickered despite himself and pushed the puppet aside. Jay got up from beside the couch and sat down next to him.
“I’m not mad at you, Jay. I know it’s not your fault.” Wooyoung patted Jay’s knee and gave a sigh.
“Thanks, man. I really did want to tell you, I just…”
“I know,” Wooyoung interrupted. “I’m sorry I said all that shit to you. You are a good leader. And you’re a good friend.” They both looked down, a bit embarrassed.
“So where’d you sleep last night?”
“I slept upstairs. Jokwon let me crash on the floor.”
“Seriously? You were upstairs the whole time? Khun and I stayed up all night…” Jay caught the worry in his tone and stopped himself.
“I know, I’m sorry… I really did walk out though… But when I got outside I…. I realized I forgot my shoes.”
Jay bit his lip to stifle a snicker. Wooyoung narrowed his eyes and glared at him but allowed a chuckle to escape. Jay giggled a bit louder and two collapsed on the couch, quaking in a fit of spastic, much-needed laughter.
Taec paced through the rehearsal studio, searching for Woooyoung. After an uncommonly awkward radio interview, Taec had resolved to square things away with him, for the good of the band, and for the good of their friendship, whatever bit of it he could salvage. He peeked into a private vocal space and caught Wooyoung scribbling notes on sheet music, his voice trailing in and out to the sounds blaring through his headphones.
“Hey, Wooyoung. Can we talk?” Taec approached him cautiously and closed the door. Wooyoung looked up at him, startled. He pushed the headphones from his ears and silently glared at Taec.
“Listen, I’m really sorry for what happened last night… for what happened in general… I swear none of this was planned. I never wanted to hurt you.” Taec’s heart pounded as he spoke.
Wooyoung rolled his eyes and returned to his sheet music.
“Look, you have every right to be mad at me, I know that,” Taec moved closer and shuffled his feet. “I’m not sure what I can do or say to make you forgive me, but I just… I don’t want to lose you as a friend. I really do care about you Wooyoung. I hope one day you’ll be able to see that.” Taec watched as Wooyoung flipped through his lyric sheet unmoved. He gave an exasperated sigh and turned to leave.
“So that’s it?” Wooyoung blurted, throwing his pencil down. “That’s all you have to say to me? You have a lot of fucking nerve, Taec. You don’t want to lose me as a friend? Were you thinking about our friendship when you were fucking my boyfriend?”
Taec grimaced, sensing the disgust in Wooyoung’s voice. “No, you’re right. I wasn’t and I’m sorry but…”
“But what? You’re in love with him? Where the hell do you get off saying some shit like that? Aren’t you straight? What about Yoona? Do you love her too?”
Taec remained silent.
“And what about Jay?!” Wooyoung continued. “You dragged him into this mess! What about the rest of the band, do you love them too?”
“YES!”
“Well shit, Taec. Being loved by you really does suck.”
“GODDAMMNIT WOOYOUNG!” Taec was taken aback by his own frustrated outburst. “I didn’t ask for this! You don’t think I’m a little confused too! I’m hurting you! I’m hurting Yoona, I’m hurting the band. I’m supposedly straight, but I’m falling in love with Nichkhun!”
Taec tried to calm himself but the tears were already beginning to flow. “I know there’s no excuse and I’m not asking you to take pity on me I just… I just want you to try to understand. Please.” Taec crouched on the floor, resting his head on his knees.
Wooyoung watched as Taec sat there, curled up and sobbing like a small child. He felt a pang of sympathy, and muttered silent curses in response. He walked over and sat beside him on the floor. Taec wiped his eyes trying to collect himself.
Wooyoung took in a deep breath before he spoke. “Do you know why I hit you Taec?”
“Because I’m an asshole and I deserve it.”
“Well yes that,” Wooyoung responded dryly. “… and…what you said. About knowing Khun better than I do… you were right. You and Khun have this whole other history that I’ll never understand, these stories and memories and this language that I’ll never really be apart of. You were right… and I know it.”
Taec’s chest tightened seeing the hurt on Wooyoung’s face. “No… no I wasn’t right. I said that because I was jealous. I am jealous. Khun loves you so much… the way he looks at you, the way he touches you, talks about you, he lights up like a Christmas tree every time your name is even mentioned … he’s never looked at me like that… he never will and I know it.”
Wooyoung suppressed a small smile and placed a comforting hand on Taec’s back. “Listen, I’m not saying I forgive you, or that everything’s back to normal but… I’m saying that maybe one day… we can get past this.”
Taec breathed a small sigh of relief and extended a cautiously friendly hand to Wooyoung. Wooyoung responded with a firm grasp of Taec's palm and the two sat there in the quiet practice room, shaking hands, as though greeting eachother for the first time in a long time.
Wooyoung made his sluggish approach to the door of their apartment. He was exhausted from the day’s schedule, a Star King appearance and another variety show during which he’d been attacked by paintball guns. It was exhausting, but it was welcome respite from the ensuing drama of his everyday life. He’d spent two days avoiding Nichkhun at all costs. Two days sleeping in the living room huddled up next to Chansung again. Two days ignoring the dull pain that coursed through his body. Two days had never felt more like an eternity.
He walked through the door, hoping to catch some much-needed rest but took a step back startled by the scene before him. A deluge of wax-paper strips cascaded from every inch of the ceiling held up by string, covering the entire apartment in a sea of white. Wooyoung pushed his way through them and into the living room.
There stood Nichkhun, his figure partially obscured by the mess of dangling papers. “You’re home… hi!” he choked out nervously.
“Nichkhun… what is this? Where’s everybody else?”
“They’re all out, I just… I wanted us to be alone.” Nichkhun paused to look at Wooyoung for a moment, his eyes wide and doleful.
Wooyoung gave a confused glance around the room. “What are all these?”
Wooyoung took a piece of wax paper into his hands and inspected it closely. There, scribbled in messy Hangul, were the words, “The time we made spaghetti and you put ramyun powder in the sauce”. He took another piece in his hand and there read, “The time we went hiking in Busan and it rained the whole day.” He pushed his way to the opposite corner of the room and read another strip, “That night we went out for ice-cream and got lost in Seoul” He read another, “The first time we kissed.” Another, “The first time we made love.” He picked up another, “The first time I told you I loved you and you cried and said you loved me too.”
Wooyoung took a step back and looked at Nichkhun through the curtain of paper. “What is all this?”
“It’s us, Youngie. It’s… every memory, every moment I could fit on these little strips of paper.”
“Why Nichkhun? Why’d you do all this?”
Nichkhun shrugged slightly and stared into Wooyoung’s eyes. “I just… thought you might like a souvenir.”
Wooyoung’s breath hitched in his throat as he looked around the apartment. He looked back at Nichkhun, “There’s gotta be at least a hundred of these things…”
“I lost count at ninety,” Nichkhun motioned anxiously to a corner of the room behind Wooyoung where a bevy of particularly clean strips dangled together in a clump. “I left those blank… on purpose. I was hoping that maybe… someday, you would let me fill them with new memories.”
Nichkhun’s voice trembled as he tried to hold back the tears. “Youngie, I know you can’t forget what happened. I know that I hurt you and that is the last thing I ever wanted to do. But if you would just let me, I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I love you so much Youngie, and I know we have more moments to create… and… if you give us the chance, there won’t be enough paper in the world to capture them all.”
Wooyoung walked stiffly toward the cluster of blank strips and ripped one from the ceiling. Nichkhun lowered his head, defeated. He took a deep breath in and buried his face in his sleeve.
He emerged to find Wooyoung inches apart from his face, a strip of wax paper suctioned to his lips. Nichkhun gave a relieved chuckle and pulled him in, kissing him hard through the thin sheet. Wooyoung slid the paper from between them, crushing their bare mouths together, the taste of the wax still lingering on their lips.
The next night, after a particularly grueling late night rehearsal, Jay pounded on Nichkhun’s door. Nichkhun and Wooyoung lay on the bed in foot rub mode, legs splayed over one another.
“Come in!” they croaked in unison.
“Hey gaywads, get out here, I need your help with something.”
The two crawled out of bed and into the living room, visibly annoyed.
“What could you possibly need help with at this time of night, Jay?” Wooyoung whined.
“This,” Jay whispered and unzipped a back-pack filled with bottles of Soju.
“What? You don’t even drink, Jay.” Nichkhun eyed him curiously.
“Yeah, well we’re celebrating aren’t we? Me and Wooyoung reconciled, you two are butt-fucking again, time to break out the bubbly, man.” Jay jingled a set of keys in his pocket. “Besides, I pulled some ninja shit and scored the keys to the cafeteria so … let’s get crunk!”
Nichkhun raised a suspicious eyebrow but agreed anyway. “Fine, Jay. But only because you’re such a romantic.”
“Awesome, let’s roll.” He led them both out into the hallway.
They spied Taec standing by the elevator, his shoulders slouched, holding up his cell phone. “Jay I got your text… what the fuck is a pow-wow?” He stiffened when he noticed Wooyoung and Nichkhun rounding the corner.
“Well, now that everyone’s here… let’s go!” Jay smiled proudly to himself, amused at his skillful machinations.
Taec bit his lip, to hide his anger at the tiny leader and they all piled into the elevator. When they reached the cafeteria Jay slammed the bottles onto the table and commanded everyone to drink up.
After a few gulps accompanied by awkward silence, Jay interjected. “So… Taec what’d you have to do after practice that was so mysterious and important? You working with the mafia?”
“Good one Jay,” Taec sighed. “Actually, I … I was breaking up with Yoona.”
“Sorry, man.” Wooyoung offered a sympathetic nod.
Nichkhun looked down into his bottle, somberly. “What’d you tell her?”
“I said I was going through some personal things and I didn’t want to drag her into it. She said she understood but… she cried.”
“Fuck, dude that’s rough,” Jay took another sip from his bottle. “So… does this mean that … Yoona’s single now?”
“FUCK YOU JAY!” Taec nudged him and the four broke into giddy laughter.
“What? I’m just asking… Seriously though… are you like, gay?”
Taec shrugged his shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t know, maybe. I just know I need to be single for a while. Just gotta figure some shit out you know?”
“I know,” Nichkhun glanced at Taec and flashed an understanding smile.
“So Taec…” Jay continued, his speech a bit slurred. “Now that you’re ‘figuring shit out’… Are you gonna like, stick your dick in my mouth while I’m sleeping or something?”
The other three laughed hysterically at Jay’s seemingly genuine worry.
Taec slung an arm around Jay’s shoulder and stroked his ear, seductively. “I don’t know Jay,” he pouted and wiggled his eyebrows. “Drink up and we’ll see where the night takes us.”
Jay glared back at Taec, wide-eyed. He glanced at Wooyoung on Nichkhun’s lap, the two making exaggerated kissy faces at him. “AAAWWW MAAAAN!” Jay whined. “See? This is why I don’t drink, cause when you drink gay shit happens.”
The four of them sat there in that empty cafeteria until sunrise, exchanging old stories and crude inside jokes. They snuck back upstairs in the morning, their lids heavy, their voices hoarse, and their bodies weak, but their friendship stronger than ever.
The End
Thanks again guys for reading. This was my first chaptered and my first angst and a total pain in the ass at times, but the feedback really helped me chug along with it. Anyway, it's back to the crack-mines for me. Angst is...Srs bizness.