Sorry, But They ARE Deities

[shamela]

In celebration of sabrinanymph's new household member, I post the reading for today.



The Book of the Cat

Book One, Chapter12, Verses 42-65

42. Behold, I tell you a mystery, of the manifestation of The Cat of Many Names:
43. Jasper, The Jas, Jazzmatazz, Neighborhood Watch, Get Off Of There Right Now;
44. Lean Mean Mousing Machine, Everybody Knows the Jas Is Cool, Himself.
45. For lo, He manifests himself daily unto His Person,
46. Yea, verily, He is always sitting on the toilet lid when I rise up in the morning
47. out of the shower, and He sayeth unto me, in a great and yowling voice,
48. “What are you doing in there? I want to see.”
49. And see, how He is surprised when He jumps in.
50. He calls all spaces His own, even unto the toilet lid
51. when I am trying to put my foot up on it, so that I may lotion myself.
52. And The Jas doth sniff me,
53. every morning when the sun riseth, like clockwork doth He sniff,
54. with a great and mighty sniff,
55. Although he liketh not the smell.
56. “You, you there,” sayeth Himself, “Why dost thou slather thyself
57. with the loathsome stuff which I liketh not?
58. Your lotion stink, it riseth up to me as an abomination before Cat,”
59. and see, He sneezeth three times.
60. He turns His face from me-He doth not comfort me-
61. His tail, the mighty tail which all neighborhood cats fear and covet, it stands
62. straight up,
63. And He stalketh out of the bathroom.
64. And the voice of the Jasper is heard in the land:
65. “Thou hast offended Me. Give me milk, dammit.”

Thus endeth the lesson.