Tribute to a Industrial Nation.
Someone asked today when I would again write. I had no sure defined answer to that question, It could be Hypothetical, I could die before the next entry is sent. The truth penetrates when everyone realizes your not the same. I push outside to find the reasons that I really want outside of this place when they label me. I took it upon my self to expect the most of my self. Does that make any sense. For those of you who look here often trying to find some life coming from person. Please forgive my absence. Maybe I will once again write as frequently as I was once expected to. The sky was heavy today, the cool air breezed its way around. The air damp and rigid, I fought so hard with each thought today. Indeed today was a day of reckoning. Daily temptations aren't a part of me now. I have no need for the basic features of life, such as a heart beat, or a shooting nerve. Every thought that recures inside my head brings a certain hurt. The pain that only a true professional of {insanism} could with stand. I find my self slowly counting to 3... 1-2-3... sometimes over a period of 30 minutes or so, Im not sure why im counting so high. Something has certainly disappeared. Sometimes I think I'm right about things. Everyday it gets harder to go to school, such a depressing place. A lack of perfection if I've ever seen one. Tonight I feel stronger. I think maybe, I can get home. Where ever that may be. "Im more and more seeing my self as a waste of time to others. The teachers at school that devote their time to teach me, wasting their time. The friends that talk to me, walk with me, stand by me. All wasting their time in the end. I just want to understand. I feel as if im just waiting for the end. But tonight I wont wait. I forget the thought and live here with you, I wont be the one to break and fall, I know the end is mandatory. But tonight I wont see you there, for I am here and I am with you always" I want to dedicate this entry to one of the greatest motions in my life. A motion being a life that was taken away. I look up at stars and find my self thinking, If stars never existed would there even be love? If the moon was never full, could we never be happy? If I was never born would I be here today? The tension spreads more often now, the stress of hatred for others is high. I want to know that I will be the one with the inside track. I need to find a hobby celebrated in a normal sacred fashion. For those that care I wont be waiting normally, I will fall sometimes and break my distance. Growing further apart is the longing for a remembrance of what used to be a version of me, I cant break the cycle of normality and bring forth the sadistic mentions or over mentality you for shame my existance and bring feelings of over well joyment to my life, I once saw a picture of you. You were much younger and still full of life, I wanted to hold you tight but stood strong with the ambiance of faith. Not sure of seeing the future I kneeled before you alone, I swore to prove thoughtfullness and I prayed before
God. I dont often relate to after life, I need this back. For one more second I need this back... Every now and then I wish, upon stars, upon a well. Maybe if once more I could spend a second with you, The word LOVE often seems too much to handle. I want to take that word and stone it to death. I would be happy never to hear that word again, right now I cry, tears streak my face, a taste I hardly sense. But knowing things I know now I will once again remember moments I can treasure, Times I share with my self and again go un noticed into this world of hatred... Kris is right Love is nothing but a stupid word, You dont have to say it sometimes its automatically known, But if only I had said it when I could have maybe now I would feel whole and not completely torn to pieces... I say this and tell everyone to tell whom they love that they Love them and not let them go a second with out hearing it... This is dedicated to my grand father, and someone I loved very much... (I Love Very Much)... Its just me and the moon now, and I dont have a problem with that...
God. I dont often relate to after life, I need this back. For one more second I need this back... Every now and then I wish, upon stars, upon a well. Maybe if once more I could spend a second with you, The word LOVE often seems too much to handle. I want to take that word and stone it to death. I would be happy never to hear that word again, right now I cry, tears streak my face, a taste I hardly sense. But knowing things I know now I will once again remember moments I can treasure, Times I share with my self and again go un noticed into this world of hatred... Kris is right Love is nothing but a stupid word, You dont have to say it sometimes its automatically known, But if only I had said it when I could have maybe now I would feel whole and not completely torn to pieces... I say this and tell everyone to tell whom they love that they Love them and not let them go a second with out hearing it... This is dedicated to my grand father, and someone I loved very much... (I Love Very Much)... Its just me and the moon now, and I dont have a problem with that...