..::So This Is It::..
It's been ages since I've posted here. Actually... This is my first entry of the new year. Not that there hasn't been anything worth posting going on, I just really have neglected this thing. However, since I reached a lifelong milestone I figured it prompts a livejournal post. Officially I know how it feels to actually give the "let's just be friends" speech, as opposed to recieving it.
Thursday Night, March 16th. I play at open mic, and is greeted afterwards by a girl who starts flattering me and praising me non-stop for about 20 minutes. I'm like.. okay.. this girl is drunk and must have just liked the songs I just played, and didn't really hear me, she's just really out of it. Anyway, after her friend assures me that everything she just said was legit... and after hearing the story of her being at open mic weeks ago hearing me play Name, and switch to Slide because I couldn't remember the words to name and becoming a big fan that night wanting to meet me and all that jazz I'm like okay.. cool this girl does kinda like me. I end up staying at her place that night, she stay'd here in rez friday night after we went out with her friends for St. Paddy's Day.
After a few days having hanging out and seemingly getting closer I start thinking to myself, what the hell am I doing? I start contemplating of whether or not I actually like this girl, or is it simply nothing more than the fact that I finally came accross someone that really likes me back. After carefully deliberating this, i realized that it is simply a case of the ladder. I am just liking the concept that there are girls out there that actually will like me... and that's no reason to have a relationship with someone, because that will simply wear off in a bit, and nothing good will come from it. Sooo... I get in gear and give out the.. "I like you, as a friend" speech, and now Thursday is quickly approaching... I'll be visiting her and it is going to be over officially.
So... bottom line is.. I've reached a very vital breakthrough in my persona. You see what normally would happen is I would just keep on going pretending everything is fine long after the doubts begin to surface. Leading the poor girl on until she gets so close that the actual break would be heart wrenching. I've been known to lead people on in the past without knowing it.. and it's refreshing to see myself getting more aware of it. I really still feel like shit, because it took me about two weeks of overwhelmingly intimate nights before i figured it out... and I happen to be pulling this shit in what is already a bad week for her... but still it had to be done.. Right??
*Sigh*, as proud as I am in my newfound ability to stop emotional trainwrecks before they start... it still gives me gut rot to think about it. I finally understand what all the others must have been going through in my life. When I was down and out I would always fantasize about one day being the breaker-upper instead of the breakee... it just looked so easy.. but really.. it's worse....
Anyway... That's it from me tonite... I gotta hang in the lounge or something.. *sigh*
Thursday Night, March 16th. I play at open mic, and is greeted afterwards by a girl who starts flattering me and praising me non-stop for about 20 minutes. I'm like.. okay.. this girl is drunk and must have just liked the songs I just played, and didn't really hear me, she's just really out of it. Anyway, after her friend assures me that everything she just said was legit... and after hearing the story of her being at open mic weeks ago hearing me play Name, and switch to Slide because I couldn't remember the words to name and becoming a big fan that night wanting to meet me and all that jazz I'm like okay.. cool this girl does kinda like me. I end up staying at her place that night, she stay'd here in rez friday night after we went out with her friends for St. Paddy's Day.
After a few days having hanging out and seemingly getting closer I start thinking to myself, what the hell am I doing? I start contemplating of whether or not I actually like this girl, or is it simply nothing more than the fact that I finally came accross someone that really likes me back. After carefully deliberating this, i realized that it is simply a case of the ladder. I am just liking the concept that there are girls out there that actually will like me... and that's no reason to have a relationship with someone, because that will simply wear off in a bit, and nothing good will come from it. Sooo... I get in gear and give out the.. "I like you, as a friend" speech, and now Thursday is quickly approaching... I'll be visiting her and it is going to be over officially.
So... bottom line is.. I've reached a very vital breakthrough in my persona. You see what normally would happen is I would just keep on going pretending everything is fine long after the doubts begin to surface. Leading the poor girl on until she gets so close that the actual break would be heart wrenching. I've been known to lead people on in the past without knowing it.. and it's refreshing to see myself getting more aware of it. I really still feel like shit, because it took me about two weeks of overwhelmingly intimate nights before i figured it out... and I happen to be pulling this shit in what is already a bad week for her... but still it had to be done.. Right??
*Sigh*, as proud as I am in my newfound ability to stop emotional trainwrecks before they start... it still gives me gut rot to think about it. I finally understand what all the others must have been going through in my life. When I was down and out I would always fantasize about one day being the breaker-upper instead of the breakee... it just looked so easy.. but really.. it's worse....
Anyway... That's it from me tonite... I gotta hang in the lounge or something.. *sigh*