(no subject)
so i graduated and what a wild experience that was. i have dyed my hair black only after going through 8 shades of red since the beginning of the year. i have changed my look so much. i have worked hours that i would usually be in school. i've been accused 4 times of being the mother to my little cousin. i have come to the end of one job and am waiting to begin the next. i have cried and laughed in the same night. i have opened up to other people. i have jumped into puddles that came up to my knee. i have yelled at someone for being a terrible person to others. i have had to manage my time. if this is all a part of growing up, it sure will be a roller coaster of emotions.
so i am in my last week of work at the daycare. i am so happy to be almost done there yet i can't help but prepare myself for how terrible friday will be. i can't say bye to Evan. I really can't. That one 3 year old has been my support through my whole 7 months there. It's amazing how much you can learn from a 3 year old and how much you can actually teach them. I will miss his constant hugs and not letting go because "miss jill came here for me". And I will miss drawing him a purple train every single day at 5:05 and somehow making it into an 8 page story nothing more and nothing less of that either. I will miss the constant fight to get him to not draw all over my pants and shoes because "well miss jill, you did it". I will miss him crying hysterically everyday at 5:42 because he has to go home. I will miss him sneaking up behind me, jumping on my back, and saying "miss jill, i love you". and i will miss teaching him about growing up and how sometimes change happens. i have been preparing him all this time about how sometimes change happens and we can't do anything but accept it, and now i'm going to go and turn his life upside down and leave on friday. sometimes i don't know why i chose to go back to camp over leaving the daycare. then i realized change happens. so in my heart i will always keep my little evan, and on my walls i will put his picture he drew of me (with my curly hair, because he "likes that better"). And i will include my latest breakthrough with him in writing his name. Sure it took 18 pieces of paper to get that short little name to fit, but i'll take it. but i will take with this experience the love and memories of this child who helped me to adapt to a new place, served as my constant companion there, and always taught me that you can make a difference to someone.
weird that i can learn all of that from a 3 year old, but when i wanted to figure it out on my own it wasn't possible. i learned that you can't avoid becoming attached. that was my whole plan, to not become attached to people. why? because i'll just end up losing them. that's how my whole life has been. i've let people into my life, only to have them ripped away in the end. but this past week and i'm sure this week too, spending 10-6 in my little classroom on maple street proves that you can't help but become attached. you can't help but invite a child to sit on you while reading a story, or yea, whatever color on my shoes i already did it. technically you're not allowed to do that stuff, but there's a difference between being just their daily daycare teacher and being a mentor in their life, showing them what it's like to be cared for. what it's like to receive positive attention. god; i guess i will miss that place.
so i am in my last week of work at the daycare. i am so happy to be almost done there yet i can't help but prepare myself for how terrible friday will be. i can't say bye to Evan. I really can't. That one 3 year old has been my support through my whole 7 months there. It's amazing how much you can learn from a 3 year old and how much you can actually teach them. I will miss his constant hugs and not letting go because "miss jill came here for me". And I will miss drawing him a purple train every single day at 5:05 and somehow making it into an 8 page story nothing more and nothing less of that either. I will miss the constant fight to get him to not draw all over my pants and shoes because "well miss jill, you did it". I will miss him crying hysterically everyday at 5:42 because he has to go home. I will miss him sneaking up behind me, jumping on my back, and saying "miss jill, i love you". and i will miss teaching him about growing up and how sometimes change happens. i have been preparing him all this time about how sometimes change happens and we can't do anything but accept it, and now i'm going to go and turn his life upside down and leave on friday. sometimes i don't know why i chose to go back to camp over leaving the daycare. then i realized change happens. so in my heart i will always keep my little evan, and on my walls i will put his picture he drew of me (with my curly hair, because he "likes that better"). And i will include my latest breakthrough with him in writing his name. Sure it took 18 pieces of paper to get that short little name to fit, but i'll take it. but i will take with this experience the love and memories of this child who helped me to adapt to a new place, served as my constant companion there, and always taught me that you can make a difference to someone.
weird that i can learn all of that from a 3 year old, but when i wanted to figure it out on my own it wasn't possible. i learned that you can't avoid becoming attached. that was my whole plan, to not become attached to people. why? because i'll just end up losing them. that's how my whole life has been. i've let people into my life, only to have them ripped away in the end. but this past week and i'm sure this week too, spending 10-6 in my little classroom on maple street proves that you can't help but become attached. you can't help but invite a child to sit on you while reading a story, or yea, whatever color on my shoes i already did it. technically you're not allowed to do that stuff, but there's a difference between being just their daily daycare teacher and being a mentor in their life, showing them what it's like to be cared for. what it's like to receive positive attention. god; i guess i will miss that place.