Friends List Policy and That
First and foremost, this is my space. If you want to be in it, you can be here on my terms. Don't like it? Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Friending Criteria
I have none. I do not require that you have common interests (though this is always nice), common friends, and/or common communities. If I friend you, it's because you strike me as interesting and I'd like to read your journal, if that's also something you're okay with. Some LJ friends become real friends; others don't. That's just how it is. I take about half of my flist personally, in the sense that they are my real friends or people whom I like and think have some possibility of eventually being my real friends; the other half are journals that I like to read, but it's not like we're close personal friends and I wouldn't be devastated if they dropped me tomorrow.
It should, however, be made clear at the outset that if I decide, for any reason, that I am not receptive to friendship with you, there's nothing you can do to change my mind. Sometimes I take against people. It's not one of my finer qualities, but that's how it is.
Anonymous Commenters
Regardless of the content of your post, it will be deleted if you don't leave your name. You're going to comment? Then I'm going to know who you are. It's not like I won't have your IP address, anyway.
If You've Added Me (Or Want To)
Feel free to add me without asking. I don't care. I get e-mail notifications and I look at my userinfo fairly often, so I will know if you do. It's nice of you to ask my permission, but I don't expect it as a matter of course.
I do not always or automatically reciprocate. If I find you interesting or like you okay (or think I will like you okay), sure. Otherwise, the fact that we might have common friends, interests, and/or communities is not a guarantee that I'll add you; in these parts, you stand or fall by your own merits. Also, I'm not particularly interested in whether you're my number one stalker fanboy (or fangirl), whether you enjoy a certain measure of fame (or notoriety), or whether you're the Christ Child. If I don't want to add you for any reason, I won't. End of story.
If a couple of weeks pass, and I haven't added you back, it's pretty safe to assume that I'm not going to. If you want to keep me on your flist, you can; it doesn't bother me, and I think that's a petty thing to get up in arms about anyway. Odds are the most exciting thing you'll miss is a bunch of my kvetching about work. Also, you can assume that I read your journal infrequently (if at all), and thus may not know about major events as they happen.
If I didn't friend you back, I don't have to tell you why not. Deal.
If I've Added You
I'll try to leave a comment so that you know, though admittedly I can really suck ass about this because I tend to do such things as add people late at night when my brain is fried and I'm on the pop of going to sleep. I'm not really worried about the size of my flist; that, like most things, will change over time. Odds are, I added you because I ran across you somehow and found you interesting.
You're under no obligation to add me back if you don't feel like it. If you want to friend me, great. If not, my life will continue in much the same fashion as before.
If you don't want me around, all you have to do is ask me to defriend you. You don't have to give any reason. It doesn't hurt my feelings or upset me, and I'll respect your wishes. I should mention, also, that if you don't ask me to defriend you, I'll assume you're okay with my being around, though I will likely keep my distance.
If I've Defriended You
My flist isn't huge, so it's not like I need to perform regular culls. I rarely defriend anyone, so odds are that if I do, it's for one of the following reasons.
- You asked me to take you off my flist. If you don't want to be there, that's the best way to go about it.
- You defriended me first, and we really weren't much more than casual acquaintances.
- You behaved in some unforgivably abominable way to me or to someone I love. I'll put up with the former for a couple of minutes, or until it stops being amusing. I won't have the latter.
The only time I feel I owe you any explanation as to why I defriended you is when we actually were friends.
On Filters
I have a wide variety of filters; there are several for my convenience in reading my flist, and several that are just meant for one person. I also have a filter for people who live geographically near me, on the off chance I try to organize a get-together that nobody can attend because our work schedules don't converge the right way. There's also a filter where stuff goes that I save for people I consider my real friends. Most friends-only posts, however, are viewable by everyone on my flist.
Also, I make a fair amount of private posts. These usually contain such fascinating things as dumb crap I have to do this week, and they're mostly private to spare you, because I'm not under the delusion that you really want to read about all that junk. (Some of it probably doesn't make sense to other people anyway.)
For the most part, I don't filter according to content. I don't feel that there's any need for me to do so. Things that are more personal, or that I prefer to save for people I consider my real friends, go on the close-friends-only filter. I LJ-cut things that I think may not be of general interest, and I also provide warnings for things that might offend someone. If you're upset because the content of a particular post was not something you wanted to read, suck it up and get on with your bad self; I'm not going to create a special filter just to please you.
(However, on the off chance you're interested, there is an infrequently-used opt-in filter for blab about my religious/spiritual life. No opprobrium will attach to persons not interested.)
If something is locked or filtered, assume that it was locked or filtered for a reason. Assume also that my vengeance will be swift and terrible if I find it has been noised abroad.
On Comments
I read all your entries (yes, everybody every day), or at least all the entries you give me access to. However, I only comment when I have something to say. If I don't comment, it doesn't mean that I haven't read your entry, or that I hate you, or that I don't care. It probably means something much more mundane, thus:
+ I am tired
+ I am sick
+ It's a quiz or a meme
+ I just don't have anything to say, for whatever reason.
If you're talking about something really sensitive, I might ask you if I can e-mail you about it. Generally I only do this with people I know very well, though.
I don't expect you to comment on everything I write. Most of it is unbelievably banal and doesn't merit comment. I understand also that some people don't read stuff behind cuts or fic or what-have-you, and that's fine. I like comments, but I don't demand them constantly, and I don't need them to validate my existence. Even if you didn't read, I would still write. It's nice to have an audience, but I damn sure don't need one.
On Nudging
Don't do it. Period.
Blogging, for me, is a voluntary activity, and if I'm not doing it, there is a reason for it. If you're worried, then I'm sorry, and I will be happy to reassure you that I'm okay and that I haven't forgotten about this place and don't hate you, but there are better ways to do that than by nudging me.
Consider this your one and only warning, and understand that prodding me when I've indicated that I don't want to be prodded will make me a very unhappy l33 and will not win you any points either. Understand, also, that if you ignore the warning and prod me anyway, I am entirely capable of deliberately dragging my feet out of spite.
Outside LJ
If you want to talk to me outside of LJ, my AIM and YM info is on my userinfo page, as is my e-mail address; feel free to make use of 'em. Be aware that I may appear to be offline when in fact I am not, and that I may ask who you are if I don't recognize your name (I don't receive a lot of IMs from people I don't know). I don't have MSN or ICQ, as I find both incredibly irritating.
It is still outside my comfort zone to take the initiative in relationships with new people. If I introduce myself & try to get to know you, it means you're special in some way, possibly (probably) in some way I can't define.