Glimpse of Truth (21/?) The Lonely God
Title: Glimpse of Truth (21/?) The Lonely God
Author: sinecure - My master fic list
Character/Pairing: Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen
Genre: AU, drama, angst
Summary: There are a lot of things the Doctor regrets.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
Thanks: to momdaegmorgan for the beta.
A/N: I'm sorry for this being a week late. *hangs head* I fail.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 (all ages version). Chapter 4 (adult version), Chapter 5,
Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13,
Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20
The Doctor drew in a deep breath as his hearts doubled their beats and panic assailed him. He'd finally laid it all on the line.
What if she said no?
What if she didn't want him at all?
The possibility made his mouth go dry and his palms go damp. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he hadn't meant it, that the other Doctor's memories had made him make the offer. Or space flu. Temporary insanity?
Anything but his own desperate feelings.
But he bit back the words and straightened up, taking control of himself. He'd said the words, and he'd meant them. "I love you," he told Rose again, seeing her frozen, as if he'd done something she hadn't expected.
Something she didn't like?
"And I can't imagine my life without you anymore. Please say you'll stay."
Rose snapped her mouth shut and exhaled shortly. "D'you expect me to flee to the first planet we land on?" she asked, trying for levity and failing miserably. "Oh... Doctor. Is today drop-a-bombshell day? I don't-- I can't-- I wasn't planning on leaving soon."
"Well, that's-- that's good then."
Her eyes landed on his, steely and angry.
"Isn't that good? Rose? That's good, isn't it?" His mouth was running away from him and it made him want to cringe. Bit of a gob, yeah. Just a bit of one. "I'm sorry. That was... a lot. I'll," he pointed at the door behind him. "Just go. Give you some time." He started out, then turned back around. "Got plenty of it, time. Might as well use it... are you done? I--"
She stared at him pointedly. Very pointedly. She wanted him to go. "Doctor."
"Right. Yeah. Going. Sorry." He left her behind, to think, to wonder. He knew she was beginning to come around, but was it because she thought he was the same man? Or because he was so much like her lover?
A substitute.
Drawing to a halt outside the control room, the Doctor banged his head against the doorjamb. He really hoped that wasn't the case. Though, he'd left the other him behind with Rose, expecting him to be just that. Exactly that; a substitute Doctor.
Only, it'd backfired, and now he was the substitute.
Turning around, he headed back to Rose's room. He didn't knock, just stormed inside. "Rose. I'm sorry. For what I did-- almost did. Intended to do."
She glanced up from a book--a photo album--confusion on her face. "For making love to me all the while planning to drop me off somewhere where I couldn't ever get back to you with a copy of you as a consolation prize? That what you're apologizing for?" She half sighed, half smiled. "Think I already thanked you for it. Not that I'm not still angry and bitter about it, but I have a baby growing in me now, and I love her."
"Yes, but--"
"Or him. I think it's a her though." She set the album down and got to her feet. "Wouldn't have a baby if you'd kept your promise."
He flinched, feeling shame and guilt batter at him. He'd promised her he'd never leave her. Not her, he'd insisted. Then, the very next trip, he'd done just that. Gone swanning off, leaving her and Mickey alone.
For a woman who always, and never would be, dead to him. A bright, shiny bit of a distraction, fleeting and constant.
Then he'd left her again at Canary Wharf.
She came back to him, but he'd lost her anyway in some gigantic cosmic joke. The Universe having a karmic laugh at his expense. And again, she'd come back, only to have him try to dump her off somewhere unreachable.
Again.
Crossing to her, he took her arms in his hands, staring intently into her eyes. "I shouldn't have tried it. Shouldn't have pushed you away, but I was afraid. Of you, of us--"
"You think that's what's so wrong about what you were going to do?" Rose pulled free, shaking her head. Dropping to the bed, fiddling with the corner of the photo album, she looked away from him and slid her eyes to the floor across from her. "You're an arrogant arse, you are. It wasn't-- we were furious because you'd made the decision for us! You act like a god, thinking you know what's best for everyone, for humans for... for every race out there. But you don't. You're just as screwed up as the rest of us. Just as clueless."
Taking a photo from the album, she stood and pressed it to his chest.
"Stop playing the lonely god." Pushing past him, she left him alone in her room.
The Doctor drew in a deep breath and looked at the picture; it was the latest sonogram of... their daughter.
A million thoughts flitted through his mind, chief among them being that he had to be the cosmic sheriff. There was no one else.
Tracing the baby's head with his finger, he slid his eyes to the empty hallway. Maybe it was time to stop, not just in words, but actually stop and just... live. To let the Universe take care of itself for a while. Otherwise, he could be facing endless empty hallways.
Not only was he tired of being lonely, but he was tired of being a god.
Chapter 22
Author: sinecure - My master fic list
Character/Pairing: Ten/Rose
Rating: Teen
Genre: AU, drama, angst
Summary: There are a lot of things the Doctor regrets.
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
Thanks: to momdaegmorgan for the beta.
A/N: I'm sorry for this being a week late. *hangs head* I fail.
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4 (all ages version). Chapter 4 (adult version), Chapter 5,
Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13,
Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20
The Doctor drew in a deep breath as his hearts doubled their beats and panic assailed him. He'd finally laid it all on the line.
What if she said no?
What if she didn't want him at all?
The possibility made his mouth go dry and his palms go damp. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell her he hadn't meant it, that the other Doctor's memories had made him make the offer. Or space flu. Temporary insanity?
Anything but his own desperate feelings.
But he bit back the words and straightened up, taking control of himself. He'd said the words, and he'd meant them. "I love you," he told Rose again, seeing her frozen, as if he'd done something she hadn't expected.
Something she didn't like?
"And I can't imagine my life without you anymore. Please say you'll stay."
Rose snapped her mouth shut and exhaled shortly. "D'you expect me to flee to the first planet we land on?" she asked, trying for levity and failing miserably. "Oh... Doctor. Is today drop-a-bombshell day? I don't-- I can't-- I wasn't planning on leaving soon."
"Well, that's-- that's good then."
Her eyes landed on his, steely and angry.
"Isn't that good? Rose? That's good, isn't it?" His mouth was running away from him and it made him want to cringe. Bit of a gob, yeah. Just a bit of one. "I'm sorry. That was... a lot. I'll," he pointed at the door behind him. "Just go. Give you some time." He started out, then turned back around. "Got plenty of it, time. Might as well use it... are you done? I--"
She stared at him pointedly. Very pointedly. She wanted him to go. "Doctor."
"Right. Yeah. Going. Sorry." He left her behind, to think, to wonder. He knew she was beginning to come around, but was it because she thought he was the same man? Or because he was so much like her lover?
A substitute.
Drawing to a halt outside the control room, the Doctor banged his head against the doorjamb. He really hoped that wasn't the case. Though, he'd left the other him behind with Rose, expecting him to be just that. Exactly that; a substitute Doctor.
Only, it'd backfired, and now he was the substitute.
Turning around, he headed back to Rose's room. He didn't knock, just stormed inside. "Rose. I'm sorry. For what I did-- almost did. Intended to do."
She glanced up from a book--a photo album--confusion on her face. "For making love to me all the while planning to drop me off somewhere where I couldn't ever get back to you with a copy of you as a consolation prize? That what you're apologizing for?" She half sighed, half smiled. "Think I already thanked you for it. Not that I'm not still angry and bitter about it, but I have a baby growing in me now, and I love her."
"Yes, but--"
"Or him. I think it's a her though." She set the album down and got to her feet. "Wouldn't have a baby if you'd kept your promise."
He flinched, feeling shame and guilt batter at him. He'd promised her he'd never leave her. Not her, he'd insisted. Then, the very next trip, he'd done just that. Gone swanning off, leaving her and Mickey alone.
For a woman who always, and never would be, dead to him. A bright, shiny bit of a distraction, fleeting and constant.
Then he'd left her again at Canary Wharf.
She came back to him, but he'd lost her anyway in some gigantic cosmic joke. The Universe having a karmic laugh at his expense. And again, she'd come back, only to have him try to dump her off somewhere unreachable.
Again.
Crossing to her, he took her arms in his hands, staring intently into her eyes. "I shouldn't have tried it. Shouldn't have pushed you away, but I was afraid. Of you, of us--"
"You think that's what's so wrong about what you were going to do?" Rose pulled free, shaking her head. Dropping to the bed, fiddling with the corner of the photo album, she looked away from him and slid her eyes to the floor across from her. "You're an arrogant arse, you are. It wasn't-- we were furious because you'd made the decision for us! You act like a god, thinking you know what's best for everyone, for humans for... for every race out there. But you don't. You're just as screwed up as the rest of us. Just as clueless."
Taking a photo from the album, she stood and pressed it to his chest.
"Stop playing the lonely god." Pushing past him, she left him alone in her room.
The Doctor drew in a deep breath and looked at the picture; it was the latest sonogram of... their daughter.
A million thoughts flitted through his mind, chief among them being that he had to be the cosmic sheriff. There was no one else.
Tracing the baby's head with his finger, he slid his eyes to the empty hallway. Maybe it was time to stop, not just in words, but actually stop and just... live. To let the Universe take care of itself for a while. Otherwise, he could be facing endless empty hallways.
Not only was he tired of being lonely, but he was tired of being a god.
Chapter 22