linguistic invalid.
linguistic invalid.
i am not all the same, but i can't tell you that. Its because i don't speak, or I can't. The anxiety weighs heavy on my chest and i can't breathe. The rapid beating of my heart pacing the clocks. Gears grinding out mathematical ratios to move us forward towards death.
Sometimes I wish that we could all speak to one another without ever parting our lips. I wish that we could just know what the other had to say to us, or what another person wanted to tell us just by looking into their eyes. I am so bad with words that I wish we could all just live in this silence and understand one another without any miscommunication, words failing us, dropping from our mouths in rapid misfire. Like a gun barrel, so deadly. Let's remove the necessity. I'm not asking for telepathy, just understanding. So that you would just know what I wanted to tell you, how i felt about each and every one of you, and i would never have to feel the anxiety, the embarrassment or the catholic shame pressing against the insides of my head, making my face blood red. I'd be able to tell you that you're beautiful without ever opening my mouth.
*note: the above is an idea i have had since i "contracted" social anxiety and borderline personality disorder around age 15. this is in essence an apology to friends and family for not being able to speak how i feel mroe often, although i think that i act how i feel all the time and i hope you all see it.
i am not all the same, but i can't tell you that. Its because i don't speak, or I can't. The anxiety weighs heavy on my chest and i can't breathe. The rapid beating of my heart pacing the clocks. Gears grinding out mathematical ratios to move us forward towards death.
Sometimes I wish that we could all speak to one another without ever parting our lips. I wish that we could just know what the other had to say to us, or what another person wanted to tell us just by looking into their eyes. I am so bad with words that I wish we could all just live in this silence and understand one another without any miscommunication, words failing us, dropping from our mouths in rapid misfire. Like a gun barrel, so deadly. Let's remove the necessity. I'm not asking for telepathy, just understanding. So that you would just know what I wanted to tell you, how i felt about each and every one of you, and i would never have to feel the anxiety, the embarrassment or the catholic shame pressing against the insides of my head, making my face blood red. I'd be able to tell you that you're beautiful without ever opening my mouth.
*note: the above is an idea i have had since i "contracted" social anxiety and borderline personality disorder around age 15. this is in essence an apology to friends and family for not being able to speak how i feel mroe often, although i think that i act how i feel all the time and i hope you all see it.