You're my...
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you shoulda some how realized what ya gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now...
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how
Cause maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall...
At last nearly everything is flowing in an agreeable fashion. The road is still winding, as ever, and it's hard to see, but the light doesn't hurt as bad and I'm more sure about my footing and the direction I'm walking in.
I've finally done it. No matter how much Andy or anyone else told me I needed to leave her I had to ride it through until it happened naturally... until I was ready. I knew for my own part that it was bad and not to last. I knew it would only get worse and hurt more in the end, but I needed to try. I needed to know for sure, to find out what could be made of it. And in the end, it is as all are: Fruitless and agonizing. But a required part of the path, a series of tests and experiences that will lead ultimately to a better me once I can rise above them. Of course, that naturally has to be the most challenging part of all... such is life.
I'm having a pretty good time of things besides the memories of all I just left behind. 15 months is a relatively small amount of time when taken in with the ever expanding view of all there is, but still such a long, long time. But it had to end eventually, everything does. I've started seeing someone new and although I'm anxious and wiery of another relationship, it has been very rewarding and I enjoy spending time with her very much. Of course the beginning is always like this, always a brisk walk through the leaves hounded only be the wind that drives them... but eventually it will change. I know this. I expect this. I try not to think on it to much.
And of course I've been hanging out as much as possible with as many people as I can. I'm enjoying myself! It's absolutely wonderful! I don't remember the last time I felt this way, I hardly remember the care-free drives through the country all by myself just defore dusk with the windows down and a song. The richness of the warm, warm, comforting feel that a summer-bound afternoon offers as laughter and smiles surround me. Life is good. It means something. I had forgotten I could feel just this way; it's been years... since before I left for Tallahassee. Since before she left for Tallahassee... a milestone for sure. I've learned so much in the last three years.
I'm able to save a decent amount of money finally AND at the same time I have been lightly been spending money on myself without guilt or worry. It's great. I'm wondering if maybe Chuck and Allan and I can finally take that road trip. Maybe to the keys... maybe to Europe.
But TaTa for now. I'm off to cook a delicious and savory dinner for when Allan and Sarah come over for dinner. I rule!
Shahin out... catch you on the flip side.
By now you shoulda some how realized what ya gotta do
I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now...
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how
Cause maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall...
At last nearly everything is flowing in an agreeable fashion. The road is still winding, as ever, and it's hard to see, but the light doesn't hurt as bad and I'm more sure about my footing and the direction I'm walking in.
I've finally done it. No matter how much Andy or anyone else told me I needed to leave her I had to ride it through until it happened naturally... until I was ready. I knew for my own part that it was bad and not to last. I knew it would only get worse and hurt more in the end, but I needed to try. I needed to know for sure, to find out what could be made of it. And in the end, it is as all are: Fruitless and agonizing. But a required part of the path, a series of tests and experiences that will lead ultimately to a better me once I can rise above them. Of course, that naturally has to be the most challenging part of all... such is life.
I'm having a pretty good time of things besides the memories of all I just left behind. 15 months is a relatively small amount of time when taken in with the ever expanding view of all there is, but still such a long, long time. But it had to end eventually, everything does. I've started seeing someone new and although I'm anxious and wiery of another relationship, it has been very rewarding and I enjoy spending time with her very much. Of course the beginning is always like this, always a brisk walk through the leaves hounded only be the wind that drives them... but eventually it will change. I know this. I expect this. I try not to think on it to much.
And of course I've been hanging out as much as possible with as many people as I can. I'm enjoying myself! It's absolutely wonderful! I don't remember the last time I felt this way, I hardly remember the care-free drives through the country all by myself just defore dusk with the windows down and a song. The richness of the warm, warm, comforting feel that a summer-bound afternoon offers as laughter and smiles surround me. Life is good. It means something. I had forgotten I could feel just this way; it's been years... since before I left for Tallahassee. Since before she left for Tallahassee... a milestone for sure. I've learned so much in the last three years.
I'm able to save a decent amount of money finally AND at the same time I have been lightly been spending money on myself without guilt or worry. It's great. I'm wondering if maybe Chuck and Allan and I can finally take that road trip. Maybe to the keys... maybe to Europe.
But TaTa for now. I'm off to cook a delicious and savory dinner for when Allan and Sarah come over for dinner. I rule!
Shahin out... catch you on the flip side.