(no subject)
In simplest terms of love and war I am not able to discribe my life thus far. You can call me crazy, or even a criminal, it makes no difference the title of my issues (or life in general) everything is still the same. I am me and you can't change that. The person I love the most slapped me in the face today, telling me to stop being a selfish child, look at how I am hurting those that love me most. Love hurts, Life is pain, deal with it, stop complaining.
I was walking, I could see everything I wanted right infront of me. Life, Love, Children, Hero... And so I walked towards them. Then a dark tar sweeped from the very grass I walked on, twining around my bare legs. The harder I fought to get to my dream, my family, the hard the vicious darkness trapped me.
It's so easy to just let go, let it happen, stop fighting it...
I couldn't I just couldn't let myself be pulled down into the darkness, my beautiful children everything I ever wanted in life just fading away? I can't live like that.
Then don't live at all, just let go, forget everyone, they'll just cause you pain
Pain means your alive, and what is death? This floating around in complete nothingness? I don't want that. I want them, my family.
Your family is dead, or close to it. You brother and sister are dead, you parents are going to go in another year or so, and Grand, hah, that woman is hanging by threads. That leaves you with a brother too busy with his life to notice yours, a criminal of an uncle, a crack pot aunt, and two teenage cousin, big prize there.
NO! I will have my family, I don't care how crappy or how short I have them, the point is that I have them! And someday I'll have my own...
You know that's a lie, what chance you had you wasted on a scumbag you threw into walls and locked you up in closets. He killed you baby and killed your chance, and you just let him.
I have other chances just shut up, she wouldn't want me to live a life like this and I won't let myself.
Falling back on a dead sister as always
Atleast I was loved
...
And I will get all I ever wanted and you won't bring me down. I pull against the darkness, struggling closer and closer still towards my dreams, my family, Hero...
Just go back then, back the way you used to be. Going back would be so much easier than going forward, and look it's not that bad there.
I look back, and I see a world that's like living in a champaine bubble, everything surreal, perfect... Fake. I press on, going deeper into the darkness, it's now past my knees and making it's way up my thighs, soaking into the skirt, making it heavy, hard to move.
You're going to die
No, I'm going to live, and nothing you can say will stop me. So close to the soft grass on the other side, my children, my home, Hero. I can almost touch them...
Suddenly the bottom of the dark pool disappears and I am sent tumbling. The darkness rushes up at me. Arms flying as I go down, head under the darkness, kicking, fighting.
You're dying
No! NO NO NO! So close to having it, having it all. I thrust my arms upwards, my fingers break the surface. I kick harder and harder, pulling my hands back down to shove at the darkness. It's thick, like swimming syrup, I can't move upwards except for scant inches at a time. My lungs are burning, I can't let go, everything, everyone. She fought, and damn it so can I. I will win. I push my arms up again and I feel the air up to about half way up my forearm. So close, another 6 inches.Harder, I have to try harder. Suddenly my body betrays me, and lungs burning I inhale the darkness.
It wasn't icy cold or firey hot, it wasn't anything, like being completely devoud of all emotions.
I told you it was easy...
I found myself blinking, wondering why I had tried so hard, my hands dropping back into the water.
Before they finally feel completely under I felt a warm familiar hand, long fingers, not so unlike my own. This was dying. I looked up and she was there, but not smiling, she was pissed as hell. Her free hand moved through the darkness to crack across my cheek.
Your stronger than this, stop being such a spoiled rotten brat!
I'm not a brat, stop calling me that, I'm almost 21 goddamn it!
Then stop acting like a 12 year old, you can do this.
I tried didn't I? I gave it all I have, and I failed.
What happened to you, you used to have such a fire about you, like Mom. Leo, Fire sign. Stop being so damn stupid!
I'm not stupid!
Then prove it...
Push, up, move, kick, scream...
She was gone then, and the hand holding mine was that of Hero.
You made it
You made it
You made it he said
I made it
I was walking, I could see everything I wanted right infront of me. Life, Love, Children, Hero... And so I walked towards them. Then a dark tar sweeped from the very grass I walked on, twining around my bare legs. The harder I fought to get to my dream, my family, the hard the vicious darkness trapped me.
It's so easy to just let go, let it happen, stop fighting it...
I couldn't I just couldn't let myself be pulled down into the darkness, my beautiful children everything I ever wanted in life just fading away? I can't live like that.
Then don't live at all, just let go, forget everyone, they'll just cause you pain
Pain means your alive, and what is death? This floating around in complete nothingness? I don't want that. I want them, my family.
Your family is dead, or close to it. You brother and sister are dead, you parents are going to go in another year or so, and Grand, hah, that woman is hanging by threads. That leaves you with a brother too busy with his life to notice yours, a criminal of an uncle, a crack pot aunt, and two teenage cousin, big prize there.
NO! I will have my family, I don't care how crappy or how short I have them, the point is that I have them! And someday I'll have my own...
You know that's a lie, what chance you had you wasted on a scumbag you threw into walls and locked you up in closets. He killed you baby and killed your chance, and you just let him.
I have other chances just shut up, she wouldn't want me to live a life like this and I won't let myself.
Falling back on a dead sister as always
Atleast I was loved
...
And I will get all I ever wanted and you won't bring me down. I pull against the darkness, struggling closer and closer still towards my dreams, my family, Hero...
Just go back then, back the way you used to be. Going back would be so much easier than going forward, and look it's not that bad there.
I look back, and I see a world that's like living in a champaine bubble, everything surreal, perfect... Fake. I press on, going deeper into the darkness, it's now past my knees and making it's way up my thighs, soaking into the skirt, making it heavy, hard to move.
You're going to die
No, I'm going to live, and nothing you can say will stop me. So close to the soft grass on the other side, my children, my home, Hero. I can almost touch them...
Suddenly the bottom of the dark pool disappears and I am sent tumbling. The darkness rushes up at me. Arms flying as I go down, head under the darkness, kicking, fighting.
You're dying
No! NO NO NO! So close to having it, having it all. I thrust my arms upwards, my fingers break the surface. I kick harder and harder, pulling my hands back down to shove at the darkness. It's thick, like swimming syrup, I can't move upwards except for scant inches at a time. My lungs are burning, I can't let go, everything, everyone. She fought, and damn it so can I. I will win. I push my arms up again and I feel the air up to about half way up my forearm. So close, another 6 inches.Harder, I have to try harder. Suddenly my body betrays me, and lungs burning I inhale the darkness.
It wasn't icy cold or firey hot, it wasn't anything, like being completely devoud of all emotions.
I told you it was easy...
I found myself blinking, wondering why I had tried so hard, my hands dropping back into the water.
Before they finally feel completely under I felt a warm familiar hand, long fingers, not so unlike my own. This was dying. I looked up and she was there, but not smiling, she was pissed as hell. Her free hand moved through the darkness to crack across my cheek.
Your stronger than this, stop being such a spoiled rotten brat!
I'm not a brat, stop calling me that, I'm almost 21 goddamn it!
Then stop acting like a 12 year old, you can do this.
I tried didn't I? I gave it all I have, and I failed.
What happened to you, you used to have such a fire about you, like Mom. Leo, Fire sign. Stop being so damn stupid!
I'm not stupid!
Then prove it...
Push, up, move, kick, scream...
She was gone then, and the hand holding mine was that of Hero.
You made it
You made it
You made it he said
I made it