Comments | shag_mapper: Spray-on fucking disaster

shag_mapper

Spray-on fucking disaster

Jan 29, 2005 15:41

Oh no! Spray-on tan was a disaster. Clearly Oriental skin must react differently to spray-on tan to white skin. My skin is bright orange and my nipples are black!

Fuck fuck fuck. I could die! I have a tangerine arse! And tangerine tits with black nipples! My breasts look like black-eyed-susans ( Read more... )

Comments 7

shag_mapper January 29 2005, 04:46:04 UTC

Author's note:

Black-eyed-susans are creepers with bright orange flowers with black centres.

And er... does anyone have intimate experience with Kenyans? Can you please give me clues as to any Kenyan-specific sexual habits?

firstashore January 29 2005, 06:03:59 UTC

I believe goats feature prominently.

kafechick January 29 2005, 04:49:35 UTC

Know this sounds stupid, but got any "bleaching soap". Happened to one of my Filipino-Spanish friends too when she used it, and the papaya soap took it all off, apart from her nipples.

So as long as you can find some, and keep Mbora away from your tits, you may be OK!

shag_mapper January 29 2005, 05:18:13 UTC

But sigh.... where does one get papaya soap in Canberra?

And I might be able to keep him away from my tits, but how about my arse? It is tangerine!

*Bursts into tears*

name_omitted January 29 2005, 05:48:53 UTC

There there- if you refuse to use my lighting services, I write first rate bullshit. You are going to shag him and leave anyway, right? Your sister has jaundice, and you died your self in support. Your life is so out of hand, you just need a sympathy fuck. He'll do it, but he will have enough of a.... um... startled reaction you have the excuse to dump the insensitive lout. Problem solved.

shag_mapper January 29 2005, 05:59:59 UTC

I have too much pride to have a tangerine arse and black-eyed-susan tits. And far too much pride to be a sympathy fuck.

I want to be desired, m'dear, not PITIED. You really don't understand the psychological make up of a woman, do you?

name_omitted January 29 2005, 07:03:34 UTC

Yeah well... anyone with your body could get used to being desired. Really, it's no biggie. You walk into a room, and men desire you.

Now it's time to see if you are any good, or if it's all just innate looks. If you are any good, you can get him to desire you as you are.

If not, well... perhaps you should step back and let someone who can EARN a shag map have a turn.