.My Feelings Feel. Numb.
I'm going through a phase of denial. Where I won't allow myself to feel anything. If somethings going badly I'll just seperate myself from it. Which is good in some ways. But in others it could be bad. I think I'm just trying to avoid my feelings, because I don't think that crying about it will fix anything. It never has in the past. It just makes me feel stupid. But then I'm just letting this all build up again. And when I can't handle it anymore I'm a total mess. It's kinda my routine. And I think I'm going about this the wrong way. But idk how to reverse it.
Somethings wrong but I feel totally fine. I'm in denial about EVERYTHING.
I don't feel close to Maya (my boo) nemore. I don't kno if I ever did. I WON'T allow myself to think about my grandma. I keep telling myself she'll bounce, it'll be like last time. When in reality I kno that will not happen this time. I kinda blow off my mom alot, which is unusual. I just get so mad at her for the littlest things and then I swear that I hate her and that she's completely awful to me. When in reality I'm a spoiled brat. I can honestly care less if I ever talk to Tiffany again. Which I kno is totally shitty because I've known her all my life. When I see Justin I can't even look at him because everything he does or says makes me want to slap him in the face.
But I feel fine (?)
I really don't understand what I feel. If that even makes sence.
Somethings wrong but I feel totally fine. I'm in denial about EVERYTHING.
I don't feel close to Maya (my boo) nemore. I don't kno if I ever did. I WON'T allow myself to think about my grandma. I keep telling myself she'll bounce, it'll be like last time. When in reality I kno that will not happen this time. I kinda blow off my mom alot, which is unusual. I just get so mad at her for the littlest things and then I swear that I hate her and that she's completely awful to me. When in reality I'm a spoiled brat. I can honestly care less if I ever talk to Tiffany again. Which I kno is totally shitty because I've known her all my life. When I see Justin I can't even look at him because everything he does or says makes me want to slap him in the face.
But I feel fine (?)
I really don't understand what I feel. If that even makes sence.