NBA Personalities Theory
The NBA Personalities Theory
I think that all of us have friends in our groups that we can characterize as an NBA personality. Please do not confuse this theory with the NBA Look-a-like Game (ie the Spur's Robert Horry and Will Smith, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
If we ever touch each other, the universe may very well implode upon itself. Egads!
Instead, the Robert Horry of your group is that kid that sits around, and most of the time you don't really know why he's there. I mean, he'll back you up sometimes... maybe shoot off a few okay yo-momma jokes, but just as often as not, when you look for him to step up, he comes up short. BUT, when the situation is dire, and everything is on the line... say... you roll by a team of Special Olympians, and you know you should say something, but goddamnit it just seems wrong, you know exactly who to turn to - BIG SHOT BOB! (Yells: "MAN, YOU CAN NEVER FIND AN OPEN HANDICAPPED SPACE WHEN YOU NEED IT... KNOW WHAT I MEAN? NO?... THIS GUY KNOWS" *points at a participant with an especially large cranium* *wince*)
Or maybe you have a Steve Nash in your group. The poor kid needs some degreasing shampoo, has questionable hygiene... and just seems strange everytime he opens his mouth (here's a hint, he's Canadian), but goddamn, is this kid generous. Shares everything with you, always brings over a 6pack or a bottle of Goose, always willing to play DD, sets them up so you can knock them down. All around great kid, he's just not someone you want your sister to bring home.
Of course there's the Kobe's of the world, great first impression, can work the room, absolutely stellar numbers and flashy to boot. Unfortunately, it's just too easy to hate him. He's cocky, and even though he has game, it's not even half as much as he thinks he has. Plus, he's done some pretty questionable things. And I think he likes white girls. You'd rather him be on your team than against it, but in the end, you just wish he was dead (that's a bit harsh, but you get the idea).
There's a lot more of course, the Steve Kerr/Matt Bullard's (lame for 99% of the time, and for the other 1% he just comes in to perform the only skill he has), Ben Wallace-types (they're big and strong and really intimidating, and you keep them around b/c they're big and strong and really intimidating), Nick Van Exel's (they come over to your house and hog everything, eating and drinking everything in sight, and rarely can you give a reason why you wanted him in your group in the first place... plus, behind is back, everyone keeps asking everyone else "is it just me, or is he really REALLY weird-looking?"), Elton Brand's (completely underrated, no one notices him, but he contributes huge everyday), etc.
So next time you see your friend nail some paraplegics about wasting good oxygen that could instead be going to people that can still be useful in life, you make sure to tell them that you've upgraded them from Matt Bullard to Robert Horry. Or when that fucking idiot that comes over every Saturday to drink your beer and pays you back by releasing's Satan's own fart on you new leather couch and subsequently punching you in the balls, you tell him that he should get his Jason Terry-ass (sorry, I dislike this guy so much it's palpable) out of your house before you go Sprewell on his sorry P.J. Carlisimo self.
= teh SUCK
I think that all of us have friends in our groups that we can characterize as an NBA personality. Please do not confuse this theory with the NBA Look-a-like Game (ie the Spur's Robert Horry and Will Smith, the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air)
If we ever touch each other, the universe may very well implode upon itself. Egads!
Instead, the Robert Horry of your group is that kid that sits around, and most of the time you don't really know why he's there. I mean, he'll back you up sometimes... maybe shoot off a few okay yo-momma jokes, but just as often as not, when you look for him to step up, he comes up short. BUT, when the situation is dire, and everything is on the line... say... you roll by a team of Special Olympians, and you know you should say something, but goddamnit it just seems wrong, you know exactly who to turn to - BIG SHOT BOB! (Yells: "MAN, YOU CAN NEVER FIND AN OPEN HANDICAPPED SPACE WHEN YOU NEED IT... KNOW WHAT I MEAN? NO?... THIS GUY KNOWS" *points at a participant with an especially large cranium* *wince*)
Or maybe you have a Steve Nash in your group. The poor kid needs some degreasing shampoo, has questionable hygiene... and just seems strange everytime he opens his mouth (here's a hint, he's Canadian), but goddamn, is this kid generous. Shares everything with you, always brings over a 6pack or a bottle of Goose, always willing to play DD, sets them up so you can knock them down. All around great kid, he's just not someone you want your sister to bring home.
Of course there's the Kobe's of the world, great first impression, can work the room, absolutely stellar numbers and flashy to boot. Unfortunately, it's just too easy to hate him. He's cocky, and even though he has game, it's not even half as much as he thinks he has. Plus, he's done some pretty questionable things. And I think he likes white girls. You'd rather him be on your team than against it, but in the end, you just wish he was dead (that's a bit harsh, but you get the idea).
There's a lot more of course, the Steve Kerr/Matt Bullard's (lame for 99% of the time, and for the other 1% he just comes in to perform the only skill he has), Ben Wallace-types (they're big and strong and really intimidating, and you keep them around b/c they're big and strong and really intimidating), Nick Van Exel's (they come over to your house and hog everything, eating and drinking everything in sight, and rarely can you give a reason why you wanted him in your group in the first place... plus, behind is back, everyone keeps asking everyone else "is it just me, or is he really REALLY weird-looking?"), Elton Brand's (completely underrated, no one notices him, but he contributes huge everyday), etc.
So next time you see your friend nail some paraplegics about wasting good oxygen that could instead be going to people that can still be useful in life, you make sure to tell them that you've upgraded them from Matt Bullard to Robert Horry. Or when that fucking idiot that comes over every Saturday to drink your beer and pays you back by releasing's Satan's own fart on you new leather couch and subsequently punching you in the balls, you tell him that he should get his Jason Terry-ass (sorry, I dislike this guy so much it's palpable) out of your house before you go Sprewell on his sorry P.J. Carlisimo self.
= teh SUCK