Reality Check
OK...I'm having some issues. It's kind of like an identity crisis. I thought I always knew what I wanted, and now I'm not sure at all. I am finding myself in one contradiction after another. I thought that all I ever wanted in life was a boyfriend, and I just knew that once I had a boyfreind everything else would just fall into place. I had a boyfreind, and true when it was great it was amazing...but when things got bad I felt trapped and confused. I blamed him for a lot...even for things that were not his fault. I kept feeling that eventhough he was older I had to be the mature one. Yet another contradiction...I always thought I needed to be with someone older than me...someone to match my maturity level...am I really that mature though? I'm starting to question my maturity more and more. I thought I was able to maintain a stable mature relationship...now I'm not even sure if I want to. Everyone goes through that period where they just want to whore it up right? I'm scared though...I'm scared that I'm looking for the wrong things...I like being taken care of...so does that mean that I'm shallow and just in the market for a sugar daddy? No, of course I don't want that. So what do I want? I'm the only one who can answer that...and I'm only 21, I don't have to know exactly what I want right now. I'll figure shit out...right now I can just enjoy the fact that I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.