Demons Lie
“Forever alone”
That thought alone kept me locked in place, frozen in fear. I believed you see. I bought the bull of nobody loving me.
It was said only to scare me, to keep me close.
“Whore”
I didn’t want to be, but it was the only way to get attention. Besides, I liked the touch, the pretty words, the feeling of being wanted.
It was said to shame me, to keep me from straying.
“I love you”
I was scared. He said it first. What if he didn’t mean it? What if it was just a momentary touch of insanity.
I already loved him and I didn’t want to lose him. I’d already fallen down that hole. We weren’t just friends with benefits, I’d play that part but he already held my heart in his hands.
“Forever”
It was a peaceful sound. A glance in his eyes and I could see the truth of his words.
I nodded. Forever sounded wonderful.
It hasn’t been easy, and it’s likely to get a bit harder in some ways. But I’m past the scare quotes. I no longer allow fear and shame to rule me. I laugh and giggle, I make silly faces, and I live rather than exist.
I’m loved for who I am, despite all the pain of my past. He’s wonderful and I’mma keep him. Forgive me for a bit of inside baseball there, but it’s what we do.