This is what happens when Mother Nature stops in but brings me alcohol as a parting gift...
I've been going stir-crazy lately
we live out near Slaughter [which was always just a cool name for a town to me]
I don't really have any friends [aside from the dudes my husband works with]
I don't get to get out much or socialize with people
I don't even really know my neighbors all that well either, come to think of it
so I don't know what to think most of the time
I've done a pretty good job of keeping to myself for the last 10 years or so
after being labeled "antisocial" in high school and afterwards...it seems like a hard mindset to get over
but I'm rambling about old shit
I started to get on here and vent about the fact that I'm drunk because of my "delightful time of the month" *rolls eyes*
or that I still think about old ghosts from the past
I don't want to say much here because I'll never shut up about him
Pandora's box is open a tiny bit and I've been trying to keep that particular box closed if I can help it at all
I don't even give a shit about how dis-jointed this whole entry winds up being
that's the way my brain's been lately
all fucked up at times and rather A.D.D.-like in nature
but yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking about stuff
it sucks that I'd have to be all hormonal and bleeding and ultra-irritable
but of course, my mental state's been out of whack for quite some time now
and yeah, for the last decade of my life, I've been dwelling on someone from my past
a friend who turned me away to try to save me the heartbreak and rejection
who knew what he'd spawn in me years later?
I don't know if it's a blessing in disguise that he would turn me down at all, or not
in a way, I'd already met the guy I'd be currently married to
so that seems to be another weird curve-ball that I've been handed by life
I guess I'll think about that one for awhile after the alcohol burns off
the problem with thinking about this particular guy is that I don't even know about his current status
I have no idea if he's alive or dead, married or single, etc...
I've heard a few stories from a friend back home who knew hime about as well as I did
all I know or remember was that he'd left after graduation in '99 and was last seen living on the MS Gulf Coast in Long Beach
then of course Hurricane Katrina kicks in a few years later and devastates the area
so what am I supposed to do or think?
it's been a really gray area in my life
not knowing, and it's driving me insane
I just wish I knew why he meant so much to me
sure, I've compared him to Obi Wan Kenobi for some reason lately
but the real reasons are always beyond me
this is really a rant for another day though
I wanted to mention that tomorrow we get to bring the kids to Mike's Aunt's house
mind you, this is the place where our oldest son [Damian] for 3 hours was hanging around a house full of nearly 50 people
thankfully for being an infant at the time, he was mostly sleepy so he slept through his first actual Chrismas party
but we'll prolly be going over there for Thanksgiving
bring on the Cajun food!!!
I can't wait to see if anyone makes anything really new this year to munch on
that's what holidays are good for:
hanging out with family you don't see often & getting your munch on
so in closing, sorry for the randomness
I'm 4 bottles of Coors Light to the wind and I'm feeling pretty good
all I need is to go to bed and pretend this awful day never happened
...that is, until my kids wake me up in the morning, like they always do...just like clockwork
thank you Jacob
mommy loves waking up at 6AM for no real reason other than you're wide awake and want to play
*rolls over grumbling wanting to smash things* yeah, that's what I'd love to say I'm like in the morning
I'd rather be sleeping til noon like I used to, or at least while I was still pregnant
who knew I'd miss sleeping so much after having kids?
oh well..............goodnight
and the drunk is out.
we live out near Slaughter [which was always just a cool name for a town to me]
I don't really have any friends [aside from the dudes my husband works with]
I don't get to get out much or socialize with people
I don't even really know my neighbors all that well either, come to think of it
so I don't know what to think most of the time
I've done a pretty good job of keeping to myself for the last 10 years or so
after being labeled "antisocial" in high school and afterwards...it seems like a hard mindset to get over
but I'm rambling about old shit
I started to get on here and vent about the fact that I'm drunk because of my "delightful time of the month" *rolls eyes*
or that I still think about old ghosts from the past
I don't want to say much here because I'll never shut up about him
Pandora's box is open a tiny bit and I've been trying to keep that particular box closed if I can help it at all
I don't even give a shit about how dis-jointed this whole entry winds up being
that's the way my brain's been lately
all fucked up at times and rather A.D.D.-like in nature
but yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking about stuff
it sucks that I'd have to be all hormonal and bleeding and ultra-irritable
but of course, my mental state's been out of whack for quite some time now
and yeah, for the last decade of my life, I've been dwelling on someone from my past
a friend who turned me away to try to save me the heartbreak and rejection
who knew what he'd spawn in me years later?
I don't know if it's a blessing in disguise that he would turn me down at all, or not
in a way, I'd already met the guy I'd be currently married to
so that seems to be another weird curve-ball that I've been handed by life
I guess I'll think about that one for awhile after the alcohol burns off
the problem with thinking about this particular guy is that I don't even know about his current status
I have no idea if he's alive or dead, married or single, etc...
I've heard a few stories from a friend back home who knew hime about as well as I did
all I know or remember was that he'd left after graduation in '99 and was last seen living on the MS Gulf Coast in Long Beach
then of course Hurricane Katrina kicks in a few years later and devastates the area
so what am I supposed to do or think?
it's been a really gray area in my life
not knowing, and it's driving me insane
I just wish I knew why he meant so much to me
sure, I've compared him to Obi Wan Kenobi for some reason lately
but the real reasons are always beyond me
this is really a rant for another day though
I wanted to mention that tomorrow we get to bring the kids to Mike's Aunt's house
mind you, this is the place where our oldest son [Damian] for 3 hours was hanging around a house full of nearly 50 people
thankfully for being an infant at the time, he was mostly sleepy so he slept through his first actual Chrismas party
but we'll prolly be going over there for Thanksgiving
bring on the Cajun food!!!
I can't wait to see if anyone makes anything really new this year to munch on
that's what holidays are good for:
hanging out with family you don't see often & getting your munch on
so in closing, sorry for the randomness
I'm 4 bottles of Coors Light to the wind and I'm feeling pretty good
all I need is to go to bed and pretend this awful day never happened
...that is, until my kids wake me up in the morning, like they always do...just like clockwork
thank you Jacob
mommy loves waking up at 6AM for no real reason other than you're wide awake and want to play
*rolls over grumbling wanting to smash things* yeah, that's what I'd love to say I'm like in the morning
I'd rather be sleeping til noon like I used to, or at least while I was still pregnant
who knew I'd miss sleeping so much after having kids?
oh well..............goodnight
and the drunk is out.