Sad and alone
I'm back again after a rather long period of silence, and that is exactly where I sit right now.....in silence. Do I sound depressed? Thats because I am, and I am not afraid to admit it. I am quite badly depressed right now and I will explain why. As many of you may know I have been suffering from a rapidly advancing form of hypoglycemia, in which has taken an extreme turn for the worse. 2 nights ago while Nykkie and I were in Brockport, I suffered an attack in which I in all honesty did not expect to survive through. I had to fight to breathe, I could barely move, and could barely keep myself conscious. I was being force fed food by both Nykkie and Joe, and that didn't even help for some fucked up reason, and this attack happened within a time frame of 2 minutes. Yesterday, within an hour of eating a good meal, my blood dropped on the way to work, when I arrived there my blood glucose level was down to 40, so they loaded me up on orange juice and sent me home. This morning on my way to my doctors appointment, I had another attack in the office, as well as on the way to the hospital afterwards. Had to get blood drawn, and had to fight with the insurance company over getting a sonogram of my abdomen. While I was laying in the hospital bed being revived, I kept saying to my mother and my friend who happened to be working on me that I needed to get home so I could talk to Nykkie. I woke up too late to call her before school, so I was very anxiously awaiting her to get out, but back to the hospital.....I was now crying, saying things like "promise me I'll get home in time to talk to Nykkie" and there was one point where it got so bad that I was calling for her out loud, crying and calling with no answer. Some time afterwards they got me stablized and got things taken care of and arranged for the sonogram. I got home and it was just before 2:00, I had to run to the pharmacy and the bank really quick and estimated I would be back in time for Nykkie. When I got back I was told that she had called and to call her back. I called back and she didn't pick up, so I called back a few minutes later and she couldn't talk cause she had to get pizza and would be back in 20 minutes. An hour later I called back and she still wasn't there, about 15 minutes after that she called and I got happy....but only for a brief moment. She proceeded to tell me that she had to go over to Keiths house, and then I just dropped into the deep depression I am in now. I won't get to talk to her until tomorrow now after waiting for so long, and needing so bad. I know she won't be back before I have to go to work so there is no other option. I just don't know :( I guess it just seems right now that when you need someone most, is when they are not there, and in this case she's not here in more ways than one....cause she's in Rochester, and not able to talk on the phone. My entire day consisted of waiting, and when the waiting was finally over, it immediately led to an even longer period of waiting. I just feel so dreadfully alone right now. But anyways, for Nykkie, since I can't tell you in voice, I'll tell you what I wanted to tell you today on here. The apartment is now once again fully powered, the heater in the bedroom is fixed. I have to go into the hospital on Monday morning at 10:00 a.m. for the sonogram, and to see a specialist to discuss our options of whats can, will, happen. And what we can/will do about it all. Depending on the results of this all, I may be hospitalized for observation, and/or something more major. They said I will more than likely be in there for at least 2 days for observational purposes so if you don't hear from me on Monday or Tuesday, thats where I am. I have to get a medical bracelet now. I had to buy a blood tester. I got some bills payed, and have enough left over to buy your dress for the handfasting. We will buy it the next time I get out there. I bought some flourescant webbing that we can use to decorate the apartment the next time you come back out. Amber, Mike, Missy and My parents say Hi. Hopefully getting the SUV back on the road soon. I didn't get time to stop at the town hall today for obvious reasons, but I'll be stopping tomorrow afternoon to find out about the overview as the location for our handfasting out here. Other than that, I miss you like crazy, and I am sure you will have fun tonight at the vertex, tell Dawn I said Happy Birthday, let Joe know I said Hi, and hopefully I'll get to talk to you tomorrow morning, if not, tomorrow afternoon. If I don't get to talk to you tomorrow morning, I will give you a call around 4:00 or 5:00 if you are still home cause I have a prior engagement in Westfield to attend. Take care, be safe, have fun (I'm sure you will) and I'll talk to you soon, I love you very much *kisses you softly* I'm off to work.