More Christmas fic!
Title: Boredom
Fandom: Multi-fandom!!! Did someone say crossover?
Pairing/Character: Lilly and Faith have adventures in Neptune.
Rating: Reader discretion is advised. (But otherwise Gen.)
Summary: Lilly and Faith meet under strange circumstances, and a surprise guest makes an appearance!
Notes: This here’s a Christmas present for
latara. Merry merry Christmas!
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters-I just fantasize about having threesomes with them…
Faith didn’t think she’d like this town either. Southern California? Not really her thing. Sunnydale, L.A., they all came with bossy blondes and boring, brooding vampires. Unfortunately for her and her Boston roots, every Hellmouth in the U.S. had sprouted out of one fricking state in the hottest temperature zone in the west. This Neptune town, it looked exactly like Sunnydale down to the old, white stucco buildings lining the main streets.
Faith rode in on a Ducatti she’d “borrowed” from a one of her boy toys in San Francisco. The mostly orange and purple sunset marred the vibrant red color of the bike, turning it into another boring fixture of the small town. Boring, boring, boring. They lucked out getting Satan to open up a Hellmouth here to make their lives more interesting.
Even parking bored her. Palm trees, those same Sunnydale palms, lined the road. The devil sure liked things hot and surprisingly analogous. And she could now be certain that he’d invented white picket fences and subdivisions with identical home layouts. Boring.
“Okaaay, I’m in Hell,” she sighed. “Now what?”
***
“Okaaay,” hollered a gruff voice before the door even flung open. The cane and the hunched back made the slightly graying man look older, but his bright blue eyes certainly caused his patient to take notice.
“So you’ve got a fever, a headache, and a rash in the groin area…” House looked up and noticed the overconfident blonde before him. “And you didn’t ask for a woman? I know your type, Miss… Kane.”
“You’re Dr. House, huh?” Lilly gave him a slow and thirsty once-over. “I approve.”
“But I bet your mother doesn’t. She out selling your Girl Scout cookies for you?”
“My mom’s having lunch at the local country club pretending she doesn’t have a daughter that disappoints her.”
“You have syphilis. I can see why she’d be disappointed.”
Lilly grinned arrogantly. “Free clinic. She’ll never know.”
House nodded absently and began to scribble on a notepad he’d retrieved from his pinstripe suit coat. “Well, Miss Kane, if I didn’t have the most inconsiderately annoying duckling looking for me right now, I’d tell you to wait for the nurse so she can instruct you on how to have protected sex.”
“You’re a doctor,” Lilly said with her typically teenage “duh” expression. “Aren’t you doing your job?”
House’s brow immediately contracted and those baby blues widened condescendingly at her. “If you knew me, this’d be the last place you’d look for me.”
“And if you knew me… Well, I guess the syphilis isn’t so surprising.”
House grabbed his spinning cane and pushed off the counter he’d been leaning on. “Yeeeah, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, my spider sense is tingling.” He would have told her he’d send a nurse in, but then he’d just be repeating himself.
Outside the room, House found that the duckling was gone. Boredom now presented itself as his main problem. He needed to find a friend, one he could push around who would still love him unconditionally like a nice Labrador, a guy he could talk guy stuff and watch General Hospital with-some unsuspecting doctor he could get to do his clinic hours for him. Every doctor in California seemed to have his cane stuck up their ass. He was thinking about moving, moving somewhere cold, and he figured since the scowling doctors lived in the warmest climates, the farther he moved north and east, the more gullible he’d find them to be.
“A nice Labrador,” he muttered, just itching for some Vicodin, when he was suddenly blindsided by a woman in a black leather coat.
“Hey, crippled!” he shouted at her. She spun around and splattered blood against the floor. House looked from the blood to her and asked what happened.
“Vampires,” she said.
“Psych ward’s upstairs.”
“Just stop the bleeding.”
House nodded and was about to shout for more help when he caught sight of his duckling-the one just brimming over with stupid, boring questions-wandering right outside the clinic. “In here,” he said and locked the door behind him.
The bleeding brunette stared at Lilly Kane, who cocked an eyebrow. They both looked to House for an answer, but all he said was, “Don’t worry, she’s just got syphilis-unless you’ve got HIV. Then I’m gonna worry.”
House made the brunette lie down on the examining table. He put on latex gloves and pulled up her stained tank top to assess the full extent of the damage. She wasn’t dying right away, so he could afford to keep her in the room for a little while longer. Hopefully the duckling wouldn’t notice the bloody footprints leading right to his door. Damn, he knew he should have covered his tracks.
“What’s your name?” Lilly casually asked the brunette.
“Faith.”
“Well, here’s your problem,” House told Faith as he pulled something out of her gut via a pair of large, shiny tweezers. “Vampire claw?”
“Demon.”
“I should’ve told you my philosophy earlier: everybody lies. But I’ll tell you what,” House said cheerily while he stuffed gauze into her wound. “I’ll get the ER guys to come in here, and you’ll be one step closer to the psych ward.”
Faith could only nod weakly as she continued to lose blood, especially because of House’s help in pulling out the claw. She began to fade out, feeling the tug of sedatives and of an orange-colored death as her eyes fell closed. Then she woke up in an actual hospital suite hooked up to actual machines monitoring her status as a living, breathing member of the human race.
There was a cough. Faith turned her head and Lilly Kane un-blurred herself in her vision.
“Hey,” Lilly said as if they were long-lost sisters. “They stitched you up.”
There wasn’t a doubt that Faith couldn’t feel them when she breathed, so she waggled her eyebrows and said, “Yep.”
“They gave you a blood transfusion, too. I didn’t give you any. I just wanted to be here in case Dr. House comes back to take you to the psych ward.”
“He’s too old for you.”
Lilly shrugged. “Yeah, people say that about a lot of my secret boyfriends. But they all have money. My age-appropriate boyfriends either don’t know what a job is or don’t know how to get one that actually pays. Aaron Echolls, on the other hand, well…”
“You’re dating Aaron Echolls,” Faith said flatly.
“Maybe. What’s it to you? Sad movie star crush?”
Faith narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been trying to kill him for months.”
“Oh, be my guest,” Lilly said as she leaned back in her chair. “I’m done with him anyways.”
“And too horny for Dr. House’s bad leg,” Faith simultaneously warned and shot back. “Think about that, syphilis girl.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I have. I can have upwards of three boyfriends. Multi-tasking,” she smiled. “It’s kind of my thing. Well, boys are my thing, but you look like you know a lot about that, too.”
“Because you assume I’m stalking Aaron Echolls because I’m a jilted one-night stand?”
“No, because you’re like me.” Lilly smiled smugly. “We’re both free birds, Faith. It’s cool that you have your whole ‘kill vampires’ calling and all, but you don’t let that rule your life, do you? We do what we want, when we want. I seduce men, you hunt things with black claws. In the end, we both end up getting laid.”
Faith chuckled until her stitches hurt too much to laugh anymore. She turned over to cough, still laughing, and came back up with her eyes closed.
“Ah, you’re a funny girl.” Her brown eyes opened lazily, but then widened when Lilly lunged toward her, her face warped into that of a vampire’s. With her slayer strength, Faith shoved Lilly across the room and instinctively looked for anything wood. The wooden tray attached to the bed would do nicely. Faith broke it in half and brandished one part naturally, her mint green gown sticking to her where one of her stitches had popped.
“Come on, Faith!” Lilly shouted. “Wouldn’t we make a pair? Doing what we want without anyone in our way, getting the boys we want… Give it up.”
“Go to Hell,” growled Faith.
“You don’t know who you’re messing with. I always get what I want. And imagine turning a slayer into a vampire!” Lilly slowly slunk forward, her conceited smile now a sly grin. “We’ll be more talked about than Darla and Angelus. You know Angelus, don’t you?”
“I’ve always preferred Drusilla myself,” said Faith as she slid out of bed and went at Lilly with her makeshift stake. “Sure the crazy thing was a little bizarre, but the girl knew how to fight!”
Lilly ducked Faith’s first blow, but the slayer’s jagged piece of table took out a chunk of her neck when Faith quickly doubled back and struck again. Once she kicked Lilly in the gut and watched her crash through the stupid glass wall and into the hall, Faith knew that limited experience was the girl’s middle name. What, had she been a vampire for even two days? Or was she really the spoiled brat she acted like?
“Always used to silver platters,” Faith muttered. She smiled almost apologetically at Lilly-she wouldn’t hold back-and flung the stake. It ripped into Lilly’s heart without a sound, and she exploded into dust right in front of House.
“You popped your stitches.”
Faith looked down at her red gown and said, “Fuck this. I’m going back to Boston.”
House watched her leave and then thoughtfully gazed at her empty bed. Hmmm, Massachusetts, he thought. Cold, north, and as far east as he could go! Whoever would have thought he’d get a good idea from a patient? He could go anywhere. New York, Jersey, even Maine.
House slowly turned around to admire the way Lilly’s dust had settled between the scattered bits of glass, and he thought about similar hospitals where this same situation could occur. On the verge of reminiscing past days, House yelled out, “Hey, Betty! Does the Michigan chick with the nice rack still run Princeton-Plainsboro?”
Yeah, he was almost positive he was about to move.
The End.
Fandom: Multi-fandom!!! Did someone say crossover?
Pairing/Character: Lilly and Faith have adventures in Neptune.
Rating: Reader discretion is advised. (But otherwise Gen.)
Summary: Lilly and Faith meet under strange circumstances, and a surprise guest makes an appearance!
Notes: This here’s a Christmas present for
latara. Merry merry Christmas!
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters-I just fantasize about having threesomes with them…
Faith didn’t think she’d like this town either. Southern California? Not really her thing. Sunnydale, L.A., they all came with bossy blondes and boring, brooding vampires. Unfortunately for her and her Boston roots, every Hellmouth in the U.S. had sprouted out of one fricking state in the hottest temperature zone in the west. This Neptune town, it looked exactly like Sunnydale down to the old, white stucco buildings lining the main streets.
Faith rode in on a Ducatti she’d “borrowed” from a one of her boy toys in San Francisco. The mostly orange and purple sunset marred the vibrant red color of the bike, turning it into another boring fixture of the small town. Boring, boring, boring. They lucked out getting Satan to open up a Hellmouth here to make their lives more interesting.
Even parking bored her. Palm trees, those same Sunnydale palms, lined the road. The devil sure liked things hot and surprisingly analogous. And she could now be certain that he’d invented white picket fences and subdivisions with identical home layouts. Boring.
“Okaaay, I’m in Hell,” she sighed. “Now what?”
***
“Okaaay,” hollered a gruff voice before the door even flung open. The cane and the hunched back made the slightly graying man look older, but his bright blue eyes certainly caused his patient to take notice.
“So you’ve got a fever, a headache, and a rash in the groin area…” House looked up and noticed the overconfident blonde before him. “And you didn’t ask for a woman? I know your type, Miss… Kane.”
“You’re Dr. House, huh?” Lilly gave him a slow and thirsty once-over. “I approve.”
“But I bet your mother doesn’t. She out selling your Girl Scout cookies for you?”
“My mom’s having lunch at the local country club pretending she doesn’t have a daughter that disappoints her.”
“You have syphilis. I can see why she’d be disappointed.”
Lilly grinned arrogantly. “Free clinic. She’ll never know.”
House nodded absently and began to scribble on a notepad he’d retrieved from his pinstripe suit coat. “Well, Miss Kane, if I didn’t have the most inconsiderately annoying duckling looking for me right now, I’d tell you to wait for the nurse so she can instruct you on how to have protected sex.”
“You’re a doctor,” Lilly said with her typically teenage “duh” expression. “Aren’t you doing your job?”
House’s brow immediately contracted and those baby blues widened condescendingly at her. “If you knew me, this’d be the last place you’d look for me.”
“And if you knew me… Well, I guess the syphilis isn’t so surprising.”
House grabbed his spinning cane and pushed off the counter he’d been leaning on. “Yeeeah, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, my spider sense is tingling.” He would have told her he’d send a nurse in, but then he’d just be repeating himself.
Outside the room, House found that the duckling was gone. Boredom now presented itself as his main problem. He needed to find a friend, one he could push around who would still love him unconditionally like a nice Labrador, a guy he could talk guy stuff and watch General Hospital with-some unsuspecting doctor he could get to do his clinic hours for him. Every doctor in California seemed to have his cane stuck up their ass. He was thinking about moving, moving somewhere cold, and he figured since the scowling doctors lived in the warmest climates, the farther he moved north and east, the more gullible he’d find them to be.
“A nice Labrador,” he muttered, just itching for some Vicodin, when he was suddenly blindsided by a woman in a black leather coat.
“Hey, crippled!” he shouted at her. She spun around and splattered blood against the floor. House looked from the blood to her and asked what happened.
“Vampires,” she said.
“Psych ward’s upstairs.”
“Just stop the bleeding.”
House nodded and was about to shout for more help when he caught sight of his duckling-the one just brimming over with stupid, boring questions-wandering right outside the clinic. “In here,” he said and locked the door behind him.
The bleeding brunette stared at Lilly Kane, who cocked an eyebrow. They both looked to House for an answer, but all he said was, “Don’t worry, she’s just got syphilis-unless you’ve got HIV. Then I’m gonna worry.”
House made the brunette lie down on the examining table. He put on latex gloves and pulled up her stained tank top to assess the full extent of the damage. She wasn’t dying right away, so he could afford to keep her in the room for a little while longer. Hopefully the duckling wouldn’t notice the bloody footprints leading right to his door. Damn, he knew he should have covered his tracks.
“What’s your name?” Lilly casually asked the brunette.
“Faith.”
“Well, here’s your problem,” House told Faith as he pulled something out of her gut via a pair of large, shiny tweezers. “Vampire claw?”
“Demon.”
“I should’ve told you my philosophy earlier: everybody lies. But I’ll tell you what,” House said cheerily while he stuffed gauze into her wound. “I’ll get the ER guys to come in here, and you’ll be one step closer to the psych ward.”
Faith could only nod weakly as she continued to lose blood, especially because of House’s help in pulling out the claw. She began to fade out, feeling the tug of sedatives and of an orange-colored death as her eyes fell closed. Then she woke up in an actual hospital suite hooked up to actual machines monitoring her status as a living, breathing member of the human race.
There was a cough. Faith turned her head and Lilly Kane un-blurred herself in her vision.
“Hey,” Lilly said as if they were long-lost sisters. “They stitched you up.”
There wasn’t a doubt that Faith couldn’t feel them when she breathed, so she waggled her eyebrows and said, “Yep.”
“They gave you a blood transfusion, too. I didn’t give you any. I just wanted to be here in case Dr. House comes back to take you to the psych ward.”
“He’s too old for you.”
Lilly shrugged. “Yeah, people say that about a lot of my secret boyfriends. But they all have money. My age-appropriate boyfriends either don’t know what a job is or don’t know how to get one that actually pays. Aaron Echolls, on the other hand, well…”
“You’re dating Aaron Echolls,” Faith said flatly.
“Maybe. What’s it to you? Sad movie star crush?”
Faith narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been trying to kill him for months.”
“Oh, be my guest,” Lilly said as she leaned back in her chair. “I’m done with him anyways.”
“And too horny for Dr. House’s bad leg,” Faith simultaneously warned and shot back. “Think about that, syphilis girl.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I have. I can have upwards of three boyfriends. Multi-tasking,” she smiled. “It’s kind of my thing. Well, boys are my thing, but you look like you know a lot about that, too.”
“Because you assume I’m stalking Aaron Echolls because I’m a jilted one-night stand?”
“No, because you’re like me.” Lilly smiled smugly. “We’re both free birds, Faith. It’s cool that you have your whole ‘kill vampires’ calling and all, but you don’t let that rule your life, do you? We do what we want, when we want. I seduce men, you hunt things with black claws. In the end, we both end up getting laid.”
Faith chuckled until her stitches hurt too much to laugh anymore. She turned over to cough, still laughing, and came back up with her eyes closed.
“Ah, you’re a funny girl.” Her brown eyes opened lazily, but then widened when Lilly lunged toward her, her face warped into that of a vampire’s. With her slayer strength, Faith shoved Lilly across the room and instinctively looked for anything wood. The wooden tray attached to the bed would do nicely. Faith broke it in half and brandished one part naturally, her mint green gown sticking to her where one of her stitches had popped.
“Come on, Faith!” Lilly shouted. “Wouldn’t we make a pair? Doing what we want without anyone in our way, getting the boys we want… Give it up.”
“Go to Hell,” growled Faith.
“You don’t know who you’re messing with. I always get what I want. And imagine turning a slayer into a vampire!” Lilly slowly slunk forward, her conceited smile now a sly grin. “We’ll be more talked about than Darla and Angelus. You know Angelus, don’t you?”
“I’ve always preferred Drusilla myself,” said Faith as she slid out of bed and went at Lilly with her makeshift stake. “Sure the crazy thing was a little bizarre, but the girl knew how to fight!”
Lilly ducked Faith’s first blow, but the slayer’s jagged piece of table took out a chunk of her neck when Faith quickly doubled back and struck again. Once she kicked Lilly in the gut and watched her crash through the stupid glass wall and into the hall, Faith knew that limited experience was the girl’s middle name. What, had she been a vampire for even two days? Or was she really the spoiled brat she acted like?
“Always used to silver platters,” Faith muttered. She smiled almost apologetically at Lilly-she wouldn’t hold back-and flung the stake. It ripped into Lilly’s heart without a sound, and she exploded into dust right in front of House.
“You popped your stitches.”
Faith looked down at her red gown and said, “Fuck this. I’m going back to Boston.”
House watched her leave and then thoughtfully gazed at her empty bed. Hmmm, Massachusetts, he thought. Cold, north, and as far east as he could go! Whoever would have thought he’d get a good idea from a patient? He could go anywhere. New York, Jersey, even Maine.
House slowly turned around to admire the way Lilly’s dust had settled between the scattered bits of glass, and he thought about similar hospitals where this same situation could occur. On the verge of reminiscing past days, House yelled out, “Hey, Betty! Does the Michigan chick with the nice rack still run Princeton-Plainsboro?”
Yeah, he was almost positive he was about to move.
The End.