More of life, the universe and everything ...
And maybe someday, I'll stop thinking variations on that subject header are amusing.
I've been able to get little done today. (I know, same old song and dance as usual.)
Part of it is because I got very little sleep last night and as a result, I've been fighting a migraine all day. Part of it is because I spent the first hour and a half in the office today getting bad news every time I picked up the phone. I just didn't know who to yell at first. And, usually, I have someone within the company that I can turn to for advice ... but this week, I'm covering for: Ed (President), Charlie (VicePresident), Lori (Senior Processor), Judy (Senior LO), Lori (Senior LO), Greg (LO) and Ginny (LO) and have to be able to do so competently while still answering all of the Junior LO's questions. (Not only am I covering, but I have the most seniority/experience/intelligence left out of everyone that didn't go on the godsdamned cruise.)
Also, part of it is because I'm so tired of my job. I've been doing the same sort of thing since October of 2002 and three years is generally my breaking point in a 'job'. Don't get me wrong, I love the $ I make and the way I get to help people out in the long run ... but all the stuff in the middle is wearing me down. It's even caused me to think about seeing a doctor and getting medicated. (I won't because I'm stubborn, but the fact that it's crossed my mind more than once concerns me.) Seriously, I have days where it's all I can do to do something other than read fanfiction during the day. (Fanfic makes me happy ... it gives me the equivalent of emotional uppers and helps me get through the day. It's a strage new form of self-medication, but it's cheaper than shopping therapy.)
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On a seperate topic, I've been meandering through life thinking alot about love, friendship and family. I've come to the conclusion that everyone defines these things in such diverse ways, I'm never going to be able to understand it completely. (Which really puts me in some messed up positions.)
I mean, there's friends that I love. Unconditionally. There's people I correspond with on the net internet friends that I love. There's club members that I love. There's lovers that I love. There's family that I love. There's my husband that I love. There's old high school buddies that I love.
But those are all different types of love ... and there's different rules (or not-rules) associated with each of them.
For example, there's all sorts of shit I'll put up with from Richard (Admiral K'var) that I won't put up with out of anyone else. Part of this is because I've reconciled myself to his personality and part of it is because I love him dearly. Have done for years.
There's a friend I have on the internet, that I've only ever known on the internet, that I don't even talk to all that often ... but he owns a HUGE chunk of my heart, more than I think he'll ever know or anyone other than mtfierce and xylass will every understand.
Then there's my partner of off and on for the last 10 years. We're going through a not-so-hot and heavy period right now and there's alot of reasons for that and we're working through them. When asked, though, why I bother ... I know we're gonna come out on the other side ok and even though I have no vows to him, we've been through so much together, there's almost an automatic of 'in good times and in bad' tacked on to our relationship in my mind.
There's my husband, who I love dearly and can spend hours just being with ... in silence, or just sitting alongside each other doing nothing with. I don't do that with many people, can't ... mainly because I'm a doer. We talked last night, though, and we realized we've been having problems lately with finding something to do that didn't involve Alanna, friends, family, sex or a television. (Which is how we ended up going to bed after playing Pokemon til four am. It's good to know we can still find some common ground ... even if we have to work for it.) Whoever said relationships (especially one's bound in love) were easy was full of SHIT. (Whenever I think of my husband and I, I'm reminded intensely of Teir and Ember's relationship in Elfquest.)
Or I could babble at you about Jim and Cyndy, or Paul, or Ben, or, or, or ... you get it? You don't? Ok, well, neither do I, but I make it work anyway.
I'm not entirely sure where I was going with this ... but the upshot of it is that there's only so much of me to go around, flirting is dangerous, life is exciting when you let it be and there's an awful lot of room in my heart for love, but not so much in my calendar.
{sighs}
I need a nice quiet evening at home. (Ok, go ahead ... satnsdau, laugh now.)
-Draconis Leona-
I've been able to get little done today. (I know, same old song and dance as usual.)
Part of it is because I got very little sleep last night and as a result, I've been fighting a migraine all day. Part of it is because I spent the first hour and a half in the office today getting bad news every time I picked up the phone. I just didn't know who to yell at first. And, usually, I have someone within the company that I can turn to for advice ... but this week, I'm covering for: Ed (President), Charlie (VicePresident), Lori (Senior Processor), Judy (Senior LO), Lori (Senior LO), Greg (LO) and Ginny (LO) and have to be able to do so competently while still answering all of the Junior LO's questions. (Not only am I covering, but I have the most seniority/experience/intelligence left out of everyone that didn't go on the godsdamned cruise.)
Also, part of it is because I'm so tired of my job. I've been doing the same sort of thing since October of 2002 and three years is generally my breaking point in a 'job'. Don't get me wrong, I love the $ I make and the way I get to help people out in the long run ... but all the stuff in the middle is wearing me down. It's even caused me to think about seeing a doctor and getting medicated. (I won't because I'm stubborn, but the fact that it's crossed my mind more than once concerns me.) Seriously, I have days where it's all I can do to do something other than read fanfiction during the day. (Fanfic makes me happy ... it gives me the equivalent of emotional uppers and helps me get through the day. It's a strage new form of self-medication, but it's cheaper than shopping therapy.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
On a seperate topic, I've been meandering through life thinking alot about love, friendship and family. I've come to the conclusion that everyone defines these things in such diverse ways, I'm never going to be able to understand it completely. (Which really puts me in some messed up positions.)
I mean, there's friends that I love. Unconditionally. There's people I correspond with on the net internet friends that I love. There's club members that I love. There's lovers that I love. There's family that I love. There's my husband that I love. There's old high school buddies that I love.
But those are all different types of love ... and there's different rules (or not-rules) associated with each of them.
For example, there's all sorts of shit I'll put up with from Richard (Admiral K'var) that I won't put up with out of anyone else. Part of this is because I've reconciled myself to his personality and part of it is because I love him dearly. Have done for years.
There's a friend I have on the internet, that I've only ever known on the internet, that I don't even talk to all that often ... but he owns a HUGE chunk of my heart, more than I think he'll ever know or anyone other than mtfierce and xylass will every understand.
Then there's my partner of off and on for the last 10 years. We're going through a not-so-hot and heavy period right now and there's alot of reasons for that and we're working through them. When asked, though, why I bother ... I know we're gonna come out on the other side ok and even though I have no vows to him, we've been through so much together, there's almost an automatic of 'in good times and in bad' tacked on to our relationship in my mind.
There's my husband, who I love dearly and can spend hours just being with ... in silence, or just sitting alongside each other doing nothing with. I don't do that with many people, can't ... mainly because I'm a doer. We talked last night, though, and we realized we've been having problems lately with finding something to do that didn't involve Alanna, friends, family, sex or a television. (Which is how we ended up going to bed after playing Pokemon til four am. It's good to know we can still find some common ground ... even if we have to work for it.) Whoever said relationships (especially one's bound in love) were easy was full of SHIT. (Whenever I think of my husband and I, I'm reminded intensely of Teir and Ember's relationship in Elfquest.)
Or I could babble at you about Jim and Cyndy, or Paul, or Ben, or, or, or ... you get it? You don't? Ok, well, neither do I, but I make it work anyway.
I'm not entirely sure where I was going with this ... but the upshot of it is that there's only so much of me to go around, flirting is dangerous, life is exciting when you let it be and there's an awful lot of room in my heart for love, but not so much in my calendar.
{sighs}
I need a nice quiet evening at home. (Ok, go ahead ... satnsdau, laugh now.)
-Draconis Leona-