I've been a bit lonelier these days
So summer time's almost at an end and I'm pretty damn excited about school. The reading, the papers, even the lackluster discussions I will gladly welcome back. Fountain City is kind of a vacuum for my own personal communication, hence the title of the entry, and the person that got the most emotional info from me this summer was probably Jenna, last night, when we were both in a good mood and had knocked down a few beers.
I had Forrest for this kind of communication before, and lots of others before him, but he's banned from my house by the majority of the lessees (this of course not without the influence of one of my roommate's girlfriend, guess which roommate!). I have no say, because he hasn't taken anything from me.
At any rate, my best friend lives in a world with his girlfriend, and in this world she is the sun. He visits me from this other world from time to time in the form of playing music, talking about music, or me listening to him complain about the sun from his other world, but I really don't communicate anything important to my best friend anymore. It's not sad; it's just moving on. And I really don't give a shit, because he doesn't either. Fuck it.
So my relationship with the Fergusons is kind of in jeopardy, not really by choice, it's just how things ended up. When Zack leaves for Nashville in November and leaves Gresham Green, I shall be leaving the band too, I know Forrest will understand (hey Forrest, I think you're reading this!) but I have no idea how Ryan and Ian will react. The thrill of drumming is dead. I played the Valarium and felt nothing, I just wanted to go to bed. Me and drumming have been together for 12 years and our relationship has been flattening for the past 4. Our 7 year anniversary, that was the peak. Oh, the new fills, the Bonzoisms being turned on their ear to be more funky. The celebration expressed in the bombast seemed brand new.
I have a real problem with expressing care for someone and just kinda leaving them in the dark about me, especially if there was any sort of romantic ideation going on either on my part of their part or both. It's a problem, because these are some fantastic friends that I just cut off communication with, even though, whether I wanna admit it or not, I'm hungry for it. I guess I could name names but I really think they know who they are if they're even reading this.
So I haven't really quite been in this position before. I have practically nobody to vent my personal woes to. Before there would ALWAYS be someone that it felt comfortable with. I bottle it up and sometimes worry that I'm becoming more double-dimensioned just to be able to cope with this problem. Probably just paranoia. I can get a therapist and get the Oak Ridge folks that pay my dad to pay someone else to listen to me, which, after seeing a shit-ton of sopranos, seems like a really decent idea. I'm not depressed! There's no real, big problem. Just, dude this is indeed, a tender situation.
Forrest's honest entries in particular inspired me to write this. Just some venting. Even if it's just to see it written down. But I read his entry, and so did Liz Van Fleet, so that's one better than him just writing it down. And I don't know how important the response is. I would rather you just KNOW what I said than give an insincere response. I'd like to think this sorta corresponds with Forrest's entry on a few points.
Seeing Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca was a high thrill. I adored that movie. I watched it with Mikey McDougal on his 21st birthday. I need to hang out with that dude more often. Mikey and Bogart!
To reiterate the title:
I've been a bit lonelier these days
I had Forrest for this kind of communication before, and lots of others before him, but he's banned from my house by the majority of the lessees (this of course not without the influence of one of my roommate's girlfriend, guess which roommate!). I have no say, because he hasn't taken anything from me.
At any rate, my best friend lives in a world with his girlfriend, and in this world she is the sun. He visits me from this other world from time to time in the form of playing music, talking about music, or me listening to him complain about the sun from his other world, but I really don't communicate anything important to my best friend anymore. It's not sad; it's just moving on. And I really don't give a shit, because he doesn't either. Fuck it.
So my relationship with the Fergusons is kind of in jeopardy, not really by choice, it's just how things ended up. When Zack leaves for Nashville in November and leaves Gresham Green, I shall be leaving the band too, I know Forrest will understand (hey Forrest, I think you're reading this!) but I have no idea how Ryan and Ian will react. The thrill of drumming is dead. I played the Valarium and felt nothing, I just wanted to go to bed. Me and drumming have been together for 12 years and our relationship has been flattening for the past 4. Our 7 year anniversary, that was the peak. Oh, the new fills, the Bonzoisms being turned on their ear to be more funky. The celebration expressed in the bombast seemed brand new.
I have a real problem with expressing care for someone and just kinda leaving them in the dark about me, especially if there was any sort of romantic ideation going on either on my part of their part or both. It's a problem, because these are some fantastic friends that I just cut off communication with, even though, whether I wanna admit it or not, I'm hungry for it. I guess I could name names but I really think they know who they are if they're even reading this.
So I haven't really quite been in this position before. I have practically nobody to vent my personal woes to. Before there would ALWAYS be someone that it felt comfortable with. I bottle it up and sometimes worry that I'm becoming more double-dimensioned just to be able to cope with this problem. Probably just paranoia. I can get a therapist and get the Oak Ridge folks that pay my dad to pay someone else to listen to me, which, after seeing a shit-ton of sopranos, seems like a really decent idea. I'm not depressed! There's no real, big problem. Just, dude this is indeed, a tender situation.
Forrest's honest entries in particular inspired me to write this. Just some venting. Even if it's just to see it written down. But I read his entry, and so did Liz Van Fleet, so that's one better than him just writing it down. And I don't know how important the response is. I would rather you just KNOW what I said than give an insincere response. I'd like to think this sorta corresponds with Forrest's entry on a few points.
Seeing Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca was a high thrill. I adored that movie. I watched it with Mikey McDougal on his 21st birthday. I need to hang out with that dude more often. Mikey and Bogart!
To reiterate the title:
I've been a bit lonelier these days