(no subject)
Nothing interesting ever happens to me.
They may seem like interesting.
But they really aren't.
Like today, it was semi-warm out, so I opened up my window, removed the screen and climbed out onto the little over-hanging right outside my bedroom window to read a book. The book itself was interesting, and as I was reading I began to think of where I was so I stopped reading and looked around. I heard a few noises and wanted to investigate so I looked at where they were coming from. I saw three-maybe-four brown things, that were obviously robins and it made me sad because I realized how badly I do need glasses just even to appreciate my backyard. I contemplated going to get them, but that meant moving and climbing back inside my room to get them and then I would only have to take them off again when I went back to reading. I decided against getting them (mostly because I am lazy). I went back to reading, but I kept hearing noises in the bushes. After awhile I ignored it. I am sad now that I didn't take the extra time to just look around and appreciate my back yard.
Then again it's just a yard.
And at the same time it's more then that. It was my personal playground when I was younger and next year I won't be seeing it as much as before.
Just writing that made me realize that this is it, I'm growing up. I can still act like a kid all I want and be silly (Lucas is proof of this), but basically I have to grow up and be responsible. I have to start being in charge of my life, of course my mom and dad will always be there to help me and I have a few years before I completely break away from them and stop being dependant on them, but essentially it all starts September. Seems fitting in some way that September is the start of new school years and also is when my birthday is. Don't ask how this is fitting, it just seems to make sense to me.
Not that a whole lot does make sense to me.
She asks why we all still talk about him and mention him.
Probably because it's hard not to.
He was apart of our lives, we were friends with him at one point and there are good memories. I shouldn't feel guilty because I mention his name when remembering something that happened and say who was there. Just because he was there, doesn't automatically make it a bad memory.
Just because we pretend he doesn't exist doesn't mean it's true.
Also sometimes it feels good to mention him and say something mean and cruel because I am bitter and will be for a large part of the next couple of years. I am sad that I am bitter because it ruins happiness, but you can't stop feeling a certain way all of a sudden. Things take time, apparently a lot of time.
Time was never on my side.
You said time was all you needed, so I walked away and let you have your space.
Though it didn't hurt near as badly, as the tears I saw rolling down your face.
Just to see you smile, I'd do anything, that you wanted me to.
And all that said and done, I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile.
They may seem like interesting.
But they really aren't.
Like today, it was semi-warm out, so I opened up my window, removed the screen and climbed out onto the little over-hanging right outside my bedroom window to read a book. The book itself was interesting, and as I was reading I began to think of where I was so I stopped reading and looked around. I heard a few noises and wanted to investigate so I looked at where they were coming from. I saw three-maybe-four brown things, that were obviously robins and it made me sad because I realized how badly I do need glasses just even to appreciate my backyard. I contemplated going to get them, but that meant moving and climbing back inside my room to get them and then I would only have to take them off again when I went back to reading. I decided against getting them (mostly because I am lazy). I went back to reading, but I kept hearing noises in the bushes. After awhile I ignored it. I am sad now that I didn't take the extra time to just look around and appreciate my back yard.
Then again it's just a yard.
And at the same time it's more then that. It was my personal playground when I was younger and next year I won't be seeing it as much as before.
Just writing that made me realize that this is it, I'm growing up. I can still act like a kid all I want and be silly (Lucas is proof of this), but basically I have to grow up and be responsible. I have to start being in charge of my life, of course my mom and dad will always be there to help me and I have a few years before I completely break away from them and stop being dependant on them, but essentially it all starts September. Seems fitting in some way that September is the start of new school years and also is when my birthday is. Don't ask how this is fitting, it just seems to make sense to me.
Not that a whole lot does make sense to me.
She asks why we all still talk about him and mention him.
Probably because it's hard not to.
He was apart of our lives, we were friends with him at one point and there are good memories. I shouldn't feel guilty because I mention his name when remembering something that happened and say who was there. Just because he was there, doesn't automatically make it a bad memory.
Just because we pretend he doesn't exist doesn't mean it's true.
Also sometimes it feels good to mention him and say something mean and cruel because I am bitter and will be for a large part of the next couple of years. I am sad that I am bitter because it ruins happiness, but you can't stop feeling a certain way all of a sudden. Things take time, apparently a lot of time.
Time was never on my side.
You said time was all you needed, so I walked away and let you have your space.
Though it didn't hurt near as badly, as the tears I saw rolling down your face.
Just to see you smile, I'd do anything, that you wanted me to.
And all that said and done, I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile.