That Last Day
It's still hard for me to believe shes really gone, I keep feeling like shes just away until she gets better but thats not the case. Everything reminds me of her outside of my room and I can't not cry when I see the food i'll never be able to give her. The leash I can never use with her again....
But I guess I should explain what happened on her last day. I wish so much that I had hugged her atleast once that day but I didn't because I thought I would see her again. That will probably hurt me for the rest of my life.
Back in November Cookie and Mimi got fleas,something that had never happened to them before. It was a pretty bad infestation too. They both were chewing on themselves alot,Cookie did it worse than Mimi though. Mimi got better within a few days after treatment but Cookie had chewed on herself so much that her skin got infected. She was on anti-biotics off and on throughout this year.
She was loosing weight because she was so picky with food,but she still had an appetite. It scared me to see her getting so thin but I didn't know what we could do,she just didn't like dry food. Its not that she couldn't handle chewing it because she still would take ice cubes to eat. She did this even in what would turn out to be her final month.
She had almost gotten all the way better with the anti-biotics but then she started chewing on herself again, even on her legs were the fleas hadn't been when she had them. So I made the decision to put an elizabethan collar (cone) on her even though it made her miserable. I felt bad subjecting her to that but I wanted her to finally get better.I was worried about what happen if didn't. That with the antibiotics seemed to work. She wasn't bleeding anymore,she didn't smell bad.
She needed more help walking around with the cone because it would catch on things but other than that she was coping. But then she started getting this cough, I thought it was because she had chewed on herself in the past. I thought it wasn't something that wasn't major,although it was a bit worrying.
In her final week it became worse,but she was on an antiobiotic so I thought that could treat what ever was wrong. On what would become her last day the cough was getting worse and she wouldn't take the food i'd give her anymore,only lunch meat. I thought she was just being picky that day...
Then I noticed she wouldn't put her head down anymore,she kept holding it up and drooling a bit. She was breathing through her mouth eventually. I worried she had Pnemonia and i looked up the symptoms. Alot of it matched up.
When my mom came home from work she knew right away she needed to go a vet. I picked her up and placed her into the back seat and we drove to an emergency vet. She just layed quietly. I thought she just needed treatment,and that although this was a scary time-I thought she would get better.
The condition from what they were saying seemed gaurded,but not hopeless. They took her in the back and held an oxygen hose up to her nose to help her breathe through her nose rather than her mouth. Then they let us see her.
I feared she wasn't going to be concious when we saw her but she was,she still looked at us. I thought this meant Cookie was gonna be okay. They said they needed to keep her overnight to be safe,which was understandable.
But then her gums began becomming pale,almost white. The one vet took my mom in another room to talk about the financial part of all of this but they let me stay with her for a few minutes. I started tearing up because it hurt to me see Cookie this way. But I held her head in my hand for a bit while I petted her,trying to make her feel comfortable.
They got a pillow for Cookie so she didn't have to hold her head up all the time on her own. She seemed to like that. I petted her some more but then they asked me to wait in the waiting room. I was feeling sick and very upset so my mom called my Aunt Kathy (who lives about 25 minutes away from us) to come pick me up. She took me to her house.
I went to bed around ten that night,and my mom called around 11. My Aunt couldn't bare to tell me before I went to bed but apparently Cookie took a turn for the worst. The vets told my mom that she wasn't responding much to the oxygen and that although they were willing to keep her overnight,there was no promise that they could save her. It would have been $2,700 to even try.
So she had to make the decision to let Cookie go....I couldn't deal with asking the details but my Mom said she was growing very very tired.
That night, I had prayed for Cookie. I asked for this to please not be her time. But the truth was that she was already gone.
In the morning my Aunt offered me something to eat and some coffee,trying to talk about happy things. She wasn't really ready to tell me either. But she did say that my mom had called.
I asked if Cookie was still alive and she had to tell me no. So that's how I found it. I could have never dealt with watching Cookie pass away but I wish more than anything that i had hugged her. That I had done more with her that day.
I worry she would have thought I didn't care for her and that I didn't love her like I do. She was like a sister to me,but the day I was never ready for has come.
But I guess I should explain what happened on her last day. I wish so much that I had hugged her atleast once that day but I didn't because I thought I would see her again. That will probably hurt me for the rest of my life.
Back in November Cookie and Mimi got fleas,something that had never happened to them before. It was a pretty bad infestation too. They both were chewing on themselves alot,Cookie did it worse than Mimi though. Mimi got better within a few days after treatment but Cookie had chewed on herself so much that her skin got infected. She was on anti-biotics off and on throughout this year.
She was loosing weight because she was so picky with food,but she still had an appetite. It scared me to see her getting so thin but I didn't know what we could do,she just didn't like dry food. Its not that she couldn't handle chewing it because she still would take ice cubes to eat. She did this even in what would turn out to be her final month.
She had almost gotten all the way better with the anti-biotics but then she started chewing on herself again, even on her legs were the fleas hadn't been when she had them. So I made the decision to put an elizabethan collar (cone) on her even though it made her miserable. I felt bad subjecting her to that but I wanted her to finally get better.I was worried about what happen if didn't. That with the antibiotics seemed to work. She wasn't bleeding anymore,she didn't smell bad.
She needed more help walking around with the cone because it would catch on things but other than that she was coping. But then she started getting this cough, I thought it was because she had chewed on herself in the past. I thought it wasn't something that wasn't major,although it was a bit worrying.
In her final week it became worse,but she was on an antiobiotic so I thought that could treat what ever was wrong. On what would become her last day the cough was getting worse and she wouldn't take the food i'd give her anymore,only lunch meat. I thought she was just being picky that day...
Then I noticed she wouldn't put her head down anymore,she kept holding it up and drooling a bit. She was breathing through her mouth eventually. I worried she had Pnemonia and i looked up the symptoms. Alot of it matched up.
When my mom came home from work she knew right away she needed to go a vet. I picked her up and placed her into the back seat and we drove to an emergency vet. She just layed quietly. I thought she just needed treatment,and that although this was a scary time-I thought she would get better.
The condition from what they were saying seemed gaurded,but not hopeless. They took her in the back and held an oxygen hose up to her nose to help her breathe through her nose rather than her mouth. Then they let us see her.
I feared she wasn't going to be concious when we saw her but she was,she still looked at us. I thought this meant Cookie was gonna be okay. They said they needed to keep her overnight to be safe,which was understandable.
But then her gums began becomming pale,almost white. The one vet took my mom in another room to talk about the financial part of all of this but they let me stay with her for a few minutes. I started tearing up because it hurt to me see Cookie this way. But I held her head in my hand for a bit while I petted her,trying to make her feel comfortable.
They got a pillow for Cookie so she didn't have to hold her head up all the time on her own. She seemed to like that. I petted her some more but then they asked me to wait in the waiting room. I was feeling sick and very upset so my mom called my Aunt Kathy (who lives about 25 minutes away from us) to come pick me up. She took me to her house.
I went to bed around ten that night,and my mom called around 11. My Aunt couldn't bare to tell me before I went to bed but apparently Cookie took a turn for the worst. The vets told my mom that she wasn't responding much to the oxygen and that although they were willing to keep her overnight,there was no promise that they could save her. It would have been $2,700 to even try.
So she had to make the decision to let Cookie go....I couldn't deal with asking the details but my Mom said she was growing very very tired.
That night, I had prayed for Cookie. I asked for this to please not be her time. But the truth was that she was already gone.
In the morning my Aunt offered me something to eat and some coffee,trying to talk about happy things. She wasn't really ready to tell me either. But she did say that my mom had called.
I asked if Cookie was still alive and she had to tell me no. So that's how I found it. I could have never dealt with watching Cookie pass away but I wish more than anything that i had hugged her. That I had done more with her that day.
I worry she would have thought I didn't care for her and that I didn't love her like I do. She was like a sister to me,but the day I was never ready for has come.