(no subject)
Anymore I'm not really happy,sometimes I am but that's because I don't think about the bad things, I pretend they aren't really happening.
But sometimes its just too much, I find myself crying in my sleep and now I'm just crying in general. I have to hide things from my mom because she'll make me go on anti-depressants or some shit when that's not whats wrong. Not like she understands anyway, so I'll just continue to hide it all as usual.
I miss my pets that are gone, I miss my dad, I miss everything i've lost. Sometimes I can't handle never getting to be with them again until I die and even then that's not guaranteed one hundred percent.
Its easter today and I think of how when I was little my dad was always there and we went to church and stuff...now that's all gone, I see the other families happy because they still have both of their fucking parents, I don't get to have that anymore.
The boyfriend that means everything to me has been gone for a month and last time we talked he seemed annoyed with me... I keep crying because I'm so scared about loosing him...but does he care? He is gonna come back and be one of the few things that makes me truly happy again?
I care about my friends both online and irl but do I really mean something to them? Or am I just someone to talk to...nothing to be missed?
I don't want to die young and yet who knows if I'll get to live long, i'm fat and whatever. I am whiny I guess, but I just don't want to be alone. But I guess in reality that doesn't really matter to anyone else that much.
I guess i'm just the typical whiny teenager to the random passerby, they don't understand or care to try at all, I don't have "real problems" to them. Well fuck them.
And it seems that everything that makes me happy even a little bit is objectionable to someone,somewhere...that's not easy to deal with for me either.
....I just need someone or something...but whatever it is its not here right now. If Brian could at least be there again then at least I wouldn't cry anymore..
But sometimes its just too much, I find myself crying in my sleep and now I'm just crying in general. I have to hide things from my mom because she'll make me go on anti-depressants or some shit when that's not whats wrong. Not like she understands anyway, so I'll just continue to hide it all as usual.
I miss my pets that are gone, I miss my dad, I miss everything i've lost. Sometimes I can't handle never getting to be with them again until I die and even then that's not guaranteed one hundred percent.
Its easter today and I think of how when I was little my dad was always there and we went to church and stuff...now that's all gone, I see the other families happy because they still have both of their fucking parents, I don't get to have that anymore.
The boyfriend that means everything to me has been gone for a month and last time we talked he seemed annoyed with me... I keep crying because I'm so scared about loosing him...but does he care? He is gonna come back and be one of the few things that makes me truly happy again?
I care about my friends both online and irl but do I really mean something to them? Or am I just someone to talk to...nothing to be missed?
I don't want to die young and yet who knows if I'll get to live long, i'm fat and whatever. I am whiny I guess, but I just don't want to be alone. But I guess in reality that doesn't really matter to anyone else that much.
I guess i'm just the typical whiny teenager to the random passerby, they don't understand or care to try at all, I don't have "real problems" to them. Well fuck them.
And it seems that everything that makes me happy even a little bit is objectionable to someone,somewhere...that's not easy to deal with for me either.
....I just need someone or something...but whatever it is its not here right now. If Brian could at least be there again then at least I wouldn't cry anymore..