blog:
Friends, I am not doing well.
I am, in fact, in the deeper regions of a serious depressive spiral that has been steadily getting worse over the past month or so. I have no energy, no focus, and people who hardly know me have remarked on how obviously tired I am. I have not been sleeping well, nor have I been eating properly.
I'll be calling the county public health center for help in finding a therapist, because I have allowed this to go on far too long without help. I'm doing my best to take a long view of the situation, but I'm having very real trouble coping in the short term. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to take care of myself, as small, routine tasks require a conscious effort of will to complete.
I realize that the state I'm describing is very familiar to many of you, as it is to me. The reason I mention this is only to say that I need help, now, to get by until things start to get better. However, as has been recently pointed out to me, I have a great deal of difficulty in expressing my emotional needs. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't actually know what help to ask for or what is available. At this point, all I can think to request is some sort of steady, even daily encouragement and support. I know that's a lot to ask, and I don't have much to offer in exchange but to return the support in kind. (Unless you want a pillow. I can make you a pillow.)
As with, frankly, everything else I have ever thought, felt, or said in my life, I have no idea if this is overly dramatic, tragically understated, or exactly to the point. Regardless, there it is.
I am, in fact, in the deeper regions of a serious depressive spiral that has been steadily getting worse over the past month or so. I have no energy, no focus, and people who hardly know me have remarked on how obviously tired I am. I have not been sleeping well, nor have I been eating properly.
I'll be calling the county public health center for help in finding a therapist, because I have allowed this to go on far too long without help. I'm doing my best to take a long view of the situation, but I'm having very real trouble coping in the short term. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to take care of myself, as small, routine tasks require a conscious effort of will to complete.
I realize that the state I'm describing is very familiar to many of you, as it is to me. The reason I mention this is only to say that I need help, now, to get by until things start to get better. However, as has been recently pointed out to me, I have a great deal of difficulty in expressing my emotional needs. I don't know how to ask for help. I don't actually know what help to ask for or what is available. At this point, all I can think to request is some sort of steady, even daily encouragement and support. I know that's a lot to ask, and I don't have much to offer in exchange but to return the support in kind. (Unless you want a pillow. I can make you a pillow.)
As with, frankly, everything else I have ever thought, felt, or said in my life, I have no idea if this is overly dramatic, tragically understated, or exactly to the point. Regardless, there it is.