(no subject)
Simple survival is sometimes the hardest thing to do.
Sanity and insanity. They go hand in hand. I keep darting between both lines. It's driving me mad. Will I ever obtain the freedom I desire so badly? I'm struggling.
Health insurance is done on the 30th. After that I have no medical care... Therefore no prescriptions. Thank you America for the shitty health care! Thank you for your shitty treatment of the mentally impaired! You fucking bastards. Now there's two people in my household that have to struggle for the medication we need. Should I go without, when I know at the moment I'm really having a difficult time, or should I risk paying hundreds of dollars for one 30 day supply? I heard a rumor that there may be some insurance from the county... but that means I will have to go on a generic med. A lot of generic meds have not worked on me in the past. I'm scared but I'll manage.
I'm getting pretty desperate to get the hell out of the middle of this divorce. My parents love to throw me into the middle of things. I know waaaaaaaaay too much. I would love to change my number and just disappear. I don't want my parents to find me. Not one bit. Any moment I've been spending with them has been making me sick. Once again the people who I'm supposed to trust most I cannot trust at all. I'm in pain, and it seems to be getting worse. It just looks a little darker, but I'm trying to pull through damn it. My mother called me last night and annoyed me to the point where I started to swear at her. My buddy Deanah nearly jumped out of her seat. She looked over at me quizzically and realized who I was talking to. Immediately she jumps on skype to calm me down. Deanah has been kind enough to offer to let me move in here. I am deeply considering it. I need a stable place to stay through this awful mess.
The people that I thought would support me are now turning against me. Father I'm really beginning to start to loathe you... You will not keep me here. I'm not your little drone. Not everything in my life is going to be "yes daddy." SO GET THE FUCK OVER IT. I need to escape you more than anyone. I hate Michigan and I can't stand your family. I'm not little Miss Perfect. I will not be molded into something I am clearly not. You can take your Christian bullshit and shove it up your ass. God is dead to me. He hasn't existed in my life since I was a little child. I am Wiccan and proud of it. So you see me of the devil, then I guess that is the image you will grow to hate. I no longer care. If I am to be dead in your eyes so be it. It's your loss not mine. I am sick of shedding tears and trying to please others. It's too dreadfully painful and I'm only lying to myself. So I'm tired of being the nice girl. They are starting to bring out the bitch in me. I'm quite tired. I need my bitchy sleep.
Blessed be. May the fates inspire your general direction.
<3 Ping
Sanity and insanity. They go hand in hand. I keep darting between both lines. It's driving me mad. Will I ever obtain the freedom I desire so badly? I'm struggling.
Health insurance is done on the 30th. After that I have no medical care... Therefore no prescriptions. Thank you America for the shitty health care! Thank you for your shitty treatment of the mentally impaired! You fucking bastards. Now there's two people in my household that have to struggle for the medication we need. Should I go without, when I know at the moment I'm really having a difficult time, or should I risk paying hundreds of dollars for one 30 day supply? I heard a rumor that there may be some insurance from the county... but that means I will have to go on a generic med. A lot of generic meds have not worked on me in the past. I'm scared but I'll manage.
I'm getting pretty desperate to get the hell out of the middle of this divorce. My parents love to throw me into the middle of things. I know waaaaaaaaay too much. I would love to change my number and just disappear. I don't want my parents to find me. Not one bit. Any moment I've been spending with them has been making me sick. Once again the people who I'm supposed to trust most I cannot trust at all. I'm in pain, and it seems to be getting worse. It just looks a little darker, but I'm trying to pull through damn it. My mother called me last night and annoyed me to the point where I started to swear at her. My buddy Deanah nearly jumped out of her seat. She looked over at me quizzically and realized who I was talking to. Immediately she jumps on skype to calm me down. Deanah has been kind enough to offer to let me move in here. I am deeply considering it. I need a stable place to stay through this awful mess.
The people that I thought would support me are now turning against me. Father I'm really beginning to start to loathe you... You will not keep me here. I'm not your little drone. Not everything in my life is going to be "yes daddy." SO GET THE FUCK OVER IT. I need to escape you more than anyone. I hate Michigan and I can't stand your family. I'm not little Miss Perfect. I will not be molded into something I am clearly not. You can take your Christian bullshit and shove it up your ass. God is dead to me. He hasn't existed in my life since I was a little child. I am Wiccan and proud of it. So you see me of the devil, then I guess that is the image you will grow to hate. I no longer care. If I am to be dead in your eyes so be it. It's your loss not mine. I am sick of shedding tears and trying to please others. It's too dreadfully painful and I'm only lying to myself. So I'm tired of being the nice girl. They are starting to bring out the bitch in me. I'm quite tired. I need my bitchy sleep.
Blessed be. May the fates inspire your general direction.
<3 Ping