In a land of make believe that don't believe in me...
Remember when I said I couldn't remember the last time I cried...well I do now. I've decided to step out of my french class (which isn't doing anything today anyway) for a while and take a small minute to release some pressure onto my beloved livejournal.
I really love this site...It might just be my favorite...
Anyway...Cinqo de Mayo really started out with a bang for me...and it all began last night. Let's start with Mike. Mike does some bad stuff. I hate the fact that he does...but I also know that it keeps him sane...I also know that he doesn't go running about town while he's doing bad stuff, and he stays in a safe enviroment. I guess I was ok with it. I was especially ok with it when he told me he was going to quit doing the bad stuff. This was Wednesday...keep that in mind. Yesterday, Thursday, he leaves me a message which I recieved after school...the DAY after we had this huge emotional talk and got a lot of stuff out that needed to be said...the DAY after he said, "If its proof you want, it's proof you'll get..."...the message included a lot of laughing and shouting about the fact that he was doing some bad stuff.
Ouch...I didn't call him back. I went to Mrs. Jones' room and finished my ROS & GUIL test <3 and then I went home so I could wait to meet my dad at the car insurance agency. He called, and I told him that I would come over before fencing. The car insurance mtg was just a bunch of this and that about how I have the good grades discount and the steer clear discount, but if I get into one accident or ticket, I loose my steer clear discount and you're a good driver so it should be ok and blahblahblah...yeah...in short...got that over with and went to Tommy's to see Mike.
When I got there...NOT to my surprise...they were doing some bad stuff. I talked on the phone to Jarrad Dolla to try and make plans while mike listened to my mp3 player. When I got off the phone, he asked if I would buy him ciggarettes. Now...once or twice was fine...buy wasting my money on him every three days (sometimes every other) is NOT fun. So...I said I would rather not. And he got all upset...but left it alone. and off I went to fencing.
Driving down route 50 and I'm right in front of the draw bridge...its a green light. I see the car RIGHT BESIDE me flip its turn signal on to move into my lane, so I speed up to let her in behind me so I don't piss the people behind me off by slowing down. Before I had barely sped up, BAM! She just slides into my lane...INTO ME! I felt the car jerk...but it was just a bump. My heart was kirking out tho, and my knuckles went white on my steering wheel. What had the insurance agent JUST SAID? fuckfuckfuck was all I could think. I stared straight foward as the light changed red and the lady in the other car pulls up beside me...I didn't even look at her when she said through her window, "Are you ok?" in some asian accent. I said (rather sternly) "Yes. Is my car ok?" I finally looked at her...some middle aged asian woman who looked terrified...she nodded her head. I said, "Well your car's fine too." And that was it...the light changed and I continued on to fencing, my foot shaking HARD on the gas.
After pulling into the parking lot and checking the minimal damage (a smudge or two and some scratches on the rim), I noticed my transmission was leaking again. GRAND
*****NOTE THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG RANT******
Dad came and helped me check to make sure my car was fine, and after fencing Rachel and her mom followed me home to make sure I didn't break down. A quick trip to Autozone and 3 quarts of transmission fluid later, we filled her up and I was back in business. Unfortunately, Jarrad's ex girlfriend had locked her keys in her car in OC, and needed him to bring the spare set he still had to help her unlock it...no plans meant going back to Mikes.
So I get back to Tommy's and Mike's drunk...along with his friend who wants a ride to the mall. I didn't care...i was so angry I didn't care. I went to the mall, bought Tool's new CD, and was completely embarassed by my stumbling, slurring boyfriend. WHO ASKED FOR MONEY FOR FOOD. (in which my reply was to fling two dollars at him and say, "Go buy some waffle fries." and stomping off towards Hot topic.) And on our way out...he asked again for ciggarettes.
I was so pissed off. Mike's like that. He's totally great...but he never does anything completely unselfish. It's all about him, and he expects me to dump my money just for him because he doesn't have a job anymore...when its honestly his own fault that he got fired.
He realized that he had made me angry, and started crying in the car. If you can imagine...that made me feel horrible, so I just went on autopilot. Next thing you know, I was off to the park, we got out of the car, I picked up two rocks, handed him one...walked to the middle of the bridge, hugged him, and said, "Make a wish." Commence fairy tale...We danced on the bridged and he cried and I held him and we made our wishes and threw our stones. I told him that I had never been on the new bridge, so I was somewhere I had never been before with him, and we never even had to leave home. He kept smiling, and then we sat on the swings. I sat with him on one...we raced on swings...he pushed me on one until he tackled it and hugged me. It was just a mix of tears and kisses...well no tears from me.
Perfection...I though I had fixed everything. And then the second we get in the car he's asking for ciggarettes. AGAIN. You kow he doesn't even give me all the change back?!?! He felt bad again, but he told me it would be the last pack he asked me for...then he said it would be his LAST PACK. HE asked if I didn't believe him, and honestly...I DON'T. But he told me he doesn't want to spend MY money anymore...so he'll do anything.
We'll see...
Went home to write a four page writer's journal extention/RANT all about existentialism and the last few pages of Ros & Guil, and EVERYMAN, and the works. I finished it this morning...and YES...it IS HOLY DEPRESSING.
This morning...transmission fluid leaking again. I flipped out on my way to school when my car was hesitating every five seconds and went to Mikes...one of the few places I feel safe. I call Kyle for help, and he blows me off. No surprise there. I call my dad and we start arguing (as usual)
ONLY A FEW MINUTES LEFT IN CLASS
Mom calls and screams at me for being at mike's...I'm trying to fix my car...Mike's trying to help, and I just started crying. FINALLY. I didn't cry long, but it felt so good for tears to be stinging my eyes...you have no idea. I knew it was going to be a horrible day, but I left and went to school...a tough ride. Dad came and put some more transmission fluid in, and Mrs. Thamert is awesome and didn't mark me late.
I'm so happy that my parents are leaving this weekend. I'm not so happy that I have to work. I just want to BREATHE. I want a break.
Actually...
I want to hug Noah.
Of all the things I could want...I just want to see him. >.<
He said he's going to try and help me choose. Try to prove to me that Mike's offer is worth passing up. And yet Ryan and Mike are saying the same thing.
There's still a big part of me that's rooting for Noah.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end that's RIGHT. I hope you have the time of your life."
Wow...^^good luck with that
I really love this site...It might just be my favorite...
Anyway...Cinqo de Mayo really started out with a bang for me...and it all began last night. Let's start with Mike. Mike does some bad stuff. I hate the fact that he does...but I also know that it keeps him sane...I also know that he doesn't go running about town while he's doing bad stuff, and he stays in a safe enviroment. I guess I was ok with it. I was especially ok with it when he told me he was going to quit doing the bad stuff. This was Wednesday...keep that in mind. Yesterday, Thursday, he leaves me a message which I recieved after school...the DAY after we had this huge emotional talk and got a lot of stuff out that needed to be said...the DAY after he said, "If its proof you want, it's proof you'll get..."...the message included a lot of laughing and shouting about the fact that he was doing some bad stuff.
Ouch...I didn't call him back. I went to Mrs. Jones' room and finished my ROS & GUIL test <3 and then I went home so I could wait to meet my dad at the car insurance agency. He called, and I told him that I would come over before fencing. The car insurance mtg was just a bunch of this and that about how I have the good grades discount and the steer clear discount, but if I get into one accident or ticket, I loose my steer clear discount and you're a good driver so it should be ok and blahblahblah...yeah...in short...got that over with and went to Tommy's to see Mike.
When I got there...NOT to my surprise...they were doing some bad stuff. I talked on the phone to Jarrad Dolla to try and make plans while mike listened to my mp3 player. When I got off the phone, he asked if I would buy him ciggarettes. Now...once or twice was fine...buy wasting my money on him every three days (sometimes every other) is NOT fun. So...I said I would rather not. And he got all upset...but left it alone. and off I went to fencing.
Driving down route 50 and I'm right in front of the draw bridge...its a green light. I see the car RIGHT BESIDE me flip its turn signal on to move into my lane, so I speed up to let her in behind me so I don't piss the people behind me off by slowing down. Before I had barely sped up, BAM! She just slides into my lane...INTO ME! I felt the car jerk...but it was just a bump. My heart was kirking out tho, and my knuckles went white on my steering wheel. What had the insurance agent JUST SAID? fuckfuckfuck was all I could think. I stared straight foward as the light changed red and the lady in the other car pulls up beside me...I didn't even look at her when she said through her window, "Are you ok?" in some asian accent. I said (rather sternly) "Yes. Is my car ok?" I finally looked at her...some middle aged asian woman who looked terrified...she nodded her head. I said, "Well your car's fine too." And that was it...the light changed and I continued on to fencing, my foot shaking HARD on the gas.
After pulling into the parking lot and checking the minimal damage (a smudge or two and some scratches on the rim), I noticed my transmission was leaking again. GRAND
*****NOTE THIS IS GOING TO BE A REALLY LONG RANT******
Dad came and helped me check to make sure my car was fine, and after fencing Rachel and her mom followed me home to make sure I didn't break down. A quick trip to Autozone and 3 quarts of transmission fluid later, we filled her up and I was back in business. Unfortunately, Jarrad's ex girlfriend had locked her keys in her car in OC, and needed him to bring the spare set he still had to help her unlock it...no plans meant going back to Mikes.
So I get back to Tommy's and Mike's drunk...along with his friend who wants a ride to the mall. I didn't care...i was so angry I didn't care. I went to the mall, bought Tool's new CD, and was completely embarassed by my stumbling, slurring boyfriend. WHO ASKED FOR MONEY FOR FOOD. (in which my reply was to fling two dollars at him and say, "Go buy some waffle fries." and stomping off towards Hot topic.) And on our way out...he asked again for ciggarettes.
I was so pissed off. Mike's like that. He's totally great...but he never does anything completely unselfish. It's all about him, and he expects me to dump my money just for him because he doesn't have a job anymore...when its honestly his own fault that he got fired.
He realized that he had made me angry, and started crying in the car. If you can imagine...that made me feel horrible, so I just went on autopilot. Next thing you know, I was off to the park, we got out of the car, I picked up two rocks, handed him one...walked to the middle of the bridge, hugged him, and said, "Make a wish." Commence fairy tale...We danced on the bridged and he cried and I held him and we made our wishes and threw our stones. I told him that I had never been on the new bridge, so I was somewhere I had never been before with him, and we never even had to leave home. He kept smiling, and then we sat on the swings. I sat with him on one...we raced on swings...he pushed me on one until he tackled it and hugged me. It was just a mix of tears and kisses...well no tears from me.
Perfection...I though I had fixed everything. And then the second we get in the car he's asking for ciggarettes. AGAIN. You kow he doesn't even give me all the change back?!?! He felt bad again, but he told me it would be the last pack he asked me for...then he said it would be his LAST PACK. HE asked if I didn't believe him, and honestly...I DON'T. But he told me he doesn't want to spend MY money anymore...so he'll do anything.
We'll see...
Went home to write a four page writer's journal extention/RANT all about existentialism and the last few pages of Ros & Guil, and EVERYMAN, and the works. I finished it this morning...and YES...it IS HOLY DEPRESSING.
This morning...transmission fluid leaking again. I flipped out on my way to school when my car was hesitating every five seconds and went to Mikes...one of the few places I feel safe. I call Kyle for help, and he blows me off. No surprise there. I call my dad and we start arguing (as usual)
ONLY A FEW MINUTES LEFT IN CLASS
Mom calls and screams at me for being at mike's...I'm trying to fix my car...Mike's trying to help, and I just started crying. FINALLY. I didn't cry long, but it felt so good for tears to be stinging my eyes...you have no idea. I knew it was going to be a horrible day, but I left and went to school...a tough ride. Dad came and put some more transmission fluid in, and Mrs. Thamert is awesome and didn't mark me late.
I'm so happy that my parents are leaving this weekend. I'm not so happy that I have to work. I just want to BREATHE. I want a break.
Actually...
I want to hug Noah.
Of all the things I could want...I just want to see him. >.<
He said he's going to try and help me choose. Try to prove to me that Mike's offer is worth passing up. And yet Ryan and Mike are saying the same thing.
There's still a big part of me that's rooting for Noah.
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end that's RIGHT. I hope you have the time of your life."
Wow...^^good luck with that