Supernatural Episode Review - 5x01 - Sympathy for the Devil
I missed the Vampire Diaries. Was it any good?
The Road So Far: AC/DC “Thunderstruck” brings us up to speed with the Dean in hell and crawling out and boy hugging and evil Sammy and Lilith and stupid angel Anna. Demon-vampire Sammy. Asshole Kurt and awesome Holy Hotness and burning Daddy…which was a long time ago. LOL And CHUUUUUUUCK! I AM THE PROPHET CHUCK! *snort* Baaaaad Sammy. Dead Ruby and Lucifer rising.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SEASON FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And…here we are. He’s coming. Dean pulls Sammy and the doors are stuck and they can’t get out and shit. And then they’re on a plane as the growling and high-pitched whining starts. What? And the in-flight movie is Yosemite Sam and the devil. Heh. They’re on a descent to where they just were. And a huge white light blinding into the sky makes the plane veer off and…
NEW TITLES WITH LIKE…BLOOD or something.
In the car, there’s terrorists and hurricanes and nuclear testing and tremors and swing flu on the radio. Heh. Apocalypse? Sam tries to apologize and Dean stops him. They try to figure out how the hell they got on the plane and they need to find Castiel. Yes, please, do that.
At Chuck’s, the whole place is trashed. The boys walk in and Chuck totally smacks Sam on the head. Haha. I love Chuck. Chuck’s surprised they’re ok (Sam’s head hurts - lmao), or Sam specifically because the last vision he had, Sam was uber-evil, heart rate through the roof and shit and black eyes. Dean’s all “You’re eyes went black!?” Sam’s all I didn’t know! Dean asks where HHH is and Chuck says he’s dead, the archangel smote him and he exploded like a water balloon of chunky soup. Graphic. Ew. Chuck also has a tooth in his hair. OH EW. He better not fucking be dead. Chuck says it’s been a stressful day. *snort* The boys argue a little and Chuck says the angels are coming. Oh it’s the jackass. Kurt. He wants Dean to come with them. Yeah - NO. Jackass says they didn’t start anything - Dean didn’t stop Sam. Asshat says they want the same thing now - back on the same team. Yeah - NO again. Asshat says Lucifer has to find a vessel - and if he finds it it’s the whole Revelation Theory: four horsemen, etc.
Asshat has a pissing contest with Dean and Dean ROCKS using HHH’s blood-trick for sending angels…wherever. The white-light beam-thing. And we get the first sonofabitch of the year. “This sucks ass,” says Chuck. Heh.
At the Regent Inn Hotel, Sam comes in the room and he’s brought hex bags. He made them - Ruby taught him. Oh. Point of contention Sam. Dean asks Sam how he’s doing - withdrawal from bitch-blood and all that. Sam says he’s fine - no shakes or fever, figures whoever put them on the plane cleaned him right up - Supernatural Methadone Dean suggests. Sam wants to talk again and Dean cockblocks like usual. Sam’s all - I don’t even know what to say - sorry and screwing up doesn’t really cut it. Dean’s mad because he keeps brining it up then. Ugh. Boys. Dean - if you just talked it the fuck out maybe we’d have CLOSURE. *sigh*
Ok let’s find the devil!
In Pike Creek, Delaware…a guy walks through his…hey…that’s…NO FUCKING WAY - gate and the gate just keeps slamming. Next he’s in bed. Ok sidebar. This dude - I know WAY too much random informational shit. Ok, when I was like…maybe nine or ten, I watched this show called The Hat Squad. It was about these three orphan boys who were taken in by a cop - adopted and raised as family - they became sort of like…private detectives. I don’t remember if they were actual cops, but I don’t think so. Anyway, like I can probably still recite the shit from the opening credits. It went something like this: You gotta be different, like these four cops, they were known as The Hat Squad and they wore hats and dusters as a symbol of that difference and no criminal would mess with them. As orphans, you boys know what it is to be victims and they protected people like you, so maybe someday you can be like them.” Oh my GOD, I just looked it up and I knew that WORD FOR FUCKING WORD and it was on in 1992. I…am sort of sad that I remember it that well. WOW. ANYWAY, the show starred Don Michael Paul, Nestor Serrano and Billy Warlock (who I was in love with). The point to me telling you all of this is that one episode featured the evil Strong family, the head of which, the father, was actually the dude that played the original Tarzan (another fun fact!), and his middle son, was D.W. - THIS IS THAT DUDE. Again, I am appalled and amazed at my brain and its contents. So, this dude, who is obviously meant to be evil or some shit - probably the devil’s vessel - is henceforth known as D.W. Anyway, D.W. is in bed and is covered in blood. Like EVERYWHERE. Ew. When he turns the light on, nada. Cuuuuuurious. *coughsEVILcoughs* He tries to go back to sleep, rolls over and DEAD WOMAN. Nick is special, apparently, and chosen. PEEK-A-BOO and nooooo see you!
Dude. EVIL.
“And then Sam touched…no…caressed Dean’s clavicle.” “This is wrong said Dean.” “Then I don’t want to be right,” replied Sam in a husky voice. ROFLMAO. *DIES OF LAUGHTER* This is Becky, who is the No. 1 fan of Chuck, Samlicker81, Marzipan-sending, webmistress at morethanbrothers.net. ROFLMAO. I…cannot. BREATHE. Chuck needs her help because he’s being watched. He needs her to get a message to Sam and Dean and she gets kinda huffy because she realizes they are not real. *SNORT* Chuck’s all - dude - real. “I KNEW IT!” LMAO.
ROFLMAO. Even though Kripke is an evil bastard, I love this man. Period.
Back at the boys. Sam answers the door and Becky is overwhelmed with the hotness. She thinks Sam is firm. OH MY GOD. She’s all “You’re Sam Winchester and you’re…not what I pictured.” ROFLMAO! Dean’s all WHA?! *SNORT* *GIGGLES* She almost admits the porn and then relays Chuck’s message (also adding the angels was a nice lead-up for mythology as demons were getting kind of old - LOL): “The Michael sword is on earth. The angels lost it.” It’s “In a castle, on a hill made of 42 dogs.” ROFLMAO. I LOVE THIS CHICK. She keeps touching Sam and he’s all - personal space. “Can you quit touching me?” “No.”
WORD!
Boooooooobbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. Why…is he driving the Impala? Weren’t the boys…driving it before? I’m…confused. Hug Hug.
Getting down to brass tacks, they discuss the sword. Dan thinks he’s unimpressive - looks like Cate Blanchet. Heh. If they can find the sword, they can kill the devil again. They are gonna break up into reading groups. Sam has a confession. Sam admits to Bobby that he set the big bad free. ‘Cause he didn’t listen. He’s a baaaaaaaaaaad boy. And Bobby lets him have it.
Aww Bobby. Come on now. That wasn’t necessary. We don’t need to further alienate the one who was just evil. Bobby says if they do this and they win, that Sam should lose his number. That’s not very Bobby-like. (Should have tipped me off).
Sammy’s a kicked puppy and he’s gonna go read stuff in church. Aww I love you Sammy.
Bobby’s waxing poetic about John’s save Sam or kill him message. He tells Dean that maybe they shouldn’t have tried so hard to save him and they didn’t stop him - maybe John was right. Ugh. Dean’s all LIGHT BULB over something and digs for some card - that’s to some storage shed of John’s that’s at Castle Storage, 42 Rover Hill or some shit. Hill of 42 dogs. Bobby’s all…FUCK. Bobby’s kicking Dean’s ass. Oh FUCK NO. OH FUCK NO. KRIPKE YOU ASSHOLE. YOU DO NOT TOUCH BOBBY! BOBBY IS NOT DEMON-ABLE! IT’S AGAINST THE RULES! *BLOWS WHISTLE* FOUL! FOOOOOOOOUL!
Back from commercial, more ass whooping and…who’s this chick now?! Meg?! Oh no, please no. I don’t like her. I WANT ORIGINAL MEG BACK. DO NOT CHANGE SHIT. It doesn’t go well! Apparently everyone wants Dean. Well DUH - LOOK AT THE ASS! This is why they always kiss him. She says John is still there…like…in hell? What? Dean doesn’t want Bobby to kill him and shit. SAM!!!!!!! HURRY UP. OH GOOD. Bobby breaks free and stabs himself! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK NO! Sam gets hit with a phone. Dude - this chick is like…lisp-y. Both the boys look out of shape with the ass-kickery. Ok, I’m confused. Where’d they get the knife back from? Just as Dean’s gonna ice the lisp-queen, she charges out of the chick aaaaaand…
In Pike Creek, Delaware. D.W. is packing up baby shit. Divorce or death? The baby swing starts up and a child can be heard crying…on the baby monitor. Upstairs though, there is no baby and the crying stops. And then starts. Jesus. OH GOD THE CRIB IS BLEEDING. DON’T GO OVER THERE YOU DUMBASS! But as he does the whole PEEK-A-BOO thing again, the blood is gone.
Bobby’s bleeding after the self-stabbing and the boys bring him to the hospital. I should have KNOWN he wouldn’t be mean to Sam. Just like Daddy wasn’t evil like Fred-possessed Daddy. The boys have to leave though even though the nurse would really like to ask them questions because they need to get to the sword before the demons do.
The boys go to Castle Storage and there are dead people…like…all over. I don’t…OH. It’s jackass. Kurt-asshole says Dean is the sword. Or…what?
And where the fuck is Misha already. There is no exploding!
Back from commercial (WOLVERINE ORIGINS WITH EVERY FUCKING HOT GUY EVER COMES OUT TUESDAY WHEEEEEEEEEEE) Jackass is mocking Dean that he thought they could kill Lucifer when he’s a simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing. Ouch. We love Dean and all his insecurities. It’s what makes him…Dean. Anyway, he’s Michael’s weapon…his receptacle. Michael’s vessel. Because he was chosen. Dean’s all “Life as an angel condom!” FUN. NO. LOL However, jackass fucking breaks Sam’s leg because he’s done playing around.
BUT. They need consent.
I fucking hate Kurt. He tries using Bobby never walking again, giving Dean stage 4 stomach cancer and takes away Sam’s fucking LUNGS. GOD WHAT AN ASSHOLE. Have you never watched ANGELS IN THE OUTFIELD or ANGELS AMONG US or TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL? You’re a grade-A asshole.
And then…THERE’S CASTIEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jackass looks surprised. HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII MISHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He toasts all the other fuckers. Cause he’s AWESOME. Asshat’s all - how’re you alive and HHH’s is all coooool and “Dunno! Good question homes!” And then says another good question is how da boyz got on the plane, because it wasn’t angels. Cas is all - I think we BOTH know who did it. Scared asshat?! GOD DUDE. GOD. I bet God brought him back cause he’s so hot. I mean…uhm…useful and good. And shit. AND HOT. GOOOOOOOOOOOOD SAVED THE BOYS AND CAS! Cas orders Asshat to put the boys right and then get the fuck out, yo. YES TO BE PUTTING THEM BACK TOGETHER AND GO AWAY YOU SONOFABITCH, PLEASE. Fix his lover! HHH is all - dudes - Lucifer in the vessel = bad shit. He etches an Enochian sigil that will hide them from every angel in creation including Lucifer into their RIBS. LOL. And yes, he was really dead. Dean asks how he’s back and WHOOOOSH he’s gone. HEEEE MISHA!
Back to D.W. and his weird visions. Sarah, who is not his wife, but an angel (EVIL), Lucifer. Which he told him for…some reason. Lucifer, THE WOMAN, tells D.W. he’s a special vessel, who Lucifer needs because it’s necessary. Uhm. Ok. The woman, Lucifer, *snort* also needs D.W.’s consent. Lucifer is a smooth talker, she/he loved God too much and was punished like D.W. - who’s wife and child/red were murdered by an intruder. It’s the age old bad things happen and for what reason - is God there, does he care? Lucifer wants to hold God accountable. D.W. asks if his family can be brought back, which it can’t, but Lucifer can give him the next best thing - justice. Lucifer says he/she doesn’t lie; he/she doesn’t need to. Jesus get a gender already. This is annoying. D.W.’s a big pussy and says yes. Dumbass. White light possession. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist and then *poof* he’s gone. What a fucking loser. Deals with the devil don’t end well you jackass. You’re a weakling. Even after he/she TOLD you he was the freaking devil. Ugh. However, him being the devil really stokes me. Cause, 1) I like him 2) that’s good if he’s evil and you enjoy the bad guy 3) I watched him like…once on Lost and he did evil REALLY well. *squee*
In the hospital, Bobby’s being told he might not walk again - he tells the orderly or doctor or whatever to shove it. Heh - “Yeah, you better run!” Sam asks what the hell they do now. Bobby says save as many as they can for as long as they can.
Dean’s like - dudes - find your own planet. We kill ‘em all. Bobby’s all - how do we do this again? Dean: “I got no idea.” HEEE I love the way Jensen says this. And then: REVELATION. Dean has a G.E.D. and a give ‘em hell attitude. I think we all knew the last part but the first. Huh. I mean, I guess. I’m not sure how I want to take that. Did he leave because of hunting or because he hated school or both. We better get elaboration on that. I mean, I know we won’t because this is Kripke; we drop and run, but yeah. Bobby thinks he’s nine kinds of crazy.
Awwww Bobby apologizes and says he’s not ever cutting Sam out. YAY BOBBY! YEAH. Thanks Bobby! Hee.
Dean says he said all that shit for Bobby’s benefit. He’ll fight but they’ve got no chance. Sam asks if there’s something he wants to say to him. *SNORT* YEAH. Uh huh. Dean says he tried and can’t keep pretending everything’s alright because Sam chose a demon over his brother. And Sammy’s still sorry and shit but Dean depended on him and he’s disappointed. Aww honey. Sam asks what he can do. Well a blowjob to start…Dean says nothing. Fuck. Aw Dean, he tells Sam they can’t be what they were and he can’t trust him. *FUCKING SIGH*
The end.
UGH.
Epic boy fail! EPIC BOY FAIL! WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
Next week: Ellen and possessed Jo. Ew. Sam doesn’t trust himself and *SIGH*