I don't mean to, when I hurt you, but I need you, I assure you.
Last night was bad. I have never been so unhappy with people and drinking. I wanted to go dancing really bad, coz well.. I love to go to the club and dance all night, Aileen and I got all dressed up, and Ginny was going over to her boyfriend's place. Well, she changed her mind, and wanted to go. This was exciting to me because she hardly ever wants to do stuff, so I didn't care that we were just going to the SAE's house to drink, and not dance. I just wanted to hang out with her. Well, after a while I got there, and Megan dropped me off in the other apartment next door, and no one was around for like 10 minutes, and that pissed me off. Aparently everyone was in the other apartment and I was alone. Nice. So finally Ginny, and Julie bust in, completely wasted. At this point I just wanted to get drunk as fast as possible. So Megan poured me like straight vodka, it was horrible, but I drank every bit of it, and was completely trashed. Then, Megan goes to bed. (only sober person to take us home) I fumble around trying to call Allison to pick us up, and some how she is able to. I'm very intoxicated by this point as well, and Ginny and Julie are ignoring me and giggling about things and not including me. So I sit, drunk, and bored on a couch with complete strangers. Then, Allison gets us, and well it gets kinda hazy, I remember running to the car and feeling really numb. We get back and Ginny wants to be driven to her boyfriend's house at 3 in the morning, and for some reason I thought Allison had been drinking so I freak out and don't want her to drive. But they left, I climbed into Ginny's bed because Aileen was asleep in mine. I tryed to sleep, you know that feeling when your eyes are closed, your mouth waters and swells up and this force is pushing you down into the bed like you are falling from the sky. I felt like I was going to throw up, and I never throw up. I crawled to the bathroom and sat up, I thought my way out of it. I just spat and took deep breaths and it passed. I went back to bed, and fell asleep. The next morning I felt HORRIBLE. So Aileen left for Frats and Bat before me, and I curled into a ball and held my stomach until the pain passed. Then, I got up, took a shower and went to the feild. Aileen was gone. I walked up to like 3 pi phis who were staring at me like I was the fucking anti-christ. So I got pissed and drove off for about an hour. I just wandered around and then got some food and blankets and came back. I watched the rest of the games. Sigma Chi didn't win, which sucked, because I have a mad crush on Andrew Roe now.. out of no where. I never liked him in high school. He's definately hot now though, and I'm not afraid to talk to him, isn't that cool? So anyway, later I went to Jessica's dorm, and we hung out and did the whole "Cumonshnada" thing, and she redid my LJ, ain't it cute? Props to her! Now I'm sitting here, with the pit of my stomach welling up with anxiouty for no reason. I think it might be because I went to look for Ronee, and Ginny was in her room with Julie and didn't say hi to me, just to Megan who walked in the room with me. Great. She is probably mad at me. Goddamnit. Why can't things be like they were? I really want to be her friend, her best friend. Why can't it just be that simple. I hate my life.