well I did go on here, didn't I
This weekend, at the tender age of 27 I had a revelation about why, despite having always had a very good relationship with my mother, I don't tell her about a lot of things.
It's because I find her way of being supportive difficult to deal with.
Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful and appreciative of the fact that in general we enjoy each others' company, and that she'll take my side unconditionally. That last bit is kind of the problem. Once upon a time I used to think I was a tactful person. I prided myself on my ability to handle difficult interpersonal situations with sensitivity and finesse. I thought I was subtle, wily even.
Ahahaha, no, and it took other people telling me that I was crazy for thinking that for me to realize that the above is only true when compared to most of my relatives.
Anyways, I was talking to my mom about going wedding cake shopping. There's a place down the street from us that seems like they'd be pretty good, all the food I've ever had from them is excellent, and I trust them to not make something off the cakewrecks blog. Most importantly, they'd be very convenient and this isn't something D and I really want to shop around for. However, I'm not a huge fan of cake in general. I don't like birthday cake, or the standard sheet cake that tends to show up at office parties/picnics/whatever. That said, it's not like I hate all cake in existence, or have a deep moral objection to the presence of a cake at the wedding, and as it's one of the Standard Wedding Things that we'll have to explain over and over again if it's not there, it's way easier to just have one.
So that's the background. Got it? Good. I was about halfway through explaining the above, or not even that far to my mom when she interrupts to give a supportive speech about how we don't have to have a cake, we don't have to go to this specific place, it is our wedding and we should do whatever we want to do, and so on. Notice that she's got my back, she's with me to take a stand against anyone who tries to convince me to do something for the sake of tradition that I don't want to...except that what I want to do is make a lazy, easy compromise for the sake of having one less thing to explain/argue about.
In the process of trying to get the conversation back on track and explain all of this to my mom, we got into a shouting match, or at least a projecting voice in order to be heard over the other person match.
:headdesk:
I eventually talked her down, but for fuck's sake, it was a pretty ridiculous thing for us to be yelling about in the first place (Why are you yelling? I'm yelling because you're yelling), and that was, again, with neither of us upset.
And that, people, is exhibit A for why I am really, really, REALLY bad at dealing with people who use passive aggression as their main form of communication. I was pretty far into my twenties, and had to have a few relationships explode at me before I realized that there are people who will be upset about something, and then tell you that they weren't.
I still don't know to handle those sorts of people without forcing a confrontation of some sort, or pretending I don't notice and take them at their word, both things that tend to turn the situation into WWIII.
Alrighty, that's enough of that for one night.
In summary: Weddings=ARG, family=ARG
It's because I find her way of being supportive difficult to deal with.
Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful and appreciative of the fact that in general we enjoy each others' company, and that she'll take my side unconditionally. That last bit is kind of the problem. Once upon a time I used to think I was a tactful person. I prided myself on my ability to handle difficult interpersonal situations with sensitivity and finesse. I thought I was subtle, wily even.
Ahahaha, no, and it took other people telling me that I was crazy for thinking that for me to realize that the above is only true when compared to most of my relatives.
Anyways, I was talking to my mom about going wedding cake shopping. There's a place down the street from us that seems like they'd be pretty good, all the food I've ever had from them is excellent, and I trust them to not make something off the cakewrecks blog. Most importantly, they'd be very convenient and this isn't something D and I really want to shop around for. However, I'm not a huge fan of cake in general. I don't like birthday cake, or the standard sheet cake that tends to show up at office parties/picnics/whatever. That said, it's not like I hate all cake in existence, or have a deep moral objection to the presence of a cake at the wedding, and as it's one of the Standard Wedding Things that we'll have to explain over and over again if it's not there, it's way easier to just have one.
So that's the background. Got it? Good. I was about halfway through explaining the above, or not even that far to my mom when she interrupts to give a supportive speech about how we don't have to have a cake, we don't have to go to this specific place, it is our wedding and we should do whatever we want to do, and so on. Notice that she's got my back, she's with me to take a stand against anyone who tries to convince me to do something for the sake of tradition that I don't want to...except that what I want to do is make a lazy, easy compromise for the sake of having one less thing to explain/argue about.
In the process of trying to get the conversation back on track and explain all of this to my mom, we got into a shouting match, or at least a projecting voice in order to be heard over the other person match.
:headdesk:
I eventually talked her down, but for fuck's sake, it was a pretty ridiculous thing for us to be yelling about in the first place (Why are you yelling? I'm yelling because you're yelling), and that was, again, with neither of us upset.
And that, people, is exhibit A for why I am really, really, REALLY bad at dealing with people who use passive aggression as their main form of communication. I was pretty far into my twenties, and had to have a few relationships explode at me before I realized that there are people who will be upset about something, and then tell you that they weren't.
I still don't know to handle those sorts of people without forcing a confrontation of some sort, or pretending I don't notice and take them at their word, both things that tend to turn the situation into WWIII.
Alrighty, that's enough of that for one night.
In summary: Weddings=ARG, family=ARG