Dangerous books
If I'm ever in the position where I have a very dangerous magic book that will cause pain and suffering if it is ever opened, and I cannot:
A) Destroy it
B) Make it impossible to EVER open
Because
A) I'm unwilling to destroy/make completely inaccessible this knowledge that was so fucking difficult to get in the first place, let me tell you, it would be such a waste.
B) I literally can't, because someone put a super-duper anti-everything protection spell or charm or whatever on it.
C) It would involve throwing the book into the volcano of Malordica in the mountains of Horribliana, on the night of the third full moon after the spring equinox on a leap year, while elves sing at it and really I just cannot be bothered. What's the worst that can happen.
So my only remaining option is to hide it in a Really Safe Place that surely no one will EVER find (yeah, right), with a warning just in case, to not, under any circumstances, I really mean it, open.
We all know how this story goes.* So, I think it might be a good idea to include in that warning an explicit, graphic explanation of why this book needs to stay shut and all the horrible things that will happen to you and your loved ones (because there's always collateral damage people) if you should be such an idiot as to open the book anyways. Preferably with illustrations, as many people are visual learners.
While I'm quite aware that plenty of people out there seem to have 'it's on a sign, therefore I will ignore it/it doesn't apply to me' as their standard mode of operation, it might at least slow them down. Also, for all the people who are just so curious they have to know what will happen, there it is, and it's not in rhyme that could open to interpretation. Also, you won't be creating a situation where you're telling them that horrible, yet cryptically vague things will happen, which is exactly like telling them to not think about elephants or pushing that red button, but you only explain exactly what is going on inside the book you really didn't want them to open in the first place. Hmm.
Also, I would, if possible, give this book a title like "My Life as a Wheat Farmer: A memoir" or "A History of Plywood". Anything involving the words 'Mysteries' or 'Necro' is right out. On the other hand, if you come across a book with one of these later titles and a strange warning attached (this could also take the form of an associated legend or old wives tale), perhaps, just perhaps, listen to it.
Other things that you really should pay attention to might include talking animals, mysterious, invisible forces that may turn out to be fairies/spirits, or native peoples that are trying to dissuade you from opening the book. Their goal may be a bit confusing, especially as they seem to have all signed a contract saying they need to speak in riddles or at least be very vague and obscure if at all possible, but seriously, they know better than you. Also, beware a book that's made out unusual materials, or seems suspiciously lively.
And for the love of god, whatever you do, DON'T READ IT ALOUD. Even, or especially, if it's a language that isn't yours.
*Just once, I'd like to read/watch something where this doesn't happen; the protagonist doesn't open the book. You'd have to work harder, but I think you could still get a story out of this. And, it would be one where I'm not smacking my forehead and yelling 'idiot!' at the character.
A) Destroy it
B) Make it impossible to EVER open
Because
A) I'm unwilling to destroy/make completely inaccessible this knowledge that was so fucking difficult to get in the first place, let me tell you, it would be such a waste.
B) I literally can't, because someone put a super-duper anti-everything protection spell or charm or whatever on it.
C) It would involve throwing the book into the volcano of Malordica in the mountains of Horribliana, on the night of the third full moon after the spring equinox on a leap year, while elves sing at it and really I just cannot be bothered. What's the worst that can happen.
So my only remaining option is to hide it in a Really Safe Place that surely no one will EVER find (yeah, right), with a warning just in case, to not, under any circumstances, I really mean it, open.
We all know how this story goes.* So, I think it might be a good idea to include in that warning an explicit, graphic explanation of why this book needs to stay shut and all the horrible things that will happen to you and your loved ones (because there's always collateral damage people) if you should be such an idiot as to open the book anyways. Preferably with illustrations, as many people are visual learners.
While I'm quite aware that plenty of people out there seem to have 'it's on a sign, therefore I will ignore it/it doesn't apply to me' as their standard mode of operation, it might at least slow them down. Also, for all the people who are just so curious they have to know what will happen, there it is, and it's not in rhyme that could open to interpretation. Also, you won't be creating a situation where you're telling them that horrible, yet cryptically vague things will happen, which is exactly like telling them to not think about elephants or pushing that red button, but you only explain exactly what is going on inside the book you really didn't want them to open in the first place. Hmm.
Also, I would, if possible, give this book a title like "My Life as a Wheat Farmer: A memoir" or "A History of Plywood". Anything involving the words 'Mysteries' or 'Necro' is right out. On the other hand, if you come across a book with one of these later titles and a strange warning attached (this could also take the form of an associated legend or old wives tale), perhaps, just perhaps, listen to it.
Other things that you really should pay attention to might include talking animals, mysterious, invisible forces that may turn out to be fairies/spirits, or native peoples that are trying to dissuade you from opening the book. Their goal may be a bit confusing, especially as they seem to have all signed a contract saying they need to speak in riddles or at least be very vague and obscure if at all possible, but seriously, they know better than you. Also, beware a book that's made out unusual materials, or seems suspiciously lively.
And for the love of god, whatever you do, DON'T READ IT ALOUD. Even, or especially, if it's a language that isn't yours.
*Just once, I'd like to read/watch something where this doesn't happen; the protagonist doesn't open the book. You'd have to work harder, but I think you could still get a story out of this. And, it would be one where I'm not smacking my forehead and yelling 'idiot!' at the character.