Like the dog from Terminator
In the last 3 or 4 years when she was still living in my house, Mom tried extra to convince me that she is God's special snowflake even though she doesn't believe in God because only the weak and the stupid believes in the irrational. The "proof" of her special snowflake status is that spirits were trying to talk to her because she's so empathatic
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To each their own, for sure. However, none of us can change the "there and then" but we ARE IMO responsible for the here and now, how we treated one another and continue to exploit others-particularly our own family members to get our own needs met. These self-absorbed "parents" will continue to find ways to defend against any indication the world does NOT revolve around them: Their wants-which are thinly disguised demands, wishes-which in your situation is you continue to remain her personal toxic waste dump, whims-which are subject to change in a heart beat or less, and needs-which are IMO most fundamentally several:
-"You OWE me."
-"Your "debt" will never be repaid"
-"You will never be good enough (just the way you are) and are somehow lacking in..."(whatever)
-"Any problems in our relationship are ALL your Fault"
It's like spending your entire life on Parole but the terms and conditions change without notice (hence, the double binds in which we find ourselves continually) and no matter how "compliant" you are, somehow you still violate them and end up back in Prison (their's) which is the potential loss of love and acceptance once again.
Bottom line: Tow the line, don't rock the boat and don't even think of changing you, the dynamics of the Mistress/Servant Relationship or asked to be treated with dignity and respect as a human being. You "don't deserve" (for example, to have your own adult life, your own opinions/beliefs etc.) and she'll make sure to continue to inculcate exactly these beliefs.
Enilina, Their CONDITIONAL love and acceptance is exactly that and will keep you hoop jumping until you're just too exhausted to do this any longer. Although I do not share your Religious beliefs, I do respect them. A few Posts ago, you mentioned the concept of evil. I'm sure you're familiar with Luke 117 Ministries (Rev. Renee) and Narcissists Sick (Anna V.'s site) and if you haven't reviewed them, please do. They are phenomenal resources for the Sacred and the Secular as well.
Yes, the dog "knew" and they're all instinct. If they weren't, like any animal they wouldn't have survived from an evolutionary perspective.
Life was not meant to be a "Life Sentence" without respite. Your very best human qualities are perverted and exploited by a self-appointed "Goddess-of Goodness" and that magical word, "Mother."
Thank you for sharing your journey. IMO, the best Bloggers emanate from a sense of self-LESSNESS and it is exactly this quality (among others) which your "Mother" has exploited shamelessly.
Tundra Woman (TW)
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Since my mom is still part of my life through my sisters I feel like I'm continuously dealing with the fallout, this year has been especially difficult. I'm hoping it's the "it gets worse before it gets better" scenario and that this is rock bottom and the only direction now is up, eventually.
I quit being her toxic dumping ground and emotional punching bag 3 years ago, only to realize "now what?" I understand now why some people return to their abusive family because at least that is familiar versus the unfamiliar void. I will never go back, but I realize now I need to figure out new coping tools that simultaneously keeps her at a safe distance while still having some kind of relationship with her because she is part of my sisters' lives.
Tundra Woman, I've seen your comments in other blog sites and your words continue to amaze me.
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