OH MY GOD......REALIZATION....
I'm such a freaking idiot....I should have caught on to this sooner...Shea was NOT unhappy with me...she was unhappy with herself...and I was unhappy with myself...and it really showed...so now she's DOING something about it to make herself happy...call it LIVING...and she wants me to do the same...She REALLY DOES LOVE ME...she just wants us to have a life first THEN settle down...it all makes sense now...WHY couldn't anyway explain it like this...so I'm going to talk to Shea about all of this I have it written down...and I'm going to keep her informed...and be her BEST friend...because that would make us BOTH happy...and GOD I'm so happy right now...cause me and bb are talking like we used to...I need to have a meaning for my life so I can strive for something...like when Shea fell in love with me...I had a PASSION in my life...thats what she was attracted to...my PASSION...and then we lost ours...and that put strain on our relationship...so we're going to be BEST friends...and then we'll get together and settle down and START a family together...thats what this all means...I'm SOOOOO IN LOVE WITH HER NOW....and might I add she's looking DAMN GORGEOUS now...WOW...REALLY A JAW-DROPPER....