Of course there is an erase button
My job is so stressful. I knew the problems of the department before I worked in it, but I really thought that when I came in, I would streamline everything and make it all run smoothly. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I have improved some things, but some are simply beyond my control. A lot of things, had I known in advance I would be in charge of them, I would have put more time and energy into thinking them through this summer, but although I was told repeatedly they would not be my responsiblity, this week they were piled on my head. I thought I came up for air after coming in and working extra this weekend, but I didn't. It's just a different pile.
Yesterday I was there 12 hours because of orientation meetings (my fault, I scheduled them, but I had to get my students trained and working!). Today I was supposed to leave at 3 again but left by 3:45, and then had the tires rotated and balanced, paid the rent and car insurance, mailed a package to my littlest sister, got groceries, and made dinner.
I think what I need more than anything at this point is a better way to unwind. I used to unwind by watching television, but over the summer my work environment was pretty staid and peaceful; now I can have up to five students in the work area at a time, all working with music and being noisy, as well as professors down the hall teaching private lessons, and all I want is some peace and quiet! Last night I never really wound down and slept very little. I wake up thinking about the work I didn't finish, and the problems I really have no control over. In other words, my job is causing a lot of stress!
I don't know if I should talk to my boss about all of this or not. I mean, we talk about how crazy it is and how SOP (Seat of Pants) it is, but everyone acts like we should all continue to laugh it off because "this is how it always is." But that isn't how I like to be. I don't do my best in SOP situations; I never have. That was one of the main stressors when I worked with that one minister, because he did everything SOP. The parts I worked hard to get under control this summer now seem out of control because I can't spend the time with them that I thought I would have. I really shine when I can completely streamline something, but a lot of my job isn't all mine, and I can't change anything completley. I do well when there has been good training and clear expectations, but I really jumped in with very little actual training. And then I get in this weird dynamic where some of my students know more than I do, and then don't see me as an authority figure.... I dunno. I don't think I'm making much sense, I'm more venting than anything else, so I should go.
I don't hate my job. I am learning a lot, but I wish the methods I learned them had been more structured and less SOP. I don't want to be too optimistic, but maybe once I've been there longer and they have more faith in me, maybe I can make more of it work more smoothly than it does.