So Eat The Meek, Savor The Taste
I feel so sick. all day ive been feeling gross. but i muST go to school tomorrow. i cant wait to see my classes, unless i didnt get any of the ones i wanted.
oh yeah. i dont need a half bday, christmas is coming, duh.
today i woke up at 10, got ready and was about to go shopping downtown. and my mom calls and shes like just wait for me, ill take you when i get home, at 3, and shes like yeah we can go to the galleria and blah blah blah, so because i also wasnt feeling great i was like okay fine.
so i watch movies, waynes world twice, clue, some of chronicles or narnia, etc. and then i cleaned my room. like crazily. like a mad woman. and after counting and reorganizing, i have 63 school bags. and that makes me happy. but makes me see that i need to use them all.
and then its 330 and and then its 4. then, when she finally gets home she is like oh btw, find out where you want to go cause i have to go back to work now. and im like are you kidding. i wasted all day when i easily could have gone somewhere without you. and im so angry at her, and its NOT just because i wasted my day off. because i can ALWAYS count on her to break her promises. A couple of nights (or a week) ago she promised me and alex that she would take us to go rent a movie because we toldher we wanted to go OUT and see one. and she is like wait no! ill come home and rent you one. so we wait for like 3 hours. and when she calls then shes like okay! im coming! and i was so upset i couldnt help but cry. when we dropped him off later he made me promise to talk to her but of course when i did she rationalized. like well you guys didnt know what you wanted to do, and marc had just made dinner. and im like so you say to him too bad, i have a daughter i promised something to. and she never understands thats its not about picking me up from somewhere, or taking me to eat or shop or whatever it is. its that her word is cheap, and her promises never follow through. and it just wakes me up each time and reminds me how im not her top priority. it is an awful feeling knowing that you cant trust your own mother for anything. secrets, errands, comfort.
i do realize though, everytime she does this how lucky i am to have my dad. i dont think hes ever promised anything to me he knew he couldnt keep. he knows how dangerous it is to promise a kid. and i matter too much to him to hurt my feelings.
ugh, my head is pounding.
oh yeah. i dont need a half bday, christmas is coming, duh.
today i woke up at 10, got ready and was about to go shopping downtown. and my mom calls and shes like just wait for me, ill take you when i get home, at 3, and shes like yeah we can go to the galleria and blah blah blah, so because i also wasnt feeling great i was like okay fine.
so i watch movies, waynes world twice, clue, some of chronicles or narnia, etc. and then i cleaned my room. like crazily. like a mad woman. and after counting and reorganizing, i have 63 school bags. and that makes me happy. but makes me see that i need to use them all.
and then its 330 and and then its 4. then, when she finally gets home she is like oh btw, find out where you want to go cause i have to go back to work now. and im like are you kidding. i wasted all day when i easily could have gone somewhere without you. and im so angry at her, and its NOT just because i wasted my day off. because i can ALWAYS count on her to break her promises. A couple of nights (or a week) ago she promised me and alex that she would take us to go rent a movie because we toldher we wanted to go OUT and see one. and she is like wait no! ill come home and rent you one. so we wait for like 3 hours. and when she calls then shes like okay! im coming! and i was so upset i couldnt help but cry. when we dropped him off later he made me promise to talk to her but of course when i did she rationalized. like well you guys didnt know what you wanted to do, and marc had just made dinner. and im like so you say to him too bad, i have a daughter i promised something to. and she never understands thats its not about picking me up from somewhere, or taking me to eat or shop or whatever it is. its that her word is cheap, and her promises never follow through. and it just wakes me up each time and reminds me how im not her top priority. it is an awful feeling knowing that you cant trust your own mother for anything. secrets, errands, comfort.
i do realize though, everytime she does this how lucky i am to have my dad. i dont think hes ever promised anything to me he knew he couldnt keep. he knows how dangerous it is to promise a kid. and i matter too much to him to hurt my feelings.
ugh, my head is pounding.