Poop
i'm somewhat excited for school. its actually a realistic fear of mine that i wont have any friends when i go back. hannah was mad close but i know she hung out with a lot of urban people . what if shes like um, i made new friends, leave me alone. not that shes the tinyest bit mean ha, but it worries me regardless.
im excited for picking classes, and project group for a couple of weeks which isnt REALLY school. and that makes me smile SO MUCH! im excited for wearing clothes, that i dont have yet. im excited for seeing the new people, and trying to make new and old friends all over again. this time i wont be the new girl, coming in the middle of the year. i can actually talk to a new person and be like, watch out for this teacher or do that. and thats special.
im so UNexcited, like deeply sadden, with having to wake up in the morning, homework, and the routineness of it all. oh and not having any friends maybe. waking up in the morning sometimes feels impossible. today i woke up at 3.10pm and felt like just a ton of bricks. alex told me to get in the shower and the thought of having to hold myself up, and like be a human being was just crazy. sometimes i feel like i get anxiety of having to do all that routine. not just subway, school, subway, home, work, sleep..repeat. but small things like all the morning stuff, clean piercings, bursh teeth, wash face, face cream, contacts blah blah blah. its serious tedium. and then the train ride itself, walking the same way almost everyday (sometimes im energized enough to spice it up hah). JUST EVERYTHING!! its really gonna take a lot out of me. i feel like during the school year kids dont have real lives. its just based on schedule and obligations. its a depressing concept. come to school to be taught by these strangers, where you will definitely stress out too much, might not be accepted by anyone, probably spend too much time at. school ruins LIVES.
also i probably wont be able to see alex as much, being that hes actually going to be going to school too. no more meeting up on wednesdays at 12 in the afternoon. and everything. well thats not that bad, cause i did have school when he didnt anyway.
oh yeah, then there is homework and projects. and homework, since urban, is decent. they give you more thinking work rather than just busy work. but PROJECTS. they kind of like projects almost as much as beacon loved projects. and projects, will kill my life.they are just something i dont do. and if i do do (dodo) them, i dont do them well. so fuck that.
okay, im done bitching about school.
my tooth hurts.
i think im going to give away my idog. i love him dearly, but i have BOSE BABY, and when im not home, i have that other little speaker. i mean, id be happy keeping it, but if i gave it to someone that would cherish it, id be happier. so if you want it and i like you, tell me.
tomorrow skizzool shizzoping! i think im gonna go to 34th. and i also let my mom sleep out, no problem, so this better score me some points.
speaking of my mom being stingy with money, she is thinking of renting spaces in our house to students. her friend is doing it and she gets 800 a month. im agreeing with it because a. its serious incentive for cleaning this house the fuck out and b. she said she wont be so worrysome about giving me money.
i want my porchh!
we baked the best cake. its yellow with chocolate frosting. Mad O.d DeliShuz!
the summer is coming to a serious close and imma do wa i waNT.
im excited for picking classes, and project group for a couple of weeks which isnt REALLY school. and that makes me smile SO MUCH! im excited for wearing clothes, that i dont have yet. im excited for seeing the new people, and trying to make new and old friends all over again. this time i wont be the new girl, coming in the middle of the year. i can actually talk to a new person and be like, watch out for this teacher or do that. and thats special.
im so UNexcited, like deeply sadden, with having to wake up in the morning, homework, and the routineness of it all. oh and not having any friends maybe. waking up in the morning sometimes feels impossible. today i woke up at 3.10pm and felt like just a ton of bricks. alex told me to get in the shower and the thought of having to hold myself up, and like be a human being was just crazy. sometimes i feel like i get anxiety of having to do all that routine. not just subway, school, subway, home, work, sleep..repeat. but small things like all the morning stuff, clean piercings, bursh teeth, wash face, face cream, contacts blah blah blah. its serious tedium. and then the train ride itself, walking the same way almost everyday (sometimes im energized enough to spice it up hah). JUST EVERYTHING!! its really gonna take a lot out of me. i feel like during the school year kids dont have real lives. its just based on schedule and obligations. its a depressing concept. come to school to be taught by these strangers, where you will definitely stress out too much, might not be accepted by anyone, probably spend too much time at. school ruins LIVES.
also i probably wont be able to see alex as much, being that hes actually going to be going to school too. no more meeting up on wednesdays at 12 in the afternoon. and everything. well thats not that bad, cause i did have school when he didnt anyway.
oh yeah, then there is homework and projects. and homework, since urban, is decent. they give you more thinking work rather than just busy work. but PROJECTS. they kind of like projects almost as much as beacon loved projects. and projects, will kill my life.they are just something i dont do. and if i do do (dodo) them, i dont do them well. so fuck that.
okay, im done bitching about school.
my tooth hurts.
i think im going to give away my idog. i love him dearly, but i have BOSE BABY, and when im not home, i have that other little speaker. i mean, id be happy keeping it, but if i gave it to someone that would cherish it, id be happier. so if you want it and i like you, tell me.
tomorrow skizzool shizzoping! i think im gonna go to 34th. and i also let my mom sleep out, no problem, so this better score me some points.
speaking of my mom being stingy with money, she is thinking of renting spaces in our house to students. her friend is doing it and she gets 800 a month. im agreeing with it because a. its serious incentive for cleaning this house the fuck out and b. she said she wont be so worrysome about giving me money.
i want my porchh!
we baked the best cake. its yellow with chocolate frosting. Mad O.d DeliShuz!
the summer is coming to a serious close and imma do wa i waNT.