Well I'll be damned...
As I was catching up on LJ on a couple friends (yes, I lurk a lot!) I came across something that rather bothered me. Now I know the individual this was intended for -- no, that's the wrong word, more appropriately, the individual who inspired me to ponder this -- will most likely not read it. But someone who I love dearly expresses concern that I don't "let things out" enough. This is indeed a correct evaluation of my ability to express emotion. I privately thank him everyday for just being there to listen when I my scared self decides to rear its head and verbally express how I really feel. To the point then...how is it that someone whom you've never met, never spoken to, or has never seen a word you've typed judge you in a malicious, harsh way?
After my initial response of anger, I reverted to my usual logical self to explain such phenomenon. I simply sat and mulled over this for an over an hour trying to hypothesize how/why it would occur. I left to have dinner with my best friend, who is seriously considering breaking up with her boyfriend of 4 years, and still the only thing I could think about was the question of the day. Then it occurred to me right in the middle of my chicken Alfredo, I was being judged! Sure, the people didn't "know" me, but they had a visual aid that they could use to critique me and come to some sort of conclusion about the kind of person I "must" be. So, I have developed two theories.
Theory 1.
When someone you love and who loves you in return, they are generally very happy about everything going on in their life at that point in time. Leading them to only talk about the happiness they are experiencing. Why? Simply so that they can show the world that there are great things out there and they have been lucky enough to experience it. Compare it to shouting love from the tallest mountain sort of thing. Unfortunately, his jubilance has put me on a pedestal of perfection where I can do no wrong. Sadly, that's far from the truth. I'm not perfect and I have tried time and time again to convince him of this to no avail. However, this pedestal was created for me and now that I'm there, I'm not allowed to fall. If, by chance, I do something *gasp* not perfect, I'm suddenly judged as a narrow minded imbecile who cares nothing for, does not respect and only tries, through manipulative bullying or any other manner I see fit, to convince the other party to succumb to my demands or no more cookies for you! Certainly you see the humor in my overexaggerated take on theory 1, but narrow the context down to your own lives and parallels can be accurately drawn.
Theory 2
Theory 2 encompasses many ideas dwelling on general human nature. First, simply put, some people are just mean and/or bored and have nothing better to do than with their time and decide it best to spend it tearing someone else down to make themselves feel better. I'm admit there are times I'm a guilty party. Really, I'm not perfect. I giggle when I see "World Hottest Actress Has CELLULITE!" plastered on grocery store tabloids. I don't know the person, how they act, how many kittens stranded in trees they've saved, but still, I judge them simply based on the fact that they have globules of fat that refuse to separate in cells due to dehydration. It's nothing personal, I'll most likely never get the opportunity to meet them, nor will I associate with someone who cares deeply for them. That makes it ok, right? Umm...do I need a sarcasm tag at the end of that sentence?
Another portion of theory 2 might be that personal judgment might be a genetically ingrained into us humans in an effort to aid to natural selection. Stay with me on this one! Think for a moment...when a person unknowingly judges you and is vocal about that judgement, no matter how inaccurate, that will leave impressions on others. Once the others believe that negative judgment, they too vocalize it. It gets around and you are forever bombarded and beaten down by what has been passed on from person to person and suddenly you find yourself believing that you are less of a person, or not fit to be productive in society causing you to withdraw yourself completely. Natural selection; rooting out the weak.
Enough with theories and over-exaggerated examples that may have you more confused than convinced. All I ask is that you consider meeting me, speaking to me or writing me a friendly correspondence before deciding whether you like me. Don't make a judgment simply based on one person's interpretation of a situation and what you think you "know" about me. I strive to give every person an opportunity to present themselves before choosing how I wish to think of them.
After my initial response of anger, I reverted to my usual logical self to explain such phenomenon. I simply sat and mulled over this for an over an hour trying to hypothesize how/why it would occur. I left to have dinner with my best friend, who is seriously considering breaking up with her boyfriend of 4 years, and still the only thing I could think about was the question of the day. Then it occurred to me right in the middle of my chicken Alfredo, I was being judged! Sure, the people didn't "know" me, but they had a visual aid that they could use to critique me and come to some sort of conclusion about the kind of person I "must" be. So, I have developed two theories.
Theory 1.
When someone you love and who loves you in return, they are generally very happy about everything going on in their life at that point in time. Leading them to only talk about the happiness they are experiencing. Why? Simply so that they can show the world that there are great things out there and they have been lucky enough to experience it. Compare it to shouting love from the tallest mountain sort of thing. Unfortunately, his jubilance has put me on a pedestal of perfection where I can do no wrong. Sadly, that's far from the truth. I'm not perfect and I have tried time and time again to convince him of this to no avail. However, this pedestal was created for me and now that I'm there, I'm not allowed to fall. If, by chance, I do something *gasp* not perfect, I'm suddenly judged as a narrow minded imbecile who cares nothing for, does not respect and only tries, through manipulative bullying or any other manner I see fit, to convince the other party to succumb to my demands or no more cookies for you! Certainly you see the humor in my overexaggerated take on theory 1, but narrow the context down to your own lives and parallels can be accurately drawn.
Theory 2
Theory 2 encompasses many ideas dwelling on general human nature. First, simply put, some people are just mean and/or bored and have nothing better to do than with their time and decide it best to spend it tearing someone else down to make themselves feel better. I'm admit there are times I'm a guilty party. Really, I'm not perfect. I giggle when I see "World Hottest Actress Has CELLULITE!" plastered on grocery store tabloids. I don't know the person, how they act, how many kittens stranded in trees they've saved, but still, I judge them simply based on the fact that they have globules of fat that refuse to separate in cells due to dehydration. It's nothing personal, I'll most likely never get the opportunity to meet them, nor will I associate with someone who cares deeply for them. That makes it ok, right? Umm...do I need a sarcasm tag at the end of that sentence?
Another portion of theory 2 might be that personal judgment might be a genetically ingrained into us humans in an effort to aid to natural selection. Stay with me on this one! Think for a moment...when a person unknowingly judges you and is vocal about that judgement, no matter how inaccurate, that will leave impressions on others. Once the others believe that negative judgment, they too vocalize it. It gets around and you are forever bombarded and beaten down by what has been passed on from person to person and suddenly you find yourself believing that you are less of a person, or not fit to be productive in society causing you to withdraw yourself completely. Natural selection; rooting out the weak.
Enough with theories and over-exaggerated examples that may have you more confused than convinced. All I ask is that you consider meeting me, speaking to me or writing me a friendly correspondence before deciding whether you like me. Don't make a judgment simply based on one person's interpretation of a situation and what you think you "know" about me. I strive to give every person an opportunity to present themselves before choosing how I wish to think of them.