Fic: Aleatoric Life 25/25: Al Fine
Title: Aleatoric Life 25: Al Fine
Author: SGAtlantisLight
Characters: McKay, Sheppard, Beckett
Relationships: Beckett/McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R, though the series as a whole is NC-17
Warnings: Mention of non-con, sex talk
Spoilers: None this part
Summary: They had rescued him, but they had yet to truly bring him safely home. Part of the Aleatoric Life series.
Disclaimer: Undoubtedly I own them, and a whole lot of other things, in some universe, but not this one.
John had slept heavily-- the heavy meal, wine, and lovemaking of their first year wedding anniversary insuring he was dead to the world for many hours. As the sun had risen higher in the sky, he'd drifted in and out of sleep, peeking at the clock and then dozing back off.
The clock read 10:37 before his brain finally registered anything wrong. He jerked awake, heart pounding, startling Rodney out of sleep.
"What is it?" Rodney asked.
"Carson. He's been in the shower since at least 8:53 this morning."
They scrambled out of bed and rushed into the bathroom. Carson was sitting in a corner of the shower, arms wrapped around his knees and face buried against his arms, body shaking with sobs.
They both entered the shower, John shutting off the water while Rodney gathered Carson into his arms, quietly murmuring, "It's okay, it's okay," like a mantra.
John sat down beside them, quietly stroking Carson's cheek, waiting for his husband's sobbing to still enough that he could talk. A hand seemed to be gripping his heart as he watched Carson struggling. The last time Carson had been this bad was on the anniversary of his rape. He'd thought they were finally through most of the rough times.
"Carson, sweetie? Can you talk now?" he finally asked.
"I'm sorry," Carson said, shuddering. "I don't mean to be a wet blanket on the day after our anniversary."
"It's okay. We're here for you," John assured him.
"Yeah." Rodney held Carson close, rocking him slightly.
"Can you tell us what upset you?"
Carson nodded, relaxing into Rodney's embrace. "I wanted to. I wanted you inside me... and I couldn't. I'm sorry."
"Oh, Carson, we understand."
"I know. I know you do. But it's been over a year and I'm not... I don't know if I'll ever be able to."
John fell silent, trying to find the right words. He'd seen the look in Carson's eyes last night, but had hoped their obvious enjoyment of the lovemaking that followed had been enough reassurance.
"These things take time," Rodney said.
"I know that! I do. But I just feel like I'm not getting any better."
"Are you kidding me?" Rodney demanded. "You sucked my cock last night and swallowed my come."
"But I've been doing that for a while now."
"Yes," John took up the argument. "But the point is, you're getting better. It's just going to take a while."
Carson fell silent. They waited for a while and then Rodney said, "Let's get you out of the shower, okay?"
Carson nodded. John and Rodney helped him up, wrapped him in towels, and led him into the living room, where they curled around him, just quietly holding him.
"What... What if I never do get there?" Carson asked finally.
"Then so what?" Rodney said. "Who says you have to?"
"I say I have to," Carson said. "I want to... I just want to feel whole again."
John turned Carson's face to look into his eyes. "If you want it, you'll get there. Until then, just remember we love you. You are one of the most caring and sexiest men I have ever known and I still wake up some days and wonder what I did to deserve you... or Rodney, either one."
"It's not like we're suffering here," Rodney said. "You're... well, you're an incredible lover."
"Absolutely. Being inside you would be wonderful, but it's really such a small thing compared to what we have with you."
Carson let out a slow breath. "Okay. I guess you're right. I just... I get so frustrated."
"We know," John said. "You just need to look at how far you've come, what you have now."
Carson nodded. "I suppose so. I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly. We like cuddling you all up like this," Rodney said.
John grinned. "Yeah."
"Though, really, the prune thing-- not the best look on you."
Carson laughed and then kissed them both. "Thank you. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without you."
"You're welcome." John stood and offered his hand. "Now, what say we get up and start out our second year together?"
"Just so long as it doesn't start with huevos rancheros," Rodney said.
"Hey! What's wrong with them?" John demanded.
And soon enough, they were laughing and talking and just simply living, side by side, one step at a time.
AN: Al Fine is a musical term meaning "to the end"
Author: SGAtlantisLight
Characters: McKay, Sheppard, Beckett
Relationships: Beckett/McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R, though the series as a whole is NC-17
Warnings: Mention of non-con, sex talk
Spoilers: None this part
Summary: They had rescued him, but they had yet to truly bring him safely home. Part of the Aleatoric Life series.
Disclaimer: Undoubtedly I own them, and a whole lot of other things, in some universe, but not this one.
John had slept heavily-- the heavy meal, wine, and lovemaking of their first year wedding anniversary insuring he was dead to the world for many hours. As the sun had risen higher in the sky, he'd drifted in and out of sleep, peeking at the clock and then dozing back off.
The clock read 10:37 before his brain finally registered anything wrong. He jerked awake, heart pounding, startling Rodney out of sleep.
"What is it?" Rodney asked.
"Carson. He's been in the shower since at least 8:53 this morning."
They scrambled out of bed and rushed into the bathroom. Carson was sitting in a corner of the shower, arms wrapped around his knees and face buried against his arms, body shaking with sobs.
They both entered the shower, John shutting off the water while Rodney gathered Carson into his arms, quietly murmuring, "It's okay, it's okay," like a mantra.
John sat down beside them, quietly stroking Carson's cheek, waiting for his husband's sobbing to still enough that he could talk. A hand seemed to be gripping his heart as he watched Carson struggling. The last time Carson had been this bad was on the anniversary of his rape. He'd thought they were finally through most of the rough times.
"Carson, sweetie? Can you talk now?" he finally asked.
"I'm sorry," Carson said, shuddering. "I don't mean to be a wet blanket on the day after our anniversary."
"It's okay. We're here for you," John assured him.
"Yeah." Rodney held Carson close, rocking him slightly.
"Can you tell us what upset you?"
Carson nodded, relaxing into Rodney's embrace. "I wanted to. I wanted you inside me... and I couldn't. I'm sorry."
"Oh, Carson, we understand."
"I know. I know you do. But it's been over a year and I'm not... I don't know if I'll ever be able to."
John fell silent, trying to find the right words. He'd seen the look in Carson's eyes last night, but had hoped their obvious enjoyment of the lovemaking that followed had been enough reassurance.
"These things take time," Rodney said.
"I know that! I do. But I just feel like I'm not getting any better."
"Are you kidding me?" Rodney demanded. "You sucked my cock last night and swallowed my come."
"But I've been doing that for a while now."
"Yes," John took up the argument. "But the point is, you're getting better. It's just going to take a while."
Carson fell silent. They waited for a while and then Rodney said, "Let's get you out of the shower, okay?"
Carson nodded. John and Rodney helped him up, wrapped him in towels, and led him into the living room, where they curled around him, just quietly holding him.
"What... What if I never do get there?" Carson asked finally.
"Then so what?" Rodney said. "Who says you have to?"
"I say I have to," Carson said. "I want to... I just want to feel whole again."
John turned Carson's face to look into his eyes. "If you want it, you'll get there. Until then, just remember we love you. You are one of the most caring and sexiest men I have ever known and I still wake up some days and wonder what I did to deserve you... or Rodney, either one."
"It's not like we're suffering here," Rodney said. "You're... well, you're an incredible lover."
"Absolutely. Being inside you would be wonderful, but it's really such a small thing compared to what we have with you."
Carson let out a slow breath. "Okay. I guess you're right. I just... I get so frustrated."
"We know," John said. "You just need to look at how far you've come, what you have now."
Carson nodded. "I suppose so. I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly. We like cuddling you all up like this," Rodney said.
John grinned. "Yeah."
"Though, really, the prune thing-- not the best look on you."
Carson laughed and then kissed them both. "Thank you. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last year without you."
"You're welcome." John stood and offered his hand. "Now, what say we get up and start out our second year together?"
"Just so long as it doesn't start with huevos rancheros," Rodney said.
"Hey! What's wrong with them?" John demanded.
And soon enough, they were laughing and talking and just simply living, side by side, one step at a time.
AN: Al Fine is a musical term meaning "to the end"