Fic: Aleatoric Life 3/25: Caesura
Title: Aleatoric Life 3: Caesura
Author: SGAtlantisLight
Characters: McKay, Sheppard, Beckett, Zelenka, Kusanagi, Biro
Relationships: Beckett/McKay/Sheppard,
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mention of non-con, smut (with slight D/s undertones), major character whumpage, language.
Spoilers: None this chapter
Summary: They had rescued him, but they had yet to truly bring him safely home. Part of the Aleatoric Life series.
Disclaimer: Undoubtedly I own them, and a whole lot of other things, in some universe, but not this one.
"What the hell is this? Do you call this coffee?" Rodney demanded.
Radek glanced up from his computer. "Supplies are low. Daedalus returns day after tomorrow with the good stuff."
"Well, that's just great! What am I supposed to do for two days? Drink this swill?"
Radek shrugged. "I understand there is still some decaf Kenya 'AA'."
Rodney looked at him like he had just suggested that perpetual motion was possible. "Are you trying to get fired?"
"You can't fire me for suggesting you cut back on caffeine."
"Guess I'll just have to kill you, then."
Radek looked up with a grin, but the smile suddenly slipped from Rodney's face and he went pale, his hands clenching into fists.
"Excuse me. I've got to... uh... go find some better coffee."
Radek watched in shock as Rodney turned and fled the room, practically mowing down Miko in the process.
"Is Doctor McKay all right?" Miko asked.
Radek shook his head. "I don't know. He has been... very strange lately."
"That is to be expected," Miko said.
Radek nodded, considering the doorway through which Rodney had fled. "Yes, but... I don't know. The strangest things upset him."
"He has been very angry." Miko bit her lip. "And obsessed with washing."
"Washing?" Radek asked.
"His hands-- he is always washing them."
Radek thought back. "Interesting. I think you are right."
***
Biro stuck her head into Carson's room. "Hugo's here. I'm heading home."
Carson surreptitiously wiped his eyes while pretending to rub sleep from them, then looked up at her, red-eyed. "Thanks, Carolyn." His voice was rough from crying.
She paused, considering him. Colonel Sheppard had left from a short visit not long ago. Carson had never told her, but she was certain he and the Colonel and Doctor McKay were involved. It pained her to watch him go through this while maintaining the secrecy of their relationship. "Is there anyone I can call for you? A friend, perhaps?" A lover, she thought.
"I'm fine, thank you," he answered.
She nodded. "All right. Good night."
"Good night."
"How is he?" Castillon asked when she came out.
"Crying again, and covering for it."
Castillon toyed with his pen, his eyes distant. "He's due for release tomorrow, yes?"
"Yes."
"What does Kate say about his mental state?"
"She's prescribing an anti-depressant," Biro answered.
"Has she considered a suicide watch?"
"Do you think that's really necessary?"
"You've known him longer than I have, but... I'm worried, yes."
"Kate hasn't heard anything that's gotten her concerned," she said.
"He's a doctor. He knows the proper answers, the correct behaviour, to deflect suspicion. But at heart, I don't think he's as well as he's letting on."
"You may be right. I'll speak to her tomorrow."
"And I will do the same when I see her. Good night, Carolyn."
"Night, Hugo."
She stopped off at McKay's apartment on the way home. His body language told her he didn't want her peeking too closely into his apartment. The American flag patch on the jacket draped over his desk chair explained the concern. He looked exhausted and wrung out and she almost regretted coming. "Doctor Biro? Is... is Carson all right?"
"For now," she answered. "But he seemed very disheartened when I left him. I thought perhaps he could use a friend."
The pain in his eyes was unmistakable. "Okay. Thanks. I'll see what I can do."
She reached out and squeezed his arm quickly. "Thank you, doctor."
She arrived at her own apartment and sat on the bed, kicking her shoes off and sighing in relief. She thought about Doctor Carson Beckett, who had to take a pulse by hand, not trusting the machines, who would double-check the temperature reading with a quick hand to cheek or forehead, who touched and comforted and touched some more. She thought about him tensing at each touch, flinching, drawing away. She buried her face in her hands and gave in to the tears that had lain beneath the surface all that long day.
***
Rodney sat on the floor of his shower, water set almost to scalding cascading over him.
The door across from them flew open. As their companions fell amidst gunfire, two men fled the scene. Rodney fired after them, then moved to Carson as his teammates fired past him.
A hand on his shoulder. "Stop!"
"You bastard!" he'd screamed and reached out.
His eyes had been brown, flecked with gold.
Rodney remembered.
He remembered the way his pulse had fluttered like a butterfly beating its wings against his hands.
He remembered the way the muscles in his throat had convulsed.
He hadn't felt the fingernails raking down his arms, over his hands, had never noticed until after.
"Rodney?" The shower door opened and John stood amidst the billowing steam, worry marring his features. "Hey... Are you okay?"
"How do you do it? There has to be some trick, right? Some technique? I mean, there were what, sixty Genii soldiers? You didn't even flinch. I've got to know how you do it because I think... I think I'm going crazy. God, John! I can't wash it away. I can't. I can't stop remembering, thinking. I've never known how to forget. How do you do that? How do you do that?"
John stepped into the shower, shutting it off and gathering Rodney in his arms. "Shhhhh... Calm down."
Rodney laughed hysterically. "Calm down. Yeah, right. Calm down. You've got to help me stop thinking. Please!"
"Have you talked to Heightmeyer?"
"I can't. I can't say the words. Oh, God, help me!"
Desperately, John kissed him. Rodney clung to him, kissing back frantically, hands pulling on John's clothes.
"Fuck me. I need you to fuck me. Please, help get me out of my head."
"Sh! It's okay. Whatever you need. Okay? Whatever you need."
Rodney buried his face against John, almost sobbing.
"Come on. Let's go to the bedroom," John said, pulling Rodney to his feet and then stripping out of his sopping clothes.
***
John lowered Rodney to the bed, taking time to kiss and caress and explore, feeling the tension reverberating through him. "Just let go and focus on me, babe. Don't think. Just let me take care of you."
John understood where Rodney was right now-- the weight of the world, the pain, the need to let go. At those times, Carson usually stepped in, taking control, making John surrender inch by inch until striving bled away to nothing and all he wanted was Carson-- Carson's touch, Carson's voice telling him what to do. The experience was sort of like freefall, gravity falling away from his shoulders, leaving him adrift with Carson as his only tether.
He'd watched Carson pull Rodney into the same freefall when Rodney was too tense, too tired, too embattled in his own head to handle it anymore.
Now it was his turn to try.
Touch. Carson was always touching and kissing. With Rodney he was always making him talk, too-- "Tell me how this feels. Can you feel that?"-- focusing him in the moment.
"John," Rodney whimpered, an edge of panic in his voice.
John kissed him, swallowing the sound. "Shhh, babe. It'll be okay. Just trust me." Rodney kissed him back, frantic, body arching against him, seeking touch, needing release.
John pressed down against him, stilling him with his body's weight, hands stroking slowly down Rodney's arms, cupping his face. "Slow. It's okay. Relax. Feel my hands on you. Does it feel good? Yeah? Just relax and let me make you feel good." He kissed him again, then followed the line of Rodney's mouth, kissing the crooked corner that he loved so dearly, and then followed the curve of his cheek to his eyes. Rodney's eyes slid shut and John softly kissed his eyelids, then mischievously lapped at those impossible eyelashes. Rodney shuddered under him. "You like that?"
"Yeah," Rodney gasped.
Delighted, John returned to his lover's face, dropping quick kisses on lips and cheeks and nose and forehead and eyes before licking a stripe across Rodney's eyelid and feeling him shiver. His hands swept up Rodney's sides, almost tickling, and then slid under his arms to curl around his shoulders, pulling their bodies closer. John dropped kisses at the corners of Rodney's eyes, his temples, and then ran his tongue around the shell of Rodney's ear before pausing to nibble on his earlobe. "What else do you like?" he whispered. "Do you want me inside you?"
"Yeah. Inside me. Help me forget."
John slid his fingers through Rodney's hair, enjoying the feel of the silken strands, meeting Rodney's eyes. There was still tension around them, but Rodney's body was beginning to unwind slowly. "We're not thinking about that right now. Put your arms around me. Yeah, like that. I love your hands on me-- on my back, on my ass."
John loved the feel of Rodney under him-- the slight softness of his belly, the broad expanse of his chest and shoulders, the light dusting of hair on his chest, the way their cocks seemed to just fit snugly against each other. Rodney moaned as John thrust against him, cock sliding against cock, his eyes half-shuttered.
"Oh, yeah, moan for me, baby. Tell me how it feels," John breathed, then nibbled Rodney's ear, feeling another moan vibrate low through his chest.
"Feels good. God! Yeah... feels good." Rodney's hands tightened, pulling him down, and grinding up against him. "Need you. Yeah... Need you to fuck me."
"I will, I promise. Just relax. Let me make you feel good." John kissed him again, then trailed downward to Rodney's jaw, kissing along it as they moved against each other. "Tilt your head back. Yeah, like that. Want to taste your throat."
"Vampire," Rodney teased, then moaned as John dropped kisses on his exposed throat, lapping at his skin.
"You taste good." Rodney's skin was slightly salty, musky, with a hint of soap. John could feel his lover's pulse point hammering under his lips. He kissed a spot low on Rodney's throat. "I want to mark you right here. You'll have to wear your high-collared shirt so no one will see, but you'll know it's there. I'll know it's there. Will you let me?"
Rodney drew in a shaky breath. Their eyes met. He could see Rodney understood what John was asking. It was more than just a childish hickey, this claiming. John had asked Rodney to trust him, but now he was offering his trust in return. The mark was for them, and no one else. Wordlessly, Rodney nodded.
John took Rodney's mouth-- hard and possessive-- and then released Rodney and scooted up, breaking the contact of their bodies. He slipped one hand down to cup Rodney's balls. "Tip your head back again. Yeah. So beautiful." And then his mouth was over the spot and Rodney's body was arching against him. The taste of him, the feel of Rodney going so pliant under him, was a head rush he hadn't expected. Part of him wanted to take his lover now and part of him wanted to lick and suck and jerk until Rodney was coming apart, but he knew Rodney wasn't there yet. "Talk to me, babe. Tell me what you need."
"Need you in me... God, need you in me now..." Rodney whimpered deep in his throat, hands clenching on John's shoulders. "Carson, please."
John's gut clenched at the mistake. Carson should be here. He was so much better at this.
Suddenly, Rodney realised what he'd said, his eyes going wide. "Fuck! Sorry. I'm sorry."
John smiled and shook his head, cupping Rodney's cheek. "It's okay. I'll get you there. Trust me." John's hand wrapped around Rodney's cock, solid and warm, while his mouth trailed down to a nipple.
Rodney sucked in a shocked breath as John's mouth closed over his nipple and shuddered, bucking against him, thrusting into his hand. "John!"
John allowed Rodney to fuck into his hand, concentrating on Rodney's nipples, throat, and mouth until Rodney's breath was coming in gasps, his thrusts hard and frantic. John kissed his lover hard while pressing at the base of Rodney's cock, backing him off, swallowing Rodney's whimpers. "Shhh... Wait. I don't want you coming till I'm inside you, till I tell you. Okay?"
"God, John!" Rodney groaned, closed his eyes, and nodded.
John reached across to the bedside table and dug the lube out of the drawer there, then kissed down Rodney's body till he was kneeling between Rodney's legs. He ran a set of light kisses down Rodney's cock and balls and then pulled Rodney's asscheeks apart.
Rodney spread his legs apart, feet on the bed, to give John the best access. His breathing was erratic, hands shifting restlessly in the sheets, but his body was still, waiting.
"Yeah, babe. Don't move. Just let me make you feel so good." John fingered the puckered opening and Rodney drew in a quick breath. John dropped a kiss to Rodney's butt cheek and then repeated the action on its twin. "Ready?"
There was a motion, Rodney nodding his head, before Rodney gasped, "Yes! God, yes."
John pulled his finger back and replaced it with his tongue, teasing against Rodney's opening. Rodney let out a startled exclamation that didn't appear to be English or any other language John had ever encountered. John pushed his tongue forward, slowly working Rodney open. John closed his eyes, tasting his lover's musk, the sensation of Rodney's body yielding to him. John fucked Rodney with his tongue, sliding deeper with each thrust. Rodney's legs tensed once or twice, starting to move before Rodney forced his body to wait.
"That's good," John crooned, kissing the crease where Rodney's leg and pelvis met. "Don't move. Just feel." And then he returned to his lover's body, humming appreciatively, which made Rodney gasp and moan.
When Rodney was taking half of his tongue, shivering with the sensation of it, John shifted his mouth up, kissing the sensitive spot between Rodney's balls and then quickly sliding his mouth down over his lover's cock.
"Nnnyuh! John!" Rodney gasped.
John quickly slicked up two fingers and slid them into Rodney's body, finding his lover's sweet spot easily. He stroked in and out in time to his sliding mouth. As Rodney's erratic breathing gave way to moan after moan, John pulled off and pressed against the base of Rodney's cock once again.
Rodney sighed, but didn't fight him. Rodney's chest was heaving, but he was still, legs held open, ready for whatever pleasure John wanted to give... or take.
"God, Rodney," John sighed. "I want to slide my naked cock inside you... Make love to you skin to skin and then fill your ass with my come."
Rodney moaned. "Yes. Whatever you want."
John drew a stuttering breath, fighting for control. He slicked himself up, the chill of the lube for once welcome. He slid up Rodney's body, slipping a hand around the back of Rodney's neck, fingers into his hair, and kissed him, tongue thrusting in and out in a suggestive rhythm. He swallowed a low moan. "Put your legs over my shoulders." Rodney complied immediately, opening himself up for John, laid out like a feast. John sat up slightly to look into Rodney's eyes. The tension was gone from around them; he was staring into cloudless blue. "I love you, Rodney," he whispered, then pushed into Rodney's welcoming body.
He closed his eyes, gasping, as the full heat of Rodney's body surrounded his cock with no barrier between them. He hadn't expected it to be so intense.
"Love you too, John," Rodney murmured.
John leaned forward, pushing Rodney's legs back toward his chest and fully sheathed himself deep within his lover. "Oh, yeah," he gasped. "Oh, babe, you feel incredible."
"Yeah." Rodney wore a strange, almost loopy half-smile.
John pulled back and then thrust in slowly again, groaning.
Rodney reached out and ran his fingertips down John's cheek. "Take me, John."
John turned his head and kissed Rodney's fingers, then slid his mouth around one, sucking it as he stroked in and out of his lover. "Tastes good."
"Mmmhm." Rodney's arm remained raised as if he'd forgotten to move it. His eyes were half-lidded, mouth open slightly.
"How do you feel?" John tried to maintain the slow pace he'd set, even while his whole being screamed at him to slam into Rodney's pliant body and take his pleasure.
"Hm... good..."
John's climax was building fast, the heat of Rodney's body, the sensation of him surrounding John's cock rapidly pulling John toward the edge. "You going to come for me?"
"Uh... 'f you... if you want..."
The utter surrender in Rodney's words made John gasp. Control... control... He had to keep control. "What do you want, babe?"
"Nnn?... Ah... This..." Rodney seemed to struggle to find words. "You."
"Oh, God!" John pistoned into his lover, deep and hard. Rodney moaned and raised his hips slightly, opening himself up even more. "Fuck, yes!" John gasped.
The heat that had been gathering in his belly, drawing his balls up, flared white hot. John forced his eyes open, wanting to watch Rodney as he filled him. "Rodney... Oh, God!"
Rodney looked at him through those long eyelashes, the smile still playing on his lips, and John lost it, closed his eyes, threw his head back, and thrust deep. The heat poured out of John's cock and into Rodney, filling him, marking him as surely as the bruise on his throat.
They hung there, frozen in that moment, bodies joined, John's taut with pleasure, Rodney's loose with surrender, until Rodney sighed in contentment and carefully slid his legs down off John's shoulders, drawing John down against him.
A spark of awareness flashed through John's consciousness. "You didn't come."
"No." Rodney shook his head, smiling indolently.
"Sorry. I can..."
"Shhh." Rodney touched a finger to John's lips, silencing him. "Just want you in me."
"Really, if you need..."
"Hmmm..." Rodney tucked his face into the curve of John's neck, breathed in the smell of his lover, and then stilled, sliding effortlessly from relaxation to sleep, breath puffing gently against John's skin.
John smiled, feeling strangely indulgent. He slipped his arms around his lover, his softening cock still inside Rodney's body. He remembered the few times he'd watched Carson do this with Rodney, the affection that shone from Carson's eyes afterward, and understood. His heart clenched at the thought of Carson, wondering if he would ever see that light in his other lover's eyes again.
Shivering, he pulled Rodney closer and held on.
AN: Caesura is a musical term meaning "a sudden silencing of the sound"
Next part
Author: SGAtlantisLight
Characters: McKay, Sheppard, Beckett, Zelenka, Kusanagi, Biro
Relationships: Beckett/McKay/Sheppard,
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mention of non-con, smut (with slight D/s undertones), major character whumpage, language.
Spoilers: None this chapter
Summary: They had rescued him, but they had yet to truly bring him safely home. Part of the Aleatoric Life series.
Disclaimer: Undoubtedly I own them, and a whole lot of other things, in some universe, but not this one.
"What the hell is this? Do you call this coffee?" Rodney demanded.
Radek glanced up from his computer. "Supplies are low. Daedalus returns day after tomorrow with the good stuff."
"Well, that's just great! What am I supposed to do for two days? Drink this swill?"
Radek shrugged. "I understand there is still some decaf Kenya 'AA'."
Rodney looked at him like he had just suggested that perpetual motion was possible. "Are you trying to get fired?"
"You can't fire me for suggesting you cut back on caffeine."
"Guess I'll just have to kill you, then."
Radek looked up with a grin, but the smile suddenly slipped from Rodney's face and he went pale, his hands clenching into fists.
"Excuse me. I've got to... uh... go find some better coffee."
Radek watched in shock as Rodney turned and fled the room, practically mowing down Miko in the process.
"Is Doctor McKay all right?" Miko asked.
Radek shook his head. "I don't know. He has been... very strange lately."
"That is to be expected," Miko said.
Radek nodded, considering the doorway through which Rodney had fled. "Yes, but... I don't know. The strangest things upset him."
"He has been very angry." Miko bit her lip. "And obsessed with washing."
"Washing?" Radek asked.
"His hands-- he is always washing them."
Radek thought back. "Interesting. I think you are right."
***
Biro stuck her head into Carson's room. "Hugo's here. I'm heading home."
Carson surreptitiously wiped his eyes while pretending to rub sleep from them, then looked up at her, red-eyed. "Thanks, Carolyn." His voice was rough from crying.
She paused, considering him. Colonel Sheppard had left from a short visit not long ago. Carson had never told her, but she was certain he and the Colonel and Doctor McKay were involved. It pained her to watch him go through this while maintaining the secrecy of their relationship. "Is there anyone I can call for you? A friend, perhaps?" A lover, she thought.
"I'm fine, thank you," he answered.
She nodded. "All right. Good night."
"Good night."
"How is he?" Castillon asked when she came out.
"Crying again, and covering for it."
Castillon toyed with his pen, his eyes distant. "He's due for release tomorrow, yes?"
"Yes."
"What does Kate say about his mental state?"
"She's prescribing an anti-depressant," Biro answered.
"Has she considered a suicide watch?"
"Do you think that's really necessary?"
"You've known him longer than I have, but... I'm worried, yes."
"Kate hasn't heard anything that's gotten her concerned," she said.
"He's a doctor. He knows the proper answers, the correct behaviour, to deflect suspicion. But at heart, I don't think he's as well as he's letting on."
"You may be right. I'll speak to her tomorrow."
"And I will do the same when I see her. Good night, Carolyn."
"Night, Hugo."
She stopped off at McKay's apartment on the way home. His body language told her he didn't want her peeking too closely into his apartment. The American flag patch on the jacket draped over his desk chair explained the concern. He looked exhausted and wrung out and she almost regretted coming. "Doctor Biro? Is... is Carson all right?"
"For now," she answered. "But he seemed very disheartened when I left him. I thought perhaps he could use a friend."
The pain in his eyes was unmistakable. "Okay. Thanks. I'll see what I can do."
She reached out and squeezed his arm quickly. "Thank you, doctor."
She arrived at her own apartment and sat on the bed, kicking her shoes off and sighing in relief. She thought about Doctor Carson Beckett, who had to take a pulse by hand, not trusting the machines, who would double-check the temperature reading with a quick hand to cheek or forehead, who touched and comforted and touched some more. She thought about him tensing at each touch, flinching, drawing away. She buried her face in her hands and gave in to the tears that had lain beneath the surface all that long day.
***
Rodney sat on the floor of his shower, water set almost to scalding cascading over him.
The door across from them flew open. As their companions fell amidst gunfire, two men fled the scene. Rodney fired after them, then moved to Carson as his teammates fired past him.
A hand on his shoulder. "Stop!"
"You bastard!" he'd screamed and reached out.
His eyes had been brown, flecked with gold.
Rodney remembered.
He remembered the way his pulse had fluttered like a butterfly beating its wings against his hands.
He remembered the way the muscles in his throat had convulsed.
He hadn't felt the fingernails raking down his arms, over his hands, had never noticed until after.
"Rodney?" The shower door opened and John stood amidst the billowing steam, worry marring his features. "Hey... Are you okay?"
"How do you do it? There has to be some trick, right? Some technique? I mean, there were what, sixty Genii soldiers? You didn't even flinch. I've got to know how you do it because I think... I think I'm going crazy. God, John! I can't wash it away. I can't. I can't stop remembering, thinking. I've never known how to forget. How do you do that? How do you do that?"
John stepped into the shower, shutting it off and gathering Rodney in his arms. "Shhhhh... Calm down."
Rodney laughed hysterically. "Calm down. Yeah, right. Calm down. You've got to help me stop thinking. Please!"
"Have you talked to Heightmeyer?"
"I can't. I can't say the words. Oh, God, help me!"
Desperately, John kissed him. Rodney clung to him, kissing back frantically, hands pulling on John's clothes.
"Fuck me. I need you to fuck me. Please, help get me out of my head."
"Sh! It's okay. Whatever you need. Okay? Whatever you need."
Rodney buried his face against John, almost sobbing.
"Come on. Let's go to the bedroom," John said, pulling Rodney to his feet and then stripping out of his sopping clothes.
***
John lowered Rodney to the bed, taking time to kiss and caress and explore, feeling the tension reverberating through him. "Just let go and focus on me, babe. Don't think. Just let me take care of you."
John understood where Rodney was right now-- the weight of the world, the pain, the need to let go. At those times, Carson usually stepped in, taking control, making John surrender inch by inch until striving bled away to nothing and all he wanted was Carson-- Carson's touch, Carson's voice telling him what to do. The experience was sort of like freefall, gravity falling away from his shoulders, leaving him adrift with Carson as his only tether.
He'd watched Carson pull Rodney into the same freefall when Rodney was too tense, too tired, too embattled in his own head to handle it anymore.
Now it was his turn to try.
Touch. Carson was always touching and kissing. With Rodney he was always making him talk, too-- "Tell me how this feels. Can you feel that?"-- focusing him in the moment.
"John," Rodney whimpered, an edge of panic in his voice.
John kissed him, swallowing the sound. "Shhh, babe. It'll be okay. Just trust me." Rodney kissed him back, frantic, body arching against him, seeking touch, needing release.
John pressed down against him, stilling him with his body's weight, hands stroking slowly down Rodney's arms, cupping his face. "Slow. It's okay. Relax. Feel my hands on you. Does it feel good? Yeah? Just relax and let me make you feel good." He kissed him again, then followed the line of Rodney's mouth, kissing the crooked corner that he loved so dearly, and then followed the curve of his cheek to his eyes. Rodney's eyes slid shut and John softly kissed his eyelids, then mischievously lapped at those impossible eyelashes. Rodney shuddered under him. "You like that?"
"Yeah," Rodney gasped.
Delighted, John returned to his lover's face, dropping quick kisses on lips and cheeks and nose and forehead and eyes before licking a stripe across Rodney's eyelid and feeling him shiver. His hands swept up Rodney's sides, almost tickling, and then slid under his arms to curl around his shoulders, pulling their bodies closer. John dropped kisses at the corners of Rodney's eyes, his temples, and then ran his tongue around the shell of Rodney's ear before pausing to nibble on his earlobe. "What else do you like?" he whispered. "Do you want me inside you?"
"Yeah. Inside me. Help me forget."
John slid his fingers through Rodney's hair, enjoying the feel of the silken strands, meeting Rodney's eyes. There was still tension around them, but Rodney's body was beginning to unwind slowly. "We're not thinking about that right now. Put your arms around me. Yeah, like that. I love your hands on me-- on my back, on my ass."
John loved the feel of Rodney under him-- the slight softness of his belly, the broad expanse of his chest and shoulders, the light dusting of hair on his chest, the way their cocks seemed to just fit snugly against each other. Rodney moaned as John thrust against him, cock sliding against cock, his eyes half-shuttered.
"Oh, yeah, moan for me, baby. Tell me how it feels," John breathed, then nibbled Rodney's ear, feeling another moan vibrate low through his chest.
"Feels good. God! Yeah... feels good." Rodney's hands tightened, pulling him down, and grinding up against him. "Need you. Yeah... Need you to fuck me."
"I will, I promise. Just relax. Let me make you feel good." John kissed him again, then trailed downward to Rodney's jaw, kissing along it as they moved against each other. "Tilt your head back. Yeah, like that. Want to taste your throat."
"Vampire," Rodney teased, then moaned as John dropped kisses on his exposed throat, lapping at his skin.
"You taste good." Rodney's skin was slightly salty, musky, with a hint of soap. John could feel his lover's pulse point hammering under his lips. He kissed a spot low on Rodney's throat. "I want to mark you right here. You'll have to wear your high-collared shirt so no one will see, but you'll know it's there. I'll know it's there. Will you let me?"
Rodney drew in a shaky breath. Their eyes met. He could see Rodney understood what John was asking. It was more than just a childish hickey, this claiming. John had asked Rodney to trust him, but now he was offering his trust in return. The mark was for them, and no one else. Wordlessly, Rodney nodded.
John took Rodney's mouth-- hard and possessive-- and then released Rodney and scooted up, breaking the contact of their bodies. He slipped one hand down to cup Rodney's balls. "Tip your head back again. Yeah. So beautiful." And then his mouth was over the spot and Rodney's body was arching against him. The taste of him, the feel of Rodney going so pliant under him, was a head rush he hadn't expected. Part of him wanted to take his lover now and part of him wanted to lick and suck and jerk until Rodney was coming apart, but he knew Rodney wasn't there yet. "Talk to me, babe. Tell me what you need."
"Need you in me... God, need you in me now..." Rodney whimpered deep in his throat, hands clenching on John's shoulders. "Carson, please."
John's gut clenched at the mistake. Carson should be here. He was so much better at this.
Suddenly, Rodney realised what he'd said, his eyes going wide. "Fuck! Sorry. I'm sorry."
John smiled and shook his head, cupping Rodney's cheek. "It's okay. I'll get you there. Trust me." John's hand wrapped around Rodney's cock, solid and warm, while his mouth trailed down to a nipple.
Rodney sucked in a shocked breath as John's mouth closed over his nipple and shuddered, bucking against him, thrusting into his hand. "John!"
John allowed Rodney to fuck into his hand, concentrating on Rodney's nipples, throat, and mouth until Rodney's breath was coming in gasps, his thrusts hard and frantic. John kissed his lover hard while pressing at the base of Rodney's cock, backing him off, swallowing Rodney's whimpers. "Shhh... Wait. I don't want you coming till I'm inside you, till I tell you. Okay?"
"God, John!" Rodney groaned, closed his eyes, and nodded.
John reached across to the bedside table and dug the lube out of the drawer there, then kissed down Rodney's body till he was kneeling between Rodney's legs. He ran a set of light kisses down Rodney's cock and balls and then pulled Rodney's asscheeks apart.
Rodney spread his legs apart, feet on the bed, to give John the best access. His breathing was erratic, hands shifting restlessly in the sheets, but his body was still, waiting.
"Yeah, babe. Don't move. Just let me make you feel so good." John fingered the puckered opening and Rodney drew in a quick breath. John dropped a kiss to Rodney's butt cheek and then repeated the action on its twin. "Ready?"
There was a motion, Rodney nodding his head, before Rodney gasped, "Yes! God, yes."
John pulled his finger back and replaced it with his tongue, teasing against Rodney's opening. Rodney let out a startled exclamation that didn't appear to be English or any other language John had ever encountered. John pushed his tongue forward, slowly working Rodney open. John closed his eyes, tasting his lover's musk, the sensation of Rodney's body yielding to him. John fucked Rodney with his tongue, sliding deeper with each thrust. Rodney's legs tensed once or twice, starting to move before Rodney forced his body to wait.
"That's good," John crooned, kissing the crease where Rodney's leg and pelvis met. "Don't move. Just feel." And then he returned to his lover's body, humming appreciatively, which made Rodney gasp and moan.
When Rodney was taking half of his tongue, shivering with the sensation of it, John shifted his mouth up, kissing the sensitive spot between Rodney's balls and then quickly sliding his mouth down over his lover's cock.
"Nnnyuh! John!" Rodney gasped.
John quickly slicked up two fingers and slid them into Rodney's body, finding his lover's sweet spot easily. He stroked in and out in time to his sliding mouth. As Rodney's erratic breathing gave way to moan after moan, John pulled off and pressed against the base of Rodney's cock once again.
Rodney sighed, but didn't fight him. Rodney's chest was heaving, but he was still, legs held open, ready for whatever pleasure John wanted to give... or take.
"God, Rodney," John sighed. "I want to slide my naked cock inside you... Make love to you skin to skin and then fill your ass with my come."
Rodney moaned. "Yes. Whatever you want."
John drew a stuttering breath, fighting for control. He slicked himself up, the chill of the lube for once welcome. He slid up Rodney's body, slipping a hand around the back of Rodney's neck, fingers into his hair, and kissed him, tongue thrusting in and out in a suggestive rhythm. He swallowed a low moan. "Put your legs over my shoulders." Rodney complied immediately, opening himself up for John, laid out like a feast. John sat up slightly to look into Rodney's eyes. The tension was gone from around them; he was staring into cloudless blue. "I love you, Rodney," he whispered, then pushed into Rodney's welcoming body.
He closed his eyes, gasping, as the full heat of Rodney's body surrounded his cock with no barrier between them. He hadn't expected it to be so intense.
"Love you too, John," Rodney murmured.
John leaned forward, pushing Rodney's legs back toward his chest and fully sheathed himself deep within his lover. "Oh, yeah," he gasped. "Oh, babe, you feel incredible."
"Yeah." Rodney wore a strange, almost loopy half-smile.
John pulled back and then thrust in slowly again, groaning.
Rodney reached out and ran his fingertips down John's cheek. "Take me, John."
John turned his head and kissed Rodney's fingers, then slid his mouth around one, sucking it as he stroked in and out of his lover. "Tastes good."
"Mmmhm." Rodney's arm remained raised as if he'd forgotten to move it. His eyes were half-lidded, mouth open slightly.
"How do you feel?" John tried to maintain the slow pace he'd set, even while his whole being screamed at him to slam into Rodney's pliant body and take his pleasure.
"Hm... good..."
John's climax was building fast, the heat of Rodney's body, the sensation of him surrounding John's cock rapidly pulling John toward the edge. "You going to come for me?"
"Uh... 'f you... if you want..."
The utter surrender in Rodney's words made John gasp. Control... control... He had to keep control. "What do you want, babe?"
"Nnn?... Ah... This..." Rodney seemed to struggle to find words. "You."
"Oh, God!" John pistoned into his lover, deep and hard. Rodney moaned and raised his hips slightly, opening himself up even more. "Fuck, yes!" John gasped.
The heat that had been gathering in his belly, drawing his balls up, flared white hot. John forced his eyes open, wanting to watch Rodney as he filled him. "Rodney... Oh, God!"
Rodney looked at him through those long eyelashes, the smile still playing on his lips, and John lost it, closed his eyes, threw his head back, and thrust deep. The heat poured out of John's cock and into Rodney, filling him, marking him as surely as the bruise on his throat.
They hung there, frozen in that moment, bodies joined, John's taut with pleasure, Rodney's loose with surrender, until Rodney sighed in contentment and carefully slid his legs down off John's shoulders, drawing John down against him.
A spark of awareness flashed through John's consciousness. "You didn't come."
"No." Rodney shook his head, smiling indolently.
"Sorry. I can..."
"Shhh." Rodney touched a finger to John's lips, silencing him. "Just want you in me."
"Really, if you need..."
"Hmmm..." Rodney tucked his face into the curve of John's neck, breathed in the smell of his lover, and then stilled, sliding effortlessly from relaxation to sleep, breath puffing gently against John's skin.
John smiled, feeling strangely indulgent. He slipped his arms around his lover, his softening cock still inside Rodney's body. He remembered the few times he'd watched Carson do this with Rodney, the affection that shone from Carson's eyes afterward, and understood. His heart clenched at the thought of Carson, wondering if he would ever see that light in his other lover's eyes again.
Shivering, he pulled Rodney closer and held on.
AN: Caesura is a musical term meaning "a sudden silencing of the sound"
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