Fic: Warrior (3/4)
Story info and warnings can be found in part 1.
PX-something or other was a typical mission, in that it was typically turning into a mess. Opening negotiations, discussion of trade, and then suddenly they were surrounded, and it was clear they wouldn't be allowed to leave the stone fortress. "Awesome," Rodney muttered, and then Teyla and Shane were moving into position behind them.
"One of you has the power to operate the Ancestor's devices," said the lead chancellor. "We will determine which it is." They started with Shane, who was on his first mission after the Lord of the Flies planet. The box they held up did nothing when they brought it near him. Rodney was next, and John tensed, knowing it was likely to light up, and not knowing what the men in leather armor were planning if it did. He brought up his P90.
When the box began to glow, Rodney rolled his eyes, but the robed priestess knelt before him, holding the box up over her head. "You will stay with me as my priest, and ancestors will bless us. Please accept me. Or if you prefer, we will find someone more to your liking."
"None of you will be to my liking," Rodney said. John couldn't help the warmth in his chest, but he did not glance over.
"Do not insult us," said the chancellor, his face going red over his beard.
John made eye contact with Shane, while Teyla stepped forward. "Chancellor Ganiron, I'm sure we can discuss what you might like from our friends who can activate the Ancestor's technology. Dr. McKay merely meant that he cannot stay here. His duties would not permit it."
"Our need is greater than any of yours. Your technology is superior. You cannot deny us this." The guards began to move forward.
"I am not a poker chip!" Rodney said, but John was already moving, the warmth in his chest turning to fire.
"If you come any closer, I'll kill you." The guards stopped. They didn't have firearms, but they'd probably seen Wraith stunners. "We're leaving. Now." He led them out the door, nodding to Shane to take the rear. John could tell Teyla was fuming, but she didn't say anything. When they reached the outer wall, John turned to the hill where they'd parked the cloaked jumper. No one said a word as they sat down and he started the flight sequence.
Halfway back to the stargate, Teyla said, "Colonel Sheppard, this is the second time you've resorted to threats when negotiation was possible." John said nothing, remembering that the last time the threat had been to Teyla. Teyla sat back, but John was sure she was saving the conversation for later.
When they came through the gate, Elizabeth radioed even before they'd reached the jumper bay. "You're early. Everything all right?"
"Just a little threatened kidnapping," John said, drawling on purpose. "Didn't exactly feel welcome."
"Come and brief me in the conference room as soon as you're parked. Weir out."
They walked down the stairs from the jumper bay to the gate room in silence. Elizabeth was waiting for them, and turned to lead the way to the conference room. When they were all seated, she said, "What went wrong?"
"They found out McKay had the gene, and wanted him to take up with their priestess," John said. No one else spoke.
Elizabeth waited a moment and then said, "Teyla? Your thoughts?"
Teyla glanced at John, then at Shane, before looking at Elizabeth. "I would prefer to express them in private."
John leaned back, remembering what Teyla had said. He made a decision. "Dr. McKay, Cpl. Shane, please give us a moment." He turned back to Elizabeth. "If that's all right with you?" She nodded, and they watched them leave, Rodney with a brief glare at John, and Shane with evident relief. "In Teyla's opinion, I met force with force too quickly. They were threatening to kidnap Rodney."
"I think," said Teyla, not looking at John, "that there was room for negotiation. They appear to have something of importance that requires the Ancient gene to activate. Col. Sheppard did not take the time to find out what it was. It might have been shield technology, or even a weapon."
"They don't take my people." He sounded mulish in his own ears.
Teyla turned to him, "What happened to me with those children was not your fault. We know now that they were Wraith worshippers. Even Dr. Beckett's team had to turn back because they were attacked. John, you cannot continue this way."
"I'm fine."
Elizabeth looked at him, her gaze level. "You have not yet talked with Dr. Heightmeyer, have you." John didn't bother to repeat himself. "If you'll excuse us, Teyla," Elizabeth said. Teyla rose, touching John's shoulder as she passed. When she was gone, Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. "I can't afford to have you like this."
"Like what?"
"Paranoid."
"I wasn't paranoid enough for Teyla." And he wouldn't let anything threaten Rodney.
"And you may alienate all our potential friends because of this shoot first mentality you've adopted. I'd like you to stay out of the field this week, and then go on the burger run." She smiled. "The Cananth are friendly."
"You talk to them about abandoning their children yet? The ones that don't have the gene?"
Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment. "Teyla has started that conversation, yes. Her goal is to have them foster the children openly. Many Pegasus societies would welcome the population. And Dr. McKay has expressed interest in getting back there to learn about their Haven and Help."
"Is that all?" John asked. He felt disconnected from the conversation.
"I am directing you to see Dr. Heightmeyer this afternoon. No excuses. You don't go through the stargate again until you do. And your next trip is to the Cananth. You need to unwind." She laughed. "Maybe dance."
John felt color rise on his cheeks, but he said, "Sure."
"I'll know if you don't see Heightmeyer. I'll have her email you an appointment time."
"Okay."
"We'll talk later," Elizabeth said, rising. John left and walked to Rodney's lab.
Rodney was peering into the screen of a laptop, and barely glanced up at John. "Need something, Colonel? I'm a little busy, but if it's urgent..."
"No, not urgent." John wasn't sure why he was here. He wasn't looking for sex. He wasn't buzzing. He just had to assure himself that Rodney was fine.
Rodney sat back, snapped the laptop shut, and snapped, "My office." John raised his eyebrows, but he followed. When the door closed behind them, Rodney said, "I'm not a damsel in distress."
"What?"
"We've talked our way out of much worse. They were probably just opening negotiations or something. When do you start shooting first?" Rodney dropped his voice. "Vegas means Vegas. Everything else has to stay the same."
"It's not just you," John said. "Elizabeth thinks it's because of what happened with the kids. She wants me to go see the Cananth and dance."
"What do you think?" John couldn't answer. His back was to the windows between Rodney's office and the lab, so he raised his hand between them, palm up. Rodney didn't move to take it, but he said, "Come see me tonight." John nodded and turned to leave, but Rodney wasn't done talking. "Don't do that again, Colonel. There are many reasons, but one of them is that you'll out yourself if you keep protecting me that hard. It used to be Ford's job, and you need to delegate again."
"You knew?"
"That you made sure someone always had my, uh, six?" Rodney smiled at his own use of military jargon. "Smartest man in two galaxies. Of course I noticed. And, uh, thank you."
John smiled back at him. "See you tonight."
***
"Can you describe for me what happened with those children?"
John didn't look at Dr. Heightmeyer. He usually managed to use the right words to talk his way around shrinks. It was hard with her, because she'd been through what they'd all been through, and her BS detector was as good as any master sergeant's. He told her the events in order, delivering his report. He knew the next question, "And how did that make you feel?"
"I needed to not feel anything," John said. "I was focused on the mission, and at that point, they were enemy combatants."
"But after?"
"Really, I'm fine about it." But Heightmeyer liked emotions to have names. "I'm angry that they were born into a bunch of Wraith worshippers, but it wasn't like they weren't going to try to kill me. I tried warning them, but they just kept coming. I regret what I had to do, but I've worked it through in my head, and there wasn't anything else I could do. Even Teyla agreed."
"And that was important to you, that she agreed?"
"She was there," John said quietly. "She was the one they were sucking the life out of."
"And you were angry Cpl. Shane hadn't protected her?" John nodded. "But you've kept him on your team."
John shrugged. "He's still training for Pegasus. He'll do for now."
"Not a strong recommendation." John shrugged again. "About this recent trip. Dr. Weir is concerned that you jumped to the threat of violence first." She waited a long moment, but John said nothing. He was afraid he'd give himself away, that it was as much what had happened to Teyla as who those idiots wanted to make join with their priestess. "Why do you think that is?"
"It's been a rough year," John said.
"You used to be much more controlled. What do you think you can do to get it back?"
"I'm sure I'll come up with something." It would be Rodney. Rodney in their own Las Vegas. "Look, this has been great, but I have things to do."
He rose, and she didn't try to stop him. She looked at John and got to her feet. "I have you down for 10:00 on Thursday. See you the day after tomorrow."
John nodded and left. He sat with Bates at dinner, discussing staffing issues and armory stocks. McKay ate with someone from the science team. Later that night, he went to Rodney's room, hands trembling with repressed need for contact. And in the end, when Rodney was sweaty and boneless, John lay with his head on Rodney's stomach, the taste of him in his mouth and the smell of him filling his head.
Rodney threaded his fingers through John's hair. "Your turn?"
"I, uh, got it myself."
Rodney huffed, and then he said, "Does a mission have to go wrong for us to do this?"
"I'd want to do it all the time," John whispered. He wanted to say, I've never had anything like this, never had anyone like you, and now that I do, I can't stand the thought of losing it.
Rodney said, "Me, too." John almost thought Rodney was answering what he hadn't said. Rodney sighed. "We couldn't afford to. Too much depends on us."
"Yeah," John said, rising to dress. He kissed Rodney before he left, intending a quick brush of the lips, but Rodney grabbed his head to kiss deeply. When they pulled back, Rodney didn't let go. He looked at John, his eyes flicking back and forth between John's eyes. John leaned in to kiss him again, just to break that searching gaze.
John went back to the tower again, trying to figure out what Rodney was trying to say, what everyone seemed to be trying to tell him, and what he was trying to tell himself. He didn't get any answers from the stars.
***
"Sheppard!" Kanor dropped from a tree partway down the path, his hair neatly braided, and a grin on his face. "You're here again! Teyla. McKay," he said, bumping wrists with both of them, "And who is this?"
"Cpl. Shane, meet Kanor of the Cananth. He guards and he herds." John had the pattern down now. Who and what. "Kanor, this is Cpl. Shane. He's a soldier." John watched Shane's jaw twitch, wanting to correct him to say Marine. John still wasn't sure about him, so he was trying him out with friendly locals. Kanor did not offer his wrist.
Kanor nodded. "Do we trade today?"
"Sure. I'd like to see Kaline, if she's not busy, and Dr. McKay would like to go back up to the Haven and Help to study it more. If Kaline will let him," John added.
"I'm sure. Come." Two more Cananth appeared out of the forest and flanked them. Kanor maneuvered himself so that he was walking alone with John. John glanced at Rodney, and his shoulders were tightly set. "How are you, Sheppard?" Kanor asked, running the back of his fingers down John's upper arm. "You were troubled when you were here last. You seem troubled now. What are you now?"
"I'm not sure of the question." He made more space between the two of them.
"I was told by the ones who came to trade that you are no longer major, but something called colonel. What does that mean? Do you still guard and herd?"
"Sort of." John wasn't sure what the difference was, but there was a difference. He tried to think of an example. As near as he could tell, Cananth society wasn't very hierarchical. "When the Wraith came, how did everyone know what to do? Who decided which one was going to call for the ropes to be pulled to bring the houses down? Kaline didn't call every single one."
Kanor cocked his head. "Knowing what you are is knowing weather you decide or follow. The Help does that for us."
"We do it by naming the role, the rank. Colonel is a rank. Higher than Major."
"But it's just a name. I can call a tree a rhunok, but I still wouldn’t want to eat it."
"Well, we're not as lucky, I guess. If you're a tree and they're calling you a rhunok, you have to figure out how to look like you've got fur."
Kanor said nothing, so John inclined his head and walked forward to catch up with Rodney. "What's the plan?"
"Based on that last analysis, they may have another kind of energy generator that isn't a ZPM." McKay lowered his voice. "Maybe you can get Mr. Flirty Eyes back there to get me into the deeper parts of that complex."
"You have nothing to worry about," John said, suppressing a smile. Rodney snorted, but they didn't talk more until they reached the meeting place. It looked a bit different. "Visit from the Wraith since we were last here?" he asked Kanor.
Kanor nodded, momentarily grim. "They took Sanor. She was pregnant. Pregnant women are a delicacy to the Wraith."
Sanor. The woman Ford had been seeing. John felt the pang of losing Ford deep in his gut, punctuated by nausea of the idea of Wraith delicacies, of Ford's child gone. "What happened? That Haven works pretty well."
"She fell. There was no time." Kanor gave John another smile, but John remembered no one helping the boy, Shanor. "It happens."
"Why do they keep coming back?" John asked.
"I think we annoy them," Kanor said. "They are sure there must be more people here, but they cannot find us. But as much as we can do, not everyone makes it to the Haven on time."
"And you don't go back for them, because...?"
"It would risk more."
John understood. He didn't agree, but he could understand the logic.
"We find things to remind us we're alive," Kanor said. He touched John's arm with the back of his fingers, but John moved before Kanor could slide them down. Kanor glanced at Rodney, who was watching them. Rodney's mouth was a tight, slanted line. "Ah."
"Please," John said, feeling his face go cold. "We have a lot of reasons to keep it secret."
"You people who do not know who you are," Kanor said, shaking his head. "I won't speak of it." John glanced around to see who might have heard. He noticed Shanine, the young mother. Her wrist bore a second bar. John wondered what that might mean.
Kaline joined them. "Sheppard. Thought you'd forgotten us." She held up her arm, and John bumped wrists with her. What kind of blades did you bring us?"
"We have something you haven't seen. John pulled a folding knife from his pocket. John hadn't wanted to put it into the barter pool because it had belonged to Hernandez. The blade was half serrated, its edge curving to a very sharp point. Elizabeth thought that something more exotic might buy them entrance into the Haven and Help. If they didn't like it, he had a bone-handled paring knife in his vest. He demonstrated how the blade locked into place, and how it could be released to fold. Kaline tried the mechanism, and then handed it back to John.
"Worth more than two rhunoks. How many do you want?"
"Just two, and a favor."
"What kind of favor?"
"We would very much like to explore your Haven and Help."
Kaline looked at him for a long moment, then over to Kanor, who nodded. "Go with Sheppard and McKay," she said. Then to John, "Staying for dinner?"
"Didn't want to presume." John wasn't sure he wanted to stay, but before they left Elizabeth had said that she didn't expect them home. Yes, Mom, he’d replied, grinning when she rolled her eyes.
"Stay," Kaline said. "Teyla and I will talk."
John nodded to Teyla, and she stayed behind when the rest of them started up the now-familiar trail. Another Cananth woman that John didn't know fell into step with them at a word from Kaline. She wore the sling at her belt, and her reddish hair was cut close to her head. When they walked in through opening that appeared in the hillside, Kanor smiled at John as the lights brightened. "Where to first?"
"I'd like to see anything that looks like a control room," Rodney said. "Consoles. Anything with crystals. Maybe those movers, or whatever you call them? The big transporters."
"Senders," said Kanor. "We can show you everything. You may not touch anything."
"Hmm," Rodney said, tablet out, and looking down the hall. "Take me to the room you understand the least. Let's start there."
They followed Kanor, and the walk seemed longer than it probably was. The corridors kept brightening that extra bit when John entered them, and he was starting to worry that wherever they ended up, the technology would do something more or different. When they reached the room, it looked like many on Atlantis, with banks of consoles and suspended screens. Rodney walked around the five main stands, and he hummed as he consulted his tablet. He reached for a button, but Kanor shouted, "NO!" The Cananth woman had Rodney's hand in a tight grip. Rodney's face constricted in pain.
John was fast, and in two steps he had the woman's wrist, broke her loose from Rodney, and had her on the floor. "Sheppard, you cannot," Kanor said, his hand on John's shoulder. "Taline only did what you would have done.”
His heart hammering in his chest, John stepped back, motioning to Shane to lower his weapon and fighting to get a grip on his temper. What the hell was wrong with him?
"Please, let everyone stand," Kanor said. John looked at Shane and nodded. When they were all on their feet, Kanor looked at Rodney. "Can you learn without touching?"
"Can I at least open up the panels without changing the insides, and see how it fits together?"
"Can you skin a rhunok and make it run again?"
"It's a machine, not an animal," said John. "Rodney knows what he is. He is a person who understands machines better than almost anyone."
"Almost?" Rodney said, but there was no sting in it, and John glanced at him, stifling a grin because Shane was in the room.
"This is what and who he is," John said, turning back to Kanor. "Do you trust me? Then trust him. He will change nothing. Right?"
"Right," said Rodney. "Looking only. No punching buttons, unplugging wires."
"How long do you need?" John asked.
"How many of these rooms are there?"
"Five," Kanor answered, "and you asked about the senders."
Rodney looked at John. "Depends, then," he said. "If the other four rooms are just like this? Can I at least activate the screens? That's just an advanced form of looking."
"Show me."
Rodney held a finger above the control panel. "All this will do is activate the screen here." He pointed to the empty frame. "If it does anything else, you can break my hand."
"I would do more than that," Kanor said. "This is our Haven and our Help. It is not worth a knife to lose it."
"We know what it means to you," John said. "It would not be worth your life to harm him." Kanor's eyes narrowed, but John continued carefully, needing to get this right. "It's not worth your friendship to risk your Haven."
Kanor considered. "Let me see this screen," he said. Rodney pressed the control that brought up the screen, and his whistle was almost drowned out by the gasps from Kanor and the woman. "What is this?"
"Big," Rodney said, and without waiting for permission, brought up the others. "This is really big. It's like a new area of physics. Well, maybe not a new area, but if that means what I think that means this was an experimental station for large scale, well, experiments." Rodney was barely stopping to breathe as he talked, pointing out spectrographs and power readings, and then suddenly he stopped.
"Rodney?"
"I..." He chewed on his lip. "I need to look at this for a while." He went silent, and picked up his tablet, his eyes moving among the screens, and his fingers flying on the computer.
"Rodney?"
"Working now. Talk later."
John snorted. "He's going to be a while."
Kanor said, "Taline, stay with him. He touches nothing."
"Got that, don't need to," Rodney muttered. "Go do something else."
John walked around the room. Without a reference point to know how to interpret them, he couldn't read the displays on the consoles, but there was something interesting, something different about the readouts.
Kanor came up behind him. "Let's walk."
John turned at the touch, surprised. He hadn't realized he'd been concentrating so hard. He nodded at Shane. "Corporal, make sure he behaves and that everyone plays nice."
"Yes, sir." Shane had lowered his weapon, but he hadn't taken his hand off it. John approved.
Kanor led him down a corridor, and when they were several yards away, out of earshot, Kanor said, "You have changed."
"Same old me," John said, but he shifted his pack.
"From what you said before, the change from major to colonel means you have more responsibility?"
"Oh paper, I guess. I'm doing what I did before."
"No." Kanor's voice sounded final. "Before you guarded, herded, yes, but it was all your people. Now you only guard one. How can that be more responsibility?"
"That's not true." John had guarded Teyla, just not well enough, and it had to be a rescue.
"Sheppard, do you know what you are now? When everything is quiet, are you at rest? When it is only you and the wind in the leaves above?" John remembered looking at the stars a few nights ago, thinking that he didn't know who he was any more. He also remembered Ford saying that they shouldn’t underestimate the Cananth, because they were thinkers. Kanor had certainly thought a lot about John.
Kanor took his silence for an answer. "Come. We are here." John recognized the large room known as the Help. "Here we Become," Kanor said, repeating what must be some Cananth mantra. "You have taken a step. You have become Colonel. You have found your lover. It changes what you must be. A lover is a precious thing, but what you are requires that you guard all, not just him." Kanor put his hand in the center of the swirling pattern. John watched the lights play over his face, and when the door opened, Kanor said, "Become."
John stood in the doorway. Kanor leaned on the frame, inhabiting his skin and simply being the person that John tried to project. Every time he stood like that, leaning nonchalantly, it was a pose. Rodney couldn't pose to save his life. His twitchy arrogance, warring with his self-doubts, made him so good at what he did. He had to be right, and he worked hard to make sure he was. John had to be right, too, he hadn't been lately, from not trusting his gut with Shane and going back through the stargate, to attacking that Cananth woman just now. "How does it work?" he asked Kanor.
"If the Ancestors will speak to you, then you have only to stand and Become." Kanor reached for John's arm, leading him into the room. "What do you need to be?" An image of Marine Col. Dillon Everett flashed in John's head--the easy confidence, the competence, the ability to adapt, the sense of both strategy and tactics. He wouldn't want that same level of arrogance, because it was probably what had gotten him killed. But he needed to be that kind of person to do his job. "See what it is you need to be," Kanor's voice said softly.
John hadn't realized he'd closed his eyes, but he didn't want to open them, not yet. He had a sensation much like sitting in the command chair, and he opened himself to it. Instead of sensing all of Atlantis, it felt like watching something sensing all of him. He didn't know enough about biology and physiology to follow it, but there came with the images a slow and rising heat of pain, of change, of going through a fire. Two low points in his back burned, and he felt himself entirely calm in the face of the strange sensations.
And then it faded, and John opened his eyes, and Kanor was in front of him, an easy smile on his face. "You see? It is help. You will see. You have become what you needed to be."
John didn't feel any different. "Okay. Maybe we can see the Senders?"
"We need to go back to McKay. It is late."
"How long was I in there?"
"Most of the day. Becoming is not a quick thing."
"Seemed like just a couple of minutes."
"I know. Come," said Kanor, and John followed him down the hall. McKay was still staring at screens and at his tablet, but he'd convinced the guard somehow to let him open the face of one of the consoles to expose the wires and circuits. John could see control crystals. That would be the best way to shut this place down if needed, and they shouldn’t be exposed. Shane was standing where his weapon would cover either the door or the Cananth guard. Sheppard approved.
"What do you have for me, Rodney?" John said.
McKay looked up. His hair was sticking up and his eyes were a bit red. "For you? Nothing. But I think I've figured out how this works. The Genii were able to hide from the Wraith just by going underground, and that should really be enough if your power sources are off, but the Ancients were able to hide this facility. Except that I'm not sure these were authorized experiments, and they were probably trying to hide this from other Ancients."
"Why?" John asked. "Is this place dangerous?"
"Well, without getting into this more, I can't tell what the purpose of the facility was. Why create the room-sized transporters, which I looked at while you were gone, by the way, and then why shield the fact that you were doing it? No, unless I can start looking at records, maybe with Corrigan, because I think Elizabeth has been teaching him Ancient."
John hid his impatience. "We'll ask Kaline. In the mean time, is there anything specific we can take from this? Any idea how this dampening technology works?"
"Well, no, not without getting into it more than the don't touch rule."
"I see you got a console open."
"Well, it took a bit of convincing, and I haven't touched anything inside." Rodney glared over at the woman.
"Let's cover it back up and get out of here."
Rodney looked at him for a moment, and then picked up his tools and put the panel in place. They left the Haven and Help and walked down to the settlement. John turned to Kanor. "We need to get back."
"We like to celebrate a Becoming," Kanor said. "Kaline expects you to stay, and you haven't even picked out your rhunoks. She'll give you at least three for that blade."
"Maybe next time, John said, looking to see if Rodney was close enough to hear it. "I'd like to make our goodbyes." John went through the motions with Kaline, and took the rhunoks on the hoof. The Cananth were perfectly nice, but if he didn't have to dance again, that would suit him, and he didn't want to wait for the local butchers
Kanor did not walk them to the gate, but left the job to their guard for the day. He waved in parting, but turned to his own work, dismissing John. About half way to the gate, the woman paced John. "You Became today?" she asked quietly.
"I guess."
"I've never heard of that happening for someone who was not Cananth. And the Ancestors' machines spoke to your Dr. McKay. It is a day of wonders."
"I suppose." John wasn't sure what she was getting at, or if he cared.
"You do not stay to share the joy with us?"
"I have a job to do, and a place to be," John said, and she nodded, like it made sense.
They dialed in and walked through the event horizon. As they walked into the city, John turned to Rodney. "What did you really find there?"
Rodney looked at him for a moment. "Okay, whatever was going on there they were trying to hide it from other Ancients. Like I said, if they were just hiding from the Wraith, being out of sight seems to be enough."
"But the Genii have to shut down all their generators to keep from being spotted. The Cananth have the Senders, and those take power. Any idea what kind?"
"I think it's magma core, like geothermal on steroids."
"So not something we can take with us."
"I thought the rule now was that we don't try to take things people are using to, oh, I don't know, survive the Wraith."
"Oh. Right," said John. "What about the large-scale transporters?" John asked. "We've never seen the technology on that scale. Could we figure it out and replicate it? Hell of a tactical advantage to transport in an entire platoon."
"I don't know," Rodney said, running his fingers through his hair. "I've been up to my ears in this stuff all day, and if it isn't about to blow up, I'd like to let it all just settle." He looked up at John. "Where were you all day?"
"Kanor took me to see the Help."
"That's it? The room?" Rodney looked at him, and for a moment, John found the brilliance annoying. Rodney was assessing him. "You didn't, did you?"
"Oh, come on, Rodney. How likely am I to let some alien machine mess around with my head?" John didn't want to lie, but if he told Rodney the truth, he'd just worry. But Rodney looked at him for a long moment. He was opening his mouth to say something when Elizabeth walked up.
"What's going on?"
John said, "We didn't have a moment alone to talk, and I wanted to find out what Dr. McKay had learned. I'm sorry I didn't wait for the debrief. When would you like to start?"
"You've had a long day. If it isn't pressing, how about at the staff meeting?"
"This could be more urgent than that. Dr. McKay found that the facility is older than the Wraith, so the energy dampening served some other purpose, perhaps hiding the facility from someone else."
Rodney broke in, "I think. Maybe. I have no idea what the facility is for. The only think I didn't check out was that Help thing."
John didn't want Rodney to go there yet, so he said, "And Dr. McKay tells me he found the large transporters. That technology could be very important."
"Yeah, if you want to drill down to a planetary core to power it," Rodney said. "I'm tired, and I want a shower. Do we have to do this now?"
"Teyla?" Elizabeth asked.
"My news is not urgent."
"But you have news?"
Teyla nodded. "I think we have made some progress about the foundlings."
John wondered for a moment what they were talking about, and then remembered the question of the Cananth and the children who did not have the gene. It didn't seem very important, since the kids were usually okay with their foster families, right? He gave Elizabeth his lazy smile. "Showers to take. Reports to write. The morning meeting is fine."
He left at her nod, and went to stow his gear. Rodney followed, as did Shane, and none of them spoke as they hung their tac vests. John went to check in his P90 at the armory, nodded to Shane as he did the same, and then showered. He noticed a tattoo on his wrist, a bar made out of subtle, swirling shades. It had been hidden by his wristbands, and he'd have to hide it from Rodney for now. It was early evening, so he went to his office and wrote the preliminary report for the mission, then started on the stack of paperwork on his desk. About 19:00 he realized he'd almost missed dinner, and made his way to the mess hall.
Rodney was sitting by himself at a table, his computer open in front of him, slowly demolishing a bowl of jello. John set down his tray. "Dr. McKay," he said.
"Colonel." Rodney didn't look up, so John started eating. At one point Rodney pushed away his empty bowl, and put both hands on the keyboard and started to type.
"What are you working on?" John asked, breaking ten minutes of silence.
"Mmm. Stuff."
"You okay?"
Rodney glanced over the top of the laptop. "Are you?"
"Never better," John said, and saying it, he realized that he meant it. He stacked his silverware on his tray. It was time to get to the gym. "See you later."
"Really?" said Rodney. John glanced down, and Rodney was looking at him with an expression John couldn't read.
They had their "rough mission" agreement. Wasn't that enough? John didn't want to lead Rodney into thinking it was something more. "Gym. Work." Rodney's gaze jumped back and forth, and John realized he was focusing in turn on each of John's eyes. That meant they were too close, and he didn't remember leaning in, so he stood up and said, "Twenty-two hundred?"
Rodney nodded.
John limited himself to a light workout, followed by another quick shower and more deskwork. What had he been thinking to let the paperwork build up? At 21:50 he stood and stretched, then set off for Rodney's quarters. It was good having someone like that, John thought. Rodney had been more discreet than John had thought possible, and if the commander and the chief scientist had late meetings, who would notice it. How was it any different from before? Just the friends with benefits aspect, but no one else needed to know. And having Rodney's personal loyalty? That was going to make things much easier in the future if there were any conflicts. They key was to keep Rodney happy.
Rodney had changed, but only into a T-shirt and jeans. He looked tired. "Hi." He stood aside to let John in. "You okay?"
"Sure," John said. "Been worse for you. How's that analysis coming?"
"I'm getting somewhere. It would be easier if I could see what the controls did. Then I might understand what they're doing. Right now I have a vague idea. And I want to get into the Help. I think what they were hiding was the Help."
"I wonder why."
"I don't know. I'm not really sure what it does for them. It's a neural interface, but there's something more." Rodney rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, and then ran his hand down his face."
"Feel like I should offer you a beer."
"That's be nice," Rodney said, sitting heavily on his bed. "Look, I'm, I mean, I don't know how this works. It's not exactly heat of the moment, bad mission, and all that."
"It wasn't exactly an easy mission for you. My turn. He pulled off Rodney's shirt and pushed him down on the bed, face down, and started to work on the knots. John wasn't expert at this, but in the state Rodney was in, any kind of massage was probably going to feel good. John checked his watch and kept it up for ten minutes, before slowing and trailing his fingers down Rodney's spine. "Better?"
"Mrph" Rodney said to his pillow. He glanced up with one eye. "You're overdressed."
John gave him a smile. "What do you want to do?"
"I think I owe you one," Rodney said. "You know, from last time."
John wasn't going to argue. He was partly hard already, so he stood and opened his BDUs as Rodney sat up, pushing them past his thighs. "This okay?"
"Sit down," Rodney said, "or you'll trip yourself. Can't even be bothered to take off your boots?"
"Practicing for field situations," John joked, but the truth was, he wasn't interested in stripping in front of Rodney at the moment. He sat at the foot of the bed, and Rodney arranged himself with his head in John's lap. He started with a lazy tongue and took his time getting John all the way hard. He took John's hand and guided it down, and John started rubbing Rodney through his jeans, feeling his cock swell and his legs part as he shifted to give John more access. John thought about opening the jeans and lying down, making it a sixty-nine again, but he was pretty happy being able to pay attention to McKay's mouth. He rubbed McKay absently, enjoying the slick and the heat and even the occasional graze of teeth.
Eventually he wanted to thrust, and his shifted his hips, but Rodney didn't take the hint. John couldn't control the friction, couldn't push himself over the edge. He let go of Rodney's cock and leaned back on his hands pushing up with his hips again. "C'mon," John groaned. "Just, yes, that," as Rodney got down to business and got him off.
John flopped backward on the bed, catching his breath. "Man, we should have done this a long time ago." He felt Rodney kiss his thigh, and it reminded him there was unfinished business. He rolled toward him, opening the button and fly of Rodney's jeans. Rodney helped shuck them down, and John pulled out his cock and sucked it in wetly, using his hand and his mouth in a driving rhythm with one goal. Rodney came, beard scratching where his head lay on John's thigh, clutching convulsively at the tails of his shirt. John swallowed, because it was easier that way.
He gave Rodney time to recover, and sat up. Rodney's eyes were still closed and John put his hand into his thinning hair and rubbed his temple with his thumb until Rodney opened his eyes. "Hey," John said.
"Hey," Rodney answered, blinking as if he'd just woken up.
"I need to get going." He gave Rodney a wry smile. "Plus, beard burn on the leg."
"Oh, what? Sorry," Rodney said, sitting up hastily and laying the other way to pull up his jeans.
John stood, pulled up his shorts and his BDUs. "Thanks." He looked at Rodney as he turned to the door, and the stopped the movement. Rodney's mouth slanted sideways, as if he were unhappy. John remembered that Rodney liked kissing, and he was good at it. He bent down, a hand cupping Rodney's head. "Seriously. This is the best thing ever." John brought their lips together, but instead of Rodney meeting him, open and demanding, he gave John a closed-mouth kiss. John stood back, and Rodney got off the bed, walking over to his desk to turn on his laptop.
"Good night, Colonel."
Continued in part 4.
PX-something or other was a typical mission, in that it was typically turning into a mess. Opening negotiations, discussion of trade, and then suddenly they were surrounded, and it was clear they wouldn't be allowed to leave the stone fortress. "Awesome," Rodney muttered, and then Teyla and Shane were moving into position behind them.
"One of you has the power to operate the Ancestor's devices," said the lead chancellor. "We will determine which it is." They started with Shane, who was on his first mission after the Lord of the Flies planet. The box they held up did nothing when they brought it near him. Rodney was next, and John tensed, knowing it was likely to light up, and not knowing what the men in leather armor were planning if it did. He brought up his P90.
When the box began to glow, Rodney rolled his eyes, but the robed priestess knelt before him, holding the box up over her head. "You will stay with me as my priest, and ancestors will bless us. Please accept me. Or if you prefer, we will find someone more to your liking."
"None of you will be to my liking," Rodney said. John couldn't help the warmth in his chest, but he did not glance over.
"Do not insult us," said the chancellor, his face going red over his beard.
John made eye contact with Shane, while Teyla stepped forward. "Chancellor Ganiron, I'm sure we can discuss what you might like from our friends who can activate the Ancestor's technology. Dr. McKay merely meant that he cannot stay here. His duties would not permit it."
"Our need is greater than any of yours. Your technology is superior. You cannot deny us this." The guards began to move forward.
"I am not a poker chip!" Rodney said, but John was already moving, the warmth in his chest turning to fire.
"If you come any closer, I'll kill you." The guards stopped. They didn't have firearms, but they'd probably seen Wraith stunners. "We're leaving. Now." He led them out the door, nodding to Shane to take the rear. John could tell Teyla was fuming, but she didn't say anything. When they reached the outer wall, John turned to the hill where they'd parked the cloaked jumper. No one said a word as they sat down and he started the flight sequence.
Halfway back to the stargate, Teyla said, "Colonel Sheppard, this is the second time you've resorted to threats when negotiation was possible." John said nothing, remembering that the last time the threat had been to Teyla. Teyla sat back, but John was sure she was saving the conversation for later.
When they came through the gate, Elizabeth radioed even before they'd reached the jumper bay. "You're early. Everything all right?"
"Just a little threatened kidnapping," John said, drawling on purpose. "Didn't exactly feel welcome."
"Come and brief me in the conference room as soon as you're parked. Weir out."
They walked down the stairs from the jumper bay to the gate room in silence. Elizabeth was waiting for them, and turned to lead the way to the conference room. When they were all seated, she said, "What went wrong?"
"They found out McKay had the gene, and wanted him to take up with their priestess," John said. No one else spoke.
Elizabeth waited a moment and then said, "Teyla? Your thoughts?"
Teyla glanced at John, then at Shane, before looking at Elizabeth. "I would prefer to express them in private."
John leaned back, remembering what Teyla had said. He made a decision. "Dr. McKay, Cpl. Shane, please give us a moment." He turned back to Elizabeth. "If that's all right with you?" She nodded, and they watched them leave, Rodney with a brief glare at John, and Shane with evident relief. "In Teyla's opinion, I met force with force too quickly. They were threatening to kidnap Rodney."
"I think," said Teyla, not looking at John, "that there was room for negotiation. They appear to have something of importance that requires the Ancient gene to activate. Col. Sheppard did not take the time to find out what it was. It might have been shield technology, or even a weapon."
"They don't take my people." He sounded mulish in his own ears.
Teyla turned to him, "What happened to me with those children was not your fault. We know now that they were Wraith worshippers. Even Dr. Beckett's team had to turn back because they were attacked. John, you cannot continue this way."
"I'm fine."
Elizabeth looked at him, her gaze level. "You have not yet talked with Dr. Heightmeyer, have you." John didn't bother to repeat himself. "If you'll excuse us, Teyla," Elizabeth said. Teyla rose, touching John's shoulder as she passed. When she was gone, Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. "I can't afford to have you like this."
"Like what?"
"Paranoid."
"I wasn't paranoid enough for Teyla." And he wouldn't let anything threaten Rodney.
"And you may alienate all our potential friends because of this shoot first mentality you've adopted. I'd like you to stay out of the field this week, and then go on the burger run." She smiled. "The Cananth are friendly."
"You talk to them about abandoning their children yet? The ones that don't have the gene?"
Elizabeth closed her eyes for a moment. "Teyla has started that conversation, yes. Her goal is to have them foster the children openly. Many Pegasus societies would welcome the population. And Dr. McKay has expressed interest in getting back there to learn about their Haven and Help."
"Is that all?" John asked. He felt disconnected from the conversation.
"I am directing you to see Dr. Heightmeyer this afternoon. No excuses. You don't go through the stargate again until you do. And your next trip is to the Cananth. You need to unwind." She laughed. "Maybe dance."
John felt color rise on his cheeks, but he said, "Sure."
"I'll know if you don't see Heightmeyer. I'll have her email you an appointment time."
"Okay."
"We'll talk later," Elizabeth said, rising. John left and walked to Rodney's lab.
Rodney was peering into the screen of a laptop, and barely glanced up at John. "Need something, Colonel? I'm a little busy, but if it's urgent..."
"No, not urgent." John wasn't sure why he was here. He wasn't looking for sex. He wasn't buzzing. He just had to assure himself that Rodney was fine.
Rodney sat back, snapped the laptop shut, and snapped, "My office." John raised his eyebrows, but he followed. When the door closed behind them, Rodney said, "I'm not a damsel in distress."
"What?"
"We've talked our way out of much worse. They were probably just opening negotiations or something. When do you start shooting first?" Rodney dropped his voice. "Vegas means Vegas. Everything else has to stay the same."
"It's not just you," John said. "Elizabeth thinks it's because of what happened with the kids. She wants me to go see the Cananth and dance."
"What do you think?" John couldn't answer. His back was to the windows between Rodney's office and the lab, so he raised his hand between them, palm up. Rodney didn't move to take it, but he said, "Come see me tonight." John nodded and turned to leave, but Rodney wasn't done talking. "Don't do that again, Colonel. There are many reasons, but one of them is that you'll out yourself if you keep protecting me that hard. It used to be Ford's job, and you need to delegate again."
"You knew?"
"That you made sure someone always had my, uh, six?" Rodney smiled at his own use of military jargon. "Smartest man in two galaxies. Of course I noticed. And, uh, thank you."
John smiled back at him. "See you tonight."
***
"Can you describe for me what happened with those children?"
John didn't look at Dr. Heightmeyer. He usually managed to use the right words to talk his way around shrinks. It was hard with her, because she'd been through what they'd all been through, and her BS detector was as good as any master sergeant's. He told her the events in order, delivering his report. He knew the next question, "And how did that make you feel?"
"I needed to not feel anything," John said. "I was focused on the mission, and at that point, they were enemy combatants."
"But after?"
"Really, I'm fine about it." But Heightmeyer liked emotions to have names. "I'm angry that they were born into a bunch of Wraith worshippers, but it wasn't like they weren't going to try to kill me. I tried warning them, but they just kept coming. I regret what I had to do, but I've worked it through in my head, and there wasn't anything else I could do. Even Teyla agreed."
"And that was important to you, that she agreed?"
"She was there," John said quietly. "She was the one they were sucking the life out of."
"And you were angry Cpl. Shane hadn't protected her?" John nodded. "But you've kept him on your team."
John shrugged. "He's still training for Pegasus. He'll do for now."
"Not a strong recommendation." John shrugged again. "About this recent trip. Dr. Weir is concerned that you jumped to the threat of violence first." She waited a long moment, but John said nothing. He was afraid he'd give himself away, that it was as much what had happened to Teyla as who those idiots wanted to make join with their priestess. "Why do you think that is?"
"It's been a rough year," John said.
"You used to be much more controlled. What do you think you can do to get it back?"
"I'm sure I'll come up with something." It would be Rodney. Rodney in their own Las Vegas. "Look, this has been great, but I have things to do."
He rose, and she didn't try to stop him. She looked at John and got to her feet. "I have you down for 10:00 on Thursday. See you the day after tomorrow."
John nodded and left. He sat with Bates at dinner, discussing staffing issues and armory stocks. McKay ate with someone from the science team. Later that night, he went to Rodney's room, hands trembling with repressed need for contact. And in the end, when Rodney was sweaty and boneless, John lay with his head on Rodney's stomach, the taste of him in his mouth and the smell of him filling his head.
Rodney threaded his fingers through John's hair. "Your turn?"
"I, uh, got it myself."
Rodney huffed, and then he said, "Does a mission have to go wrong for us to do this?"
"I'd want to do it all the time," John whispered. He wanted to say, I've never had anything like this, never had anyone like you, and now that I do, I can't stand the thought of losing it.
Rodney said, "Me, too." John almost thought Rodney was answering what he hadn't said. Rodney sighed. "We couldn't afford to. Too much depends on us."
"Yeah," John said, rising to dress. He kissed Rodney before he left, intending a quick brush of the lips, but Rodney grabbed his head to kiss deeply. When they pulled back, Rodney didn't let go. He looked at John, his eyes flicking back and forth between John's eyes. John leaned in to kiss him again, just to break that searching gaze.
John went back to the tower again, trying to figure out what Rodney was trying to say, what everyone seemed to be trying to tell him, and what he was trying to tell himself. He didn't get any answers from the stars.
***
"Sheppard!" Kanor dropped from a tree partway down the path, his hair neatly braided, and a grin on his face. "You're here again! Teyla. McKay," he said, bumping wrists with both of them, "And who is this?"
"Cpl. Shane, meet Kanor of the Cananth. He guards and he herds." John had the pattern down now. Who and what. "Kanor, this is Cpl. Shane. He's a soldier." John watched Shane's jaw twitch, wanting to correct him to say Marine. John still wasn't sure about him, so he was trying him out with friendly locals. Kanor did not offer his wrist.
Kanor nodded. "Do we trade today?"
"Sure. I'd like to see Kaline, if she's not busy, and Dr. McKay would like to go back up to the Haven and Help to study it more. If Kaline will let him," John added.
"I'm sure. Come." Two more Cananth appeared out of the forest and flanked them. Kanor maneuvered himself so that he was walking alone with John. John glanced at Rodney, and his shoulders were tightly set. "How are you, Sheppard?" Kanor asked, running the back of his fingers down John's upper arm. "You were troubled when you were here last. You seem troubled now. What are you now?"
"I'm not sure of the question." He made more space between the two of them.
"I was told by the ones who came to trade that you are no longer major, but something called colonel. What does that mean? Do you still guard and herd?"
"Sort of." John wasn't sure what the difference was, but there was a difference. He tried to think of an example. As near as he could tell, Cananth society wasn't very hierarchical. "When the Wraith came, how did everyone know what to do? Who decided which one was going to call for the ropes to be pulled to bring the houses down? Kaline didn't call every single one."
Kanor cocked his head. "Knowing what you are is knowing weather you decide or follow. The Help does that for us."
"We do it by naming the role, the rank. Colonel is a rank. Higher than Major."
"But it's just a name. I can call a tree a rhunok, but I still wouldn’t want to eat it."
"Well, we're not as lucky, I guess. If you're a tree and they're calling you a rhunok, you have to figure out how to look like you've got fur."
Kanor said nothing, so John inclined his head and walked forward to catch up with Rodney. "What's the plan?"
"Based on that last analysis, they may have another kind of energy generator that isn't a ZPM." McKay lowered his voice. "Maybe you can get Mr. Flirty Eyes back there to get me into the deeper parts of that complex."
"You have nothing to worry about," John said, suppressing a smile. Rodney snorted, but they didn't talk more until they reached the meeting place. It looked a bit different. "Visit from the Wraith since we were last here?" he asked Kanor.
Kanor nodded, momentarily grim. "They took Sanor. She was pregnant. Pregnant women are a delicacy to the Wraith."
Sanor. The woman Ford had been seeing. John felt the pang of losing Ford deep in his gut, punctuated by nausea of the idea of Wraith delicacies, of Ford's child gone. "What happened? That Haven works pretty well."
"She fell. There was no time." Kanor gave John another smile, but John remembered no one helping the boy, Shanor. "It happens."
"Why do they keep coming back?" John asked.
"I think we annoy them," Kanor said. "They are sure there must be more people here, but they cannot find us. But as much as we can do, not everyone makes it to the Haven on time."
"And you don't go back for them, because...?"
"It would risk more."
John understood. He didn't agree, but he could understand the logic.
"We find things to remind us we're alive," Kanor said. He touched John's arm with the back of his fingers, but John moved before Kanor could slide them down. Kanor glanced at Rodney, who was watching them. Rodney's mouth was a tight, slanted line. "Ah."
"Please," John said, feeling his face go cold. "We have a lot of reasons to keep it secret."
"You people who do not know who you are," Kanor said, shaking his head. "I won't speak of it." John glanced around to see who might have heard. He noticed Shanine, the young mother. Her wrist bore a second bar. John wondered what that might mean.
Kaline joined them. "Sheppard. Thought you'd forgotten us." She held up her arm, and John bumped wrists with her. What kind of blades did you bring us?"
"We have something you haven't seen. John pulled a folding knife from his pocket. John hadn't wanted to put it into the barter pool because it had belonged to Hernandez. The blade was half serrated, its edge curving to a very sharp point. Elizabeth thought that something more exotic might buy them entrance into the Haven and Help. If they didn't like it, he had a bone-handled paring knife in his vest. He demonstrated how the blade locked into place, and how it could be released to fold. Kaline tried the mechanism, and then handed it back to John.
"Worth more than two rhunoks. How many do you want?"
"Just two, and a favor."
"What kind of favor?"
"We would very much like to explore your Haven and Help."
Kaline looked at him for a long moment, then over to Kanor, who nodded. "Go with Sheppard and McKay," she said. Then to John, "Staying for dinner?"
"Didn't want to presume." John wasn't sure he wanted to stay, but before they left Elizabeth had said that she didn't expect them home. Yes, Mom, he’d replied, grinning when she rolled her eyes.
"Stay," Kaline said. "Teyla and I will talk."
John nodded to Teyla, and she stayed behind when the rest of them started up the now-familiar trail. Another Cananth woman that John didn't know fell into step with them at a word from Kaline. She wore the sling at her belt, and her reddish hair was cut close to her head. When they walked in through opening that appeared in the hillside, Kanor smiled at John as the lights brightened. "Where to first?"
"I'd like to see anything that looks like a control room," Rodney said. "Consoles. Anything with crystals. Maybe those movers, or whatever you call them? The big transporters."
"Senders," said Kanor. "We can show you everything. You may not touch anything."
"Hmm," Rodney said, tablet out, and looking down the hall. "Take me to the room you understand the least. Let's start there."
They followed Kanor, and the walk seemed longer than it probably was. The corridors kept brightening that extra bit when John entered them, and he was starting to worry that wherever they ended up, the technology would do something more or different. When they reached the room, it looked like many on Atlantis, with banks of consoles and suspended screens. Rodney walked around the five main stands, and he hummed as he consulted his tablet. He reached for a button, but Kanor shouted, "NO!" The Cananth woman had Rodney's hand in a tight grip. Rodney's face constricted in pain.
John was fast, and in two steps he had the woman's wrist, broke her loose from Rodney, and had her on the floor. "Sheppard, you cannot," Kanor said, his hand on John's shoulder. "Taline only did what you would have done.”
His heart hammering in his chest, John stepped back, motioning to Shane to lower his weapon and fighting to get a grip on his temper. What the hell was wrong with him?
"Please, let everyone stand," Kanor said. John looked at Shane and nodded. When they were all on their feet, Kanor looked at Rodney. "Can you learn without touching?"
"Can I at least open up the panels without changing the insides, and see how it fits together?"
"Can you skin a rhunok and make it run again?"
"It's a machine, not an animal," said John. "Rodney knows what he is. He is a person who understands machines better than almost anyone."
"Almost?" Rodney said, but there was no sting in it, and John glanced at him, stifling a grin because Shane was in the room.
"This is what and who he is," John said, turning back to Kanor. "Do you trust me? Then trust him. He will change nothing. Right?"
"Right," said Rodney. "Looking only. No punching buttons, unplugging wires."
"How long do you need?" John asked.
"How many of these rooms are there?"
"Five," Kanor answered, "and you asked about the senders."
Rodney looked at John. "Depends, then," he said. "If the other four rooms are just like this? Can I at least activate the screens? That's just an advanced form of looking."
"Show me."
Rodney held a finger above the control panel. "All this will do is activate the screen here." He pointed to the empty frame. "If it does anything else, you can break my hand."
"I would do more than that," Kanor said. "This is our Haven and our Help. It is not worth a knife to lose it."
"We know what it means to you," John said. "It would not be worth your life to harm him." Kanor's eyes narrowed, but John continued carefully, needing to get this right. "It's not worth your friendship to risk your Haven."
Kanor considered. "Let me see this screen," he said. Rodney pressed the control that brought up the screen, and his whistle was almost drowned out by the gasps from Kanor and the woman. "What is this?"
"Big," Rodney said, and without waiting for permission, brought up the others. "This is really big. It's like a new area of physics. Well, maybe not a new area, but if that means what I think that means this was an experimental station for large scale, well, experiments." Rodney was barely stopping to breathe as he talked, pointing out spectrographs and power readings, and then suddenly he stopped.
"Rodney?"
"I..." He chewed on his lip. "I need to look at this for a while." He went silent, and picked up his tablet, his eyes moving among the screens, and his fingers flying on the computer.
"Rodney?"
"Working now. Talk later."
John snorted. "He's going to be a while."
Kanor said, "Taline, stay with him. He touches nothing."
"Got that, don't need to," Rodney muttered. "Go do something else."
John walked around the room. Without a reference point to know how to interpret them, he couldn't read the displays on the consoles, but there was something interesting, something different about the readouts.
Kanor came up behind him. "Let's walk."
John turned at the touch, surprised. He hadn't realized he'd been concentrating so hard. He nodded at Shane. "Corporal, make sure he behaves and that everyone plays nice."
"Yes, sir." Shane had lowered his weapon, but he hadn't taken his hand off it. John approved.
Kanor led him down a corridor, and when they were several yards away, out of earshot, Kanor said, "You have changed."
"Same old me," John said, but he shifted his pack.
"From what you said before, the change from major to colonel means you have more responsibility?"
"Oh paper, I guess. I'm doing what I did before."
"No." Kanor's voice sounded final. "Before you guarded, herded, yes, but it was all your people. Now you only guard one. How can that be more responsibility?"
"That's not true." John had guarded Teyla, just not well enough, and it had to be a rescue.
"Sheppard, do you know what you are now? When everything is quiet, are you at rest? When it is only you and the wind in the leaves above?" John remembered looking at the stars a few nights ago, thinking that he didn't know who he was any more. He also remembered Ford saying that they shouldn’t underestimate the Cananth, because they were thinkers. Kanor had certainly thought a lot about John.
Kanor took his silence for an answer. "Come. We are here." John recognized the large room known as the Help. "Here we Become," Kanor said, repeating what must be some Cananth mantra. "You have taken a step. You have become Colonel. You have found your lover. It changes what you must be. A lover is a precious thing, but what you are requires that you guard all, not just him." Kanor put his hand in the center of the swirling pattern. John watched the lights play over his face, and when the door opened, Kanor said, "Become."
John stood in the doorway. Kanor leaned on the frame, inhabiting his skin and simply being the person that John tried to project. Every time he stood like that, leaning nonchalantly, it was a pose. Rodney couldn't pose to save his life. His twitchy arrogance, warring with his self-doubts, made him so good at what he did. He had to be right, and he worked hard to make sure he was. John had to be right, too, he hadn't been lately, from not trusting his gut with Shane and going back through the stargate, to attacking that Cananth woman just now. "How does it work?" he asked Kanor.
"If the Ancestors will speak to you, then you have only to stand and Become." Kanor reached for John's arm, leading him into the room. "What do you need to be?" An image of Marine Col. Dillon Everett flashed in John's head--the easy confidence, the competence, the ability to adapt, the sense of both strategy and tactics. He wouldn't want that same level of arrogance, because it was probably what had gotten him killed. But he needed to be that kind of person to do his job. "See what it is you need to be," Kanor's voice said softly.
John hadn't realized he'd closed his eyes, but he didn't want to open them, not yet. He had a sensation much like sitting in the command chair, and he opened himself to it. Instead of sensing all of Atlantis, it felt like watching something sensing all of him. He didn't know enough about biology and physiology to follow it, but there came with the images a slow and rising heat of pain, of change, of going through a fire. Two low points in his back burned, and he felt himself entirely calm in the face of the strange sensations.
And then it faded, and John opened his eyes, and Kanor was in front of him, an easy smile on his face. "You see? It is help. You will see. You have become what you needed to be."
John didn't feel any different. "Okay. Maybe we can see the Senders?"
"We need to go back to McKay. It is late."
"How long was I in there?"
"Most of the day. Becoming is not a quick thing."
"Seemed like just a couple of minutes."
"I know. Come," said Kanor, and John followed him down the hall. McKay was still staring at screens and at his tablet, but he'd convinced the guard somehow to let him open the face of one of the consoles to expose the wires and circuits. John could see control crystals. That would be the best way to shut this place down if needed, and they shouldn’t be exposed. Shane was standing where his weapon would cover either the door or the Cananth guard. Sheppard approved.
"What do you have for me, Rodney?" John said.
McKay looked up. His hair was sticking up and his eyes were a bit red. "For you? Nothing. But I think I've figured out how this works. The Genii were able to hide from the Wraith just by going underground, and that should really be enough if your power sources are off, but the Ancients were able to hide this facility. Except that I'm not sure these were authorized experiments, and they were probably trying to hide this from other Ancients."
"Why?" John asked. "Is this place dangerous?"
"Well, without getting into this more, I can't tell what the purpose of the facility was. Why create the room-sized transporters, which I looked at while you were gone, by the way, and then why shield the fact that you were doing it? No, unless I can start looking at records, maybe with Corrigan, because I think Elizabeth has been teaching him Ancient."
John hid his impatience. "We'll ask Kaline. In the mean time, is there anything specific we can take from this? Any idea how this dampening technology works?"
"Well, no, not without getting into it more than the don't touch rule."
"I see you got a console open."
"Well, it took a bit of convincing, and I haven't touched anything inside." Rodney glared over at the woman.
"Let's cover it back up and get out of here."
Rodney looked at him for a moment, and then picked up his tools and put the panel in place. They left the Haven and Help and walked down to the settlement. John turned to Kanor. "We need to get back."
"We like to celebrate a Becoming," Kanor said. "Kaline expects you to stay, and you haven't even picked out your rhunoks. She'll give you at least three for that blade."
"Maybe next time, John said, looking to see if Rodney was close enough to hear it. "I'd like to make our goodbyes." John went through the motions with Kaline, and took the rhunoks on the hoof. The Cananth were perfectly nice, but if he didn't have to dance again, that would suit him, and he didn't want to wait for the local butchers
Kanor did not walk them to the gate, but left the job to their guard for the day. He waved in parting, but turned to his own work, dismissing John. About half way to the gate, the woman paced John. "You Became today?" she asked quietly.
"I guess."
"I've never heard of that happening for someone who was not Cananth. And the Ancestors' machines spoke to your Dr. McKay. It is a day of wonders."
"I suppose." John wasn't sure what she was getting at, or if he cared.
"You do not stay to share the joy with us?"
"I have a job to do, and a place to be," John said, and she nodded, like it made sense.
They dialed in and walked through the event horizon. As they walked into the city, John turned to Rodney. "What did you really find there?"
Rodney looked at him for a moment. "Okay, whatever was going on there they were trying to hide it from other Ancients. Like I said, if they were just hiding from the Wraith, being out of sight seems to be enough."
"But the Genii have to shut down all their generators to keep from being spotted. The Cananth have the Senders, and those take power. Any idea what kind?"
"I think it's magma core, like geothermal on steroids."
"So not something we can take with us."
"I thought the rule now was that we don't try to take things people are using to, oh, I don't know, survive the Wraith."
"Oh. Right," said John. "What about the large-scale transporters?" John asked. "We've never seen the technology on that scale. Could we figure it out and replicate it? Hell of a tactical advantage to transport in an entire platoon."
"I don't know," Rodney said, running his fingers through his hair. "I've been up to my ears in this stuff all day, and if it isn't about to blow up, I'd like to let it all just settle." He looked up at John. "Where were you all day?"
"Kanor took me to see the Help."
"That's it? The room?" Rodney looked at him, and for a moment, John found the brilliance annoying. Rodney was assessing him. "You didn't, did you?"
"Oh, come on, Rodney. How likely am I to let some alien machine mess around with my head?" John didn't want to lie, but if he told Rodney the truth, he'd just worry. But Rodney looked at him for a long moment. He was opening his mouth to say something when Elizabeth walked up.
"What's going on?"
John said, "We didn't have a moment alone to talk, and I wanted to find out what Dr. McKay had learned. I'm sorry I didn't wait for the debrief. When would you like to start?"
"You've had a long day. If it isn't pressing, how about at the staff meeting?"
"This could be more urgent than that. Dr. McKay found that the facility is older than the Wraith, so the energy dampening served some other purpose, perhaps hiding the facility from someone else."
Rodney broke in, "I think. Maybe. I have no idea what the facility is for. The only think I didn't check out was that Help thing."
John didn't want Rodney to go there yet, so he said, "And Dr. McKay tells me he found the large transporters. That technology could be very important."
"Yeah, if you want to drill down to a planetary core to power it," Rodney said. "I'm tired, and I want a shower. Do we have to do this now?"
"Teyla?" Elizabeth asked.
"My news is not urgent."
"But you have news?"
Teyla nodded. "I think we have made some progress about the foundlings."
John wondered for a moment what they were talking about, and then remembered the question of the Cananth and the children who did not have the gene. It didn't seem very important, since the kids were usually okay with their foster families, right? He gave Elizabeth his lazy smile. "Showers to take. Reports to write. The morning meeting is fine."
He left at her nod, and went to stow his gear. Rodney followed, as did Shane, and none of them spoke as they hung their tac vests. John went to check in his P90 at the armory, nodded to Shane as he did the same, and then showered. He noticed a tattoo on his wrist, a bar made out of subtle, swirling shades. It had been hidden by his wristbands, and he'd have to hide it from Rodney for now. It was early evening, so he went to his office and wrote the preliminary report for the mission, then started on the stack of paperwork on his desk. About 19:00 he realized he'd almost missed dinner, and made his way to the mess hall.
Rodney was sitting by himself at a table, his computer open in front of him, slowly demolishing a bowl of jello. John set down his tray. "Dr. McKay," he said.
"Colonel." Rodney didn't look up, so John started eating. At one point Rodney pushed away his empty bowl, and put both hands on the keyboard and started to type.
"What are you working on?" John asked, breaking ten minutes of silence.
"Mmm. Stuff."
"You okay?"
Rodney glanced over the top of the laptop. "Are you?"
"Never better," John said, and saying it, he realized that he meant it. He stacked his silverware on his tray. It was time to get to the gym. "See you later."
"Really?" said Rodney. John glanced down, and Rodney was looking at him with an expression John couldn't read.
They had their "rough mission" agreement. Wasn't that enough? John didn't want to lead Rodney into thinking it was something more. "Gym. Work." Rodney's gaze jumped back and forth, and John realized he was focusing in turn on each of John's eyes. That meant they were too close, and he didn't remember leaning in, so he stood up and said, "Twenty-two hundred?"
Rodney nodded.
John limited himself to a light workout, followed by another quick shower and more deskwork. What had he been thinking to let the paperwork build up? At 21:50 he stood and stretched, then set off for Rodney's quarters. It was good having someone like that, John thought. Rodney had been more discreet than John had thought possible, and if the commander and the chief scientist had late meetings, who would notice it. How was it any different from before? Just the friends with benefits aspect, but no one else needed to know. And having Rodney's personal loyalty? That was going to make things much easier in the future if there were any conflicts. They key was to keep Rodney happy.
Rodney had changed, but only into a T-shirt and jeans. He looked tired. "Hi." He stood aside to let John in. "You okay?"
"Sure," John said. "Been worse for you. How's that analysis coming?"
"I'm getting somewhere. It would be easier if I could see what the controls did. Then I might understand what they're doing. Right now I have a vague idea. And I want to get into the Help. I think what they were hiding was the Help."
"I wonder why."
"I don't know. I'm not really sure what it does for them. It's a neural interface, but there's something more." Rodney rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, and then ran his hand down his face."
"Feel like I should offer you a beer."
"That's be nice," Rodney said, sitting heavily on his bed. "Look, I'm, I mean, I don't know how this works. It's not exactly heat of the moment, bad mission, and all that."
"It wasn't exactly an easy mission for you. My turn. He pulled off Rodney's shirt and pushed him down on the bed, face down, and started to work on the knots. John wasn't expert at this, but in the state Rodney was in, any kind of massage was probably going to feel good. John checked his watch and kept it up for ten minutes, before slowing and trailing his fingers down Rodney's spine. "Better?"
"Mrph" Rodney said to his pillow. He glanced up with one eye. "You're overdressed."
John gave him a smile. "What do you want to do?"
"I think I owe you one," Rodney said. "You know, from last time."
John wasn't going to argue. He was partly hard already, so he stood and opened his BDUs as Rodney sat up, pushing them past his thighs. "This okay?"
"Sit down," Rodney said, "or you'll trip yourself. Can't even be bothered to take off your boots?"
"Practicing for field situations," John joked, but the truth was, he wasn't interested in stripping in front of Rodney at the moment. He sat at the foot of the bed, and Rodney arranged himself with his head in John's lap. He started with a lazy tongue and took his time getting John all the way hard. He took John's hand and guided it down, and John started rubbing Rodney through his jeans, feeling his cock swell and his legs part as he shifted to give John more access. John thought about opening the jeans and lying down, making it a sixty-nine again, but he was pretty happy being able to pay attention to McKay's mouth. He rubbed McKay absently, enjoying the slick and the heat and even the occasional graze of teeth.
Eventually he wanted to thrust, and his shifted his hips, but Rodney didn't take the hint. John couldn't control the friction, couldn't push himself over the edge. He let go of Rodney's cock and leaned back on his hands pushing up with his hips again. "C'mon," John groaned. "Just, yes, that," as Rodney got down to business and got him off.
John flopped backward on the bed, catching his breath. "Man, we should have done this a long time ago." He felt Rodney kiss his thigh, and it reminded him there was unfinished business. He rolled toward him, opening the button and fly of Rodney's jeans. Rodney helped shuck them down, and John pulled out his cock and sucked it in wetly, using his hand and his mouth in a driving rhythm with one goal. Rodney came, beard scratching where his head lay on John's thigh, clutching convulsively at the tails of his shirt. John swallowed, because it was easier that way.
He gave Rodney time to recover, and sat up. Rodney's eyes were still closed and John put his hand into his thinning hair and rubbed his temple with his thumb until Rodney opened his eyes. "Hey," John said.
"Hey," Rodney answered, blinking as if he'd just woken up.
"I need to get going." He gave Rodney a wry smile. "Plus, beard burn on the leg."
"Oh, what? Sorry," Rodney said, sitting up hastily and laying the other way to pull up his jeans.
John stood, pulled up his shorts and his BDUs. "Thanks." He looked at Rodney as he turned to the door, and the stopped the movement. Rodney's mouth slanted sideways, as if he were unhappy. John remembered that Rodney liked kissing, and he was good at it. He bent down, a hand cupping Rodney's head. "Seriously. This is the best thing ever." John brought their lips together, but instead of Rodney meeting him, open and demanding, he gave John a closed-mouth kiss. John stood back, and Rodney got off the bed, walking over to his desk to turn on his laptop.
"Good night, Colonel."
Continued in part 4.