Title: Just Say No
Author:
linzidayRating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Stargate belongs to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc., no infringements of any rights is intended.
Spoilers: None
Prompt for the Round: The story must be told by a less used character and must be written in first person.
JUST SAY NO by
linziday It is not that hard to say no to The Great Rodney McKay.
No, you cannot have my coffee.
No, I will not return to planet of small heathens.
“Radek, you idiot, just get out of here! I don’t know how much longer I can hold this.”
“No, I will not leave so you can explode and splatter like hotdog in microwave.”
You see? Not hard.
Rodney cursed and twisted around, trying to see my scanner reading. The device he held above his head clicked once, loud in the abandoned room. We both froze.
One second.
Two.
Three.
I let out a breath and looked at Rodney. The blood had drained from his face and his eyes were squeezed shut. Fine tremors ran down his arms. He stood, holding up a cinderblock-sized device that could blow apart the city if he dropped it, or moved too much, or even sneezed. In an unnerving situation, kindness only unnerved him more. So -
“Also, please to not detonate early and take me with you.”
Some days were supposed to involve explosives. I planned accordingly: much coffee, charged laptop, correct tools. This was supposed to be a non-explosive day, a day of cataloging.
The scanner was not enough.
I tapped my radio. “Colonel?”
“Two minutes out,” he answered, out of breath as he ran. “How’s he doing?”
“He can hear you even though he doesn’t have a free hand to key the microphone.” Rodney opened his eyes. “Tell Sheppard his marines are morons and the next time he and Ronon get busy training the new recruits, he damn well better not send Thing One and Thing Two with us. We would’ve been better off exploring Atlantis with. . . fuck. . . with a -” Rodney inhaled sharply. His arms trembled harder and beads of sweat broke out on his forehead. “Just get his ass down here.”
“Colonel,” I said. My tone was enough. The radio channel filled with cursing and the sound of pounding boots.
A minute later the room was swarming with people. Medics, marines, engineers. Someone handed me my laptop and set up a ladder. I was halfway up to inspect the device from above when a medic jostled Rodney.
The click-click echoed.
“Kurva drat,” I breathed.
Rodney blanched again. “Are you all mentally deficient?” he yelled. “One click is a warning. Two means it’s armed. Three means boom, people. Boom.”
Ronon shoved away the medic and kept everyone at bay. I climbed the rest of the way up the ladder.
The colonel was at Rodney’s elbow, head ducked to assess the underside of the device. But from the way his gaze traveled, it was Rodney he evaluated. “‘Boom,’ huh?” he teased.
“Boom, yes, highly technical term. Must have two PhDs to use it,” I said, following his lead. An annoyed Rodney was a distracted Rodney and a distracted Rodney - well, would be much happier.
“Next time I’ll call it a thermonuclear explosion with residual radiation blowback,” Rodney grumbled. “Better?”
“Yes,” Ronon said.
Rodney snorted. His arms stopped shaking long enough for me to connect a laptop to the device.
The colonel watched Rodney. “So what happened?”
“Your marines thought that console would be a nice place to lean,” Rodney said. “Set off the backup self-destruct. Bomb. Crude but effective.”
“And you, what, caught it barehanded?”
“Yes, Sheppard, because I am exactly that athletic,” Rodney said. “It was lowered on a line. Probably to give time to rescind the command before it hit the ground and turned into a thermonuclear explosion with residual radiation blowback.”
“Boom,” Ronon said.
Rodney glared.
“Rodney intercepted it and the line retracted,” I said. “But the device responded when he moved. The database - ”
Rodney’s arms spasmed. He screamed.
The colonel dove and grabbed Rodney’s wrists, supporting his outstretched arms. “Any time now, Radek,” he grunted.
The system thought the device had hit the ground, was autonomous. The device thought it hadn’t hit the ground yet -
“Radek!”
I typed furiously. Sensors! Cut power to its motion sensors.
“Done,” I said. “Go carefully. It will still detonate with impact.”
Rodney’s eyes watered. “My muscled locked up. I can’t, I don’t think I can - ”
“Easy, buddy,” the colonel said. “Let us do the work, okay? We got you.”
With little jostling, Ronon took the device from Rodney’s hands. The colonel shifted Rodney away.
“Crap,” Rodney hissed as the colonel helped him lower his arms.
“Yeah, you’re going to feel that in the morning.”
“Forget the morning. I feel it enough now.” Rodney watched Ronon deliver the device to the bomb squad. His eyes tracked it until it was gone.
The medics swarmed again, but Rodney groused about “manhandling witchdoctors” and the colonel waved them off. “I got it, guys. I’ll bring him to the infirmary.”
By the time I climbed down from the ladder, the crowd was gone.
“Pretty brave there, Rodney.” The colonel grinned.
Rodney looked dazed. “You know, I really deserve more money. Or at least a plaque of some kind.”
“I hear there’s chocolate cake tonight,” the colonel offered.
Rodney rubbed his shoulder. “Okay.”
They left while I finished packing up my tools.
Then Rodney returned. He still looked dazed.
“Hey,” he said. “You know.”
I stared for a moment. Blinked. Finally, I waved him back to the colonel and the waiting infirmary.
And I added another no to the list.
“No problem.”
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