Fanfiction - From the Archive! October 27, 2014
Story #3 of The Letter Trilogy. For an explanation, see This Post for story #1 and the history behind all of this.
The underlying reason why I wrote this story, beyond completing the trilogy, is in the author's notes at the end. I can't really do better than that, so I'll leave you to read it. :)
Story: Understanding
Word Count: ~3,000
Genre:Gen, Missing Scene
Characters:John Sheppard, OC
Warnings: None
Summary: John and his dad finally see eye to eye. Third and final story of The Letter Trilogy. Written in April, 2006.
Understanding
Sequel to The Letter and Resolution
Part 3 of The Letter Trilogy
****************************************************************************************************
This story is dedicated to TanaquiSGA, who was generous enough to tackle editing a 138K-word novel for me. Thanks TS! ((HUGS))
This also directly follows the events of Resolution. It may make more sense if you read that story first. :)
****************************************************************************************************
The bright Colorado sun warmed his neck as he stood quietly, his brown eyes meeting the hazel ones that stared silently back at him. Marcus Sheppard smiled slightly as his gaze passed from his son’s eyes to the silver oak leaves on his collar, brightly reflecting the sun’s light.
Slowly, Marcus’ gaze returned to the hazel eyes that had never left him. “When are you leaving?” His words broke the silence John had held onto.
“Not for another week,” a small, cynical smile popped easily to John’s face, “but this will probably be the last time I’ll be outside this damn mountain.”
Marcus nodded slightly, mock seriousness taking hold of his expression. “You didn’t think it would be easy, did you?” He grinned at his son’s quiet chuckle.
“Nope.”
John’s subtle fidgeting sparked curiosity in Marcus. They may not have been the closest in the past few years, but Marcus knew his son, and knew something was bugging him. He cocked his head, and an eyebrow at John. “What’s on your mind?”
John looked away, his distracted gaze fixed on the distant mountains. His mouth twitched, but he remained silent.
Never one to beat around the bush, Marcus prided himself in being direct. It was an ingrained trait in his personality, but a long career in the military had only fortified it. He cleared his throat pointedly, effectively regaining John’s attention. “Out with it,” his tone was no nonsense.
John chuckled. “Mom used to say you were impatient.”
Mildly surprised, Marcus grunted quietly. “Not to you.”
Shaking his head, John chuckled louder. “Nope. She told Grandma Eunice. A few years ago, Grandma Eunice told me…,” John’s humor faded. “Right after you and I had that fight at the Fourth of July BBQ.”
Marcus nodded to himself. One of many fights he and John had had in recent years, that one in particular stood out. John had been passed over for a promotion for what his commanding officer had cited as “resistance to the chain of command.” Neither of them had been in the mood to discuss it, and the entire conversation had deteriorated into an all out shouting match. It had been the first time they had fought so intensely over John’s career…but it wasn’t the last. “I remember.”
“She told me,” John continued, “that you and I were… how did she put it?” John’s brows wrinkled, “‘more alike than either one of us bull headed Sheppard men would admit.’” He chucked. “Anyone else, and I would’ve told them they were crazy.”
Marcus’ amused smile was partially in response to John’s chuckle, and partially because he could see where the conversation was going. “But not Grandma Eunice?” His smile broadened at John’s arched eyebrow.
“She was your mother, Dad, you of all people should know that no one argued with Grandma Eunice.” John’s smile faded. “She was right though.”
Marcus nodded thoughtfully. “Is that such a bad thing?” Subconsciously, he steeled himself for the answer he expected, but his concern ebbed under the warm, understanding look John gave him.
“I used to think so… but not anymore.”
Marcus inhaled deeply, letting the relief and acceptance flow through him. For so many years, he and John had been at odds over John’s career and life that at many times Marcus wondered if he and his son would ever share the close bond they’d had when John was a kid. Even during John’s rebellious teenage years, Marcus had been able to see eye to eye with his son and find a way to relate to him. Marcus smiled slightly. Maybe we are alike, more than we realize. For a moment, he searched for the right words to say to his son, but as he stared at the understanding expression on John’s face, Marcus realized the words he couldn’t find, he didn’t need in the first place.
The retired colonel cleared his throat, breaking the moment between them. “You had something on your mind?”
John inhaled deeply and nodded. “Yeah.” He reached inside his dress uniform coat and pulled out a sealed envelope.
Marcus looked down as John slowly extended his arm until the end of the envelope lightly touched him in the chest.
“You uhh… that is I want you to…,” John sighed. “Just… read it.”
Marcus’ gaze traveled back to John’s averted face and took in the uncomfortable expression he wore. Slowly, he reached up and took the envelope. “What is it?” he asked, quietly.
John licked his lips and pulled in a deep breath. “It’s a letter I wrote to you, after we found out the Wraith were on their way to Atlantis.” John again made eye contact.
Marcus fought to keep the surprise from his expression at the intensity and emotion he saw in his son’s eyes. “A letter?” he prompted quietly.
John nodded. “Yeah.” He shook his head and looked away. “I didn’t think I was going to survive, Dad,” his voice turned decidedly regretful, “and I couldn’t leave things the way there were between us, even though I never thought you’d ever get the chance to read it.”
Marcus looked down at the stark white envelope, his eyes fixing on his own name, hastily scratched across the front of it. He’d read the mission reports. He was still trying to wrap his head around everything he’d read and his son had experienced, but the cool feel of the envelope in his hands did more to drive home the reality of John’s experiences than anything else. Thrust into a situation where he believed he was going to die, John had done what many soldiers in the same kind of situations were prone to do; he’d looked back on the regrets and unfinished business in his life, and tried to reconcile it. Marcus’ grip tightened as the realities of John’s biggest regret became painfully clear. There were times, in anger, Marcus had doubted the existence of any bond between him and his son, but the letter in his hands laid that doubt to rest utterly and permanently.
“Aren’t you going to open it?”
John’s quiet voice held a tone of hesitation, and snapped Marcus from his thoughts. He tore his gaze from the envelope and smiled slightly at John. “Yes.” He turned the envelope over and ran a finger under the seal, opening it.
“Dad?”
Marcus paused just short of pulling the neatly folded letter from the envelope. “What?” His gaze narrowed at John’s hesitant expression. “John?”
John sighed. “Look, I may not have been able to say it out loud, but…” his voice trailed off.
Marcus nodded. “I understand.” Being closed, and private, sometimes to the point of not being able to tell people how you felt, even when you needed to, was something he was very familiar with. More alike than we realize… In his own way, John was trying to say that the words in the letter, were much more than words. Marcus pulled the letter free and shook it open. He flashed John a small smile before he turned, walked away and started reading.
Dad,
There is nothing that I can do to change what has happened between us. I know some of the things I’ve done, and the choices I’ve made have hurt you, and for that I’m very sorry. But I don’t regret the choices I made. Each one felt right to me, and I believed were the right things to do. You raised me to believe in myself and to do the right thing, no matter how hard it could be to do it. Well, I did. And it’s been damn hard.
Unconsciously, Marcus stopped walking as his mind tried to process what he was reading… and the strength of character that transcended the black and white words on the paper before him. Integrity was something Marcus had lived his life by, never wavering from what he felt was right. It was something that years of command in the military had strengthened within him, and something he’d tried to pass onto his son. He’d doubted whether or not he’d succeeded more than once, and guilt now found him as he realized he was mistaken. Pulling in a deep breath, he started walking again as he continued reading, the honesty, the directness of John’s words appealing to him.
Dad,
We’re facing death here. No matter how optimistic I am in front of everyone else, the reality is, we’ll probably not survive the next few weeks.
I’m not sure how to take that, and I’m not sure how to relate it to the people around me. Somehow, in all of this, I ended up as ranking officer. I don’t have to tell you the rules and expectations of being in command. But I can’t just casually turn away and pretend that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could talk about it with you face to face, I sure could use some experienced input right now. Everyone sees me as the confident Major, but deep down, sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing, and wish the hell I wasn’t in command.
Marcus ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair and stopped in his tracks. Memories flooded him. Smart, savvy and personable, even as a kid. In John, Marcus had seen all the traits of someone born to lead…even more so than himself. He smiled. When John had shown a keen interest in a military career, the pride within Marcus had redoubled. More than just a father’s pride for his son, as a military officer, trained to see the strengths in those around him, he had seen the tremendous potential within John to be an outstanding officer. Maybe, Marcus mused, the intense disappointment he felt towards his son’s mistakes came largely from that. He’d seen so much potential in John… and seen him squander every opportunity for the most ridiculous of reasons.
But had they been ridiculous? Marcus’ thoughts ground to a halt. So intent on the simple fact that John had disobeyed direct orders in Afghanistan, Marcus really hadn’t let himself consider why John had done it. He thought back to his own experiences, and one thought rang true. He hadn’t been there at the moment John had been forced to make that choice. Irritation flared in him, but it wasn’t directed at John, rather at himself. He’d always had a short temper for armchair generals second-guessing himself or his men for choices they made in split second life or death situations. Comfortable in their Pentagon offices, they had no concept of the situations or the choices that field officers and men had to make. More than once, in combat, Marcus had found himself asking the same questions John had been, and wondering what the hell he was doing, all the while appearing as nothing short of absolutely sure and confident to his men.
Irritation faded, as Marcus regretted not being there to share his command experience with his son. Resolute, he was determined to change that right now. He again resumed walking and looked down, reading on.
Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we fought, I’m sorry that there was so much anger between us, and I’m sorry that I never tried to reconcile with you before I left. I took the easy way out, and now I’ll never have the chance to say it to you face to face. You never stopped being my dad, and I never stopped caring for you.
Take care of yourself, Dad. I love you.
John
Marcus swallowed against the lump in his throat, his pace slowing until he stopped walking all together. The regret he felt from those written words struck deep inside him. John hadn’t been able to say it aloud, hadn’t been able to face Marcus or even talk to him. Even faced with a potentially one-way trip to Atlantis, the hurt and anger had run so deep that John hadn’t bothered to try and reconcile. Marcus shook his head, guilt sweeping through him as he realized that he couldn’t blame John for how he’d felt.
Marcus slowly turned around and stared at John who stood quietly a short distance away. Wind ruffled his hair, but John’s gaze was fixed on his father. Slowly, Marcus walked back towards John, who abruptly started walking and met him half way.
Marcus just stared at his son for a moment, before hastily folding the letter and replacing it in the envelope. He held it out to John. “Here.”
John smiled slightly and shook his head. “Keep it. It was supposed to go to you anyway.”
Marcus nodded. He sighed and stared directly in John’s eyes. “I’m sorry son…”
“Dad,” John interrupted.
“No, John,” Marcus raised his hand, “let me finish.” His expression turned slightly stern.
John nodded once.
“I’m sorry,” Marcus started again, “for never giving you the benefit of doubt. I was so…,” he shook his head, “angry at you because I thought you were ruining your career, that I never really listened to you.” He stared intently into John’s eyes. “I wasn’t there. It was wrong for me to second guess you.” He held John’s gaze for a moment before John arched an eyebrow and looked away. “From the time you were a kid, I always saw in you a wealth of potential,” he looked back at John, “if you used it right. You’re a natural leader, son, you always have been. I suppose I forgot that you needed to do it your own way.” A wry smile pulled at his mouth as his head dropped.
“Well, you were right too, Dad.” John’s expression turned sheepish. “Calling my CO a pompous ass probably was out of line, regardless of the situation….”
“Uhh, yes.” Marcus shook his head in disapproval.
“Even if he was one,” John muttered.
“John,” Exasperated, Marcus’ retort died off as he saw the mischievous glint in his son’s eyes. “That’s not funny.” He fought to keep a smile off his face.
John’s expression turned sober. “There were a lot of times in the last year where I found myself asking ‘what would dad do in this situation?’” John smiled. “I tried to follow your example.”
Touched, Marcus only nodded. The thought that John would try to follow his example, even after all they had been through, humbled Marcus. His mind breezed over the mission reports he’d read and caught on a few incidences. “Hmm… not always, John.”
John rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Yeah, well I still did what I thought was right.”
Marcus nodded thoughtfully. “Stick to that, John,” he said quietly, “as long as you do what you think is right, I’ll be proud of you, regardless of the outcome.” He put as much pride into his expression as he could as he stared intently at his son. “I...” Marcus shook his head and looked away. Words like this were hard for him, and no matter how fast his mind raced, none of what he wanted to say made it to his mouth.
“Dad?”
Marcus looked back, meeting John’s questioning gaze with a resigned sigh. “I may not say it very often… or at all, but,” He put his hand on John’s shoulder and squeezed firmly. “I’m proud of you, John. You’ve earned every bit of that promotion.” He watched as John swallowed hard and nodded silently.
Slowly, a smile formed on John’s face. “Look, I don’t know how often I’ll be able to get back to Earth, but it’s looking like we’ll be able to send encrypted data bursts on a routine basis, and actual mail on the Daedalus, so I’ll write you.”
Marcus nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll write you back, if we’re allowed to.”
John nodded. “Yeah, I think the Daedalus will be ferrying real mail both ways.” He smiled. “Whenever I do actually get back to Earth, I’ll be sure to visit.”
Marcus returned his son’s smile. “I’d like that.” He nodded towards the distant parking lot. “Walk your old dad to his car?”
John chuckled. “I’d love to.”
Walking side by side with his son, Marcus felt a deep sense of contentment flow over him. He glanced upwards. Wish you could be here, Ellie. Dead for two years, he still keenly felt the emptiness in his soul she left behind. He had a pang of regret that must’ve shown on his face and been noticed by John.
“Dad? What’s wrong?”
Marcus continued walking easily next to John. “I wish your mother was here.” He glanced sideways at John’s slow nod of understanding.
“Me too. I miss her.” John said quietly.
Marcus nodded in understanding. “So do I. She’d approve though…and tell both of us it was about damn time.” His quiet chuckle grew louder as John’s laugh joined in.
“Yeah, she would.”
Clapping his son on the shoulder, Marcus drew in a deep, cleansing breath and continued walking, relishing in the renewed bond he and John had forged.
Author’s Notes:
When I presented TanaquiSGA with a 138K word novel that needed to be edited, she took it on with gusto and presented me with suggestions that, while sometimes were difficult to accept, were incredibly valuable for me to take a novel like Demons, which I was very satisfied in, and turning it into a novel that I’m immensely proud I wrote. I am so grateful for the editing and very honest comments and criticism that she gave me. I wanted to write her a drabble or two as some sort of thanks, but when she gave me the idea to tell of John and his father’s reconciliation from John’s father’s viewpoint, I knew a drabble would never be enough. Besides, somehow a drabble wasn’t enough to show how much I appreciated her honest and direct support. Thank you, TS!
I’d also like to thank LavenderBlue for reading through, making suggestions and checking my sometimes-faulty grammar for me. Thanks LB! :D
The underlying reason why I wrote this story, beyond completing the trilogy, is in the author's notes at the end. I can't really do better than that, so I'll leave you to read it. :)
Story: Understanding
Word Count: ~3,000
Genre:Gen, Missing Scene
Characters:John Sheppard, OC
Warnings: None
Summary: John and his dad finally see eye to eye. Third and final story of The Letter Trilogy. Written in April, 2006.
Understanding
Sequel to The Letter and Resolution
Part 3 of The Letter Trilogy
****************************************************************************************************
This story is dedicated to TanaquiSGA, who was generous enough to tackle editing a 138K-word novel for me. Thanks TS! ((HUGS))
This also directly follows the events of Resolution. It may make more sense if you read that story first. :)
****************************************************************************************************
The bright Colorado sun warmed his neck as he stood quietly, his brown eyes meeting the hazel ones that stared silently back at him. Marcus Sheppard smiled slightly as his gaze passed from his son’s eyes to the silver oak leaves on his collar, brightly reflecting the sun’s light.
Slowly, Marcus’ gaze returned to the hazel eyes that had never left him. “When are you leaving?” His words broke the silence John had held onto.
“Not for another week,” a small, cynical smile popped easily to John’s face, “but this will probably be the last time I’ll be outside this damn mountain.”
Marcus nodded slightly, mock seriousness taking hold of his expression. “You didn’t think it would be easy, did you?” He grinned at his son’s quiet chuckle.
“Nope.”
John’s subtle fidgeting sparked curiosity in Marcus. They may not have been the closest in the past few years, but Marcus knew his son, and knew something was bugging him. He cocked his head, and an eyebrow at John. “What’s on your mind?”
John looked away, his distracted gaze fixed on the distant mountains. His mouth twitched, but he remained silent.
Never one to beat around the bush, Marcus prided himself in being direct. It was an ingrained trait in his personality, but a long career in the military had only fortified it. He cleared his throat pointedly, effectively regaining John’s attention. “Out with it,” his tone was no nonsense.
John chuckled. “Mom used to say you were impatient.”
Mildly surprised, Marcus grunted quietly. “Not to you.”
Shaking his head, John chuckled louder. “Nope. She told Grandma Eunice. A few years ago, Grandma Eunice told me…,” John’s humor faded. “Right after you and I had that fight at the Fourth of July BBQ.”
Marcus nodded to himself. One of many fights he and John had had in recent years, that one in particular stood out. John had been passed over for a promotion for what his commanding officer had cited as “resistance to the chain of command.” Neither of them had been in the mood to discuss it, and the entire conversation had deteriorated into an all out shouting match. It had been the first time they had fought so intensely over John’s career…but it wasn’t the last. “I remember.”
“She told me,” John continued, “that you and I were… how did she put it?” John’s brows wrinkled, “‘more alike than either one of us bull headed Sheppard men would admit.’” He chucked. “Anyone else, and I would’ve told them they were crazy.”
Marcus’ amused smile was partially in response to John’s chuckle, and partially because he could see where the conversation was going. “But not Grandma Eunice?” His smile broadened at John’s arched eyebrow.
“She was your mother, Dad, you of all people should know that no one argued with Grandma Eunice.” John’s smile faded. “She was right though.”
Marcus nodded thoughtfully. “Is that such a bad thing?” Subconsciously, he steeled himself for the answer he expected, but his concern ebbed under the warm, understanding look John gave him.
“I used to think so… but not anymore.”
Marcus inhaled deeply, letting the relief and acceptance flow through him. For so many years, he and John had been at odds over John’s career and life that at many times Marcus wondered if he and his son would ever share the close bond they’d had when John was a kid. Even during John’s rebellious teenage years, Marcus had been able to see eye to eye with his son and find a way to relate to him. Marcus smiled slightly. Maybe we are alike, more than we realize. For a moment, he searched for the right words to say to his son, but as he stared at the understanding expression on John’s face, Marcus realized the words he couldn’t find, he didn’t need in the first place.
The retired colonel cleared his throat, breaking the moment between them. “You had something on your mind?”
John inhaled deeply and nodded. “Yeah.” He reached inside his dress uniform coat and pulled out a sealed envelope.
Marcus looked down as John slowly extended his arm until the end of the envelope lightly touched him in the chest.
“You uhh… that is I want you to…,” John sighed. “Just… read it.”
Marcus’ gaze traveled back to John’s averted face and took in the uncomfortable expression he wore. Slowly, he reached up and took the envelope. “What is it?” he asked, quietly.
John licked his lips and pulled in a deep breath. “It’s a letter I wrote to you, after we found out the Wraith were on their way to Atlantis.” John again made eye contact.
Marcus fought to keep the surprise from his expression at the intensity and emotion he saw in his son’s eyes. “A letter?” he prompted quietly.
John nodded. “Yeah.” He shook his head and looked away. “I didn’t think I was going to survive, Dad,” his voice turned decidedly regretful, “and I couldn’t leave things the way there were between us, even though I never thought you’d ever get the chance to read it.”
Marcus looked down at the stark white envelope, his eyes fixing on his own name, hastily scratched across the front of it. He’d read the mission reports. He was still trying to wrap his head around everything he’d read and his son had experienced, but the cool feel of the envelope in his hands did more to drive home the reality of John’s experiences than anything else. Thrust into a situation where he believed he was going to die, John had done what many soldiers in the same kind of situations were prone to do; he’d looked back on the regrets and unfinished business in his life, and tried to reconcile it. Marcus’ grip tightened as the realities of John’s biggest regret became painfully clear. There were times, in anger, Marcus had doubted the existence of any bond between him and his son, but the letter in his hands laid that doubt to rest utterly and permanently.
“Aren’t you going to open it?”
John’s quiet voice held a tone of hesitation, and snapped Marcus from his thoughts. He tore his gaze from the envelope and smiled slightly at John. “Yes.” He turned the envelope over and ran a finger under the seal, opening it.
“Dad?”
Marcus paused just short of pulling the neatly folded letter from the envelope. “What?” His gaze narrowed at John’s hesitant expression. “John?”
John sighed. “Look, I may not have been able to say it out loud, but…” his voice trailed off.
Marcus nodded. “I understand.” Being closed, and private, sometimes to the point of not being able to tell people how you felt, even when you needed to, was something he was very familiar with. More alike than we realize… In his own way, John was trying to say that the words in the letter, were much more than words. Marcus pulled the letter free and shook it open. He flashed John a small smile before he turned, walked away and started reading.
Dad,
There is nothing that I can do to change what has happened between us. I know some of the things I’ve done, and the choices I’ve made have hurt you, and for that I’m very sorry. But I don’t regret the choices I made. Each one felt right to me, and I believed were the right things to do. You raised me to believe in myself and to do the right thing, no matter how hard it could be to do it. Well, I did. And it’s been damn hard.
Unconsciously, Marcus stopped walking as his mind tried to process what he was reading… and the strength of character that transcended the black and white words on the paper before him. Integrity was something Marcus had lived his life by, never wavering from what he felt was right. It was something that years of command in the military had strengthened within him, and something he’d tried to pass onto his son. He’d doubted whether or not he’d succeeded more than once, and guilt now found him as he realized he was mistaken. Pulling in a deep breath, he started walking again as he continued reading, the honesty, the directness of John’s words appealing to him.
Dad,
We’re facing death here. No matter how optimistic I am in front of everyone else, the reality is, we’ll probably not survive the next few weeks.
I’m not sure how to take that, and I’m not sure how to relate it to the people around me. Somehow, in all of this, I ended up as ranking officer. I don’t have to tell you the rules and expectations of being in command. But I can’t just casually turn away and pretend that everything is going to be okay. I wish I could talk about it with you face to face, I sure could use some experienced input right now. Everyone sees me as the confident Major, but deep down, sometimes I wonder what the hell I’m doing, and wish the hell I wasn’t in command.
Marcus ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair and stopped in his tracks. Memories flooded him. Smart, savvy and personable, even as a kid. In John, Marcus had seen all the traits of someone born to lead…even more so than himself. He smiled. When John had shown a keen interest in a military career, the pride within Marcus had redoubled. More than just a father’s pride for his son, as a military officer, trained to see the strengths in those around him, he had seen the tremendous potential within John to be an outstanding officer. Maybe, Marcus mused, the intense disappointment he felt towards his son’s mistakes came largely from that. He’d seen so much potential in John… and seen him squander every opportunity for the most ridiculous of reasons.
But had they been ridiculous? Marcus’ thoughts ground to a halt. So intent on the simple fact that John had disobeyed direct orders in Afghanistan, Marcus really hadn’t let himself consider why John had done it. He thought back to his own experiences, and one thought rang true. He hadn’t been there at the moment John had been forced to make that choice. Irritation flared in him, but it wasn’t directed at John, rather at himself. He’d always had a short temper for armchair generals second-guessing himself or his men for choices they made in split second life or death situations. Comfortable in their Pentagon offices, they had no concept of the situations or the choices that field officers and men had to make. More than once, in combat, Marcus had found himself asking the same questions John had been, and wondering what the hell he was doing, all the while appearing as nothing short of absolutely sure and confident to his men.
Irritation faded, as Marcus regretted not being there to share his command experience with his son. Resolute, he was determined to change that right now. He again resumed walking and looked down, reading on.
Dad, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we fought, I’m sorry that there was so much anger between us, and I’m sorry that I never tried to reconcile with you before I left. I took the easy way out, and now I’ll never have the chance to say it to you face to face. You never stopped being my dad, and I never stopped caring for you.
Take care of yourself, Dad. I love you.
John
Marcus swallowed against the lump in his throat, his pace slowing until he stopped walking all together. The regret he felt from those written words struck deep inside him. John hadn’t been able to say it aloud, hadn’t been able to face Marcus or even talk to him. Even faced with a potentially one-way trip to Atlantis, the hurt and anger had run so deep that John hadn’t bothered to try and reconcile. Marcus shook his head, guilt sweeping through him as he realized that he couldn’t blame John for how he’d felt.
Marcus slowly turned around and stared at John who stood quietly a short distance away. Wind ruffled his hair, but John’s gaze was fixed on his father. Slowly, Marcus walked back towards John, who abruptly started walking and met him half way.
Marcus just stared at his son for a moment, before hastily folding the letter and replacing it in the envelope. He held it out to John. “Here.”
John smiled slightly and shook his head. “Keep it. It was supposed to go to you anyway.”
Marcus nodded. He sighed and stared directly in John’s eyes. “I’m sorry son…”
“Dad,” John interrupted.
“No, John,” Marcus raised his hand, “let me finish.” His expression turned slightly stern.
John nodded once.
“I’m sorry,” Marcus started again, “for never giving you the benefit of doubt. I was so…,” he shook his head, “angry at you because I thought you were ruining your career, that I never really listened to you.” He stared intently into John’s eyes. “I wasn’t there. It was wrong for me to second guess you.” He held John’s gaze for a moment before John arched an eyebrow and looked away. “From the time you were a kid, I always saw in you a wealth of potential,” he looked back at John, “if you used it right. You’re a natural leader, son, you always have been. I suppose I forgot that you needed to do it your own way.” A wry smile pulled at his mouth as his head dropped.
“Well, you were right too, Dad.” John’s expression turned sheepish. “Calling my CO a pompous ass probably was out of line, regardless of the situation….”
“Uhh, yes.” Marcus shook his head in disapproval.
“Even if he was one,” John muttered.
“John,” Exasperated, Marcus’ retort died off as he saw the mischievous glint in his son’s eyes. “That’s not funny.” He fought to keep a smile off his face.
John’s expression turned sober. “There were a lot of times in the last year where I found myself asking ‘what would dad do in this situation?’” John smiled. “I tried to follow your example.”
Touched, Marcus only nodded. The thought that John would try to follow his example, even after all they had been through, humbled Marcus. His mind breezed over the mission reports he’d read and caught on a few incidences. “Hmm… not always, John.”
John rubbed the back of his neck self-consciously. “Yeah, well I still did what I thought was right.”
Marcus nodded thoughtfully. “Stick to that, John,” he said quietly, “as long as you do what you think is right, I’ll be proud of you, regardless of the outcome.” He put as much pride into his expression as he could as he stared intently at his son. “I...” Marcus shook his head and looked away. Words like this were hard for him, and no matter how fast his mind raced, none of what he wanted to say made it to his mouth.
“Dad?”
Marcus looked back, meeting John’s questioning gaze with a resigned sigh. “I may not say it very often… or at all, but,” He put his hand on John’s shoulder and squeezed firmly. “I’m proud of you, John. You’ve earned every bit of that promotion.” He watched as John swallowed hard and nodded silently.
Slowly, a smile formed on John’s face. “Look, I don’t know how often I’ll be able to get back to Earth, but it’s looking like we’ll be able to send encrypted data bursts on a routine basis, and actual mail on the Daedalus, so I’ll write you.”
Marcus nodded. “Sounds good. I’ll write you back, if we’re allowed to.”
John nodded. “Yeah, I think the Daedalus will be ferrying real mail both ways.” He smiled. “Whenever I do actually get back to Earth, I’ll be sure to visit.”
Marcus returned his son’s smile. “I’d like that.” He nodded towards the distant parking lot. “Walk your old dad to his car?”
John chuckled. “I’d love to.”
Walking side by side with his son, Marcus felt a deep sense of contentment flow over him. He glanced upwards. Wish you could be here, Ellie. Dead for two years, he still keenly felt the emptiness in his soul she left behind. He had a pang of regret that must’ve shown on his face and been noticed by John.
“Dad? What’s wrong?”
Marcus continued walking easily next to John. “I wish your mother was here.” He glanced sideways at John’s slow nod of understanding.
“Me too. I miss her.” John said quietly.
Marcus nodded in understanding. “So do I. She’d approve though…and tell both of us it was about damn time.” His quiet chuckle grew louder as John’s laugh joined in.
“Yeah, she would.”
Clapping his son on the shoulder, Marcus drew in a deep, cleansing breath and continued walking, relishing in the renewed bond he and John had forged.
Author’s Notes:
When I presented TanaquiSGA with a 138K word novel that needed to be edited, she took it on with gusto and presented me with suggestions that, while sometimes were difficult to accept, were incredibly valuable for me to take a novel like Demons, which I was very satisfied in, and turning it into a novel that I’m immensely proud I wrote. I am so grateful for the editing and very honest comments and criticism that she gave me. I wanted to write her a drabble or two as some sort of thanks, but when she gave me the idea to tell of John and his father’s reconciliation from John’s father’s viewpoint, I knew a drabble would never be enough. Besides, somehow a drabble wasn’t enough to show how much I appreciated her honest and direct support. Thank you, TS!
I’d also like to thank LavenderBlue for reading through, making suggestions and checking my sometimes-faulty grammar for me. Thanks LB! :D