Humor, Week 1: Tug of War
Title: Tug of war
Author: angw
Genre: Humour
Prompt: Heisenberg's uncertainty principle
Word Count: bout 2500 words
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: He hated babysitting already.
Notes: Thanks to sgatazmy to for her help.
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McKay stared at his team leader and then at the group of children that had stupefied them. Oh he hated this mission already.
One minute he and Sheppard had been looking at the dead end of a tunnel, the next he was waking up on the ground. It appeared Sheppard had been given the same treatment and was lying on the floor as well.
They were in a room of sorts. If you could count a room being made out of rock. There was a metal door in the far corner which was wide open. Light was provided by devices imbedded in the rock face.
Rodney took stock of himself. He was uninjured but that did not mean his intellectual capacity had not been diminished. He checked his genius to ensure it was intact with a few mental calculations. Quantum physics was always a good start. He ran through the calculations for the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and the wave-particle duality. He was all there.
Genius sorted he narrowed his eyes and looked carefully at their captors. Ten pale children in dark brown clothing were gathered around Sheppard. For the moment they weren't interested in him and that suited Rodney just fine. Children and Dr Rodney McKay did not mix well.
McKay reached for his radio to call Teyla and Ronon but only got static.
He was a little annoyed his team leader hadn't said anything yet.
A break in the circle of small bodies allowed him to see Sheppard's face. His annoyance gave way to worry. Although the colonel was now sitting quietly on the ground he was looking blankly at his clothing and at the people around him. Maybe they had drugged him.
Rodney pulled himself up from the ground (his back was going to hate him later) and walked over to face Sheppard.
Edging himself between the silent children was unnerving. They parted to allow him access to Sheppard. Didn't they talk? He supposed it wouldn't really matter, anything that came out of their mouth would probably be gibberish.
He sat on his haunches and studied his friends face. The vacant stare, with occasional blinking, worried him more than their capturers. "Hey, Sheppard. You with me?" The Colonel's only response was to drool.
McKay shook him. "Snap out of it."
The scientist was horrified. He turned to their capturers leveling the full fury of his being. "What have you done to him?"
The tallest of the group stepped forward while the others moved away from the enraged man. He appeared to be ten years old; his eyes wide and his hands fidgeting.
Good they were afraid. And so they should be. He was the Dr Rodney McKay.
The child stuttered out an explanation. "I am Furan. It was not us. It was the honor stone."
McKay crossed his arms and glared at Furan as if he was stupid. And well most children were. Madison was an exception. "What's an honor stone?"
"It gives the gift of youth."
McKay stared at his team leader with a growing dread. Sheppard had yet to vocalize his outrage, well drawl an idiotic sentence. Rather he was looking at his surroundings with bewilderment and putting a finger up his nose. Also his shirt was fast being wet from all the drooling.
A small red headed girl stepped forward. "The entrance does not always work now. But all those that pass through are bestowed the gift of the ancestors. It is the decree."
She pointed at Sheppard. "We gave the honor stone to him first."
Dread built up at the pit of his stomach. The ancestors. Oh fantastic. They were sucked through a portal into another sanctuary. The best way to help Sheppard aka ATA gene + device = danger magnet was to find the honor stone and fix it which would then fix him.
The girl was sad. "He was supposed to have an improved life."
"Well I hate to break it to you. He doesn't look improved to me." McKay straightened up while talking to the juvenile delinquents. "He was better without the nose picking and general dumbing down." He waved his hand in front of Sheppard's face to get his attention.
This garnered him a slow smile and before the man stuck his thumb in his mouth. Ewwww. That was just wrong on so many levels.
"I am not sure what happened. We gave him the sacred stone to touch and a white light grew around him. Then it stopped, the stone broke and you both fell down. It will never work again." The red headed child was scared.
Great! Just as he thought, a device was broken and he was going to have to fix it.
"Where is it?" The scientist looked impatiently around the room. "Give it to me."
The frightened look returned to the small faces. Furan pointed to the entrance. "It is beyond repair."
A small mound of powdered pebbles and little rocks inhabited a tiny bowl beside the door. Rodney rushed over. "This is it?"
"Yes." Furan bowed his head.
Rodney pushed his fingers through the bowls contents only half listening to the muttering coming from the boy. Maybe they had some writing here to explain what the device did. "Just wait until your parent's get here."
Furan fussed with his brown tunic. "We are the oldest. We have been hiding here from the wraith for a long time."
Waving his hand around the bare room the scientist snarled. "Why don't you leave?"
"We cannot leave this temple. If we left our years would return. And now the stone is broken we never will."
McKay realized two things at that point. One; this was the fountain of youth that was confined to the inside the temple. That sucked. Two; It wasn't Sheppard's body that became had become young. Well didn't that make things more complicated.
"Give me anything you still have on the stone. We have to leave." McKay gestured towards his companion who had started to crawl towards the
door. Rodney rushed over to stop the man from leaving. He bent over and placed his hands on Sheppard's shoulder to make him stop going out the door.
The man-child looked at him in confusion. "Not now Sheppard." The man's eyes started to water. Oh boy. Sheppard was so going to owe him for this.
"Of course we are sorry that this has happened." The girl bowed her head. "We will show you the way out."
McKay crouched down so he was at eye level with his charge. He awkwardly patted his friends back. Why didn't he keep in touch with his sister as
Madison grew up? He'd missed the toddler years. He didn't know what to do? Normally he would yell to get his point across. Sheppard looked at him
with innocent eyes. So unlike Sheppard.
Rodney planted a sickly sweet smile on his face. "Hey buddy. How about we go for a walk?"
Sheppard gooed at him and McKay took that to be a yes.
Furan passed him a crystal and Rodney scowled at him. As long as they got out of temple he hoped Sheppard would return to normal. If not...
He placed the crystal in him pocket.
The first important task was to relinquish him of sharp objects and deadly projectile firing items. Rodney started to search the colonel who seemed to think
that it was tickle time. Sheppard started to giggle and rolled onto his back.
"Come on. Let me have the pointy knife."
With the exuberance of youth Sheppard bounded from his sitting position onto Rodney, flatting the man with his lanky frame.
Oof.
He hated babysitting already.
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Rodney mentally catalogued all the bruises he was collecting. At first it had been easy to get Sheppard to come with him. But once they left the sanctuary he became very quiet and jumpy.
Rodney shined his light ahead while holding onto his friend's hand.
If the squeezing on his hand was any indication Rodney would have thought Sheppard didn't like the dark. He stopped and searched in his own pack for another light.
For a while Sheppard copied him and shined it ahead but quickly became tired of the action. Like a toddler he was easily amused and quickly bored.
If he remembered correctly they had been in the temple for fifteen minutes before they had found the hidden entrance. And another fifteen minutes working out the colonel's mind was scrambled. Now they were on their way out and it was a little slow going.
Rodney wasn't sure how parents did this. He had to hold onto Sheppard, keep an eye on the scanner to make sure they were going in the right direction and shine a light ahead so they wouldn't trip or crash into anything. Even coordinating the lab staff wasn't this difficult.
As they rounded another corner Sheppard whined while rubbing his stomach. They hadn't eaten for a while.
Stopping Rodney pulled a power bar from his jacket. With one hand ripped the wrapper off and gave it to Sheppard. His eyes lit up and he made a gimme sign with his hands. He must have been hungry.
Sheppard walked quietly beside him for as long as the power bars lasted. Once they ran out Rodney tried something else to occupy his friend. He talked.
Talked about anything and everything. He even sang. He really hoped Sheppard wouldn't remember any of this later.
They continued on for a while until Sheppard became bold and started to pull away. He even ventured a little bit ahead. Then he was gone out of Rodney's line of sight. Giggling.
Rodney's eyes narrowed and he hurried to catch up. He couldn't afford to run after the man. Heart pounding he grabbed onto Sheppard's sleeve to anchor him in place. Who knew what else was in this tunnel. Rodney quickly realized his friend could easily overpower him and didn't really understand what he was doing. He needed to design something to keep the speed freak close to him.
At first Sheppard hadn't liked the idea of the rope harness. He had shin bruises to prove it. It had been hard to get the rope tied around Sheppard's waist. He left some length between them and then tied the other end around himself.
That was when the child like Sheppard had shown his true colors and the war had begun. A shin bruise was the least of McKay's worries. Sheppard tried to bite him. He was lucky he still had all his fingers. He'd only just recovered from that shock when Sheppard tried to go the opposite way from the entrance. (Even as a youngster he a bad sense of direction). Sheppard was very surprised when the rope stopped his getaway.
"Come one buddy we aren't that far away."
Sheppard whined in protest and Rodney sighed in resignation. He had been holding back his last secret weapon. And as usual he was going to have to use his precious chocolate to coax Sheppard the right way. He tugged on the rope and held out the chocolate for him to see.
Sheppard munched on the treat while they continued on their way. They passed a few more bends then McKay saw light. He wasn't prone to praying but hallelujah.
He pulled on the rope to get Sheppard to come with him. When he shined his light on Sheppard he was rewarded with a scowl. Sorry buddy no more chocolate left.
They kept going and then they were suddenly on the temple threshold. McKay was never so glad to see the blue, blue sky or the steps leading down to the ground.
He called on the radio to Teyla and Ronon. "McKay here. Can you meet us outside the temple."
Sheppard looked forlornly back at the darkness. He wanted to go back into the tunnel.
Oblivious to the situation Rodney gently jerked on the tether between the two men. "Look Sheppard we made it. We made it!"
McKay was caught unawares when Sheppard hauled on the other end of the rope, sick of being tugged along. Rodney stumbled over his feet and fell on his butt pulling Sheppard down on top of him. (Not again.)
He felt Sheppard let out an unmanly scream, and then they tipped over the edge.
Rodney hadn't realized how close they were to the stairs. As they tumbled down to oblivion Rodney hoped they would survive so he could kill Sheppard himself.
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"I am going to kill that little..." Rodney bolted up from the bed and instantly regretted it.
"How are you feeling Rodney?" Teyla peered over him holding a cup and straw.
"Like a giant sized Sheppard bus ran over me. How is he by the way?" Rodney was worried how the others were handling the transformation.
"He is still sleeping."
McKay pulled back the covers and made his way to get out of the bed before a Scottish man appeared. "I need the crystal that I had in my pocket. Where is Radek? I need my computer. We need to hurry."
Concerned Teyla tried to calm down the agitated scientist. "What is the matter?"
"Sheppard touched a device that was supposed to make his body youthful only it happened to his mind. He's a child in an adult body."
"Hey what's all the noise about?"
Startled McKay turned around to face Sheppard, who was looking very bewildered. He was pale and his broken leg was propped up on pillows.
"You're okay? You're okay!" Rodney visibly sagged from relief and Teyla guided him to a nearby chair.
"McKay, you all right?" Concerned, Sheppard made to move off the bed when he realized he had a cast.
Rodney raised his head. "I got an up close and personal view of your childhood."
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The scientist waited for Dr Weir and Beckett to arrive before reliving his adventure. Rodney may have omitted some things but in the end they agreed to see if there was anything they could do for the people in the temple.
All in all it was a good outcome. Everyone was alright. Well everyone that didn't have to live through the traumatic experience of taking care of Sheppard in his infantile state.
As McKay was leaving the infirmary, to go and check up on the lab, Sheppard beckoned him over.
"Thanks for getting me back." The man was resting on the bed. It had been two days and Carson still wouldn't let him leave.
Rodney smiled wryly. "You weren't that much different from now. Didn't listen to instructions and couldn't find your way out of a paper bag."
"I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing." He was fishing for the details Rodney had omitted.
"What ever would make you think that?" The scientist crossed his arms and looked thoughtful. "I suppose it depends on your definition of embarrassing."
Rodney raised his hand and began a countdown with his fingers. "I put up with the drooling, the inability to have an adult conversation with you, deep bruises to my person, survived a near biting incident and the assassination attempt. Thank god you were toilet trained."
Sheppard laughed. "So you're prepared to look after Torren then?"
Rodney snorted. "I babysit enough children here already. You being the biggest one."
"Well isn't that touching?"
"Not as much as the disturbing memories I will have of you in that state. Some may have considered the thumb sucking very cute. But the nose picking was definitely unappealing."
He whistled as he walked out leaving Sheppard spluttering.
Author: angw
Genre: Humour
Prompt: Heisenberg's uncertainty principle
Word Count: bout 2500 words
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Summary: He hated babysitting already.
Notes: Thanks to sgatazmy to for her help.
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McKay stared at his team leader and then at the group of children that had stupefied them. Oh he hated this mission already.
One minute he and Sheppard had been looking at the dead end of a tunnel, the next he was waking up on the ground. It appeared Sheppard had been given the same treatment and was lying on the floor as well.
They were in a room of sorts. If you could count a room being made out of rock. There was a metal door in the far corner which was wide open. Light was provided by devices imbedded in the rock face.
Rodney took stock of himself. He was uninjured but that did not mean his intellectual capacity had not been diminished. He checked his genius to ensure it was intact with a few mental calculations. Quantum physics was always a good start. He ran through the calculations for the Heisenberg uncertainty principle and the wave-particle duality. He was all there.
Genius sorted he narrowed his eyes and looked carefully at their captors. Ten pale children in dark brown clothing were gathered around Sheppard. For the moment they weren't interested in him and that suited Rodney just fine. Children and Dr Rodney McKay did not mix well.
McKay reached for his radio to call Teyla and Ronon but only got static.
He was a little annoyed his team leader hadn't said anything yet.
A break in the circle of small bodies allowed him to see Sheppard's face. His annoyance gave way to worry. Although the colonel was now sitting quietly on the ground he was looking blankly at his clothing and at the people around him. Maybe they had drugged him.
Rodney pulled himself up from the ground (his back was going to hate him later) and walked over to face Sheppard.
Edging himself between the silent children was unnerving. They parted to allow him access to Sheppard. Didn't they talk? He supposed it wouldn't really matter, anything that came out of their mouth would probably be gibberish.
He sat on his haunches and studied his friends face. The vacant stare, with occasional blinking, worried him more than their capturers. "Hey, Sheppard. You with me?" The Colonel's only response was to drool.
McKay shook him. "Snap out of it."
The scientist was horrified. He turned to their capturers leveling the full fury of his being. "What have you done to him?"
The tallest of the group stepped forward while the others moved away from the enraged man. He appeared to be ten years old; his eyes wide and his hands fidgeting.
Good they were afraid. And so they should be. He was the Dr Rodney McKay.
The child stuttered out an explanation. "I am Furan. It was not us. It was the honor stone."
McKay crossed his arms and glared at Furan as if he was stupid. And well most children were. Madison was an exception. "What's an honor stone?"
"It gives the gift of youth."
McKay stared at his team leader with a growing dread. Sheppard had yet to vocalize his outrage, well drawl an idiotic sentence. Rather he was looking at his surroundings with bewilderment and putting a finger up his nose. Also his shirt was fast being wet from all the drooling.
A small red headed girl stepped forward. "The entrance does not always work now. But all those that pass through are bestowed the gift of the ancestors. It is the decree."
She pointed at Sheppard. "We gave the honor stone to him first."
Dread built up at the pit of his stomach. The ancestors. Oh fantastic. They were sucked through a portal into another sanctuary. The best way to help Sheppard aka ATA gene + device = danger magnet was to find the honor stone and fix it which would then fix him.
The girl was sad. "He was supposed to have an improved life."
"Well I hate to break it to you. He doesn't look improved to me." McKay straightened up while talking to the juvenile delinquents. "He was better without the nose picking and general dumbing down." He waved his hand in front of Sheppard's face to get his attention.
This garnered him a slow smile and before the man stuck his thumb in his mouth. Ewwww. That was just wrong on so many levels.
"I am not sure what happened. We gave him the sacred stone to touch and a white light grew around him. Then it stopped, the stone broke and you both fell down. It will never work again." The red headed child was scared.
Great! Just as he thought, a device was broken and he was going to have to fix it.
"Where is it?" The scientist looked impatiently around the room. "Give it to me."
The frightened look returned to the small faces. Furan pointed to the entrance. "It is beyond repair."
A small mound of powdered pebbles and little rocks inhabited a tiny bowl beside the door. Rodney rushed over. "This is it?"
"Yes." Furan bowed his head.
Rodney pushed his fingers through the bowls contents only half listening to the muttering coming from the boy. Maybe they had some writing here to explain what the device did. "Just wait until your parent's get here."
Furan fussed with his brown tunic. "We are the oldest. We have been hiding here from the wraith for a long time."
Waving his hand around the bare room the scientist snarled. "Why don't you leave?"
"We cannot leave this temple. If we left our years would return. And now the stone is broken we never will."
McKay realized two things at that point. One; this was the fountain of youth that was confined to the inside the temple. That sucked. Two; It wasn't Sheppard's body that became had become young. Well didn't that make things more complicated.
"Give me anything you still have on the stone. We have to leave." McKay gestured towards his companion who had started to crawl towards the
door. Rodney rushed over to stop the man from leaving. He bent over and placed his hands on Sheppard's shoulder to make him stop going out the door.
The man-child looked at him in confusion. "Not now Sheppard." The man's eyes started to water. Oh boy. Sheppard was so going to owe him for this.
"Of course we are sorry that this has happened." The girl bowed her head. "We will show you the way out."
McKay crouched down so he was at eye level with his charge. He awkwardly patted his friends back. Why didn't he keep in touch with his sister as
Madison grew up? He'd missed the toddler years. He didn't know what to do? Normally he would yell to get his point across. Sheppard looked at him
with innocent eyes. So unlike Sheppard.
Rodney planted a sickly sweet smile on his face. "Hey buddy. How about we go for a walk?"
Sheppard gooed at him and McKay took that to be a yes.
Furan passed him a crystal and Rodney scowled at him. As long as they got out of temple he hoped Sheppard would return to normal. If not...
He placed the crystal in him pocket.
The first important task was to relinquish him of sharp objects and deadly projectile firing items. Rodney started to search the colonel who seemed to think
that it was tickle time. Sheppard started to giggle and rolled onto his back.
"Come on. Let me have the pointy knife."
With the exuberance of youth Sheppard bounded from his sitting position onto Rodney, flatting the man with his lanky frame.
Oof.
He hated babysitting already.
888888888888888888888
Rodney mentally catalogued all the bruises he was collecting. At first it had been easy to get Sheppard to come with him. But once they left the sanctuary he became very quiet and jumpy.
Rodney shined his light ahead while holding onto his friend's hand.
If the squeezing on his hand was any indication Rodney would have thought Sheppard didn't like the dark. He stopped and searched in his own pack for another light.
For a while Sheppard copied him and shined it ahead but quickly became tired of the action. Like a toddler he was easily amused and quickly bored.
If he remembered correctly they had been in the temple for fifteen minutes before they had found the hidden entrance. And another fifteen minutes working out the colonel's mind was scrambled. Now they were on their way out and it was a little slow going.
Rodney wasn't sure how parents did this. He had to hold onto Sheppard, keep an eye on the scanner to make sure they were going in the right direction and shine a light ahead so they wouldn't trip or crash into anything. Even coordinating the lab staff wasn't this difficult.
As they rounded another corner Sheppard whined while rubbing his stomach. They hadn't eaten for a while.
Stopping Rodney pulled a power bar from his jacket. With one hand ripped the wrapper off and gave it to Sheppard. His eyes lit up and he made a gimme sign with his hands. He must have been hungry.
Sheppard walked quietly beside him for as long as the power bars lasted. Once they ran out Rodney tried something else to occupy his friend. He talked.
Talked about anything and everything. He even sang. He really hoped Sheppard wouldn't remember any of this later.
They continued on for a while until Sheppard became bold and started to pull away. He even ventured a little bit ahead. Then he was gone out of Rodney's line of sight. Giggling.
Rodney's eyes narrowed and he hurried to catch up. He couldn't afford to run after the man. Heart pounding he grabbed onto Sheppard's sleeve to anchor him in place. Who knew what else was in this tunnel. Rodney quickly realized his friend could easily overpower him and didn't really understand what he was doing. He needed to design something to keep the speed freak close to him.
At first Sheppard hadn't liked the idea of the rope harness. He had shin bruises to prove it. It had been hard to get the rope tied around Sheppard's waist. He left some length between them and then tied the other end around himself.
That was when the child like Sheppard had shown his true colors and the war had begun. A shin bruise was the least of McKay's worries. Sheppard tried to bite him. He was lucky he still had all his fingers. He'd only just recovered from that shock when Sheppard tried to go the opposite way from the entrance. (Even as a youngster he a bad sense of direction). Sheppard was very surprised when the rope stopped his getaway.
"Come one buddy we aren't that far away."
Sheppard whined in protest and Rodney sighed in resignation. He had been holding back his last secret weapon. And as usual he was going to have to use his precious chocolate to coax Sheppard the right way. He tugged on the rope and held out the chocolate for him to see.
Sheppard munched on the treat while they continued on their way. They passed a few more bends then McKay saw light. He wasn't prone to praying but hallelujah.
He pulled on the rope to get Sheppard to come with him. When he shined his light on Sheppard he was rewarded with a scowl. Sorry buddy no more chocolate left.
They kept going and then they were suddenly on the temple threshold. McKay was never so glad to see the blue, blue sky or the steps leading down to the ground.
He called on the radio to Teyla and Ronon. "McKay here. Can you meet us outside the temple."
Sheppard looked forlornly back at the darkness. He wanted to go back into the tunnel.
Oblivious to the situation Rodney gently jerked on the tether between the two men. "Look Sheppard we made it. We made it!"
McKay was caught unawares when Sheppard hauled on the other end of the rope, sick of being tugged along. Rodney stumbled over his feet and fell on his butt pulling Sheppard down on top of him. (Not again.)
He felt Sheppard let out an unmanly scream, and then they tipped over the edge.
Rodney hadn't realized how close they were to the stairs. As they tumbled down to oblivion Rodney hoped they would survive so he could kill Sheppard himself.
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"I am going to kill that little..." Rodney bolted up from the bed and instantly regretted it.
"How are you feeling Rodney?" Teyla peered over him holding a cup and straw.
"Like a giant sized Sheppard bus ran over me. How is he by the way?" Rodney was worried how the others were handling the transformation.
"He is still sleeping."
McKay pulled back the covers and made his way to get out of the bed before a Scottish man appeared. "I need the crystal that I had in my pocket. Where is Radek? I need my computer. We need to hurry."
Concerned Teyla tried to calm down the agitated scientist. "What is the matter?"
"Sheppard touched a device that was supposed to make his body youthful only it happened to his mind. He's a child in an adult body."
"Hey what's all the noise about?"
Startled McKay turned around to face Sheppard, who was looking very bewildered. He was pale and his broken leg was propped up on pillows.
"You're okay? You're okay!" Rodney visibly sagged from relief and Teyla guided him to a nearby chair.
"McKay, you all right?" Concerned, Sheppard made to move off the bed when he realized he had a cast.
Rodney raised his head. "I got an up close and personal view of your childhood."
88888888888
The scientist waited for Dr Weir and Beckett to arrive before reliving his adventure. Rodney may have omitted some things but in the end they agreed to see if there was anything they could do for the people in the temple.
All in all it was a good outcome. Everyone was alright. Well everyone that didn't have to live through the traumatic experience of taking care of Sheppard in his infantile state.
As McKay was leaving the infirmary, to go and check up on the lab, Sheppard beckoned him over.
"Thanks for getting me back." The man was resting on the bed. It had been two days and Carson still wouldn't let him leave.
Rodney smiled wryly. "You weren't that much different from now. Didn't listen to instructions and couldn't find your way out of a paper bag."
"I hope I didn't do anything embarrassing." He was fishing for the details Rodney had omitted.
"What ever would make you think that?" The scientist crossed his arms and looked thoughtful. "I suppose it depends on your definition of embarrassing."
Rodney raised his hand and began a countdown with his fingers. "I put up with the drooling, the inability to have an adult conversation with you, deep bruises to my person, survived a near biting incident and the assassination attempt. Thank god you were toilet trained."
Sheppard laughed. "So you're prepared to look after Torren then?"
Rodney snorted. "I babysit enough children here already. You being the biggest one."
"Well isn't that touching?"
"Not as much as the disturbing memories I will have of you in that state. Some may have considered the thumb sucking very cute. But the nose picking was definitely unappealing."
He whistled as he walked out leaving Sheppard spluttering.