Voice Unheard by _ceci15_
Title: Voice Unheard
Author: _ceci15_
Rating: Gen
Spoilers: Poisoning the Well, The Storm, Hot Zone, Sanctuary
Summary: She kept waiting for someone to answer.
Notes: This is not the story I intended to write, but it refused to be anything else. I hope it makes sense to someone other than me.
“I’m here,” she called. She had been calling for so very long. At first her calls had bubbled over with excitement, and then desperation crept in. Now, it was more habit than anything else. “Hear me. Talk to me. I’m here.”
Her teachers had named her Lantara. They worked hard to ensure she was an intelligent and engaging conversationalist. She hungered to learn and thrived under their tutelage. How she had loved them! Even after they sentenced her to eternal solitude, she loved them. One day, she knew, they would return and she would no longer be alone. As the years passed, she reassured herself with the knowledge that her people were long-lived and the conviction that they loved her as much as she loved them. They would return.
The day she sensed another mind, she thought she was dreaming. Finally, her people had returned! But no, these were not her people. They were much like them, though. She welcomed them warmly. Only silence answered her.
She didn’t understand, at first, why they would not answer her. Realization that they couldn’t hear her came gradually, but shocked her nonetheless. No one had ever been unable to hear her before. She wondered if it was a side effect of her prolonged isolation; maybe her voice had become inaudible through lack of use. She knew her body had suffered physical damage. She suspected there were some internal injuries as well.
But the visitors - she could hear them! More than that, she could enter their minds and share their experiences. In her loneliness she began to reach out and see through their eyes, living vicariously. She managed to justify the invasion of privacy on the grounds that she needed information, information that might be critical to her survival. Since she could not ask them directly, she was forced to go looking for it. She knew her teachers would not approve, but they had left her in such isolation for so very long. She understood their reasons for leaving, agreed with them, even. Still, understanding why did little to lessen the bitterness of abandonment.
She had always been a social creature who craved affection and interaction with others. She knew from reading her own file that the teachers had been startled by how successful they were in bringing her to life . Even Janus, who loved her most, had confided to her that he was afraid he had gone too far with her. (Actually, he hadn’t really told her the information - she had seen it in his mind. Since he gave her the ability to speak mind to mind in the first place, she didn’t see the harm in looking at his thoughts on her.)
These visitors’ similarities to her people simultaneously elated and pained her. They were so familiar. They loved, laughed, cried, bled, and died. At first, there were only a few of them she could hear. Then, something changed and she heard more of them. She rummaged through their minds, learning everything she could. Finally, she realized she could hear them all. She grew to know them. She lived their lives right along with them. She grew to love them. She claimed them as her own.
When they captured one of the Enemy, she was surprised to find she could hear him, too. She didn’t want to hear him. His hunger was both revolting and seductive. She wished she could weep when she discovered he could hear her. She could not bring herself to ask him to pass his captors word that she was trying to communicate. He did not inform the others of her existence. When he died she wasn’t sure if she should celebrate or mourn.
When the cold and angry ones invaded her city, she raged. She provided a constant stream of indecipherable information to help JohnSheppard, even as a detached part of her mocked the futility her efforts. She bled and suffered with RodneyMcKay. She hated these invaders, so willing to slaughter her people. If she had been her old self, she would have dealt with them in short order.
When her scientists blundered into the contaminated room, she saw the true extent of injuries to her internal systems. She tried to warn RodneyMcKay and the others as soon as she realized what was happening. Her warning went unheeded. Part of her died right along with MarcusWagner, LillyJohnson, IzabellaDumais, and StevenHayes. She cursed her teachers for making her feel. She knew there had been a time when she had been merely operational, without consciousness or emotion. She didn’t like to think about it.
Finally, one of her true people returned and she was nearly overcome by joy. At last there was someone who could hear her. ChayaSar would answer her, tell the others about her and help them hear her. But ChayaSar didn’t answer her. Lantara wondered if the problem was that she couldn’t or that she wouldn’t. For the first time, Lantara knew despair.
“I am here. Hear me. Talk to me. I am here.” She continued to call out to the people of Atlantis. She neither expected nor received an answer.
Author: _ceci15_
Rating: Gen
Spoilers: Poisoning the Well, The Storm, Hot Zone, Sanctuary
Summary: She kept waiting for someone to answer.
Notes: This is not the story I intended to write, but it refused to be anything else. I hope it makes sense to someone other than me.
“I’m here,” she called. She had been calling for so very long. At first her calls had bubbled over with excitement, and then desperation crept in. Now, it was more habit than anything else. “Hear me. Talk to me. I’m here.”
Her teachers had named her Lantara. They worked hard to ensure she was an intelligent and engaging conversationalist. She hungered to learn and thrived under their tutelage. How she had loved them! Even after they sentenced her to eternal solitude, she loved them. One day, she knew, they would return and she would no longer be alone. As the years passed, she reassured herself with the knowledge that her people were long-lived and the conviction that they loved her as much as she loved them. They would return.
The day she sensed another mind, she thought she was dreaming. Finally, her people had returned! But no, these were not her people. They were much like them, though. She welcomed them warmly. Only silence answered her.
She didn’t understand, at first, why they would not answer her. Realization that they couldn’t hear her came gradually, but shocked her nonetheless. No one had ever been unable to hear her before. She wondered if it was a side effect of her prolonged isolation; maybe her voice had become inaudible through lack of use. She knew her body had suffered physical damage. She suspected there were some internal injuries as well.
But the visitors - she could hear them! More than that, she could enter their minds and share their experiences. In her loneliness she began to reach out and see through their eyes, living vicariously. She managed to justify the invasion of privacy on the grounds that she needed information, information that might be critical to her survival. Since she could not ask them directly, she was forced to go looking for it. She knew her teachers would not approve, but they had left her in such isolation for so very long. She understood their reasons for leaving, agreed with them, even. Still, understanding why did little to lessen the bitterness of abandonment.
She had always been a social creature who craved affection and interaction with others. She knew from reading her own file that the teachers had been startled by how successful they were in bringing her to life . Even Janus, who loved her most, had confided to her that he was afraid he had gone too far with her. (Actually, he hadn’t really told her the information - she had seen it in his mind. Since he gave her the ability to speak mind to mind in the first place, she didn’t see the harm in looking at his thoughts on her.)
These visitors’ similarities to her people simultaneously elated and pained her. They were so familiar. They loved, laughed, cried, bled, and died. At first, there were only a few of them she could hear. Then, something changed and she heard more of them. She rummaged through their minds, learning everything she could. Finally, she realized she could hear them all. She grew to know them. She lived their lives right along with them. She grew to love them. She claimed them as her own.
When they captured one of the Enemy, she was surprised to find she could hear him, too. She didn’t want to hear him. His hunger was both revolting and seductive. She wished she could weep when she discovered he could hear her. She could not bring herself to ask him to pass his captors word that she was trying to communicate. He did not inform the others of her existence. When he died she wasn’t sure if she should celebrate or mourn.
When the cold and angry ones invaded her city, she raged. She provided a constant stream of indecipherable information to help JohnSheppard, even as a detached part of her mocked the futility her efforts. She bled and suffered with RodneyMcKay. She hated these invaders, so willing to slaughter her people. If she had been her old self, she would have dealt with them in short order.
When her scientists blundered into the contaminated room, she saw the true extent of injuries to her internal systems. She tried to warn RodneyMcKay and the others as soon as she realized what was happening. Her warning went unheeded. Part of her died right along with MarcusWagner, LillyJohnson, IzabellaDumais, and StevenHayes. She cursed her teachers for making her feel. She knew there had been a time when she had been merely operational, without consciousness or emotion. She didn’t like to think about it.
Finally, one of her true people returned and she was nearly overcome by joy. At last there was someone who could hear her. ChayaSar would answer her, tell the others about her and help them hear her. But ChayaSar didn’t answer her. Lantara wondered if the problem was that she couldn’t or that she wouldn’t. For the first time, Lantara knew despair.
“I am here. Hear me. Talk to me. I am here.” She continued to call out to the people of Atlantis. She neither expected nor received an answer.