Things be on da edge.
My last day at the rec. is on Thursday, then on Friday I start at Coles *squeal* I'm so excited. Mother is still angry with me; although I think she's getting over it, in turn both my parents take their frustrations out on my brother. Who, alas, thinks he's going to move out when he's sixteen or that he'll commit suicide. *Sigh* I don't know what I'm going to do; this town and family are driving me nuts.
But then I think that it doesn’t really have to do with them and I’m just a giant nut job. I like pistachios. Lately the dreams have been vivid, filled with Wilde. It’s kind of creepy, then I feel safe and I wonder if it’s all in my head. Which is really ten times more appealing because that means that I don’t have a quota or due date…That perchance I can keep my measly pointless morals, and a few of my beliefs. Just maybe.
Also, it just hit me that Tonya and Rodney are going to move. I keep tearing up just thinking about the Jasper trip or the time I did those posters with Tonya for her first Pure Life conference. How happy those times made me. I suppose it isn’t really goodbye. More along the lines of fair the well. Still, it’s sad when two of your major influences are moving away. I am going to miss them.
The edge is different it keeps changing my happy little semi-harmonic existence. What am I supposed to say, that I don’t welcome the change? That it doesn’t keep me on my toes? No, I love this new existence I’m slowly working towards, still crying won’t change it, so it’s pointless to deny all the fun I’m having the large portion of the time. It scares me, makes me wish someone was there to hold my hand, but then I’m glad that I’ve been granted the bliss of being alone. It seems that I should get used to it, not having the hands that I used to hold, holding me down. Like my parents or all the old torment of wanting…everything I could not handle. And the emotional hell I went through at Westview.
Sometimes when I think of all of this I get scared, terrified I can’t do what I need to, but then I know that’s not the case, that all I really need is a hug and it will all go away.
But then I think that it doesn’t really have to do with them and I’m just a giant nut job. I like pistachios. Lately the dreams have been vivid, filled with Wilde. It’s kind of creepy, then I feel safe and I wonder if it’s all in my head. Which is really ten times more appealing because that means that I don’t have a quota or due date…That perchance I can keep my measly pointless morals, and a few of my beliefs. Just maybe.
Also, it just hit me that Tonya and Rodney are going to move. I keep tearing up just thinking about the Jasper trip or the time I did those posters with Tonya for her first Pure Life conference. How happy those times made me. I suppose it isn’t really goodbye. More along the lines of fair the well. Still, it’s sad when two of your major influences are moving away. I am going to miss them.
The edge is different it keeps changing my happy little semi-harmonic existence. What am I supposed to say, that I don’t welcome the change? That it doesn’t keep me on my toes? No, I love this new existence I’m slowly working towards, still crying won’t change it, so it’s pointless to deny all the fun I’m having the large portion of the time. It scares me, makes me wish someone was there to hold my hand, but then I’m glad that I’ve been granted the bliss of being alone. It seems that I should get used to it, not having the hands that I used to hold, holding me down. Like my parents or all the old torment of wanting…everything I could not handle. And the emotional hell I went through at Westview.
Sometimes when I think of all of this I get scared, terrified I can’t do what I need to, but then I know that’s not the case, that all I really need is a hug and it will all go away.