Ray of Sunshine
It's absolutely amazing how relieved and much more healed I feel after praying, venting and hanging around Meg and Amanda! I'm really excited because I can see a new leaf in my life turning over--this dead outer layer of shriveled and decayed pain, abuse and sadness is being peeled away to reveal a vibrant, shiny new-life-green. I'm stripping away the dead weight in my life and distilling everything to its essentials. There's no need for any unnecessary negativity in my life if I can help it, and I'm ready to destroy the cause of what I've been allowing to plague my life for a year.
I get frustrated with myself a lot because my desires conflict with themselves a lot. I've always thought myself to be an independent woman, and as much as I desire to be in a relationship with someone, I'm also selfish and don't want a relationship to get in the way of my dreams and aspirations in life. I've seen far too many of my friends throw their lives away just to be with a guy, and I promise myself (I even wrote it down and signed it) that I will NEVER allow a man to get in between me pursuing my dreams! I realize that if I were with the right man, they would support me, and I them in whatever our aspirations....I'm still looking for that man (if he's out there). My frustration comes from my desire for companionship, when I shouldn't feel like I need someone. I've been fine on my own for this long, but it'd be nice to share life and hopefully eventually love with someone reciprocally.
Even though I've pretty much lost most hope in men, I do have a single glimmer of hope. This guy seems to be genuinely mature, caring, active, loving...the list goes on. I really don't think I'm idealizing him either, he's just truly a decent human being all around. I'm really excited to see where things go because our roots have started to grow toward one another, and the opportunity for them to grow together is certainly possible. I'm trying to be patient about it all and let whatever happens happen organically. I've never felt this sort of real excitement before, and this guy is finally someone of equal caliber for me! We shall see...
I get frustrated with myself a lot because my desires conflict with themselves a lot. I've always thought myself to be an independent woman, and as much as I desire to be in a relationship with someone, I'm also selfish and don't want a relationship to get in the way of my dreams and aspirations in life. I've seen far too many of my friends throw their lives away just to be with a guy, and I promise myself (I even wrote it down and signed it) that I will NEVER allow a man to get in between me pursuing my dreams! I realize that if I were with the right man, they would support me, and I them in whatever our aspirations....I'm still looking for that man (if he's out there). My frustration comes from my desire for companionship, when I shouldn't feel like I need someone. I've been fine on my own for this long, but it'd be nice to share life and hopefully eventually love with someone reciprocally.
Even though I've pretty much lost most hope in men, I do have a single glimmer of hope. This guy seems to be genuinely mature, caring, active, loving...the list goes on. I really don't think I'm idealizing him either, he's just truly a decent human being all around. I'm really excited to see where things go because our roots have started to grow toward one another, and the opportunity for them to grow together is certainly possible. I'm trying to be patient about it all and let whatever happens happen organically. I've never felt this sort of real excitement before, and this guy is finally someone of equal caliber for me! We shall see...