"I had a match, but she had a lighter. I had a flame, but she had a fire."
These radios are all busted. It's a shame, because they looked like such a great idea before. Oi. I tear my way through the outer wall and into the building, looking for more of the enemy. My fellow agent is right behind me, armed to the teeth and looking oddly sexy. What is it about women with firearms?
This war has been going on for so long. My fellow agent and I have captured one of the enemy, and I see now that it is my good friend Rick. I never thought he'd work for the Commies, but people never cease to surprise me.
"Well, we'd better set him on fire now."
Setting Rick on fire is easier than it sounds. All I've done is add a flame to a Rick, and now he's burning. Hmm. It sounds like it hurts, too.
Damn. He still seems to be evil. Only now he's naked, too. My fellow agent and I lift him back onto the burning table. She grabs his head, I lift his legs. Man, Rick is heavy. And naked. Oh my, is he ever naked. Hmmm.
"Joey, don't you like me? Come on, Joey, come on."
Sorry, Rick. I can't have sex with you now, I have a job to do. We set him on fire again, and this time he's no longer a Commie. Maybe I'll have time to have sex with him later, after the war's over.
Next we bring in Jeff. Jeff is also trying to talk his way off of the "burning table."
"No, no. You have to let me have a ball-point pen, these AAA batteries, and ... all the potential energy I can fit into this ball bearing!!
"I don't think so. You can have the batteries, they aren't harmful. But that ball bearing could have it's potential converted into kinetic energy, and kinetic energy hurts!"
So I arrange Jeff and his batteries neatly on the table, and proceed to combine him with a flame. Instead of being covered in fire and screaming like the rest of the Commies, Jeff only catches fire on his eyes and the top of his head. The flame is also a bright energetic blue color, and instead of screaming in pain, Jeff smiles all big and creepy. I think that means he's more evil than fire.