The life of leisure
My doctor put me on bed rest this week. Sounds good, right? Well, given that I need to keep my feet above my heart, it means I have to do many tasks upside down. Which is harder than you think it is. Yesterday was the day he decided whether to admit me to the hospital or not, and I got a reprieve! Yeah! No hospital! But I do have to cool my jets with an extra round of anti-biotics.
People have been very good at taking care of me. I realize that I am blessed in this way, because many of my friends do not have that in their lives. It is a strange magic of exchange, how aid comes to find you when you need it. How we give aid when it's needed, even if not to the same person. I still struggle accepting it. Honestly many of my friends now just show up and deliver food, and noodge me. It warms my heart.
I think that it is easy to help and hard to receive it. And it is also hard to give it in a way that doesn't lessen the other person. The helper always has the higher rank. I think that back when I was just starting my D/s relationship with Deedee, it helped me to receive. The help was given as service, the receiving was my part of the exchange. And in some ways receiving help is humbling. You get it that you cannot do it alone. That was different, and so I needed other lessons on how to receive, when you re not a goddess accepting offerings, but instead a fragile human who has needs. In this last year, so many have helped me. They loaned me money, they painted my house, they fed me and kept me and stayed up all night patching my floor in underwear.
Laying around all day, especially after Bunny Borealis' passing, has given me the time to think and feel. And most of all to reconnect to silence a bit. I am often so busy that I lose my connection to the world, to the gods, to my communities, to my magic. Yes, I do have my moments of just watching crap tv. But I also listen to the birds, and have people come over. It's been lovely to reconnect.
SR came over and shaved my head for me. There is something odd about staring into the mirror and recognizing yourself again. Oh, hi! Haven't seen you in a while. And as this happens, I can feel my world slow down, the leaves turn on the grapevine, the songs of the birds. It's a reminder that loneliness is about missing yourself. The connection to the current. I'm slowly returning to the person I was before I got sucked into full professor vortex and social overload.
And yes, I often throw tantrums that I am sick of sitting with my feet up and I want my Bunny right now! Mostly inside, but sometimes not. I have to let all of this happen, and all of this heal. And like everything else, I don't get to do it on my own.
I wish help to all those who need it.
People have been very good at taking care of me. I realize that I am blessed in this way, because many of my friends do not have that in their lives. It is a strange magic of exchange, how aid comes to find you when you need it. How we give aid when it's needed, even if not to the same person. I still struggle accepting it. Honestly many of my friends now just show up and deliver food, and noodge me. It warms my heart.
I think that it is easy to help and hard to receive it. And it is also hard to give it in a way that doesn't lessen the other person. The helper always has the higher rank. I think that back when I was just starting my D/s relationship with Deedee, it helped me to receive. The help was given as service, the receiving was my part of the exchange. And in some ways receiving help is humbling. You get it that you cannot do it alone. That was different, and so I needed other lessons on how to receive, when you re not a goddess accepting offerings, but instead a fragile human who has needs. In this last year, so many have helped me. They loaned me money, they painted my house, they fed me and kept me and stayed up all night patching my floor in underwear.
Laying around all day, especially after Bunny Borealis' passing, has given me the time to think and feel. And most of all to reconnect to silence a bit. I am often so busy that I lose my connection to the world, to the gods, to my communities, to my magic. Yes, I do have my moments of just watching crap tv. But I also listen to the birds, and have people come over. It's been lovely to reconnect.
SR came over and shaved my head for me. There is something odd about staring into the mirror and recognizing yourself again. Oh, hi! Haven't seen you in a while. And as this happens, I can feel my world slow down, the leaves turn on the grapevine, the songs of the birds. It's a reminder that loneliness is about missing yourself. The connection to the current. I'm slowly returning to the person I was before I got sucked into full professor vortex and social overload.
And yes, I often throw tantrums that I am sick of sitting with my feet up and I want my Bunny right now! Mostly inside, but sometimes not. I have to let all of this happen, and all of this heal. And like everything else, I don't get to do it on my own.
I wish help to all those who need it.