Searching for the unsearchable answers...[at_bothends]
“I’m sorry…Lindsey, I…I’m sorry.” My voice was barely a whisper as I stepped over the threshold of the door. Closing the door behind myself, I pressed my body against it, sinking to my knees as my head lowered into my hands.
Broken. That’s all I felt was broken; my body and soul felt shattered. My heart hurts so much that it feels numb.
I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the tears burn my face as the sound of the tires of Lindsey’s truck all but fly out of the parking lot echo against the building and in my ears. And out of my life. The hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do was tell him good-bye. But I had to - I needed to - it was best for both of us. Before we got too…it’s too late to say that. It’s too late, we were both invested in this relationship; I know I was with my whole heart and…
Never will I know if he with his. But the pain in his eyes told me otherwise.
Swallowing the lump in my throat I roughly wipe my eyes with the back of my sleeve as I slowly rise to my feet and make the slow - and almost painful - assent up to my apartment. With a shaky hand I turn the key in the lock and walk into my apartment; shedding my shoes and purse outside the door. As if in a trance I headed up the stairs to the small upstairs where my bedroom was and headed straight for my bed.
I know it’s early, but I don’t want to face the rest of this day. I want it to go away and hope that tomorrow will take away the crater where my heart used to be.
With slow movements I started to pull off my dress, letting that fall to the floor in the same manner as my shoes earlier and I slipped on one of Lindsey’s old shirts he left behind. He wore it one weekend I invited him over and we spent the entire weekend eating Thai food and watching black and white movies.
That’s never going to happen again. I have to accept that.
Time heals all wounds.
Wise words to live by it seems.
I reach over to the nightstand and pick up a hair clip, pulling my hair up and away from my face I put the clip in place before climbing up the bed and under the covers. Rubbing my hands over my arms I pull the covers up over me and close my eyes, wishing beyond hope that sleep would take me away from this horrid day.
~*~*~*~
It’s been days since I’ve seen Lindsey, but the pain that weighs on my heart feels like hours. Minutes even.
The weather outside matches my mood as I hug my jacket closer to my body, the rain coming down in sheets as I walk down the side streets of LA to the magic shop to see Mr. M.
I had a book of his that should have been returned days ago, but with everything going on I had forgotten all about it. The only thing I could do now is bring it back and pay whatever fine I needed to.
The rain was the furthest thing from my mind as I walked quickly down the almost empty streets, the wind and rain almost pelting me as I get lost in my own thoughts. All the thoughts were the same and all it did was make me feel worse about everything.
But it also made me even more determined to find out about my family and who - or what - I really was.
I head down the end alley and quietly turn the knob to the shop, being careful not to let the rain in. “Hello? Mr. M?” I pull my hood off and thread my fingers through my damp hair. “I-I’m sorry, I have a book of yours…it’s…it’s a bit late.” I hear my shoes squeak as I pull the flap to my bag open and pull out the book he gave me over two weeks ago. A Visual Guide to the Demonic, Evil, Scurrilous, and Bad. I had hoped that it had some answers for me; but all it did was leave me with more questions.
Looking up I glance around the shop to see that it’s empty, no sign of the shopkeeper. “Sir?”
[Open to the eval!Holland]
Broken. That’s all I felt was broken; my body and soul felt shattered. My heart hurts so much that it feels numb.
I closed my eyes tightly, feeling the tears burn my face as the sound of the tires of Lindsey’s truck all but fly out of the parking lot echo against the building and in my ears. And out of my life. The hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do was tell him good-bye. But I had to - I needed to - it was best for both of us. Before we got too…it’s too late to say that. It’s too late, we were both invested in this relationship; I know I was with my whole heart and…
Never will I know if he with his. But the pain in his eyes told me otherwise.
Swallowing the lump in my throat I roughly wipe my eyes with the back of my sleeve as I slowly rise to my feet and make the slow - and almost painful - assent up to my apartment. With a shaky hand I turn the key in the lock and walk into my apartment; shedding my shoes and purse outside the door. As if in a trance I headed up the stairs to the small upstairs where my bedroom was and headed straight for my bed.
I know it’s early, but I don’t want to face the rest of this day. I want it to go away and hope that tomorrow will take away the crater where my heart used to be.
With slow movements I started to pull off my dress, letting that fall to the floor in the same manner as my shoes earlier and I slipped on one of Lindsey’s old shirts he left behind. He wore it one weekend I invited him over and we spent the entire weekend eating Thai food and watching black and white movies.
That’s never going to happen again. I have to accept that.
Time heals all wounds.
Wise words to live by it seems.
I reach over to the nightstand and pick up a hair clip, pulling my hair up and away from my face I put the clip in place before climbing up the bed and under the covers. Rubbing my hands over my arms I pull the covers up over me and close my eyes, wishing beyond hope that sleep would take me away from this horrid day.
~*~*~*~
It’s been days since I’ve seen Lindsey, but the pain that weighs on my heart feels like hours. Minutes even.
The weather outside matches my mood as I hug my jacket closer to my body, the rain coming down in sheets as I walk down the side streets of LA to the magic shop to see Mr. M.
I had a book of his that should have been returned days ago, but with everything going on I had forgotten all about it. The only thing I could do now is bring it back and pay whatever fine I needed to.
The rain was the furthest thing from my mind as I walked quickly down the almost empty streets, the wind and rain almost pelting me as I get lost in my own thoughts. All the thoughts were the same and all it did was make me feel worse about everything.
But it also made me even more determined to find out about my family and who - or what - I really was.
I head down the end alley and quietly turn the knob to the shop, being careful not to let the rain in. “Hello? Mr. M?” I pull my hood off and thread my fingers through my damp hair. “I-I’m sorry, I have a book of yours…it’s…it’s a bit late.” I hear my shoes squeak as I pull the flap to my bag open and pull out the book he gave me over two weeks ago. A Visual Guide to the Demonic, Evil, Scurrilous, and Bad. I had hoped that it had some answers for me; but all it did was leave me with more questions.
Looking up I glance around the shop to see that it’s empty, no sign of the shopkeeper. “Sir?”
[Open to the eval!Holland]